Chaotic (L.O.R.D.S. #7) — Chapter no 49

FORTY-NINE

KASH TON

’m in the shower, my head on the wall while the warm waterI runs down my back. My jaw is clenched, and my fists are up by

my head.

A re cruiter?

Evan got greedy. He wanted to keep her for himself. To be what to Eve? Her pimp?

Everything Everett went through, and he was going to punish her.

He wanted her to help cap ture innocent women to be trafficked. He knew what he was doing. He knew how much it would hurt her.

She’d rather die than put someone else through what she’d gone through.

My phone beeps, and I push away to see it lit up on the bathroom counter. A part of me wants to smash it with a hammer. I’m tired of all the incoming texts and videos. It beeps again, and I re luc tantly turn the water off and get out, grabbing a towel off the hook.

I wrap it around myself when I hear Eve scream from the bedroom.

Shoving the bathroom door open, I enter just in time to see her sit‐ ting up in bed. She’s wide-eyed and gasping for breath. “Eve?” I rush over to her. “What’s wrong? Are you hurting?”

Her green eyes are frantic, and I gently push her hair from her face. “I’m—” She swallows.

“What? You’re what?” I pull the covers off her to glance at her thigh. It’s still wrapped, and there isn’t any blood, re as suring me that her fresh stitches are holding.

“I’m going…” She places her hand over her mouth, and I yank her from the bed and rush her to the bathroom, knowing exactly what

she’s trying to tell me. Falling to her knees, she leans forward and gets sick. “I’m…sorry…” she says before she dry heaves.

“You’re okay.” I hold her hair, crouching behind her to rub her bare back with my free hand. “It’s okay. Let it out, Eve.”

She gets sick once more and then sits back.

I flush the toilet and grab my phone off the counter. I mes sage Devin, asking if the drugs will upset her stomach. He re sponds im‐ mediately.

They shouldn’t. Is she feeling ill? I can give her something if that’s the case.

I begin to re spond when I see her getting to her shaky legs.

Putting my cell down, I walk over to her, but she takes a step back, wrapping her arms around herself. Her watery eyes are on the floor, and it makes me sick to think about what woke her up. I spent six months with Isabella here at Carnage while she trained us. Eve spent more than half her life in hell. First Carnage and then Doll‐ house.

What did she dream about? Was it Evan? Did he hurt her? She blocked out so much for so long that now there’s no telling how much she’ll start to re member.

Running a hand through my hair, I notice she has vomit in hers. I wasn’t fast enough to pull it back for her. “Would you like a bath?” I ask, not wanting to point it out to her.

She nods, and I shut the bath room door and turn on the water to the tub. Once I get it to temperature, I send a quick text to Jessie and then reach my hand out to her. When she just stares at it, I speak. “It’s okay, angel. Let me help you.” The last thing I want is for her to fall and hurt herself.

Eve allows me to as sist her into the tub, and she pulls her knees to her chest, laying her fore head on them.

“You can’t get your stitches wet just yet, so I have to let it drain.”

She doesn’t show me any sign that she’s acknowl edged what I said.

I grab a cup, fill it from the faucet, and let it run down over her hair and back.

She sits facing forward, softly rocking back and forth while I sham‐ poo and condition her hair. Once I’m done, I lower myself to my knees and place my fore arms on the side of the tub to look at her.

“Feel better?” I ask.

Licking her lips, she whispers, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Her green eyes stare straight ahead at the wall. I place the back of my hand on her fore head, down over her cheek and to her neck. I can’t tell if she has a fever or not. She feels warm, but that could be

from the hot water.

“Jessie is bringing you some soup.”

She drops her eyes to her legs. “I’m sorry,” she re peats and adds, “For saying you’re like them. You’re nothing like them.”

“Who isthem, Eve?” I question, wanting to keep her talking to me even though I have an idea of what she meant. Every man in her life has drugged her. Now that includes me. This was different from when I challenged her at her house. When she was going to drug

me to run.

“Our fathers,” she answers softly.

I open my mouth, but she goes on. “She told me you were a good boy, but I didn’t believe her. No one who survives hell comes out holy.” Her eyes glance at my nun tattoo when she adds, “We’re all damned.”

She’s talking in riddles, which makes me wonder if Devin gave her too much. “Who told you that?”

Her eyes meet mine and my frown deepens. She looks tired…off in another world, but her answer makes my blood run cold. “Your

mother.”

“My mother?” I re peat.

She doesn’t answer. In stead, her eyes go back to the running faucet.

“What about my mom, Eve?” I dig, need ing her to explain. My mother has been dead for quite some time. When would she have seen or spoken to her?

She sniffs. “I had an imag inary friend. Isola tion will do that to you… make you see things that aren’t there. She was so pretty.” A smile

tugs at the corner of her lips. “Golden blond hair that flowed down her back. Big eyes. They were so bright.” Her voice drops. “The pret‐ tiest thing about her was that she never had any bruises. Her skin was so vibrant and…per fect. I wanted to be her.” Sighing, she licks her lips. “She and I would play in the basement.”

I stiffen, knowing my mother was caged down there.

“When we would go down there, there was al ways a woman. She looked cold and hungry. I wanted to help her…set her free, but she never would let me. Told me it was too dangerous. That she was where she was meant to be. One time, I was down there with my imag inary friend, and my father caught me. Threw me in the cell across from hers. It wasn’t long after that I heard some one new join us in the basement. It was you.” She pauses and I swallow. “You gave her a brownie…” Eve drops her head to look at the water. “Your father found you, dragged you to the ele vator. That’s when she spoke to me. She said, ‘He’s a good boy. Not like them.’ I didn’t be‐ lieve her because I didn’t think people were born bad. I thought ‘Just give him time…they’ll change him.’”

I run a hand down my face and take a deep breath, wanting her to continue but giving her time.

“Your father came back, opened her cell. He started to beat her. He didn’t know my father had thrown me into the cell across from her.

He unlocked my cell and re moved his belt.” Her shoulders start to tremble. “He tied my wrists together with it and shoved me face-first into the cell door, us ing the rest of his belt to se cure my hands above my head to the bars. I had to stand on my tiptoes. Your mother yelled and begged him to not rape me. He didn’t, but he… did other things. Once satisfied, he shoved open the door and slammed it shut, leaving me hang ing there. Your mom sat on the floor of her cell, hands wrapped around the bars, sobbing. He walked over and spit on her before he left us alone.” A tear runs down her cheek.

I wipe it away and re alize my hand is shaking.

“I managed to untie the belt from the bars, and once I was able to sit down, I used my teeth to undo my wrists. Your mother cried. She just kept saying, ‘He’s a good boy. He’s not like them.’ Then she…”

Taking a second, Eve sucks in a shaky breath. I know what she doesn’t want to say. My mother killed herself. “Then there was just… silence. It must have been morn ing when you came back down.

Your father told you she was gone. You started screaming for her.”

My heart thunders in my chest as I begin to compre hend what she’s telling me. Everett was the girl huddled in the corner of the cell across from my mother. She was right there in front of me. I could have saved her, but my fo cus was on finding my mother who was al‐ ready dead. I should have saved Eve.

“I re mem ber think ingI’ll do that one day. I’ll get the chance to end it. The only difference is no one will scream for me. No one will miss me.”

Her watery eyes meet mine. “I’m sorry, Kashton. It’s my fault…” Her eyes redden. “It was me that night…she ended her life because of me.” Sniffling, she goes on. “I took her from you—”

“No.” I reach out and cradle her face in my hands. “It’s not your fault, Eve. None of it was.”

She nods her head and I shake mine. “No. My mother…” I sigh.

“She wouldn’t want you to blame your self. She made that decision.”

“Be cause of me.” Eve begins to cry. “It’s my fault…everything is my fault.”

“Stop. Stop, Eve,” I say firmly to get her attention. Her watery eyes meet mine and she blinks rapidly to clear her vision. “Quit blaming your self, angel. My mother…” I’m not sure what to say to her. She felt she had no other choice. To her it wasn’t a life worth living. But I can’t say that to Everett, because she’s tried to end her life twice.

Eve blinks, fresh tears falling from her bottom lashes. “She would be proud of you, Kashton.”

My stomach knots at her words. Eve is wrong. My mother would be ashamed of who I’ve become. As hard as I tried not to become my father, I did. The woman sitting in front of me is proof.

It doesn’t matter how many videos are sent to me; I’m not letting her go. She may not physically be in the basement chained to the wall with a collar around her neck, but I’m going to make sure she is chained to me for life. I’m going to make her my Lady.

“Come on,” I order, standing and helping her do the same. “I’ll dry your hair. Your soup is go ing to get cold.”

EVERETT I’ve been locked in Kashton’s bedroom for a week. The only fresh air I get is when I sit out on his balcony like I am right now.

It’s not a warm day, but it’s also not cold. I’m wearing one of his hoodies while drinking a bottle of water. I’m craving a fuck ing drink.

Jessie keeps me fed, and Kash—well, he hasn’t left my side.

He’s hover ing, and it’s obvious he doesn’t trust me. He made that very clear when he had Devin knock me out to stitch up my leg for the second time.

We haven’t fucked. He hasn’t even touched me, re ally. He gives me baths but doesn’t join me. We sleep in the same bed, but he doesn’t make any ad vances.

I’ve either scared him, or he no longer finds me attractive. I’ve be‐ come the useless trash that no one wants. Not some one like him anyway. Just the ones who pay to fuck you when they’re in the mood.

I wish he’d just kick me out of Carnage. Send me away. That would be easier to accept than this.

He’s also fighting with Haidyn. I’ve heard their hushed conver sa‐ tions in the hallway while they think I’m asleep. Haidyn wants me on medication. He thinks I’m suicidal. I was at one point, but I don’t want to die today.

I refuse to take medication. It’s why I don’t do drugs. They would probably make things easier. Help blur the memo ries. But that’s what the Lords did to me at Dollhouse, which is why I refuse to take any‐ thing. For so long, I’ve tried to convince myself I’m not the same woman, but maybe I am.

Kashton thinks I’m bro ken. Haidyn thinks I’m a danger to myself. I think I’m fine. We can’t all three be wrong. Someone has to be right.

The question is, which one of us is it?

“I have to leave, Eve,” Kashton announces, stepping out onto his bal cony.

I look up at him. “Where are you going?” Finally. I’ll get a second to breathe. Think for myself. He places my food orders with Jessie, and

he de cides when he bathes me. Kash also brushes my hair. The only thing I do myself is brush my teeth and wipe my own ass. I’ve al‐ lowed him to take over my life.

He sits across from me, and I look away from him to fo cus on the woods. His stare is too intense. He’s al ways looking for some thing, and I don’t want to give him a reason to think he’s found whatever it is. If Haidyn can ever convince Kashton to join his side, I’m fucked.

As much as I hate that he knows the real me, I’ve grown accus‐ tomed to being with him. To knowing what it’s like to not be alone and forgotten. Even if it is tied to a bed.

“We’ll only be gone a couple of hours,” he as sures me but ignores my question. It also tells me he’s going with his broth ers. “If you need anything, Devin is here, and Jessie will be by to check on you.”

“Okay.” I nod.

He stands, leans over, and kisses my fore head before he steps back into his room.

I sit silently until I hear his bed room door shut and lock. Getting up, I go to my night stand. My phone is charging. I let it die days ago. Who the fuck do I need to talk to?

Ashtyn added me to the girls’ group chat. I know it was to just piss me off. Blakely and Elli kept post ing pictures of the babies, and ev‐ eryone is planning Laikyn’s baby shower.

I just couldn’t handle it. But since Kashton is gone, I might as well see what I’ve missed.

Turning it on, my cell beeps, and I see an incoming text. It’s a name and a num ber.

Adam came through with a job. He doesn’t see me as weak. Or damaged. He knows what I need and is willing to give it to me.

Adam doesn’t hover around me when I’m working.

I bite my bottom lip as I read over it. It’s for tonight. A couple of hours from now.

De ciding that’s what I need—to get out, to feel like the old me—I quickly throw my hair in a high pony, brush my teeth, slap on bare minimum makeup, and get dressed. What’s Kashton going to do?

Punish me? He won’t even fuck me.

The most he’ll do is tie me to the bed while I throw a fit. Possibly se date me.

I’m not one of those women who is going to quit her job for a man.

I have things I have to do, and I’ve been slacking by letting him cod‐ dle me like I’m a sick child needing care.

I’m ready in twenty minutes and walk right out the front door. I’m not a prisoner here. He saidwe, so that means Haidyn and Saint are with him, and I’m not even sure the girls are here. They get to come and go as they please, so why can’t I? I didn’t see Jessie or Devin, so it was easy to leave.

I send a quick text to make sure my date will be there, and my cell rings through the speakers in my car as I pull out of the gates of Carnage.

KASH TON lights up the screen on my dash.

I debate answering it, but I feel good at the mo ment. More like my‐ self than I have since they re turned from Dollhouse. “Hello, baby.”

I’ve never used a pet name before, but it just feels right in a good,

condescend ing way.

“Eve,” he growls in warning.

“Yes?” I ask innocently, quickly checking the rearview mirror to make sure he’s not on my ass.

“Where the fuck are you going?” he snaps.

Of course the bastard has a tracker on me. It’s either on my cell or my car. He might have had Devin insert one into my body when he se dated me. “I’m just running out for a minute. I’ll be back soon.”

“Re turn home. Now.”

Home? Has Carnage be come my home? I hate to admit that it has.

I’m not sure how to feel about that, but I’m not going to let it sour

my good mood. “I will be back later.”

“Fucking now, Eve,” he shouts.

I don’t know why, but I like this side of him. I’m not the kind of girl to obey. He’ll have to make me, but I still like it. “Can’t do that.” I smile.

Fuck, freedom feels good. The air blowing in from my cracked win‐ dows, the ability to drive wherever. We’ve both been on eggshells for the past week. He stares at me like I’m bro ken. He watched one of

my training videos, and it’s no longer the same. He doesn’t know what to do or how to act. Why doesn’t he just kick me out and tell me good bye?

I was fuck ing spiraling while I was trapped in his room, and now I feel better.

“I’m not running, Kash,” I assure him. “I’ll be back—”

“Turn around,” he barks. “Now.”

My teeth grind and my mood starts to fade. I shift in my seat. “No.”

“I’ve gone too easy on you.” He huffs.

My laugh ter fills the car, that care less attitude re turn ing quickly.

“Too easy on me? That’s a joke, right?” I bait him. All I’ve done the past week is rot away in his room while he coddled me.

“Everett, if you don’t turn around right fuck ing now, I will hunt you down, strip you naked, and chain you up in the basement.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time,” I quip.

He takes in a calming breath, and I tighten my thighs, images rising of his gorgeous face while he has me gagged and unable to beg him to come.I need him to fuck me.

“I prom ise you, Eve, you’ll have anything but a ‘good time.’”

I feel like he’s re cently had another conver sa tion with Haidyn about me, and I don’t like it. Maybe I won’t re turn tonight after all. I’m about to tell him to go fuck himself when I get a text. I glance at it

quickly.

See you soon, gorgeous.

I smile at myself and tell Kashton, “Do what you have to do, Kash.”

“Eve—”

I hang up on him.

I’m walking into the biker bar, glancing around to make sure Kash‐ ton didn’t some how beat me here. It’s packed for this time of night.

The petite brunette is working behind the bar, and she smiles when

she sees me.

“I’ll take a vodka tonic,” I tell her.

“Okay.” Walk ing away, I watch her get it ready, and she comes back to set it in front of me.

I place a twenty down and see a guy enter. I give him my flirta tious I want you to fuck me smile. I’m not in the mood for small talk or role play. I have to get the job done before Kashton shows up.

Maybe if I can beat him back, he won’t lock me in a cell. I don’t know, though. That sounds fun. I haven’t been touched in a week.

Right now, I’d take anything he wants to give me. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to fuck me. Be cause he knows the reason as to why I like to be fucked. Why I get so desperate for him.

I flinch at that thought and quickly push it out of my mind.

I don’t even take a sip of my drink before I’m leading the guy over to my motel room.

I allow him to open the door for me, and I step inside. He shuts the door and then re moves his jacket before placing it on the bed.

Reach ing into my purse, I pull out my gun and fire, shooting him right in the head. “Disgusting bastard,” I spit out.

The sound of Kashton’s car pulling into the parking spot in front of the mo tel room has a smile grow ing across my face. “Let’s see what you got, big boy.”