Chaotic (L.O.R.D.S. #7) — Chapter no 53

FIFTY-THREE

EV ERETT

feel drowsy. High on drugs. The kind they fed me at Dollhouse.I Everything hurts and my skin itches. To the point it burns. It’s the cuts. The feeling has re turned. I liked it better when I was numb.

I groan, hoping the drugs take me under once again. I can’t handle any more of this. Maybe some one will cut me deep enough that I’ll bleed to death. That’s the thing about the Lords; they know enough about the body to hurt you but keep you alive.

“Eve?”

I hear Kashton’s voice. The soft and sweet one that I loved so much. It’s a trap. My mind is playing tricks on me.

“Eve, wake up.”

No. I want to stay here. In this drug-induced high where he loves me. Where he didn’t turn my body over in hopes of getting some‐ thing he wants.

“Come on, Eve. Open your eyes. Look at me.” He sounds desper‐ ate. Scared, almost. It’s just another lie. A way to humiliate me.

“Please…no.” My voice cracks. At least the damn rag is gone. Now I

can breathe a little easier.

“You’re okay. I’m right here with you.”

I hate you, I want to say, but the words don’t come out because it’s not him I re ally hate. It’s me. He just showed me who he re ally is— like every other man in my life. I was the dumb one to believe he would be any different.

A hand touches my face, and my eyes open. It takes a second for them to fo cus, but when they do, I see his face inches from mine—

and he’s smiling.

Panic bubbles up, and I scream. He pulls back, and I scramble away, falling onto the floor, and push my back against a wall. A sob of re lief es capes now that I can fight back. I’ve got some kind of chance. The rope is gone, my arms are free, and I can speak. I’m weak, but I’ll fight until there’s nothing left. I just need a weapon.

My hands frantically touch my neck to see that it’s also free.

“Everett. It’s me, Kash—”

“Stay away from me.” I reach out and grab the nearest thing, which is a blanket, and cover my naked body up. It’ll give me some time to look for something to use.

He holds both hands up and sighs. “I’m sorry, angel. I’m so sorry—”

“Fuck you!” I shout, pulling my knees to my chest. “I hate you.” My lips start to tremble. “Stay away from me. Stay away from me, you

sick bastard.”

KASHTON My chest aches seeing her like this. I’ve officially bro ken her. I got the girl, but at what cost? Her sanity? No. I don’t accept that. She’s stronger than that.

My love for her hasn’t changed. If anything, I love her even more now. It’ll just take some time to get her back. “It’s over, Eve. It’s over, and you did so good.”

She whimpers, pulling her arms tighter around her self.

“I’m so proud of you.” It’s probably the first time she’s ever heard those words in a nonsexual way.

Shaking her head, she cries softly, holding on to herself.

I look over her disheveled hair and tear-streaked face. She didn’t look this defeated after Evan attacked her in her home. I’ve done this to her. She trusted me and I hurt her. With Evan, she knew what she was getting, knew she couldn’t trust him. I’m supposed to be her pro tector, her Lord, and I had to treat her like every other bas‐ tard in her life. I have to prove to her that I’m not who she now sees me as. “Would you like a water?”

Eve nods and I back out of the room and down the hallway to grab one out of the fridge.

Walk ing back into the room, my jaw clenches when she trembles at the sight of me. I only have myself to blame. I sit down on the floor, keeping a safe distance away. I don’t want to scare her more than she already is. “I’ll roll it to you. Okay?”

She nods once more.

Rolling the bottle across the floor, it stops when it hits the wall she’s got herself plastered to. Her watery eyes stare down at it for a sec‐ ond. “It’s okay, Eve,” I assure her.

“Did…did you drug it?” she asks and her teeth chatter.

I frown at her question. “No. It’s brand new. The seal hasn’t even been bro ken.”

With shaking hands, she unscrews the lid and spills the water as she turns it up and drinks.

I sigh in re lief. Baby steps. She gasps in a breath, pulling it away.

“Talk to me, Eve.” I need to keep her mind here with me.

“Where are we?” she whispers, scanning the disheveled bed and door behind me. She’s not familiar with this room.

“Blackout. We’re in Tyson’s apartment.”

She frowns, not re membering leaving Dollhouse. She was uncon‐

scious when I carried her out of there.

“How…how long have we been here?”

“Two days. You needed time to re cover.”

She flinches at my words, and I fuck ing hate how she won’t let me near her. I just want to pull her into my arms and hold her. Tell her how much I love her. She did it. She beat them. Just like I knew she would. I’m so fuck ing proud of her.

“Talk to me, Eve. How do you feel?” Silence isn’t good for her. She’ll fall back into her own mind, and that is a hell I need to keep her out of. I’ve never hated the Lords more than I do now. They knew she was doing better, had moved on, and they wanted to send her back.

Trap her inside her own mind. It’s the one thing we can’t es cape. I know. I’ve been there.

“I want you to leave,” she whispers, un able to make eye contact.

Never. “I can’t do that.”

She sniffs and closes her eyes tightly. Still whispering, she says, “I thought you loved me.”

My chest tightens, and I scoot closer to her. “I do, angel. I love you so much.” I’m going to spend the rest of my life proving it to her.

She shakes her head, re fus ing to believe me. “You don’t hurt some‐ one you love.”

Sometimes you have to hurt the one you love comes to mind. “I’ll never hurt you again,” I prom ise her.

“But you did…” Tears fall from her pretty eyes. “That’s not love.”

“It’s not what you think.”

Her glare snaps to mine and there’s the glimpse of that fire that I fell in love with. A piece of the anger this gorgeous blonde showed me that night in the cemetery. I al ready knew then that I was going to marry her. Maybe she’s not as far away as I thought.

“Not what I think?” she re peats softly. “You drugged me.”

I didn’t have a choice when I chased her in the woods out side of the mo tel. It was the only way I could get her to Dollhouse. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Her face tightens. “But you did.” I can see her body trembling un‐ der the blanket. “You let them rape me.” I run my hands through my hair at her words, wanting to hold her. “You let them cut me.”

I look away, swallowing the knot in my throat at what she re mem‐ bers. When my eyes meet hers once again, they’re swimming in fresh tears. “Angel…”

“Don’t call me that,” she screams. Lower ing her voice, she drops her gaze to the floor. “You stood there and watched while I begged them to kill me.” She’s trembling, pushed up against the wall, try ing to make herself small. Needing to get as far away from me as possi‐ ble.

I won’t let her do this to herself. She didn’t come this far to give up. My girl wants to fight.

I stand, and her eyes go wide with panic. “Nooo. Don’t you dare.

Stay away from me.” She throws the water bottle at me, and I duck, hearing it hit the floor behind me.

Walk ing over to her, she begins to scream. I pull the blanket off her, and she tries to crawl away, but I grab her arm and yank her to her feet. She kicks and screams while I drag her to the bathroom. I shove the door closed with my boot so she can’t get away.

I position myself behind her and grab a hand ful of her matted hair, forc ing her to face the mirror. “Look at your self,” I com mand.

“No,” she sobs, eyes tightly shut. “Just stop…please. Stop.” Her body thrashes against mine as she shoves herself away from the counter.

“Open your eyes,” I shout, needing a re action from her. One that helps her see what I see.

Her eyes open, and she stops screaming when she looks at her re‐ flection in front of us.

I let out a long breath and soften my voice. “Look at yourself, Eve.

All of you.”

“What?” She breathes. “I don’t understand.” Frantically groping at her naked body, she works to compre hend what she thinks she knows and what she sees. “You said we’ve only been here for two days.”

“We have.” I undo her tangled hair from my fist.

She turns to face me and looks over her shoulder at her back.

“Where were we before we came here?”

“Dollhouse.”

Her watery eyes glance up at me. “But you…” She looks down at her arms and hands. “You let them… I was bleeding.”

“It was a hallucination, Eve.”

She bows her head, and all you can hear is both of us trying to catch our breath. After a mo ment, she says, “No.” Her eyes meet mine and fresh tears fill them. “No. It was real.”

“It wasn’t,” I assure her.

“I don’t understand.” She wraps her arms around her self.

“I had to make you think it was real,” I say hones tly, and she sniffs.

“I had to threaten you, chase you from the mo tel, se date you in the woods. I had to plant doubt in your mind, Eve. I had to make you think I was going to hurt you, knowing that I was taking you to Doll‐

house.”

“What happened when we got there?”

Sin and I silently follow Bill through Dollhouse. He comes to a door and holds it open for us to enter.

Stepping inside, I take in the cold, sterile room. Re minds me of a hos pital, but it’s nothing like that. There’s an ele vated metal ta ble in the center. Re straints hang over both sides from one end to the other.

It makes me wonder if she’s been here before, in this very room, back when she was a doll. If so, what did they do to her?

“Place her on the table,” Bill orders.

I lay her down, and she shifts onto her side, curling into a ball. I have to readjust her because it’s not wide enough. She’s going to roll right off the side. “Kashton?” she whispers, her voice rough with sleep.

“Strip her down first. Everything but her underwear and bra.” Bill speaks as he keeps his back to me and Sin.

Sin steps back, and I re move her boots, skinny jeans, and T-shirt.

Then I start with her shoulders while Sin does her ankles. We meet in the middle, and I tighten the last one around her waist.

Bill turns around and nods to the door. “You may leave.”

“No.” I shake my head. Is he crazy? “I’m staying.”

“You’re leaving.” He looks at Easton as if he expects him to pull me out of here. Bill sighs when he sees Sin isn’t on his side here. “The sooner we get started, the sooner you can take her home.”

“What are you going to do to her?” I don’t think Bill will kill her, but I also don’t trust anyone with her other than myself right now.

“I’ve been instructed to administer a drug…” He trails off.

“You’re going to make her hallucinate,” Sin finishes, knowing ex‐ actly where he was going. “The mind is a power ful thing.”

Bill nods. “Yes. And I can’t do it with you in the room.”

“Why the fuck not?” I snap.

She begins to pull on the re straints, her body gently rocking back and forth, straining against the worn-out leather.

“You’re going to make it worse. Get the fuck out and let me do what they want before she wakes up.”

I watch her lashes start to flutter, and with re luc tance, I back out of the room. The moment we step out, Bill locks it.

My hand goes to the knob, panic ris ing. “Un lock the door.” I bang on it, but he ignores me. “Bill. Open the fuck ing door.”

gpg I hear her cry out on the other side of the door.

“Come on.” Sin grabs my arm and pulls me away. “There has to be a place where you can watch it.”

I rush into the room next door and flip on the light to see it’s an observation room. We have one at Carnage, and it makes me nau‐ seous to think what they did to her in that room while oth ers watched when she was here.

Bill fills a syringe and then walks over to her, adminis tering the drug into her arm.

“I know it’s not much, but at least when it’s over, you can tell her it was only a hallucination.” Sin speaks softly as he watches Eve. “I had to look my wife in the eye when they forced me to break her heart.”

I don’t have anything to say about that because I couldn’t imagine having to make her think that she means nothing to me. But some‐ thing tells me this won’t be any easier on her. If we’re lucky, it won’t be me she sees in her hallucination. Eve knows I love her, right? I haven’t given her any reason to see me as the bad guy. To make her think I’d cause her real harm. Except for in the woods. The Lords wanted her to hate me for forc ing her hand in being here.

“Saint told me that you and Haidyn are fighting,” Sin says while we wait for her to re act to the drug.

I run a hand down my face. I was here at Dollhouse with my broth‐ ers when I was notified that Eve had left Carnage. Thankfully, they rushed back home while I went to the motel to get her. “Yeah.”

“Over Eve?”

I nod.

He turns to face me. “She’s yours, Kash. Sometimes you have to re‐ mind someone to stay away from what isn’t theirs. I’d kill a brother over my wife. She will always come first.”

Sin thinks Haidyn wants to take her away from me. In a way, he does. He wants her on pre scription drugs. I’ve seen her self-medi‐ cate with alcohol. She doesn’t need it. I’m what she needs. I can help her.

Sin thinks Haidyn wants her in a different way. He and the oth ers don’t know that Eve is his sis ter and that Haidyn is afraid of losing

yg her. That she will try to commit suicide again and succeed.

A silence falls over the room and Eve starts to move, but she’s still pretty out of it.

“How was therapy?” he asks. I know what he’s doing. Sin’s trying to keep my thoughts off the woman that I’m about to hurt. “Did it help?”

I snort. “Nope. She freaked. Ran out of the building and then punched me.” I smile. That’s the Everett I fell in love with. She’ll get back to that eventu ally. I’ll make sure of it.

“What do you mean freaked?”

“She yelled at me. Was mad that I took her.”

“Hold up.” He frowns, turn ing to face me and I do the same. “Are you telling me she didn’t want to go?”

“Well, I didn’t re ally tell her she was going…”

“The fuck?” Sin snaps. “Are you kidding me?”

“You told me to take her,” I argue.

“No. I said if Eve wanted to go.”

I glance back at the observation window, and she’s pulling on the re straints but still isn’t fully awake yet.

“Christ, Kash.” Sin gets my attention again.

“Elli goes,” I argue defensively.

“That’s not how things work. Elli was the one who came to me and said she wanted to go to therapy. She decides if I stay in the waiting room. She decides if I sit in on the session. And she decides if I just observe or if I get to participate. Elli con trols the situ ation.”

“I just wanted to help,” I say on a sigh, crossing my arms over my chest. Eve is the type of woman who doesn’t think she needs any‐ one else. So I tried to give her a little shove.

We fall silent once again. After what feels like hours, her body be‐ gins to shake. She arches her back and the words that come out of

her mouth tear at my chest.

“Ka-sh?”

I’m right here, Eve. Right here. I step closer to the window and

place my hands on the glass.

“Kashton. Please don’t…” she begs.

My stomach drops at the sound of fear in her voice. I thought I was helping her.

“I don’t want to be here. Just take me home. Please…?”

But I’m the one who’s hurting her.

I take a step back and let myself lean against the bathroom wall.

I’m exhausted. I haven’t slept in days, too worried about my girl.

“Sin met us there. He brought a couple of things I thought I would need. I was instructed to put you in a room; you were given a drug that the Lords ordered you to have.” It was hell listening to her scream, not knowing what she was experi encing but knowing that it was me she was picturing hurt ing her. She seemed awake, but she wasn’t. Her eyes were open, and her body shook, and she begged me…fuck, she begged me so many times to stop hurt ing her. It was unlike anything I’d ever seen be fore.

I’ve watched men and women beg for their lives at Carnage, but I’ve never given a fuck about them. Their pleas fell on deaf ears. To know the one you love thinks you’re hurt ing them is a different kind of hell.

Everett steps into me, and I keep my hands to myself. “So you didn’t let them rape me?” Her watery eyes search mine, but they look hopeful. That just maybe I’m not the monster she saw me as.

“No.” I hate that she could even think I’d let that happen. She sees me as a monster, other wise she wouldn’t have hallucinated it. Even if it is far back in her mind, it’s still there. “I’d never let anyone touch you, let alone hurt you.”

Her eyes drop to my shirt, and her soft cries fill the room before she pushes her body into mine.

I wrap my arms around her, and she breaks into a sob. “It felt…so real.”

“I know.” I kiss her hair, letting out a long breath. “I’m so sorry, Eve.”

I’ve been there. I of all people know how real a hallucination can feel. I saw all my broth ers and Ashtyn dead. I heard Ashtyn scream for me to save her and carried her body in my arms after I watched the Lord slit her throat while he was raping her. I felt my broth ers’ blood on my hands as they hung from the ceiling.

“You’re okay.” Eve tightens her hold on me. “I’ll never hurt you.” I’ll kill myself be fore I ever let her think I’d do her any harm.