Chapter 74
n untethered feeling hangs heavy in the air around me. What the fuck just happened? As a surge of panic tries to rise up in me, I force itA down. Now is my moment, my day, and I will not let anyone ruin it for me. What I need to do is think logically. What was Thea trying to achieve?
As much as I want to believe she was lying to me, hoping to turn me against Kyor, what would be the point? With the whiteness of her hair and the familiarity in her features, there is no denying she is Estel’s sister. And according to her, Kyor loved her, or at least made her believe that he did, and then he left her to be stripped. So what of their child? Benny had said that it had perished, but Kyor had said he was unsure if the pair had even slept together. But the evidence of their intimacy was there in the black- and-white drawing.
Is there a blue-eyed heir to the throne toddling around somewhere in one of the lower rings?
All my insecurities return, punching into me as though they never left. I cover my mouth, trying to stop myself from heaving. Was this all just a game to him? Breaking hearts, ruining lives, just because he could? No. I
shake my head.
No, I know Kyor. He’s not like that.
Yet, I still feel sick. My head is in my hands when there’s a sharp knock at the door. ‘My lady, it is time we accompanied you to the ball. ’ It’s the gruff maid’s voice again. Not Thea’s, of that much I’m certain.
I stand, wiping my eyes and looking at my hair in the mirror. Fucking Thea did my hair to match hers. To match the way she said Kyor liked it.
I can’t wear it like this. I reach up to braid it, but I’m interrupted before I can even begin. ‘My lady?’ The voice comes again, this time with an edge of impatience. ‘I’ll just be a minute,’ I call back, letting my hands drop from my hair.
I draw in a long breath. I wash my face, grab a hairbrush and rake it through my hair, the perfect curls gone, forced into loose waves instead. I bend my lips into something reminiscent of a smile. That will have to do.
This is about the gifted. Me, Godsdamn it all. This is my ball and I will not let my fears and insecurities ruin the victory of the moment. With a sharp inhale I push Thea’s poisonous words down into the deepest recesses of my soul. They can haunt me there another day, but not now.
Besides, everything I did was for Kay, for her future. Whatever is between Kyor and me, it has no bearing on this moment. Kay and I are free.
And that is everything.
I wonder just who I’m trying to convince.
With another breath in, I tilt my chin up and open the door to the gruff- sounding maid. I have no idea how long I have kept her waiting, but rather than showing any annoyance, she offers a warm smile. ‘You look beautiful, Lady Rose,’ she says. ‘Really beautiful. I’ll escort you to the ballroom.’ ‘Thank you. It’s fine though. I don’t need a chaperone.’ ‘I’ll just lead you to it,’ she assures me. ‘Don’t worry. No one expects a maid to be on your arm today.’ Another smile.
I’ve never been in the Spire, so I accept her assistance, though in the end it’s a fairly straightforward walk down the steep steps, which bring me out at the bottom of the palace. Huddled by the doorway is a cluster of priestesses. I scan their faces, but none are Dinah. ‘Excuse me,’ I ask one. ‘Can you tell me if Dinah is okay? I saw her … I saw her at the end.’ The priestesses exchange a series of tight-lipped looks, and fear rolls through me. Before I can speak again, one bestoned priestess takes pity on me. ‘To be an avatar of the Gods takes much energy. Dinah will be resting for a day or two yet but is unharmed from the experience.’
‘Thank you,’ I say gratefully. There. Yet another thing to be grateful for.
Dinah is well. Kay is safe. I have my magic. I am determined to count my blessings, even if I’m now unsure whether Kyor is among them.
While the escort from this point is unnecessary the maid leads me towards the ballroom, the two of us now flanked by the procession of priestesses. We approach a series of knights and their dire wolves lining the path, and unease prickles down my neck. Is it an honour guard or increased security following the previous rebel incidents?
As I walk, the knights genuflect to me as though I’m someone important. My mouth dries while my heart is suddenly racing again.
My moment of recognition – reclamation – is finally here. ‘The gifted. Lady Rose Kultavaris,’ one of the priestesses confirms imperiously to the knight on the door. As he goes to open the door and announce me, the maid takes my hand and curtsies deeply. ‘One of us,’ she whispers to me, with such pride and awe that heat prickles my eyes. She gives my hand one final squeeze and releases it before rising to her feet and striding away.
One of us. It is the reminder I need. I push aside Thea’s bullshit. This is my moment and I am going to fucking own it.
I can already hear the music, the chatter, and the laughter. Do they know it’s me who’s about to be announced? Have the others returned? Where is Benny? Jonas? ‘The gifted,’ the knight announces. The ballroom falls utterly silent. ‘Lady Rose Kultavaris.’ A moment of absolute quiet holds in the air, and the only sound I can hear is the drumming of my heart as it batters my ribcage. The maid who chaperoned me down may have been pleased to see me win, but what about the court? Is this the moment they decide they know better than the Goddess and deem me wholly unworthy? What will that look like? With an image of raucous booing and jeering filling my head, the ballroom bursts into applause. Faces beam at me, and women dab their eyes with false pride, as though they never once spat on me and called me the Queenkiller’s daughter. ‘You should greet the king,’ a priestess whispers in my ear. ‘It is tradition.’ My already parched throat dries further still.
King Korvane is sitting on his throne with a smile so fixed and false it should be hilarious. Next to him is Kyor. His eyes display that same awe he showed me in the chamber earlier, the cerulean blue depths so full of love I can’t possibly believe it’s false .
The two royals are not alone. Murmuring to Korvane is High Priestess Mila. I find I have no wish to speak to any of them right now, so I select a glass of wine from a nearby waiter and stand holding it. I doubt I will ever sip a glass of wine given to me by a stranger ever again.
Even now, I can see Llinos’s face as she struggled to breathe.
Godsdamn it all.
Unsure how to proceed and aware of all the eyes scrutinising my every move, I feel my anxiety beginning to rise. I don’t want to face Korvane. Or Kyor. Yet I don’t know where to go. The crowd parts, creating a clear walkway straight between me and the dais where the king awaits, and yet still I do not move. To give my thanks to him after the pain he caused my family – the pain he caused Kyor – is something I’m not sure I’m capable of.
Whispers crescendo and smiles grow tighter as eyes flicker between me and the royals, wondering who will react first. Then, without warning, there is a bustling motion to the side and Benny barrels into the centre of the room, a glass in hand. The relief at the sight of my friend is intensified further as he lifts his drink into the air. ‘To the gifted! To Lady Rose!’ The court hesitates, their collective gaze still darting towards the king, until another lone voice echoes Benny’s toast.
‘To the gifted! Lady Rose.’
It’s enough to open the floodgates. ‘To the gifted! The gifted!’ The chorus goes up around me, hundreds and hundreds of voices, yet once again my mind can only hear one. It’s like my senses can only tune in to him.
As I stare at Kyor, the image of Thea’s picture rises in my mind and, with it, bile that stings the back of my throat. He told her he loved her too.
And then he let her be stripped. Have I been duped the same way she was?
Fooled into believing his emotions are real? It didn’t feel like it, but I suppose no one suspects the conman until it is too late. And it is too late. If he’s been playing with me … my heart won’t survive it. Because I wasn’t playing. I was all in. Now, I’m not so sure. He kept my secret though, didn’t
he? He didn’t tell anyone about the forbidden frozen magic that burst from within me.
It is torture. More torturous than any of the trials I suffered through. ‘You did it. You fucking did it!’ Benny’s voice brings me back into the moment. When I turn around, he’s there, beaming at me. ‘I don’t need to tell you this, but you know that Llin would be so freaking proud of you right now.’ ‘I wish she was here to see this,’ I admit, feeling the tears build up again. Gods, am I just made of tears these days? ‘Me too, me too.’ He takes my hand and squeezes tightly. ‘Our Rose, Gods above, the gifted. I’m damned proud of you. What did you ask for?’ he queries. ‘For everything to be restored to me and mine. Our magic, our wealth, our titles.’ I smile. ‘I have my magic back.’ ‘I’m happy for you, Rose. You deserve it all and more.’ Benny looks at me with such pride that my heart warms all over again. ‘Have you seen Kay
yet?’ ‘Not yet,’ I tell him. ‘Rose!’ Jonas is the next to accost me. ‘Rose, you’re here. Thank goodness. I wanted to speak to you. There’s something I need, we need, to discuss. Now.’ A grind of irritation echoes through my clenched jaw. I don’t expect my friends to venerate me because I won, but would a single word of congratulations hurt? What can be so urgent that it can’t wait another day?
A sudden thought surges through me. Could he wish to propose again, even though he knows of my feelings for Kyor? That single thought leads to another more insidious one. Did he know about Thea? Did he know Kyor professed to love her too? He certainly tried to warn me away from the prince often enough.
With a forced smile, I place my hands on Jonas’s shoulders. ‘Not now.
Just have a drink, please. Celebrate with me before anything else.’ ‘Of course.’ His smile looks almost as forced as mine. ‘Congratulations, Lady Rose,’ he says as he sweeps into a courtly bow as deep as the knights
offered. ‘My Lady Rose, the gifted.’ His voice sounds from behind me. Warm, almost triumphant. The same voice that only hours ago made me want to shut the world out so that only
two of us remained. My heart ricochets off my ribs as I turn to face him.
Kyor. He looks every inch as perfect as he did when he left me earlier.
But is he?
I hate Thea in this moment, for what she has ruined for me.
I try to smile, but I know it doesn’t reach my eyes . ‘Thorn, are you okay?’ No. The answer rattles around my head, but I can’t speak openly with him here. This is not the right time or place. ‘I need to see Kay,’ I say instead. ‘Have you seen Kay?’ It is as though the Goddess gifted me the power to summon my sister, for I have barely finished my question when I hear her voice. ‘Rose? Rose!’ Her white-blonde hair flashes through the crowd and in this moment, nothing else matters. Not Kyor, not even the magic that fills me. Kay is safe. Kay has a place here in the High Hold. That is what I did all of this for. It’s been Kay and me always, and it can go back to that if it has to.
The instant she reaches me, I throw my arms around her tightly, trying to absorb her happiness to share in it. ‘You did it! This is incredible. Our lives, Rose!’ She’s beaming like I should be. ‘This is amazing! Unbelievable. Oh, I have so much to tell you,
so much to tell you.’ I can feel Kyor’s gaze hovering on me.
Every dance, that’s what he promised me. Now I’m not sure how long I can even stand to be in the same ballroom as him. I need to talk to him about Thea, but I can’t face it here, surrounded by hundreds of fluttering court butterflies, each as deadly as a viper. ‘Tell me, tell me your news,’ I say instead to her.
She frowns slightly. ‘Do you not need to be, I don’t know, mingling, dancing? People look as if they want to speak to you.’ As I glance around, I can see that she is right, and almost every pair of eyes is trained on me. But this is the celebration of my triumph, my gifting, and I have earned the right to spend it as I wish. ‘I wish to hear your news,’ I respond, continuing to drag her away, and this time she doesn’t protest. Behind us, I can hear Benny loudly talking about how beautiful our reunion is, trying to make it acceptable that I’m slipping out of the ball held in my very honour. He is truly a God among men.
We slip into one of the first antechambers, and it’s with a new bout of nausea that I realise it’s the one Kyor and I were in the night Llinos was murdered. I want to move, find another place, but then Kay will only ask what’s wrong, and that’s not a conversation I’m ready to have. ‘So tell me your news,’ I say impatiently, needing a distraction from the thoughts raging in my head. ‘What is it?’ ‘Rose,’ she starts, her voice tempered in the way I know well. It means she’s about to tell me something she thinks I won’t like. ‘I couldn’t be happier,’ she continues firmly. ‘The court, it’s where I’m meant to be.’ ‘I know. That’s why I entered the Retterheld. I always knew you would be happy here.’ I frown. ‘Is it your magic? Has it not come back?’ She shakes her head. ‘No, not that I’ve noticed yet, but I’ve not tried to do anything. And it’s not like magic can matter that much. You won the Retterheld without it.’ I press my lips together. Did I? I wouldn’t have survived without the powers I got on that frozen lake. But Kay doesn’t need to know about that right now. ‘Rose.’ Kay places her hands on my shoulders. ‘I don’t need to worry about whether I have magic or not anymore … not now I’m getting married.’ The shock is enough to force the air from my lungs, but I try to disguise it as best I can. ‘Hew? Do you want to marry Hew?’ My throat thickens. Hew and Kyor are close. This marriage would bind us, however loosely, for the rest of our lives ahead.
Kay’s usually soft face is inscrutable. ‘No,’ she says finally. ‘No, not … Hew.’ My mind goes blank. ‘Then who? Kay, I understand that you were worried about having to leave the court after the competition ended, but that’s not going to happen. You’re a lady again now. A proper member of the court. You don’t need to be hasty. You don’t need to get married to stay here.’ She chews on her bottom lip. ‘I know I’m a member of the court, but there’s something else you must know.’ She repeats the chewing motion as she draws in a breath. ‘I … I’m pregnant.’ My jaw drops. I stagger back a little, falling into the chair behind me. ‘You’re what?’ I whisper, making no attempt to hide my shock.
She brushes my concern away with a wave of her hand. ‘You do not need to worry, I promise.’ ‘You are pregnant, out of wedlock, without a …’ I stop as another thought careens in. ‘Whose baby is it?’ She grimaces. ‘It is Hew’s. I thought he loved me.’ She scoffs, a bitter look crossing her face before she pastes on a smile, as if what is coming next is positive. ‘When I told him of our baby, he admitted to already being betrothed to a duchess in Dorain.’ ‘What?’ I can barely speak, barely think. Hew got my sister pregnant, with no intention of doing the honourable thing? ‘The men of the Wrohelm court are snakes,’ I snarl. ‘Every single one of them.’ I press my thumbs against my temples as I rub my forehead. Kay is pregnant out of wedlock.
She will be kicked out of the court again. As the thought enters my head, my brain catches up to the rest of her words. Dropping my hands I look her in the eye. ‘But if the baby is Hew’s, and he’s marrying someone else, then who are you marrying?’ Wordlessly, she entwines her fingers with mine. From the nervous soft smile that graces her lips, I already know I am going to hate what follows. ‘Honestly, I promise you, it is fine. I have sorted it.’ Sorted it? Relief storms in. She’s taken a potion, ended the burgeoning life before it can end hers. ‘Have you taken a tonic?’ I ask her, but when she looks blank, I continue, ‘If not, I can make one. I have not made one for a while, but I’m sure I—’ ‘No!’ She snatches her hand from mine. I see the horror in her eyes, the same as the night I killed Holden. Horror and judgement for my actions. ‘Death did not used to be your first instinct, Rose, and it certainly isn’t
mine.’ ‘I killed for you!’ I snap back. ‘I didn’t ask you to!’ Her own voice rises. ‘I would never have asked you to.’ Her breath seethes through gritted teeth as she clenches and unclenches her hands. ‘Rose …’ She says my name with forced composure. ‘This life growing inside me is my child. I’m not going to just dispose of it because the timing is inconvenient. I’m not so heartless as you.’ ‘Pardon?’ I could not have been more shocked if she had punched me.
Heartless? Is that how she sees me? After all I have done for her, hearing that word tripping from Kay’s tongue is crippling. ‘You have no idea what my heart has gone through,’ I snarl. Any ounce of patience I have is gone.
‘I’m done with this, Acacia,’ I snap. ‘If you are not taking the tonic nor are you marrying the father, then who exactly are you planning to marry to remedy this Godsawful mess?’ She presses her lips together. For the first time, I feel the slightest hint of nervousness radiating from her. ‘I am going to marry Artur.’ ‘Artur?’ I frown, confused. There is only one person I know by that name, and I am certain she cannot mean him. Not ageing, portly Artur Lorathin. ‘Who?’ I ask again. Maybe there is another Artur at court I have not yet met.
Then she speaks, and in a single moment confirms all of my worst fears.
She tips her chin up. ‘I am marrying Lord Artur Lorathin. Jonas’s father.’
