Chaotic (L.O.R.D.S. #7) — Chapter no 81

EIGHTY-ONE

KASH TON

open my heavy eyes and sit up, my hands going to my bustedI face. The bright light coming from the bathroom makes me

groan. Did I leave it on?

Fuck. I need a drink and a cigarette.

“Fuck, angel.” I groan. “Fuck, I miss you so much.”

“I’m here, Kash.”

The hallucination was so re alistic. Haidyn and the guys saw their loved ones being tortured and killed. I see my dead wife alive.

I don’t know how many days it’s been since I tried to kill myself and my gun let me down. It was a sign that I don’t deserve such a quick death. I should suffer like my wife did. So I’ll spend the rest of my days rotting here all alone.

My hands drop to my sides, and I feel some thing wet next to me.

“What the…?” I trail off when I see a spot of blood cover ing the dingy sheets. I run my hand over it and then rub it between my fin‐ gers. It’s fresh.

I pat myself down, looking over my torso. I’ve got blood on my chest, arm and ribs. I run my fingers through it to see if I cut myself, but there’s noth ing there. Maybe it’s from the guys who beat me up in the bar, but that was a while ago. Or maybe I did shoot myself, and I’m just slowly bleeding out over time.

Getting out of bed, I stumble to the bathroom to clean myself up and come to a stop. My heart begins to pound in my chest at what I see.

My wife stands in the shower. One hand is pressed on her upper chest while her fore head rests against the wall. A steady stream of

blood trails down her body before washing away in the drain.

As if she feels eyes on her, she looks up at me. A soft smile graces her lips. “I’m fine. I prom ise.”

“Eve?” I blink, trying to decide if I’m fuck ing high or dead.

“I’m fine,” she re peats and takes her hand away from her chest, stumbling back.

I rush into the shower and place my arms under her, picking Eve up. Pulling her out from under the sprayer, I carry her to the bed and lay her on it. I pick up a shirt from the floor, wad it up, and press it to her upper chest where I see the blood pouring from.

She tilts her head back, and a blood-curdling scream leaves her trembling lips.

My hands shake and my brain tries to fo cus on what the fuck I’m doing.She’s not here. This is a hallucination. She’s going to die over and over again. But a different way each time.

This is my hell. A damnation.

“It’s okay, angel.” Even in my hallucination, I lie to her. “You’ll be okay.” All I can do is try and keep her calm.

Her watery eyes go to the door of the mo tel room. “Adam.” She swallows, trembling on the bed. “Get…Adam.”

Her color is starting to whiten as the shirt in my hands soaks up the blood. “He’s not here, angel,” I tell her. I’m going fuck ing crazy. This is it. If I don’t kill myself soon, the guys will find me and lock me in a padded room at Carnage.

I don’t know what significance my hallucination would have to Adam. Maybe it’s the fact that he also left me. It’s her re mind ing me that I’m alone. But I chose that this time. I had Haidyn and Saint, and I still left them by choice.

“He’s…here.” She’s gasping to breathe. “Out…side.”

Knowing it won’t do any good, I still find myself walking over to the door. I open it up to see a truck parked right in front of my mo tel room. The driver’s side door swings open and Adam jumps out.

“What’s wrong?” he demands, eyes looking over my naked and

blood-covered body.

I stare at him, blink ing. Confused.

“Move.” He shoves me out of the way and rushes into my room.

“Goddammit,” he hisses, going over to her.

“I’m okay,” she tells him, but her face is turn ing ghostly pale.

“Put some fucking clothes on,” he snaps at me. “We have to get her to Car nage. Thankfully it’s not too far.”

“I—”

“We have to fuck ing move,” he shouts, picking her up and carrying her out to the truck. “Let’s go.”

I quickly throw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt with out bother ing with my boxers and shove my boots on untied and with out socks.

Then I’m running outside and jump ing into the back seat where he’s laid her down. I pull her into my arms. She’s limp, just like she was while I sat on the cathedral floor and rocked her back and forth, beg ging her to come back to me.

I close my eyes and whisper, “It’s just a hallucination.”

“It’s fuck ing real, Kash,” Adam barks, speeding down the road while “Hold On” by Chord Over street plays through the speakers.

I shake my head. “My wife is dead,” I say, hold ing her in my arms.

Her eyes are closed, but she’s breathing. I can see her chest moving with each breath, and I’ve got one finger on her thready pulse. She’s still naked and covered in blood once again.

“Pull your self out of whatever delusion you’re in and put pres sure on the wound so she doesn’t bleed out,” Adam shouts at me. Then he picks up his cell from the cupholder and dials up a number with his bloody fingers.

A phone rings through the speakers of his truck. “What?” a familiar

voice barks.

“Saint—”

“What the fuck, Adam? What is going on? I’ve been calling Bill since you hung up on me last time.”

“I’m on my way to Carnage. We’re not far,” Adam tells him.

Saint pauses for a second before he says. “We?”

“I’ve got Eve…and Kash.”

Adam brings the truck to a screeching halt in the circle drive at Car‐ nage. My door is ripped open, and Saint helps me out.

“She’s been out for about twenty minutes,” Adam rattles off to Devin as he greets us inside the double doors.

Haidyn stands to his right with Charlotte, who looks like she’s seen a ghost. Hooke is also present and appears shocked, staring at not only my wife, but at Adam as well.

Devin glances from her bloody body to mine and then to Adam. His eyes wide and his mouth opens. He seems as confused as I feel.

“Devin,” Adam barks at him.

He flinches and blinks rapidly. “Let’s get her to surgery,” Devin or‐ ders and I follow him.

“She had a gunshot wound to her axillary. One in the right thigh. A third to her left arm. Three weeks ago.” Adam starts to ex plain her condition to Devin. “She re quired a blood transfu sion. She was walk‐ ing and talking just fine today. At first, I thought she maybe just tore the stitches open, but I think it’s more than that.”

“We’ll take a look,” Devin assures him.

I kick open a re volving door and place her on a gurney. Grabbing her hand, I run next to it as they quickly wheel her into an operat ing room. Gavin is al ready getting things set up and starts an IV imme‐ diately as oth ers start running around.

“Ka-sh?”

I look down at her heavy eyes fluttering open. “She’s awake,” I holler at anyone who’ll listen to me and bend down, placing a soft kiss on her fore head. “I’m right here, Eve. I’ll be here when you wake up,” I prom ise her.

She opens her mouth to say some thing, but Devin places an anes‐ thesia mask over her nose and mouth. “Deep breaths, Eve,” he com‐ mands, and she shakes her head.

Her tear-filled eyes meet mine, and I can see how scared she is. I understand because I’m fuck ing terrified. “They’re going to help you, Eve. Let them help.” I try to as sure her even though I don’t know what the fuck is going on.

Taking in a long breath, her heavy eyes re main on mine.

“That’s it,” Devin tells her. “Another.”

She shakes her head and lifts her right arm to try and re move the mask, but I grab it in mine. “I’m not leaving, angel. I’m right here with you.”

Taking in another deep breath, her eyes fall closed, and I begin to count to myself. One…two…three… When they don’t open and her hand re laxes in mine, I let go, plac‐

ing it down by her side.

“Out, Kash,” Devin demands.

“But I told her—”

He shoves me out the re volving door, and I stand with my bloody hands on my head, facing the operat ing room. I’m still trying to process what I’m seeing. What has happened in the last few hours.

I’m so confused and fucking pissed.

Gavin re moves the mask, tilts her head back, and slides a glidescope down her throat to help thread the breathing tube. Devin places her left arm out so it’s perpendicu lar to her body and starts to suction the blood from her upper chest and shoulder area to find the source as it drips down the side of the ta ble to pud dle on the floor.

It’s like the night she died all over again. I’m stuck in some kind of loop. It’s not a hallucination or a night mare, just a living hell. This is my punishment for everything I’ve done bad in my life. Gavin gets my attention as he starts using gauze to help with the bleeding.

Turning, I see Haidyn and Saint gathered with Adam in the small waiting room. Charlotte sits in a chair, nibbling on a saltine cracker.

I walk over to Saint, and he holds out his arms as if I’m going to give him a hug. In stead, I reach down and yank the gun he has tucked into the waistband of his jeans. Cocking it, I point it at Adam.

He throws his hands up, and all the chatter stops. “Kash—”

“What in the fuck is going on?” I demand, interrupting him.

“Just put down the gun.” Adam looks from Haidyn to Saint, but nei‐ ther one of them makes a move to stop me. I’ve seen what they’re capable of when it comes to their wives, and if they were in my shoes, they’d act no different. Hooke also stands off to the side, not daring to get in my way. This doesn’t involve him.

“Adam,” Ashtyn squeals, rush ing through the double doors. “Oh my God…”

Saint wraps an arm around her, holding her back, because I’ve got a gun trained on her brother’s chest.

“Fucking answer me,” I shout. “I held my wife’s body in my arms. I held her cold hand while she laid in the morgue. I buried her in the fuck ing ground.” The gun shakes uncontrollably in my hand. I would nor mally hate how weak I look right now, but I need answers. “She was dead. So tell me, how in the fuck is she here now?”

Ashtyn cries. “Kash…please don’t…” Saint covers her mouth with his hand to shut her up.

I ignore them, keeping my eyes on Adam. His hands re main raised in surrender. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’d kill an unarmed man.

I’ve done worse to a human.

“She needed to die.” He licks his lips. “The Lords would never allow

you to be with her. She knew that.”

“Why?” I demand.

Haven’t I done enough for them? Don’t I deserve to love who I want? Is this a punishment? They had to have put her in my path.

They sent Haidyn and me to pick up that Lord from the cathedral, and I guarantee they knew I was looking for her and that she was his half sister. So why give me something only to take it away?

They will take away what you love most, she once told me.

The doors open, and I see Ryat and Sin rush in but come to an abrupt stop. I put my attention back on the brother who betrayed me. I’m not sure why I’m surprised. He’s done nothing but fuck us over for the past four years. I just kept hold of the idea that he’d come home and everything would go back to nor mal. Like a scared little boy beg ging his big brother to come back. It was a stupid thought; we’re better off with out him.

“Listen,” Adam growls, getting angry but also dodging my question, “you went to Bill and told him to make her your Lady. He told you

what to expect.”

“No.” I shake my head.

“Yes. You said you could handle it. You saidshe could handle it.”

Adam nods over to Sin. “You were there with me. You know.”

I whip around to glare at Sin. “You knew my wife wasn’t dead?” I bark.

“Eve is alive?” he asks, wide-eyed, looking at Haidyn for confirma‐ tion. He nods in answer while standing in front of his pregnant wife, shielding her from me. As if I’d ever hurt her. But I get it. I’d pro tect Eve if the roles were re versed. I’m a suicidal madman running on very little sleep and still try ing to decide if this is real or not. “I don’t know what’s going on.” Sin looks back at me. “We got a text from Saint that you were on your way home and to get to Carnage ASAP.

There was an emergency.”

I place my attention back on Adam. “Three weeks,” I say through gritted teeth. “Three fucking weeks you’ve let me think she was dead.” It was the most ago nizing thing I’ve ever been through. I’d rather take three years of training than live a day with out her. Cuts and bro ken bones will heal over time, but what I felt when I lost my wife? I’ll never re cover from that. Even if she is alive.

“We’ve known she was alive for the past week,” Saint says.

I turn to him and ignore the sobbing Ashtyn in his arms. She’s try‐ ing to pry his hand off her mouth so she can beg me to not kill her

brother. “What the fuck did you say?”

“I—”

“You knew she was alive?” I ask, even more confused than before.

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”

“We tried,” he says through gritted teeth. “You left. No cell phone.

No tracker. Calls, texts, and voice mails went unanswered.”

“How did you know?” How am I the only one between my broth ers who didn’t know my wife was alive?

“I had Sin call Bill and demand contact with Adam. A few days later, we were told to call Bill.” Saint nods to Adam. “Adam answered, and I begged him to come home. To help us find you. You left, and Hai‐ dyn was on a warpath. I needed help, but Adam re fused to come back.”

“Wait. Wait. Wait.” I feel like I’m losing my mind. “Did Bill know she was alive this entire time?” I growl at Adam, and the fact that he can’t look at me answers my question. “His wife helped me plan Eve’s fu neral, for fuck’s sake.”

“Janice didn’t know,” Adam rushes out, shaking his head at Sin. As if his mother could be such a coldhearted bitch.

I turn my atten tion back to Saint and the pre vious conver sa tion.

“How did you know Eve was alive during that phone call? He just told you?” I take a quick look at Adam, and his arms are still raised since I have the gun pointed at him.

“Eve started shout ing for me in the background,” Saint adds. “She seemed confused and was crying. I asked her where she was, and she didn’t know.”

My teeth grind, and my pulse quickens at the thought of how scared she was. Did she not choose to leave me? I thought that maybe it was her idea to pre tend to be dead, but now I’m not so sure.

“She started screaming…he hung up—ended the call—after I found out she was there with him. I immediately told Haidyn, but there was nothing we could do. We didn’t have Adam’s number for con‐ tact. We had called Bill directly to talk to Adam, and he was no longer answering.”

Adam sighs. “I did what needed to be done.”

I give him my attention once again.

He takes a deep breath, adding, “The Lords needed to see what you would do.”

“You don’t work for the Lords,” I shout. “You’ve betrayed them. No longer acknowledge them.” That’s why he had to leave us again, right? Be cause he was going to take them down from the inside. At least that’s what I got from our talk on the jet that night. Yet here

he is, back in our lives.

“It’s complicated.”

“So you’re putting Sin in danger?” I arch a brow. “Be cause they or‐ dered him to kill you, and instead of doing what he was told, he saved your sorry ass. How many of us are you going to fuck over?”

He looks quickly at Sin and then back to me. “You don’t under‐ stand—”

“Of course I don’t!” I scream, my lungs burning. “Be cause you’re not telling us anything.”

“The Lords didn’t want you to marry her because she can’t give you children,” he grinds out. “She can’t re pro duce, which renders her useless to you.”

“My wife isn’t useless,” I shout. A woman is worth more than hav‐

ing fuck ing kids.

I pull the trig ger.

Charlotte yelps, Ashtyn falls to her knees, and Adam stumbles back, grabbing his arm. Blood slips through his fingers.

“Oh my God,” Ashtyn sobs while Saint scrambles to keep a hold of her, needing to use both hands.

He’ll survive. It was just a warning shot. Skimmed his fuck ing arm.

I should have blown it off.

Someone speaks from behind me. “That’s not entirely true.”

I turn to see its Gavin. “How is my wife?” I drop the gun to my side

and fully face him.

“Still in surgery,” he answers.

“Then why are you out here?” I bark.

He scans the room before meeting my hard stare. “She’s in good hands. May I speak to you?”

I run a hand through my hair. He’s just trying to defuse the situ a‐ tion. Doesn’t want me to kill Adam in front of everyone.

I walk toward Gavin and slam the side of the gun into Sin as I pass him. He hisses in a breath when the heated barrel burns his chest before he grabs a hold of it.

Following Gavin into a room, he ushers me to sit down at a ta ble.

There’s already a rolling cart waiting that has instruments on it.

“What is that for?”

“This is for you,” Gavin states, pulling on a pair of gloves.

“Oh, no. I don’t—”

“You need stitches, and that eye needs to be looked at. I’d be sur‐ prised if you don’t have some kind of infection.”

“Fine,” I growl. “Make it quick.” I want to be with my wife when she

wakes up.

EVERETT I arch my neck and try to re lieve the pres sure in it. It feels so tight, but it doesn’t help. Sighing, I open my heavy eyes, and I’m met with a familiar blue set that re minds me of the sky on a clear day. I never thought I’d see him again.

“Hey, angel.” Kash smiles down at me, running his tatted knuckles over my cheek, and I lean into him. “Don’t cry, Eve.”

Am I crying? “What…happened?” My voice is rough and my throat sore.

I look around to see I’m in an unfamiliar room that re sem bles a hos pital. I re member the mo tel, us having sex, and then afterward I felt dizzy. I got up to use the re stroom and there was blood. I needed to shower. I tried to stop it with a towel but there was just too much. I knew I’d gone too far. Adam told me not to have sex, but I couldn’t turn Kashton down. He needed me and I wanted him.

“Devin called it a wound dehiscence, but to explain it in a language I understood, he said that your fresh stitches ripped open from overexerting your self.” He frowns, tilting his head to the side. “Why did you let me hurt you?” He grabs my hand and brings it to his lips,

gently kiss ing my knuck les.

“I was fine.”

Kashton sighs, running a hand down his face. “Clearly you weren’t.”

His brows fur row. “I would have never—”

“I wanted you.” He needed me. I love my husband, but we both crave the physical aspect of our re la tionship as much as anything else. We’re both addicts who needed a fix.

I go to sit up but flinch. My hand immediately goes to my chest, wanting to re duce the pain.

“Lie down,” he commands gently and then pulls up the blanket and crawls under it and into bed with me. I curl into him and let him hold me. “Why would you let me hurt you, an gel?”

I want to ask him how he could even ask me that when we both know that he was planning on killing himself in that mo tel room, but there’s time to talk about that later. The thought that I could have been too late makes my body shake. What if I had found him dead?

To even imagine that is terrifying.

“I’m right here,” he as sures me, softly rubbing my back as if he knows what I’m thinking.

I sob into his T-shirt, and he lets me get it all out. So many emo‐ tions I’ve never felt before that I’m not sure what to do with. I ran into the cathedral to save him, and it al most ended up killing him

anyway. What if he had succeeded? Would I have ever found him?

How long would Adam have kept me from him?

I must have fallen asleep in my husband’s arms. When I wake up, I’m in the room alone. I look around to see some clothes neatly folded on a chair by the window. A pair of over sized sweatpants and a T-shirt. They’re Kashton’s. I slowly get out of the hos pital bed and begin to dress myself. It takes me longer than usual, but I want to be in his room. Alone. Just the two of us, hid ing away from this world that seems to be against us. They don’t know how stubborn and determined I am, but I’ll con tinue to show them.

Ex iting the room, I see Charlotte sitting in a chair with her head in her hand. Ashtyn sits across from her, staring at an invisible speck on her yoga pants. Her head snaps up when she hears me ap‐ proach.

She jumps to her feet, which makes Charlotte lift her head. Her blue eyes look between Ashtyn and mine.

Charlotte gets to her feet much slower. “Ash—”

“Stay out of this, Charlotte,” Ashtyn interrupts her.

I square my shoulders, ready to fight this bitch. I don’t care if it puts me back in the hos pital or not. Some things are worth it. “Prob‐ lem?” I arch a brow.

Ashtyn snorts. She has to lean her head back to glare up at me be‐ cause I’m taller than her. “You pre tended to be dead and then showed up like nothing happened.”

I don’t argue that because I re ally have no clue what the fuck hap‐ pened. How Kashton thought I was dead or where the fuck I was with Adam. I’ve got time that is missing, memo ries nonexistent. I can’t argue something I know nothing about.

“Ashtyn,” Charlotte starts again. “I’m sure there’s a reason able ex‐ pla nation.”

“An explanation as to why she fucked over Kashton while she hid out with my brother?” Ashtyn’s eyes drop to my bare feet, and she looks me up and down with disgust.

Ah, now her attitude makes sense. She thought her brother was dead, and then he re turned with me. Maybe she thinks I’ve been shacked up fuck ing Adam. That’s some thing she’s done before with another man, so why wouldn’t I?

I step into Ashtyn, and Charlotte looks worried. Her eyes dart around the room as if she’s trying to decide whether to run and get help or not. “You shot your husband, leaving him for dead. I was willing to die for mine. So keep your judgmental bullshit to your self.

We are not the same, and you have no clue what you’re fuck ing talk‐ ing about.”

She gasps, and Charlotte’s wide-eyed gaze drops to the floor.

Ashtyn spins around to storm off but comes to a stop and turns to face me. Her dark hair slapping her in the face. “Know what, Eve?

For once you’re right.” She gives me a chilling smile. “I ran to save my unborn child. You killed yours. We’renot the same.”

“Ashtyn,” Saint barks at her.

I look over my shoulder to see her husband standing behind us. His eyes meet mine with sympathy, and I glance back at his wife.

The smile re mains on her face, and she lowers her hands to her grow ing belly. “At least I can still have children.”

“ASHTYN,” Saint shouts, making Charlotte flinch.

Ashtyn huffs, then turns and walks through the double doors, not bother ing to look back when Saint rushes after her.

A silence falls over the room, and I hate how right she was. I made a decision that cost Kashton a fu ture where he could be a father. It’s my biggest re gret. I was supposed to have died with my child, but instead, I failed us both. A parent is supposed to pro tect their chil‐ dren. Not hurt them.

Would my mother have killed me if she had the chance? I hope that her answer would have been yes. No one should be forced to be a parent. Especially a child them selves.

“She didn’t mean it.” Charlotte breaks the silence. “She’s just—”

“Where are they?” I interrupt her. I’ve never needed some one to fight my battles for me. I’m not about to start now.

There’s a reason she was sitting out here with Ashtyn. And I don’t know where Saint came from, but the rest of them aren’t far away.

“In the room.” She nods to the door next to where I was. “They had just gone in there totalk before you came out.”

I waddle my sore ass over to it and don’t even bother knocking be‐ fore I shove it open. Everyone in the room turns to look at me.

Devin is wrapping Adam’s upper arm, and if I cared, I’d ask what happened. I don’t.

“Eve. You shouldn’t be out of bed.” Haidyn is the one who speaks, meeting my stare. Then he looks at Kashton as if he expects his brother to back him up.

“How do you feel, angel?” my husband asks, walking over to me.

He places his hands gently on my face and tilts my head back so I can look up at him.

“Fine,” I say, becausegood would be a lie, and I don’t want to ad‐ mit to any man in this room that I’m anything other than okay.

There are pain meds in my system, because I’m kinda foggy, but I’m also hurting everywhere.

He leans down and kisses my fore head, and I whisper, “Will you take me to your room?”

Pulling back, his eyes search my face for a long second before he takes my hand and starts to walk me out of the room.

“Kash—”

“It can fucking wait,” he interrupts my brother, not bother ing to look back. Letting the door shut behind him, he speaks. “I’m going to pick you up. Let me know if I hurt you.”