Chaotic (L.O.R.D.S. #7) — Chapter no 7

SEVEN

EV ERETT

get out of the shower and wring out my hair with the towelI while “DOPAMINE” by Kami Ke hoe echoes off my bathroom walls.

Then I run the soft material over my chest and stomach. When I get to my legs, I pause with my fingers hover ing over my pussy.

I’ve never touched myself sexu ally, but the urge to do it is strong.

It can only be for one reason—Kashton. I saw him standing in the parking lot when I left the mo tel. A part of me wanted him to burst into the room and watch me kill that guy.

It turned me on just like it did on theIsabella…when he fin gered me while the man he killed lay on the floor. I’ve been able to push it to the back of my mind because of how disgusted I was with myself for letting him get me off that night.

Now, here he is again, making me feel things, and he hasn’t even spoken directly to me. I need to make sure I don’t let him get close.

I won’t be the woman they tried to train me to be. I have an entire box full of things taped shut in my closet that re minds me of who I once was, and it makes me physically ill to even think about opening it. The part of me that begged to be used.

I was in a dark place for a very long time, but I pulled myself out of that.

Dropping the towel, I place my hands on the counter and bow my head. Closing my eyes, I count to ten slowly while I take deep breaths. My pussy is wet, and my clit throbs with need.

“No,” I say out loud, as if that word matters. It doesn’t.

People are taken advantage of every day. Words are just that. You hear things likeShe was asking for it with the way she dressed, and

gy She shouldn’t have been show ing it off, or the insaneShe never said no. Meanwhile, the woman was far too intox icated to consent or too young to know what consent was.

If the Lords had their way, they would only pro duce men. The women would be locked in cages and only used for sex. I don’t think some of them do it to get off. It’s just the fact that they can hold you down and lis ten to you scream.

It’s all about power. The ones with the dicks get to control every‐ thing.

My virginity was taken when I was just four teen by multiple men.

Drugs were involved, but I didn’t willingly take them. No. Over the course of several hours, I was forced to become a woman.

If I’m being honest with myself, I’d say I’m glad they drugged me because I don’t re member much of it. Just the foggy pieces that float in the back of my mind.

The aftermath hit me the hardest, when the drugs wore off and I found myself sitting on the shower floor crying. Even if my body didn’t have a chance at fighting the drugs, I still hated myself. I cried so hard that I ended up making myself sick.

What once made me break, I’m now numb to. I’m not sure if that’s a flex or a sign that I need help. Either way, it’s a part of my life that I’ve spent years try ing to block out.

It’s a re minder that I’ll never be her again. I’ve come too far to al‐ low some one to make me feel helpless. Especially some Spade brother who wants to prove to himself he can have whatever he wants.

Lifting my head, I meet my stare in the mirror. No. I won’t be that woman again. I’ve gone years with out sex; I can do this.

My cell beeps, and I look down to read the text that makes the

hairs on the back of my neck rise.

We’ve got a problem.

It’s been al most a week since Kashton watched me walk out of my mo tel room. I haven’t left my house. There’s no need when you can get anything delivered. Thankfully, I haven’t been called into either

job. I can go for a couple of weeks with out anything to do and then have to be at both the bar and the cathedral in the same night.

Lying in bed, I stare at the TV. Some re ality show is playing, but I’m not paying any attention.

It’s crazy how fast your situ ation can change. That night on theIs‐ abella was the first time in my life that I felt like a human. The wind in my hair while we were at sea—I had never experienced anything like that before. For so many years, I had been chained and collared, and I was finally free. But it was just a lie I was telling myself, be‐ cause I was nowhere near free.

It was just another form of training. Kashton had to rush in and save me, and it fucked up everything. I let him touch me, and I was ready to end it all for a little attention.

Now he’s back, but he’s not playing fair. He’s going to follow my ev‐ ery move.

My phone gets my attention when it vibrates next to me in bed. I see I have a text mes sage from an unknown number, and I open it

up.

You owe me.

The text is followed by a video. My pulse begins to race, and my hands shake as I hover over Play. I have an idea of what I’m going to see. If it’s what I think it is, he’s right. I’ll owe him, and the thought of him coming to collect terrifies me, but a deal is a deal.

And I made one with the devil.

I sit, paralyzed, watching the ten second video, knowing I have to do something after it ends.

I have little con trol over my shaking hands as I call the one person I know can help. I owe the man in the video everything. He saved my life once. The least I can do is save him too.

KASHTON I haven’t had a chance to follow Eve. Too much has been going on here—Haidyn had been gone; he turned himself over to the very bitch who trained us after Ashtyn shot Saint and left him for dead. I still haven’t forgiven her for that, and I’m not sure I ever will.

I’m tired of losing people I love. Tired of feeling left out and alone.

Eve is my answer, but I had to make her wait. We had to save Hai‐

dyn first.

We finally got him back. He’s in rough shape, but he’s home at Car‐ nage where he belongs. Isabella is also here in a cell. A part of me can finally breathe. A chapter of my life is closed.

For so long, I’ve lived with the thought that she would re turn to Carnage and take over again. I couldn’t care less about what hap‐ pened to me, but my broth ers? I hate to think of them being tor‐ tured. Be ing pris oners in the very place where we enslave those who betray the Lords.

Who have we betrayed? No one. We’ve held up our end. Done what our fathers taught us. Ashtyn is the one who left us. She’s the one who tried to kill my brother, the man who was just pro tecting her.

The domino effect from that led to Adam killing our fathers. Saint and I had al ways thought it was Haidyn, but Adam admitted it when everything was coming out.

But saving Haidyn cost us some thing. We lost another brother.

Again.

Adam is dead. And the worst part is that one of my friends killed him.

I’m soaked. We went ahead with Adam’s fu neral today, even though it’s raining out side. It didn’t matter; we needed to lay him to rest.

Saint and Haidyn aren’t going to do anything about it, but I am. I feel betrayed. I’ve just left Adam’s fu neral, and I need to do this now.

After bringing my car to a screech ing halt, I get out and rush to‐ ward the house as the rain drenches me. My fists bang on the door before I cross my arms over my chest.

It opens after a few seconds, and Easton Sinnett—Sin—stands there with a smile on his face. “Kash Daddy.” The mo ment his eyes meet mine, the smile drops, and he sighs, looking over my rain-cov‐ ered suit. “Sorry we didn’t make it to the fu neral —”

I punch him in the face. Striking him so hard it shoves him back into the grand foyer of his house. When I step inside, I hit him again.

“What the fuck, Easton?” I shout. Grabbing his shirt, I yank him to‐ ward me, slamming my face into his. I barely feel the pain from the contact. I’m too worked up. I’m fuck ing shaking. We saved Haidyn, only to lose Adam. Sin walked into our office at Carnage and changed our lives in the worst way.

“Hey, Sinny.” I smile up at Easton as he enters the office, making him snort. “Have you decided to come home?” He’d make a great Spade brother. I’m determined to re cruit him. What he did for Elli just proves that he will do whatever it takes.

“I’m here on Lords’ orders,” Sin states, and the air in the room in‐

stantly shifts from light to heavy.

I get to my feet, and so does Haidyn.

“What kind of orders?” Saint questions.

“I was given an as signment last night to deliver a Lord to Carnage,” he answers, his eyes on Saint’s. “I have an hour left.”

“Who?” I de mand.

Sin looks from Saint to Adam and speaks to him. “You.”

Sin doesn’t even try to fight me, which pisses me off even more.

“You had plenty of time to come to us.” Letting go of his shirt, I shove him backward.

He stumbles, disoriented, before he stands to his full height, rub‐ bing his hand down his now bloody face, and squares his shoulders.

“I’m sorry.” Sin holds his arms out wide to show he’s not go ing to re‐ taliate.

“Sorry?” I give a rough laugh. “Sorry won’t bring him back.” I hit him again. And again.

Adam just re turned to our lives after four years of being MIA, and now he’s gone forever. So many questions are still unanswered, and so much time has been lost. The Lords wanted us to imprison him in our basement. In stead, he killed himself.

“Wait. Wait.” I raise my hands. “Let’s think about this for a second.

We’ve got an hour.”

“That’s not enough time,” Saint growls. “You should have come sooner,” he barks at Sin.

“It’s fine,” Adam assures him. “I’ll go downstairs.”

“We’re not putting you in a cell.” Haidyn shakes his head.

p g yy “We will if it’ll buy us time,” I argue. We were raised to do whatever needs to be done, and this is no different. I’d rather lock up a brother than lose him.

“I’ll go downstairs for now, and we’ll figure it out. Sin…” Adam picks up the gun, hands it back to Easton, and nods to the door. He and Sin exit the office.

We found Adam lying dead in the basement with a self-inflicted gunshot wound. He had hit Sin over the head and taken his gun.

Then he’d taken his own life.

“What the fuck are you doing?” a pregnant Ellington squeals, run‐ ning into the living room.

I take a step back, try ing to catch my breath as Sin falls to the floor. His wife drops down beside him. “What the fuck did you do?” she cries out, her tear-filled eyes meeting mine before they go to her husband. With shaking hands, she gently touches his bloody face.

“I’m…fine, Elli.” He spits blood onto the rug, getting to his knees.

She tries to help him to his feet, but he ends up helping her, given her large belly.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Elli turns to face me, and he pulls her back when she yells, “Get out!”

I throw my arms out to my sides and take a step back, looking over his busted face. “I’m leaving.” I look him up and down with disgust, try ing to figure out why he would betray me like this. Why wouldn’t he come to us…or at the very least me? We could have saved Adam if we’d only had a little more time. Hell, the full fuck ing hour would have helped us. In stead, Adam was dead minutes after Easton en‐

tered our office.

“Elli—”

“Get the fuck out of my house,” she screams at me, interrupting Sin.

Spinning around, I exit, slamming the door shut on my way out. I fall into the driver’s seat of my car. Taking a deep breath, I wrap my busted knuckles around the steering wheel, letting out a scream of frustration. I lost a brother and a friend in a matter of twenty-four hours.

My cell beeps, and I close my eyes for a brief second before picking

it up and reading over the message.

UNKNOWN: Mid night tonight. Airfield.

Huffing, I toss it onto the pas senger seat and head back to Car‐ nage.

After I left Sin’s house, I went back to Carnage and took a shower.

The text I re ceived said I had to be at the airfield at midnight. I was surprised to see that Haidyn and Saint both got the same message.

We board the private jet, finding Bill and a detective waiting for us.

The fact that they even know one another is setting off alarms. Saint huffs. “Okay. What the fuck are we—”

The back door opens, and we all jump to our feet.

“No fucking way!” I gasp at what I see.

“What the fuck?” Saint demands.

“Broth ers.” The man spreads his arms out wide with a smile on his face.

I’m the first to embrace him in a tight hug, slapping his back.

“What in the fuck, Adam?” I laugh, shoving him. “How many lives do

you have?”

“I’m like a cat,” he jokes.

The fucker knows I hate those things.

Adam’s alive. Dollhouse is an operation for human trafficking.

Breeders…Lords selling their children outside of the secret society.

My mind is reeling, but there’s one thing I have to take care of right now. Haidyn and Saint are on their way back to Carnage, but I have some where I need to be.

I bring my bike to a stop and set my helmet on the seat. A quick look at my watch tells me it’s al most two a.m. They’re probably asleep. Or fuck ing. Either way, this can’t wait. I have to do this now.

I ring the doorbell and, for safe measure, bang on the door a cou‐ ple of times before shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans.

Sin answers the door, dressed in a pair of black sweat pants, and his heavy eyes look around the front porch and drive way be fore they

meet mine. “You okay?” His voice is rough, and his hair is a di‐ sheveled mess. He was def initely asleep.

I rock back on my heels. “May I come in for a second?”

“Of course.” He steps aside, and I enter the silent house, coming to a stop in the grand foyer for the second time tonight. I turn to him as he shuts the front door and faces me. He’s got a cut on his left cheek and another across his upper lip, and his right eye is bruised

from my fists. “What’s going on, Kash?”

“I—”

“No. Get the fuck out.”

I turn to see Elli standing a few feet from me, wearing what looks like an over size white T-shirt of Sin’s. She holds a SIG P220 in her hands, with the barrel pointed right at my face. It’s Sin’s favorite gun. He carries it with him daily. He likely keeps it on his night stand or under his pillow, and she grabbed it when she heard me speak.

I raise my hands. “I’m not here to fight,” I inform her.

“Get the fuck out of my house,” she screams, hands shak ing.

“Elli.” Sin moves to stand between us, and she lowers the gun to her side so she doesn’t accidentally shoot her husband. “Give me the gun,” he orders, holding his hand out.

She just stands there, hard eyes on mine. I understand she hates me. I came into her house earlier and hurt her husband. I’m an en‐ emy. The woman never liked me anyway. Not since Sin turned him‐ self over to us. We strung him up, re moved his Lords brand, and gave him a new one. She came to his res cue with Tyson and her fa‐ ther.

“I say we keep the kid and let her come visit him,” I say, stepping closer to her. “We’ll let him watch us fuck her. I bet they’d both get off on that. I know I would.” Another step closer, and I think she stops breathing. “Starve a man for a few days, he’ll eat anything.

We’ll each take our turns filling your cunt with our cum, then lay you out for him like a feast. He’ll eat every drop of us out of you.”

Carnage is all about mind games, and I was fuck ing with hers.

Sin was going to rot in Carnage for her. He was willing to give his life so she could have a better one, and I was going to take all he had left to give until he finally gave up.

He steps into her and takes the gun. Tuck ing it into the back of his sweat pants, he kisses her fore head. “Go back to bed, Elli. I’ll be in

there soon.”

She sniffs. “But Easton —”

“I’ll be right there,” he prom ises, and she throws me one last go-to- hell look before she turns and re treats to their room. The sound of her slamming the door fur ther illustrates how pissed she is.

Sin grabs the gun from his sweat pants and pulls back the slide.

Chuckling, he re moves the chambered bullet. “It was loaded and the safety was off. She was for sure going to blow your head off.” Plac‐ ing the gun on the coffee ta ble, he sits down on the couch and ges‐ tures for me to do the same in the chair across from him. “What’s up? Need something? Is everything okay?” He places his tatted arms along the back cushions, getting comfortable.

Even though I was here earlier tonight, beating the shit out of him, he still wants to be my friend. I run a hand over my hair nervously.

“I just wanted to come and apolo gize in person,” I say.

“It’s fine.” He waves it off. “Think you’re the first man to hit me?”

His laughter follows.

I get to my feet and let out a sigh. “I know, Sin.”

His body stiffens, and his face grows tight. Silence covers the large room as he gets up and walks over to a rolling cart next to the fire‐ place that has a decanter and glasses. He pours himself a drink and takes a sip. Then he turns to face me. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” His voice has gone cold. Detached.

“I’m not do ing this.” I shake my head. “Lying to each other—”

He turns, throw ing his glass of bourbon against the wall. The crys‐ tal shatters, and the rest of the liquor runs down the wall to pud dle

on the floor. “Get out,” he growls.

“Sin—”

“Get the fuck out of my house.” He re peats his wife’s words, turn ing to face me.

I frown, stepping closer to him. “You’d rather I think you killed my brother than tell me the truth?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He runs his hand through his al ready messy hair. His body tenses as he tries to catch his

breath. “Adam is dead.”

“Sin, I just saw him,” I argue.

“Goddammit, Kash!” he snaps.

Elli rushes out into the living room once again with her hand on her pregnant belly. “Sin —”

“Go back to fucking bed, Elli,” he shouts at her. She looks from me to him, her face tight and pissed off. He turns to face her and lets out a long breath, softening his voice. “Elli—”

She storms out of the room once again and slams the door. I’m sure this time she locked him out.

“Why?” I ask, need ing to know. This isn’t how I saw this conver sa‐ tion going. “Why did you let me hit you? You knew he was still alive.”

“And Sin?” I ask, sitting on the plane with Adam, Bill, and the de‐ tective. “What about his assignment?”

Adam nods. “That’s another reason we have to keep quiet about my exis tence. Sin knows I’m not dead…”

“Now I feel bad for beating the shit out of him,” I mumble. “FUCK!”

“It was for show.” Saint gives a humorless laugh. “You guys set us up.”

“We had very little time and very limited options.” Adam doesn’t agree or disagree. Or elabo rate on how he managed to get a body that would make us believe it. “I’m trying to do the right thing. The one thing I couldn’t do for Ash…” Adam trails off. “I just…wanted you guys to know that I’m still here.”

“It’s better than the alternative,” Sin whispers, answering my ques‐ tion.

“I’m not going to turn you in.” He was given an as signment that, technically, he failed. The Lords can punish him for that. They can send him to Carnage if they find out. They can have him killed right here in his house in front of his pregnant wife. He’s betrayed them.

Sin gives a rough laugh. “You think I give a fuck about me?” Shak‐ ing his head, he walks over to the cart once more, giving me his back, and pours another glass. It’s the most I’ve ever seen him

drink.

“Then what’s it about?”

After downing it, he turns to face me. “The Lords made me put Elli through hell. Her entire life has been fuck ing hell. I bought her this house so she has a place to feel safe. To know that no matter what her days are like, she can come home, and I’ll pro tect her. If the Lords find out what I didn’t do, they will kill me and regift her to an‐ other Lord who will most likely put her through more fuck ing hell.

And the babies…” He shakes his head. “I’d rather you think I killed your entire family than put my wife through that.”

I swallow nervously. “I’ll never tell anyone.” He’s become one of my best friends. Hell, I consider him a brother. Sin and I didn’t have a good start, but we’ve grown close over a very short amount of time.

I’d do anything for him or Elli.

“But you know,” he growls. “And that’s enough.” Walking past me, he goes over to the front door. When he opens it, I take the hint and walk toward him.

Stepping out side, I turn to face him, my chest tightening as I look over his busted face, and I clench my cracked knuckles. “Sin—”

“Goodbye, Kashton.” He shuts the door in my face, and I feel like I’ve lost another brother. A soul-crushing loneliness that whispers You’re not enough.

Be ing a Spade brother who lives at Carnage limits my interaction with the world. Most don’t even know we exist. So to lose another friend is a hard pill to swallow. Especially when I only have myself to blame.

It takes everything in me not to knock on the door again. To beg him to forgive me. To apol o gize for what I did.

Why do I lose everyone I love? Nothing in this life is guaranteed, but at some point, you have to understand that you’re the problem.

I just wish I knew how to fix myself.