Chaotic (L.O.R.D.S. #7) — Chapter no 54

FIFTY-FOUR

EV ERETT

“Wake up, Eve.”

My face is slapped, and I jolt awake. “Hmm?” I mumble into the gag.

Kashton bends down and picks up a bloody razor blade and holds it in front of my heavy eyes. “Hold still. It would be a shame to cut this pretty face.” He chuckles. “It was the only rule I had for the Lords.”

I stiffen when he grabs the top piece of the tape and slowly starts to run the razor blade down it, cutting it away. He rips the last piece off and re moves the gag.

My head hangs forward, and I spit and cough, trying to get the nasty sour taste out of my mouth.

“So pretty.” He places his hands on either side of my face and forces my head back so I have to look up at him.

“Fuck you.” I spit in his face. He takes his right hand and slaps me hard while his left hand holds it in place. I taste blood, and I spit that on him too. “Fucking kill me, you bastard,” I shout, fisting my hands behind my back.

He shakes his head, making a tsk ingsound. “I watched the tape of you here, Eve. How much you enjoyed it. The cum that dripped from your overused cunt. I know it’s been a while, but I think I can get you back to that doll who begged to be played with.”

His thumb runs over my lips, and he leans down, pressing his mouth to mine. I sink my teeth into his lip, biting until I taste his blood this time. We’ll both bleed.

Kashton pulls back with a growl and slaps me across the face once more.

I want to cry, but the force has the rope pulling tight on my neck, and it takes my breath away.

“I’m do ing this for us.” He huffs. “Ungrateful bitch.”

I give a manic laugh, sucking in a breath that burns my lungs, star‐ ing up at the ceiling. My vision is cloudy, and my head is pounding.

How long have I been here? What do I have to do to pass? Just sur‐ vive? I’m not sure that’s possible.

“I’ll prove to you that you enjoyed it.” I lower my head to watch him grab a sy ringe out of his pocket.

My heart shatters because I know what it is. I don’t stand a chance. All Lords play dirty, and he’s no different.

He stabs me in the arm and plunges the drugs into me. Then he steps back and tosses the syringe to the side. “Now let’s hear you count each time you come on their cocks.”

I sit straight up, gasping for air. I blink rapidly, and when my vision comes into fo cus, I see we’re still in the apartment above Blackout.

Kashton is sound asleep next to me.

Taking in a shaky breath, I run my hands through my tangled hair to push it off my face.

It was a hallucination, Eve, Kash had told me.

Even in my dreams, I can’t escape some thing that didn’t happen. It wasn’t real. But I’ve never felt anything more real in my life. I re‐ member girls having hallucinations at Dollhouse. They looked like they had been possessed by demons, the way their bodies twisted and turned. The screams that came out of their mouths. It was hor‐ rific and so painful to watch.

Getting out of bed, I make my way to the bathroom and flip the soft light on. I go to the his-and-hers sinks and turn on one of the faucets, splashing cold water on my face. I do it again and then start digging through cab inets for some thing to help re lieve this pounding headache. Everything fuck ing aches. Finding some Advil, I pop two in my mouth, cup the water, and take a sip. I’m so thirsty.

Turning it off, some of Kashton’s things catch my eye. He’s got his wallet, a money clip filled with hundreds, and his pocketknife on the counter.

I take a quick look into the bedroom, and he’s still asleep—head on the pillow, facing away from me, arms underneath it, and the covers up to his shoulders. Licking my lips, I pick up the knife and hold the cold metal in my hand. Why didn’t I kill myself in my hallucination?

I could have. There was a rope wrapped around my neck. I could have lifted my legs at any time and hung myself. It was a sign, right? Why didn’t I think of it? Would that have brought me out of my hallucination, or would it have given Kashton a reason to punish me? Probably would have just been another reason to torture me. I won’t ever know because none of it existed.

I don’t think anyone is capable of pulling themselves out of a hallu‐ cination. I’m pretty sure you have to ride it out. Especially if you’re

given drugs to induce it.

“Angel?”

I gasp and drop the pocketknife, startled by the sound of Kashton’s voice. He stands in the bathroom, dressed in nothing but his black boxer briefs. He hasn’t touched me sexu ally. I passed out in his arms a few hours ago after he picked me up off the bathroom floor.

Why would he want to touch me? I screamed for him to get away from me. I told him I hated him. He probably hates me now. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He steps in, and I take a matching step back. Bending down, he picks up the knife and puts it in a drawer. “What are you doing awake?” he asks through a yawn.

I bite my lip and bow my head, too ashamed to tell him what he did to me while at Dollhouse. I should never have believed he’d be that way. That he would hurt me. He’s been the best thing to hap‐ pen in my life. The Lords want to ruin it. It’s working.

“Eve, I want you to talk to me. Tell me what I can do to make it better.”

I run a hand through my hair, avoiding eye contact. “I’m fine.” It’s the same lie I al ways seem to be telling him. If he knew how fucked- up my head was, he’d run the other direction.

“No, you’re not.” He steps into me, and I lean into him.

“It was just a bad dream.” Another lie.

With out another question, he picks me up and carries me back to bed. My mind tells me it’s because he wants me far away from the knife he put in the drawer. My suspicion is confirmed when he pulls

the bathroom door closed behind us.

He thinks I’m suicidal.

I cuddle up to his body and he sighs, re laxing into the mattress. We lie in silence for a few seconds when I speak. “Why are we here?”

“It was the closest to Dollhouse,” he answers softly. “I didn’t want you at Carnage, and my house is on the other side of town.”

Why doesn’t he want me to re turn to Carnage? Is Haidyn mad at me? Probably. “Did I pass?” I try to lighten the mood. I’m embar‐ rassed that I freaked out when I woke up. That I accused him of hurting me in such a way. That I looked as weak as I was for so many years.

Kashton gives a soft chuckle. “You’re perfect.” He kisses my fore‐ head.

“Can we go to my house tomorrow?” I ask through a yawn. Hope‐ fully, I can get some sleep. My body is so tired, but my mind is run‐ ning.

“No,” he answers, and I hold in a sigh. “Evan is still on the run, and that’s the first place he’s going to go looking for you. But we can go

to mine.”

I’ll take that offer.

“Get some rest, angel.”

A part of me wants sex right now. Wants him to throw me onto my stomach, pin my arms behind my back and force my legs open so he can fuck me until I pass out. It would probably help me sleep better.

I’ve avoided it for so long, but now that I know what it can feel like to re ally be wanted, I crave it more now than I did then, when I was on drugs.

Maybe it’s the re as surance I need. That he still finds me sexu ally attractive. As fucked up as it sounds, no matter what I went through at Dollhouse, the training never stopped. It was constant. Neither my body nor my mind ever had a break.

I run my hand over his chest, letting my nails softly graze his skin.

His muscles flex as I trail a path over his chiseled stomach.

He wraps his hand around my wrist before I can slide it into his boxer briefs. “Eve,” he warns.

“I want you to fuck me,” I admit, wanting him to know my inten‐ tions. I’m not going to be the weak woman I was a week ago; the one who was kneeling in the shower, vom iting. It took me years to find myself after Bill saved me from Dollhouse. I won’t allow them to

take that much of my life this time.

He sighs. “You need to rest.”

“For how long?” Might as well give me a time line.

“As long as you need.”

“And who decides that?”

“Me.”

I huff. “What if I say I’m ready now?”

“You can say whatever you want, doesn’t mean I’m going to believe you.”

I get a pain in my chest at his choice of words. I know he meant it sexu ally, but I feel like he means I can say I’m not suicidal but that doesn’t mean he believes me.

Knowing I’m not going to win, I drop it. The fact is, he doesn’t want me.

Pulling away, I roll over, letting out a huff of annoyance. He pulls my back into his front, snuggling into me, and I immediately soften against him. His body is so warm, and I hate how much I’ve grown accustomed to him.

He kisses my hair. “I don’t want to scare you, Eve.”

I understand where he’s coming from. This is my fault. My mental breakdowns have led him to believe that I’m unstable. I don’t have an argument to change his mind. And I can’t deny that he’s right.

KASHTON “Open the fuck ing door,” I bark at Bill while my hand jiggles the doorknob to the room.

I hear the lock click, and I shove it open, barging inside. “Eve?” I rush over to her. “Eve, look at me,” I urge her, running my hands over her face.

She finally stopped screaming a few minutes ago and her body just went slack. Bill said it was over, and I couldn’t get to her fast

g enough. “Why isn’t she awake?” I snap at him.

“She needs time, Kash,” Bill answers, unbuckling her re straints.

“Take her home. Let her rest. The drugs take a lot out of you. Make her drink. A lot. The more fluids she has, the better.”

I pick her up off the ta ble, and she lies limp in my arms. She feels fever ishly warm and sweaty, but her breathing has finally evened out. I thought she was going to give herself a heart attack by how worked up she was.

Sin picks up my bag and her clothes, following me out of the room to our cars parked out side. He opens the passenger door for me, and I place her in the seat. Her head rolls to one side, and I reach up, re moving my hoodie and shoving it next to her head to lie on and then re cline her seat. Closing the door, I re move my cell from

my pocket and call up a friend.

“Hey, man. What’s—”

“I need to crash at your apartment,” I rush out, interrupting him.

“And you can’t tell anyone I’m there.”

“Of course,” Tyson answers.

“On my way.” I im mediately go to my con tacts and call up the next.

“Kash?” he an swers on the first ring.

“I need you to meet me at Blackout. Eve needs an IV.” When Bill says she needed flu ids, I knew what to do. Gavin can give it to her.

She’ll be opening those beau tiful eyes and looking at me in no time.

“I’ll be there in twenty.”

I open my eyes to the sound of the club below us. It’s dark in the room other than the glow from the TV. Lifting my head, I blink a few times until my vision clears and see that Eve is still in my arms, and she’s sound asleep, softly snor ing.

Pulling my arm out from underneath her, I roll onto my back. Fuck, I’m sweat ing. Her body puts off so much heat when she sleeps. I get out of bed, dressed in nothing but my boxer briefs, and make my way to the bath room to take a piss.

After I’m done, I wash my hands and walk back through the bed‐ room, out the door, and to the hallway. I need a cigarette. Making my way to the kitchen, I grab my bag and unzip the front pocket

and then step out on the bal cony to light one up with my cell in hand.

I’ve had it turned off since I got the text about Dollhouse. Sin keeps me updated on Carnage and tells me that my broth ers are go‐ ing mad wondering where I am. Especially since Haidyn knows I’m with Eve.

He thinks I’m hid ing her from him. I am, but that’s beside the point. Once she’s my Lady, he can’t do shit to her. I’ll have control.

Physically, mentally, medically. Until the day I die. Then it’s up to whoever I choose to leave as her guardian. I would have chosen Haidyn before. Now I’m not so sure.

I bring the cigarette to my lips, think ing about what she said to me before she fell asleep. She wanted me to fuck her. The sad part is I wanted to, but I’m afraid it’s too soon and I’ll scare her. I never want to see her shaking while she cowers on the floor because she thinks

I’m going to hurt her. Not like that.

“Kash?”

I turn to see her standing in the living room, eyes heavy and the bed sheet wrapped around herself. I put out my cigarette and step inside. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

“You didn’t.” She yawns and opens the sheet to let me in, and my eyes fall over her naked body. She has some bruising where the re‐ straints held her down while she fought, but it’s not bad. Nothing that won’t be gone in a few more days. Gavin checked her thigh and changed her dressing when he stopped by to give her the IV. He said it was healing nicely. “The music downstairs is loud.”

“Come on. I’ll tuck you back in.”

She pulls away, taking a step back, and I pause, watching the way her gaze drops to the floor.

This is why I didn’t fuck her. She’s not ready. I want her to be feisty and throw ing punches at my face, not cower ing at the sight of me.

Swallowing, she glances up at me through her lashes, and I search her face to try and read her thoughts, but there’s nothing there. Just

pretty green nothing—blankness.

“Talk to me, angel.”

“Do you re ally want to marry me?”

With out a doubt. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“What if I told you that you don’t know everything about me?”

“I’d tell you I’m here to lis ten whenever you’re ready to share.” I don’t think she knows everything about herself. The fact that she couldn’t re member that Evan raped her told me what I need to know. She’s suppressed so much of her past, there’s no telling what happened to her.

“I…” She looks away and takes in a shaky breath. “I can’t give you kids.”

I frown, confused, because she knows that I’m aware of this. She told me and a room full of Lords at Blackout.

“I was raped and got pregnant,” she whispers, and my stomach knots at her confes sion.

Fuck. Eve doesn’t know that I’m aware of what the Spade broth ers did to her. What my father did to her.

“You know my bio logical father is Garrett Reeves, but what you don’t know is that he raped me.” Wrapping the sheet tighter around herself, she continues. “He and all of the Spade broth ers’ fathers raped me.”

I swallow the lump in my throat for the hor ror she’s been through and the fact that she’s finally opening up to me.

“They tried to get me pregnant for years,” she sniffs, and I want to wrap my arms around her, but I cross them over my chest and stay where I’m at. “When I finally did…my father told me that if it was a girl…he’d set it on fire,” Eve chokes out. “But then he changed his mind and said that he hoped I had a girl so she could be useful— give him what I couldn’t. He was going to rape her…” Placing her hand over her mouth, she begins to sob. “But a boy would give him another chance. He’d force him to fuck me…maybe he’d have better luck…”

I can’t hold back. I rush to her and wrap her trembling body in my arms. “I’m so sorry, Eve.” But it won’t matter. They’re just words.

They can’t change her past or her feelings.

She pulls away, and I allow it, brushing some wild strands of blond hair from her tear-streaked face. “My father had a man come and pick me up…take me somewhere…”

“To where?” I wonder. I already know the piece of shit is dead.

She shakes her head and sniffs. “I didn’t know who he was or where he was taking me, but I saw an opportu nity.” Her red-rimmed eyes find mine. “I had to do it.” She swallows. “I couldn’t…wouldn’t let the Lords ruin another innocent life. I had to pro tect my baby.”

“I know, Eve,” I assure her. I’d never judge her for her past.

“I saw a chance at finally ending it all.” She closes her eyes tightly before opening them. “So I forced us to crash.” She blinks and fresh tears fall from her swollen eyes. “I would go with my baby. If there was an afterlife, we’d go together. I couldn’t imag ine—” She licks her lips nervously. “But I lived.” Her eyes meet mine and they plead for me to understand why she chose to do what she did. “Why?” Her

voice cracks.

“Eve—”

“We were supposed to die together.” Her lips tremble. “I was sup‐ posed to pro tect my child.” She sobs. “And I knew I couldn’t do that—”

Wrapping my arms around her once again, I place my chin on the top of her head.

“I…lived.” The re gret that she sur vived is evident in her voice.

“Listen to me, Eve.” I pull back and cup her tear-streaked face in both of my tatted hands. “Quit blam ing your self. It wasn’t your fault.

None of it.” My girl was trapped. A kid imprisoned in a hell who was used only to breed.

Pushing me away, she steps back. “Don’t you see the problem?” she growls.

I frown, confused by her change of tone. “Eve…”

“I can’t give you children,” she shouts.

My frown deepens, and she snorts, rolling her watery eyes.

“I didn’t know how to feel after I found out I survived. We were both supposed to die. We were supposed to be together in another universe where no one could hurt us. Where parents love and pro‐ tect their children. I wanted that. A different life. A dad and mom who loved me.”

“I love you,” I tell her. “You’re going to be my wife. I’m going to vow to take care of you, to love you and to pro tect you. I prom ise

you that no one will ever touch you again.” She looks away from me.

“Kids don’t matter to me. You matter to me.” She frowns as if that’s a concept she can’t accept. “You asked me if I had a life, and I said I was looking at it.You are what I’m looking at, angel. You’re who I see when I close my eyes at night, and you will be the last person I see before I leave this world. I’m going to spend every day I have left devoting my life to you because you are the one I want.”

“You still don’t get it,” she whispers, shaking her head.

“Explain it to me. Tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it.”

It’s not the first time I’ve told her that. All I need is for her to tell me how I can make it better.

“I had to learn to be okay with what I did. Be cause I sur vived, I had to live with my choices. My mistakes. But you came along and changed that.”

She’s right. I didn’t understand what she was try ing to tell me, but now I do. She wants to give me a family. She’s tried to commit sui‐ cide twice that I know of, and now she wants to live. I’ve forced my‐ self into her life and have her hating herself for the choices she made. “What do you want, Eve?” I ask her. Wanting to hear the words. Pushing her a little more.

“I want to give you a family,” she whispers, as if ashamed to admit that. “I want babies. I want baseball practice at five and cheerlead‐ ing at six. I want a messy home and happy kids. I want you to call in sick on a random Mon day because you want to take our fam ily to an over packed water park.” She gives a small smile, picturing that thought before lower ing her voice. “I want a second chance. I want

to break the cycle.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do.”

Her face falls and she sighs. “That’s impossi ble, Kash.”

“We’ll adopt,” I tell her. “As many kids as you want. Hell, we can have our own base ball team if you’d like.”

She laughs like I’m joking, and it’s the most beau tiful sound I’ve ever heard. She’s already getting back to herself.

“I’m serious, Eve. Anything you want. I’ll give it to you.” I will make it happen.