Chapter 30
place my hand against the door, which releases with a hum of magic. ‘Neat. Jonas do it for you?’ Benny asks as we step inside.I I nod. ‘It’s meant to stop people from attacking me while I sleep, though those stairs are so freaking creaky that they’re an alarm system all by themselves.’ ‘That’s good.’ He runs his hand around the back of his neck again. ‘Benny … what’s up?’ He swallows. ‘I feel like I took it from you, Rose. I accepted the High Priestess’s offer to miss the next trial when you also helped bring that thing down.’ ‘Stop,’ I say, cutting him off right there. ‘We worked as a team. That was what we agreed to do, and we worked well. You were offered a gift, and you took it, the same way any of us would, so don’t you dare spend a single second feeling guilty about it.’ He smiles at me, but it’s a long way from a proper Benny grin. ‘I’m still sorry.’ I give him a light hit on the arm. ‘Quit it. You’re being an idiot.’ At the insult, a hint of a sparkle returns to his eyes. ‘Any chance I can have a hug?’ he asks. ‘I could really do with a hug.’ ‘Sure thing.’ As I approach him to do just that, I hear the creaking on the stairs. ‘Sounds like Llin is done with the healer. Group hug time?’ ‘Definitely. Can I just get one with you first?’ ‘Of course, my friend.’ As he engulfs me in his arms, my head rests against his chest and I’m struck by a feeling I haven’t felt in such a long time. Safety.
It reminds me of the hugs that Ruben would give Kay and the others in the slums. His embraces – his warmth – were a gift he was always happy to offer, and not once did he ever ask for anything in return. That’s how it feels now. Like Benny expects nothing from me but friendship and a moment of comfort. His body is wrapped in tension and it’s no wonder. He’s lost so many people.
And so we stay there, holding each other, not even noticing when the door opens. ‘Sorry, I didn’t think I’d be interrupting anything.’ Jonas’s voice is sharper than shards of glass.
The ward doesn’t stop him, given how he’s the one who set it, but I would have thought he’d have at least knocked. Still, I flash him a smile, relieved that he managed to climb the stairs by himself. But he doesn’t see it. His eyes are locked on Benny with a look that would rival some of Zara’s. ‘You’re not interrupting,’ I tell him as I move out of Benny’s embrace. ‘Benny just came to say he’s accepted the High Priestess’s offer to be excused from the second trial.’ ‘Is that right?’ Jonas’s jaw twitches. I might be overthinking it, but I sense some serious hostility coming from him. Maybe he’s still in pain. ‘How’s the leg?’ I ask. ‘Did they fix it up?’ Jonas’s eyes linger on Benny for a fraction longer before he finally turns to me. ‘Mostly. Still painful, but they said it’ll be fine after a good night’s sleep.’ That’s all the attention I get before his eyes are back on Benny again. ‘Would you mind excusing us for a minute? There’s something I need to talk to Rose about.’ ‘Sure, no worries. I get it. More alone time for you.’ Benny flashes me a grin. ‘Thanks again.’ ‘You don’t have to thank me. We all did our part,’ I remind him firmly.
If Llin hadn’t caught me, I would be with Mortidem right now.
Jonas’s eyes follow Benny out of the room, and a single vein bulges across his forehead. ‘Shut the door behind you,’ he calls, even though he’s only a couple of steps away from the door himself. Still, Benny does as he’s asked.
Silence cocoons the room, perforated only by the creaking sound of Benny’s footsteps retreating down to the dorm floor. Only when they’ve
faded into nothing does Jonas speak again. ‘Is there something going on I should know about? With you two?’ ‘What?’ The laugh that escapes my lungs comes out far louder than anticipated. ‘With Benny. Are you serious? He’s just a friend.’ ‘That looked like very close friends.’ ‘Well, we are.’ I hear the edge in my voice, but seriously, Jonas and I shared one kiss, and now he’s acting all possessive? I don’t have the headspace to deal with this. ‘What did you want, Jonas? Or did you just come to lecture me about the people I choose to spend time with?’ His eyes widen. ‘No, of course not. I came to see you. To talk to you.
And because …’ He inhales, places his hands on my waist and pulls me towards him. My body stiffens slightly before relenting and shifting closer to him. ‘I’m sorry about the way I yelled at you earlier.’ His voice is quiet, nervous. ‘It’s fine. Forget it. You were in pain.’ ‘The leg was nothing compared to how it felt when I thought something was going to happen to you.’ He slips his hand into mine. ‘You know, I never told you this before, but our parents talked about us getting betrothed when we were older.’ ‘Really?’ Surprise curls my lips into an unnaturally rigid smile. ‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘I often thought about what we would have become if you hadn’t left.’ A tingle of tension takes hold. ‘You make it sound like we had a choice.’ ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean that. I was just trying …’ His voice fades into the ether, but his hands remain on my waist, and he pulls me even closer. ‘Rose, when the next trial comes, please try not to put yourself in danger. For me.’ ‘It doesn’t work like that, Jonas.’ My tone has a hard edge to it, yes, but I don’t get why he’s finding this so difficult to understand. ‘I was just doing what had to be done.’ ‘You can’t win the gifting if you’re dead, Rose.’ ‘No, I can’t win if Etta doesn’t think I’m worthy. Which is what will happen if I’m not actively participating in the trials.’ ‘I’m not saying don’t participate.’ ‘That’s exactly what you’re saying!’ I bite back. ‘I did well today, Jonas.
I survived when people with magic, people who have trained every day,
didn’t. If anything, today should have shown you just how capable I am.’ Goddess knows, it’s shown me . ‘I know you’re capable. It’s just …’ He lets out a long sigh and shakes his head. He lifts my hand up to his lips and plants a kiss on my palm. ‘Look, how about we stop this bickering and go back to what we were doing in the carriage? You do remember what we did in the carriage, right?’ The shadow of a grin flickers on his lips. ‘From what I remember, it was a lot of fun.’ Was it a lot of fun? It definitely wasn’t a bad kiss, but it was chaste, and I was also distracted by wanting to know what was waiting for us outside.
Not to mention I was irritated by his lecture, which was remarkably similar to this one he’s just given me.
In the silence, Jonas’s eyes remain on me, waiting for me to respond, to let him know I want to kiss him again. But before I can figure out if that’s even true, my mouth opens into a wide yawn that’s immediately followed by another. ‘Sorry, I think today definitely took it out of me. The sleep in the carriage wasn’t exactly restful.’ Jonas laughs as he pecks the back of my hand. ‘You want me to stay?
We could curl up together?’ It’s the first time he’s actually offered to stay in my bed with me, which means it’s the first time I’ve had to properly think about if it’s actually what I want. Before today, I’m sure I would have said yes, but today’s been a lot.
And if we’re going to start something, I don’t want it to be on a day like this, when we’ve been at each other’s throats half the time. Yet still I hesitate before I reply.
There’s no denying that having someone lying next to me with their arms wrapped around me would be nice, but I shouldn’t just want ‘someone,’ should I? ‘Maybe another time,’ I murmur eventually. ‘You need your rest as well, and these beds aren’t exactly big enough for two.’ He presses his lips together, clearly disappointed, before nodding his head. ‘Fair enough. See you down at the dining hall for dinner? Apparently, they’ve put on one hell of a feast.’ I nod as I watch him leave, then slip into the shower to wash off the blood and grime before tumbling into sleep.
IT’S pitch-black outside my window and the smell of snow is strong in the air as I drag myself out of bed a while later, slip on clean clothes, and head downstairs.
When I get to the table, Benny and Llinos are already deep in conversation while Loch stares at nothing. I’m surprisingly relieved that there’s no sign of Jonas, and the thought makes me grimace. It’s not a good sign. ‘Where is everyone?’ I ask, gesturing to the emptiness of the hall. ‘Am I
early?’ ‘No,’ Benny replies solemnly.
My jaw drops. ‘You mean this is it?’ I turn back around, unwilling to believe what they’re telling me. This can’t be all who made it, surely?
Llinos and Benny exchange a look. ‘There’s no one with the healers,’ Llin says quietly. ‘I was there just before. Maybe a couple are elsewhere, like Kyor. But the others …’ My throat thickens with a lump I can’t swallow. The knights’ numbers have been decimated, with only half a dozen remaining. The dire wolves of those who didn’t make it will be similarly doomed now, as the only thing that awaits a broken-bonded wolf is a slow death. The thought that the deaths haven’t ended with those just in the room chills me.
There’s only one other person with Seiren and Kestria at the Dorain table. The Galreck numbers are equally diminished, and when my gaze falls on the Rowell Rettlings, I can’t help but gasp. ‘Shim’s not here?’ There’s a crack in my voice. ‘Shim didn’t make it?’ Llinos shrugs. ‘Better people than him have died today.’ ‘I know, but still—’ How has one trial taken out so many people? There are three more to go before we get to the Ofur, and at this rate, we’ll be lucky if even a handful make it that far.
I continue staring around the room, trying to pick out faces – or rather, missing faces – from the groups. Nessira’s father – Nathan, the fire wielder – isn’t here, and from the way her aunt Clade is comforting her, I’m guessing he’s among the dead.
Both Baylis and Grenda are still among the surviving knights, along with another four I don’t know by name yet.
‘Benny told me he took the High Priestess’s offer,’ Llinos says. ‘Thank the Gods. He also said that there were three others on the platform when the trial ended.’ ‘Do you know if they all accepted the gift?’ I question, annoyed that I
didn’t think to ask him earlier.
He shakes his head. ‘Kyor won’t have done.’ There’s not a shadow of a doubt in my mind. ‘It’s a matter of pride for him. He’s all about honour,’ I sneer. ‘He won’t think he deserves to win unless he competes in all the trials.’ The minute the words leave my lips, I watch Benny’s expression shift into panic. ‘Do you think that’s true?’ he says. ‘Do you think I can’t win if I miss a trial?’ I shake my head and rush to reassure him. ‘No. If that was the case, it would never have been offered.’ ‘Unless it was a test?’ he counters, gnawing on his lip.
I exhale. This prize is seriously doing a number on him, that’s for sure.
Maybe he’s right, but Etta’s never struck me as a Goddess who plays games, unlike some of the others. But who can know the mind of a God?
Llinos places a hand on Benny’s shoulder. ‘At the end of the day, it’s about finishing this together, right? As long as one of us gets through, we’re all winners.’ ‘Yeah. You’re right. Of course you’re right.’ Still, an uneasy silence settles over our table, broken only by Loch’s constant muttering. His fingers are now pressed against his ears. I’d never say it aloud, but I can’t help feeling that Loch getting to the Ofur is getting less and less likely with each passing day. ‘Incoming,’ Llinos whispers. I glance down to the end of the hall and immediately see who she’s talking about.
Zara is heading straight towards us, eyes flashing with fury. ‘How the fuck did you survive that?’ she spits as she looms over me.
There’s no doubt who she’s aiming her question at. ‘Glad to see you made it through the trial too, Zara,’ I say.
I’m not sure why I think injecting a bit of humour into the situation might help. This is Zara we’re talking about. I doubt she even has a sense of humour at the best of times, and even less so now that her brother’s just
died. Yeah, that probably wasn’t my best move. With her jaw twitching, she moves her gaze from me to Benny and Llinos. ‘How the hell did you help keep this fucking runt alive?’ she sneers.
I’m sure she thinks that name will have got to me by now, but I find myself growing more and more impervious to it. Though I can’t say the same for my friends. Llinos pushes back her chair, stands up, and faces Zara. ‘That runt,’ she snarls, ‘scaled the tallest jötunn there so that she could take a dagger to his throat. She deserves to be here. ’ ‘My brother deserves to be here,’ Zara snaps. ‘It’s not right. Why would the Goddess save her and let him die?’ A current of unease swirls through me. I meet her eyes, hoping she’ll see my sincerity. ‘I’m sorry for your loss, Zara. Truly, I am.’ ‘Fuck you.’ Everyone in the dining hall is looking at us, but I don’t care. ‘I mean it. I know you two were close—’ ‘You’re fucking dead,’ she promises in a low growl. She raises her hands and I brace myself for the pain of my cracked ribs returning, but there’s barely a twinge. She must have nearly drained her magic today.
On the other side of the table, Benny pushes back his shoulders and stands. ‘Your brother chose the trials. He knew the risk, just like the rest of us.’ He moves in between Zara and me. ‘Go back to your table, Duarte. We’ve all got losses to mourn.’ Her top lip curls in a snarl and my throat dries as I think she’s about to turn this thing into a proper fistfight, but instead, she simply looks at me with venom. ‘Your days are numbered,’ she fires at me before swivelling around and marching back to her table.
I don’t know why Etta chose who she chose, and I don’t feel even a modicum of grief over Shim’s death, but I do know the pain of losing a brother. Shim and Zara were twins, and for that reason alone, I feel for her. ‘Well, good to know some things never change,’ Llinos offers with a weak chuckle.
Benny squeezes my shoulder and pointedly sits next to me. ‘Somehow I don’t think Zara and I are going to come out of this thing best buddies,’ I reply weakly. ‘But I’ll deal with that later. Right now, I’m
starving.’ I would have thought that seeing that much death in one day would have destroyed my appetite, but apparently not. I eat more than ever before.
Since moving into the barracks, my body has regained the ability to eat decent-sized meals, which means I’m actually putting on muscle. A very good sign. It’s only when we finish with the savoury and the sweets are brought out that Jonas joins us. He slides onto the bench on the other side of me, though he speaks to Benny first. ‘Sorry about being a little antsy earlier,’ he says. ‘Pain from the leg.’ ‘No problem.’ Benny shrugs. ‘It was a shit day.’ ‘Not all of it was shit.’ Jonas throws a glance at me, and I know he’s less than subtly mentioning our kiss. Nervousness pulses through me. I wish he’d keep whatever’s going on with us to himself, but it’s not like the rest of them don’t suspect already. ‘I just hope we get a decent amount of time to train before the next trial,’ I say, trying to steer the conversation. ‘And I hope it doesn’t involve things that want to kill us.’ ‘Yeah, good luck with that.’ Llinos laughs. ‘What are everyone’s plans for later?’ Jonas continues. ‘I was going to finish up here and head to the battle yard if anyone wants to join me.’ ‘Seriously?’ My eyebrows arch. ‘I need to stretch out a bit. Fancy coming?’ I don’t even hesitate with my answer. ‘Not a chance. I’m getting as much sleep as possible. Big day tomorrow.’ For the first time since I appeared downstairs, Llinos’s face lights up. ‘Oh my Gods, you’re right. The ball. Will we get to meet Kay?’ ‘I’d assume so,’ Jonas answers. ‘I probably shouldn’t admit this, but my father managed to smuggle some information to me. He said he’ll be attending the ball with his wards, and I’m pretty sure that includes Acacia now.’ ‘Truly?’ Tears prick my eyes at the reality of what Jonas’s news means, and before I can think, I throw my arms around him. ‘You have no idea how grateful I am. Honestly.’ As we break away from the hug, Jonas’s grin is almost as big as mine. It would be great if I had the power or influence to get letters in and out myself, but having a friend who can has to be the next best thing. ‘Just glad we could help.’
With my heart hammering, I sit back down, but I can’t get the smile off my face.
Llinos reaches out, grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze. ‘You must be so excited.’ ‘I am!’ My grin fades a little. ‘Though I’m also kind of nervous. Does that make sense?’ There’s a good chance that Kay’s still angry at me for entering, and there’s the added little issue of my not giving her a heads up about what I asked Artur to do either. Yes, there’s a fairly good chance she’s even more pissed at me than when I last saw her.
Llin snorts. ‘Not at all,’ she replies. ‘Come on, we’ll pick out your dress tonight. That way, I’ll have time to make any adjustments.’
