Chapter 18
ow fucking stupid could I be? Why did I think that wandering around in the dead of night was a good idea?H Kyor is standing only a few feet away and still wearing his shirt from the ball, though now it’s entirely undone, revealing even more of those circular tattoos. I seriously consider trying to stab him, and my hand squeezes the hilt as blood thrums behind my ears. One quick swing of my wrist and, if the Gods are on my side, he will finally get what he deserves.
At the thought of the Gods, Oel’s name rings through my mind. As the God of Order and Logic, he would likely tell me that, logically, me killing the prince like this would not be the best idea. Besides, like Kyor, I don’t want to risk Etta’s disfavour by starting something outside of the trials. If he dies in them … well, that’s a death I’m not going to waste tears on. But stabbing him now while he’s clearly drunk? No. No matter what he did, I won’t stoop to his level. ‘I’m surprised to see you up,’ I scoff, trying to swallow my fear. ‘I thought you’d been sent to bed for the evening? Told off for your inappropriate behaviour?’ He scoffs. ‘If you think that’s me being inappropriate, then you’ve got a lot to learn.’ The way his lips quirk, it’s clear he’s toying with me.
He takes a half step towards me, letting his eyes trail down my body, only for them to stop at my thighs. A frown mars his forehead. ‘That dagger.’ He nods his head to it. ‘Where is it from? That’s not one of ours.’ His tone is censorious, and I hear the undertone of ‘where did you steal it from?’
‘It’s mine,’ I bite back and purposely hold my tongue from explaining further. I don’t need to justify my belongings.
Rather than responding, he turns towards the weapons and runs his hand across the metal in a manner that’s remarkably similar to how I was caressing them only a few moments ago. ‘There should be another knife here.’ He strokes a gap. ‘A two-inch blade with a hammered metal hilt that has bone inlay. Great for holding between your knuckles. No one has permission to take these – not unless Zelle says so – but someone’s taken it. And another one there.’ He points lower in the cabinet, to where swords hang in a frame. It doesn’t look like there’s anything missing to me, but when he slides a panel across slightly, he reveals more than enough room for another weapon. ‘A seax. Twenty inches. Three hundred years old. Leather grip. It was replaced less than six months ago, and it was here yesterday.’ I have to say, I’m impressed. From the slight slur to his tone, it’s fair to assume he’s still drunk, and yet he can remember all that detail. Or maybe impressed isn’t the right word. Maybe angry is. ‘Funny …’ I tilt my head. ‘You can remember all that, and yet you immediately forgot your mother crying out and begging mine to save your younger brother and not her.’ His eyes jolt up from the swords, and the next thing I know, my back slams into the wall of the cabinet, his hand around my throat and the blade that was in my hand drops to the ground in the shock. The blunt edges of the weapons in the rack press into my spine as his eyes meet mine with so much fire it almost obscures their iciness. ‘Don’t.’ His hand remains on my throat with constant pressure. Enough to hold me in place but not choke me. In fact, there’s more than enough freedom for me to reach down and grab the dagger strapped to my thigh. I move slowly, not wanting to alert him. My fingers find the cool metal easily and it takes all my willpower not to simply whip it out. Given that he moved faster than I even thought possible when he pinned me here, I have to take my time and do this right. If I don’t, it might be the last thing I do.
Slowly, my fingers curl around the copper. Only when I’m sure my grip is completely secure do I unsheathe it. My eyes remain unblinking on Kyor’s as I slowly bend my elbow and twist my wrist, pointing the tip of the blade upwards. Do I want him dead? With every fibre in my body. But do I want to kill him like this? No. But only because I think that would limit
my chance of winning the gifting. And then there’s the slight issue that I would’ve murdered the heir to the throne. But as maiming him would likely come with the same consequences, there seems little point in holding back.
When he speaks, his voice is brisk, calm, and instructional. ‘If you’re going for the heart, don’t go for the centre. You’ll hit the sternum and the bone’s too thick there. Go to the left, between the ribs. That’s the best shot.’ My breath stalls and my entire body braces. He knows. He knows I’ve got the dagger in my hand. I try to swallow, to think of something I can say or do. A way to distract him. A way to get out of this alive. But there’s nothing. He’s got dozens of weapons within his reach. Or maybe he’ll choose to simply tighten his grip around my throat or use whatever magic he has to end me. Yet he merely continues to stand there. Waiting.
Is he trying to goad me so he can be justified in killing me? ‘Aim to the left a little more,’ he continues. ‘That’s the side of the heart that pumps all the blood to your body. I mean, sure, if you hit the right side, my lungs are going to fill with blood and it’s going to be a less-than- pleasant ending, but you should always aim for the left.’ I don’t respond. ‘Rose doesn’t feel like the right name for you. You’re much too prickly to be a Rose. Too sharp. Thorn. Yes … Thorn fits you perfectly. Your parents should have named you Thorn.’ Blood rushes to my ears, and before I’ve even drawn breath, I’ve raised the dagger and pressed it against his chest. Just to the left of his sternum, where he instructed. I can even feel the dip between the ribs. ‘You don’t get to mention them,’ I spit, the words sharp and fast. ‘Your lie ruined us and killed them both.’ ‘Then take your vengeance,’ he spits out. ‘I’m not stopping you. Come on, Thorn. Do it. You want me dead, so fucking own it.’ I push the hilt in slightly, just enough to pierce the skin, but I don’t go any further. He’s right, I do want him dead. But I also don’t want the consequences. I’d accept a public execution, but … Kay. I came here to better her life. There’s no chance of that happening if I’m dead, slaughtered for killing the king’s heir. ‘Let go of me,’ I hiss. ‘Let go of me, and I won’t kill you.’ This time, I see his smirk in full form. It’s infuriatingly attractive given that he is pure evil. ‘What makes you think I won’t kill you instead? ’
‘Etta,’ I say simply. ‘Either we both leave here tonight, or neither of us does.’ ‘You sound pretty confident for someone with no magic.’ ‘I am,’ I lie. ‘I’m looking forward to seeing how that confidence holds up with five chances to die, Thorn. One each moon cycle.’ A question I’ve already asked myself rears its head once more. What the hell does Kyor need the gifting for? He’s the prince and the entirety of Morathka will one day be his. Wrohelm, Rowell, Dorain, Galreck, the Eastern Isles – all of it. And it’s not as though he’ll suffer any consequences if he kills me. He could end this now and carry on his life without a second thought. And yet, his grip loosens. A moment later, he steps back from me and turns around. ‘If you know who stole the blades from here, tell them to put them back,’ he calls as he strides away without so much as a glance over his shoulder. Only when the gates to the battle yard swing shut do I drop to my knees and let out the deepest sigh of my life.
What the fuck just happened? I’m alive. That’s what happened. For the second time since I arrived here, I’m alive when I really don’t think I should be. I just hope this Gods-blessed luck lasts long enough to get me through the trials, too.
MY FACE ITCHES, unused to the ink now painted across my skin. Unlike the initial offering and the balls, Rettlings are expected to attend the inauguration in full fighting attire. That means furs, weapons, and, last but not least, our battle sigils. Just like all the other Morathkian Rettlings, mine consists of the symbols of my hometown and my fealty Gods, and while I might not have Wrohelm tattoos, it feels wrong not to place the blue concentric circles on my cheeks.
It’s been over a decade since I’ve attempted to draw my sigils, and my rings of Wrohelm are decidedly wonky. ‘Gods, I hope I’m getting this right,’ I mutter, taking the blue dye and marking my fealty Gods next. A spiral above my brow line for Etta – for all life is centred on her – and beneath the circles of Wrohelm, a single line and
inverted triangle made of six solid blue dots for Aitara, the Mother of Gods, in honour of my own.
As I try to steady my hand, memories of my parents arise. My mother always marked my skin, but my father did hers. Not because he was better at it, but as a gesture of partnership. A sign that he was as devoted to her Gods as he was to his own. I take the pain of that memory and let it burn through me, doing all I can to transform it into anger. I’m going to let this drive me, push me through the inauguration and whatever it involves. I will get through this.
My eyes sweep around me as I enter the battle yard. My fighting leathers are black to show my fealty to Wrohelm, the Dorainians are in navy blue, the Rowells in blood red, the Galreckians in emerald green, and the Eastern Islanders in royal purple.
Clusters have formed: knights in their maroon red in one group, and then five smaller splinter groups of nobles gathered in their city colours.
Despite the seemingly city-based solidarity, I know I won’t be welcomed in the Wrohelm cohort, so I make my way over to the groups of islanders. My hair already marks me as an outcast, so wearing black among a sea of purple is nothing to me. ‘My little sister Carys told me all about the Sunken Temple before we came. She did a tonne of research,’ Llinos is saying as I join the group, ‘especially about the blood vow. One year, every Rettling had to fill an entire cup with their blood.’ ‘That can’t be true,’ Coulter replies before adding worriedly, ‘Can it?’ ‘No,’ Benny says firmly. ‘Carys was just winding Llin up. Ninety percent of the time it’s been a slice to the palm.’ I had plenty for breakfast, but I’ve also placed a couple of pastries in a cloth bag that’s slung over my shoulder. I guess old habits die hard, although now I’m grateful I did. If they do take a cup’s worth of blood, some sugar will speed up my recovery. ‘And the other ten percent?’ I ask, only for Benny to suffer from a sudden lapse of hearing. ‘Nice blade,’ he compliments Jai instead.
The boulder-esque man shrugs as he glances down at his belt, where several blades are sheathed. The one Benny is talking about has only the hilt visible: hammered metal with bone inlay. Something twists uncomfortably inside me, but then again, I’m sure it’s just a common design.
‘Got it on the boat over,’ Jai grunts in response.
I don’t press him. I need allies, and I’m not losing them on the prince’s say-so. Kyor could be lying. After all, he might have spotted the blade on Jai’s hip and made the whole thing up. Yet there’s still a heavy stone in my gut . ‘Carriages are coming up from the sixth ring now,’ Loch tells us. ‘Lots of them. I suppose that’s how we’re getting to the Sunken Temple.’ The sixth ring? The fact that Loch can hear that is both impressive and terrifying. I wonder if he could hear it because he was specifically listening for it, or whether he can just hear that far away. If that’s the case, it must be torture at times.
I look over at the other clusters of Rettlings. Thankfully, the Rowell group is a fair distance away from us, and there’s no sign of Kyor yet – though I hate myself for looking – but there’s one person on her own who catches my eye. ‘Estel!’ I lift my hands as I call her name. When she’s looking in my direction, I wave her over before glancing at Benny. ‘You don’t mind, do you?’ ‘More the merrier,’ he replies easily. ‘At this stage anyway.’ ‘Hey,’ I say, stretching out my hand as she reaches us. ‘I’m Rose.
Thought you might want to ride over with us.’ Her eyes narrow. ‘I don’t need your sympathy. I’m not like you. I have powers.’ The remark stings more than I expected. ‘You may have powers, but apparently you don’t have any manners,’ I respond sharply.
Her lips purse. ‘You’re right. I’m sorry. Long night bunking with a crazy woman from Dorain. Thank you for the offer.’ There’s no general chitchat or offer of polite conversation, and I’m just starting to regret my decision to invite Estel to join us, when Jonas approaches. While everyone else looks at least a bit haggard – either from too much drink, not enough sleep, or a combination of both – Jonas is sporting a perfectly fresh face. His mane of hair is tied back in a knot on the top of his head, while his eyes glimmer like he’s never been more well- rested. ‘It’s eight people to a carriage,’ he tells us. He notices Estel and offers her a nod. ‘You’re joining us?’ he questions her.
Benny doesn’t miss a beat before he replies, ‘Us? I assume that means you’re happy to work with us, Jonas?’ The two men observe each other for a beat longer than would be considered normal. ‘To start with,’ Jonas replies breezily. ‘Obviously,’ Benny drawls.
It’s a little while longer until the wide gates at the back of the yard open, and a stream of horse-drawn carriages files into the courtyard. All made of the same deep, stained wood, the carriages look incredibly claustrophobic, and I’m not even inside yet. It doesn’t bode well. Before I have time for panic to sink in, Llinos sidles up beside me. ‘So what happened with you two last night?’ she asks with a slight gesture to Jonas. ‘What? Oh nothing,’ I reply. ‘Well, he warded my room, but that’s it.’ It’s only then that I remember the way Jonas’s thumb brushed against the skin by my cut and how he kissed my cheek. It was as though the incident with Kyor this morning had pushed him entirely from my mind. Not that I plan on telling Llinos about that either. ‘He didn’t come back to the ball. Not while we were still there,’ Llinos presses as if she’s sure I’m lying. ‘Then he probably went to bed. On his own,’ I stress.
A moment later, a carriage draws up beside us. It’s the only carriage with jet-black horses, and for reasons I can’t explain, my eyes gravitate to the top of the wall beside me. The skin on the back of my neck prickles, and some part of me already knows what I’m going to see.
Sure enough, a single raven sits at eye height, its beady gaze narrowed directly on me. Maybe that’s just the way their eyes are, always looking like they’re staring at you. Like those portraits where the subject’s gaze follows you around the room. That’s all it is. That’s all it can be. Yet despite my valid reasoning, a hollowness forms in the pit of my stomach.
With a shake of my head, I move towards the carriage to climb in next to Coulter and Jai, who are already on board.
It’s not an omen. It’s just a bird. It doesn’t mean anything.
