Chapter 33
wake in pitch-black darkness the next morning, Loch’s indistinct muttering resonating through the room. Trying my hardest not to wakeI anyone, I rummage around for my clothes. My choices are limited after half my wardrobe was sent up in flames by the Rowell Rettlings.
I hope Zelle will be ready to train me today. The fiasco yesterday with Holden only served to underline that, at the very least, I need to improve my proficiency with weapons.
Still bleary-eyed, I head into the battle yard, but as I approach the weapons cache, it’s not Zelle who waits for me, but Kyor. ‘What are you doing here?’ The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. ‘I said I’d train you. Zelle’s out, so I’m in. Have you eaten?’ ‘At this time of morning? No.’ ‘You need energy to spar. Eat before you come next time. Something light, but something. Now.’ His eyes glitter in the darkness. ‘Let’s see if that footwork of yours has got any better.’ I don’t even try to stop my groan. I’m truly beginning to despise footwork. Though somehow my body seems to be recalling the training from my youth, my conscious thoughts and memories of them are hazy, like a veil has been drawn over the forms. ‘Your stance is too narrow.’ He glares at me as I crouch into position.
‘And you need to be more side-on.’ I shift myself slightly, and he sniffs. ‘Better. Now come for me.’ He swings a seax, the small fighting dagger whirling casually in his hand.
‘Without a weapon?’ I question. ‘Until you can show me your feet know what they’re doing, yes.’ I lunge towards him, which feels insane without a weapon. Not that I think it would help me. It feels like every other move I make, he’s correcting something, from the position of my shoulders to the angle of my back foot. I know it’s needed, but by the Gods, why does it always have to be footwork? After ten minutes he tells me to grab a seax blade of my own, though I don’t know whether my footwork actually got better or if he’s just bored and wants to change it up. ‘You know the aim is to hit me?’ He smirks as he sidesteps another of my strikes. A couple have landed close to his body, though he blocked them easily using the short length of his blade. If he had a shield, too, I wouldn’t stand a chance.
By the time Kyor calls an end to our session, I’m sweating profusely.
With my muscles burning, I go to replace the sword in the cabinet, only for
his hand to grab hold of my wrist. ‘It doesn’t go there.’ As I turn, I find myself only inches away from him. My chest is heaving and sweat beads on my skin as his eyes hold mine with unwavering ease.
We’re too damned close. Our fingers brush as he takes the sword from me, and a spark of something sizzles between us. I catch my breath.
His eyes miss nothing. ‘You might well hate me, Thorn,’ he murmurs, closing the already minimal distance between us, ‘but you want me too.’ He’s not wrong, but I’ll deny it to my dying breath.
I swallow hard. ‘Gods, you’re an asshole. Has anyone ever told you that you’re ridiculously arrogant?’ He smiles at that, and I hate that I like the curve of his lips and the way my gaze involuntarily traces it. Gods forgive me, but it’s hard to deny they look so damned kissable. ‘Many times,’ he says easily, ‘but that doesn’t mean I’m not right.’ He leans in so that there’s barely a hair’s breadth between us. My lungs seize. If he kisses me now, I don’t know what I’ll do. Hit him, that’s for sure, but maybe not until I check whether he tastes as good as I imagine he does. My eyes fall closed as I try to push the ridiculous thought from my head, and I notice the sudden lightness in my hand. When I open my eyes again, Kyor has the sword that I held only moments ago firmly in his grasp and a smirk on his lips.
‘It goes here.’ As he slides the seax into position in the cabinet, his eyes don’t move off mine. ‘You look a little flustered, Thorn. Perhaps you could do with a shower to cool off. I could always help scrub your back, if you’d like?’ ‘You know I hate you, right?’ I whisper. ‘That’s what would make it feel so good.’ His laughter follows me out of the battle yard as I all but sprint away, and I hate him a tiny bit more.
‘I KNOW WE ALL HATE HIM,’ Kestria says, ‘but we can admit that what he did yesterday was incredibly hot, right?’ A bond was forged in yesterday’s battle, and Kestria and Seiren have moved over to our table for meals.
Seiren is sitting at the far end with Loch, and though it would be unfair to call it the weird end of the table, the way they both stare off into the ether, only occasionally dropping in a comment, doesn’t exactly scream normal.
Still, I can’t imagine what it was like for Loch. What it must have been like to be able to hear everything on the beach – every scream, every gargling, blood-filled last breath, every pained cry from the dying as crystal clear to him as the chiming of a bell. ‘Why do you hate him?’ I ask. I’m happy to expand the club of people who detest Kyor, but I’d like to know their reasons. Other than Estel, I assumed I was the only one with a direct cause to hate him personally, as I’m pretty sure that Llinos and Benny just hate him out of loyalty, and Jonas is too much of a sycophant to actually say anything outright against the future monarch. ‘Other than his arrogance?’ Kestria questions. ‘I’ve heard stuff about some of the battles he led up by Agoyd. So many people died, and the statements given out by him and the palace about what happened just don’t match up with what people on the ground said.’ ‘You mean he lied to cover his own back?’ A dry laugh crackles from my throat. ‘Sounds like Kyor.’ ‘To be honest, I’m wondering why Etta bothered letting anyone else into the trials,’ she says. ‘I can’t imagine there’s any way to defeat him. That man has no weaknesses. Physically, anyway.’
I’d love to say I hadn’t noticed, but that just wouldn’t be true. He is a damn fine specimen of a human, and though I try not to think about it while I’m awake, sleep’s a different matter. It’s embarrassing the number of times he’s slipped into my dreams, though what’s more embarrassing are the things I’ve let him do to me in them. It’s just a trauma response, I’m sure.
Trauma and sexual frustration.
Across the table, Llinos lets out a yawn. Immediately, Benny shoots her a look. ‘Please don’t tell us you’re tired. You wouldn’t be if you and Caz had stopped talking before three o’clock in the morning. How the hell you can still have stuff to catch up on is beyond me.’ ‘Caz? I don’t think I know them,’ Kestria remarks. ‘Yeah, might be best to forget you heard the name,’ Benny replies, a hint of a threat there.
Silence swells around us, and though I don’t know why, I could swear there’s a tension undulating between Llinos and Benny that’s about more than a lack of sleep. ‘Why are you guys even still sharing?’ Kestria evidently senses it too and breaks the moment. I haven’t spent much time with the Dorainian, but the more I do, the more I like her. ‘There are plenty of dorms free now.
Couldn’t you split? Boys and girls or something?’ ‘There’s safety in numbers,’ Benny replies without pausing for so much as a beat. ‘I prefer that we all stay together.’ ‘And what does everyone else think about that?’ ‘They’re happy to go with whatever I think is best.’ Kestria tilts her head to the side, and I know she’s thinking the same as I am. It’s easy to see why the Rettlings from Rowell follow Zara. She’s the most vicious by a long way, and her powers have an unpredictability to them that makes her just as dangerous as someone like Mattieu. But Benny?
Sure, he’s a brilliant fighter, and I get that the islanders are down to only three of them now, but it was the same even when Jai was around. And in a one-on-one fight between the two, I’m not sure I’d have placed my wager on Benny. ‘Well, I just hope we’ve got Zelle back in charge today.’ Benny makes a clear attempt to shift the conversation. ‘No,’ I sigh. ‘He’s not back, or at least he wasn’t this morning.’ Kestria looks at me wide-eyed. ‘You were up early.’
‘I have a lot to learn.’ Benny’s frowning. ‘That’s two days he’s been gone now. Where do you think he went?’ Despite the assertion they gave us at the ceremony of inauguration that either Holden or Zelle would be in the battle yard at all times when we’re training, it’s Commander Zelle who’s been most consistently there. Thank the Gods, considering it’s been his siphon powers that have protected me from incidents like yesterday. Not to mention Holden himself. In fact, now that I think of it, I can’t remember a single day when I’ve not seen Zelle there at some point or another. Two whole days off feels unheard of, though undoubtedly deserved. ‘Maybe he went to see his family,’ Seiren remarks. ‘I mean, he has got a family, hasn’t he?’ ‘No idea.’ The rest of us look at each other with equally blank expressions. ‘The prince is the only son Zelle considers himself to have.’ Our eyes swivel to the end of the table, where Loch is pushing food around his plate as he stares at nothing. ‘What was that, buddy?’ Benny says. His tone with Loch is growing more and more childlike despite their ages. Though this time, when Loch looks back at us, it’s with perfect clarity in his eyes. ‘Zelle thinks of the prince as his son. He knows about the prince’s marks. The marks. The marks. He knows about the marks.’ And just like that, we’ve lost him again. Tension swirls around us. Easy, laughter-filled meals feel like a thing of the past. ‘Any chance some of you could grab me some food from dinner this evening?’ Llinos’s perky tone does little to hide the strain beneath. ‘Caroline isn’t working, so we thought we’d spend some time together.’ ‘I’m starting to worry that you two are distracting each other,’ Benny snaps. ‘You’ve both got jobs to do, remember?’ Llinos’s eyes narrow and her tone is sharp when she speaks. ‘I don’t need reminding of what I’ve got to do. Nor does Caz. And from what Loch’s been saying in his sleep, you’ve got your own job to worry about.
So maybe you should focus on that.’ I’ve not managed to pick up on anything in Loch’s ramblings, but clearly Llin’s hit a nerve as Benny’s jaw clicks and he throws Loch a quick glance. The tension has shifted to a point where I daren’t even breathe. Yet
before I can work out how to break it, Benny lets out a scoff and rolls his eyes. ‘You’re right. I do,’ he says. ‘Make sure one of us wins the Retterheld.
And with the way our numbers are dwindling, I guess I need to double down. Don’t worry though. I’ll bring you and Caz some food. After I’ve been training.’ With that, he pushes back his chair and strides away. Ouch.
‘SO WHAT WAS THAT THIS MORNING?’ Kestria asks as she sweeps out at my legs, hoping to knock me down. She fails. I already predicted her move and so I hook my foot around her ankle instead, bringing her down to the ground with a thud.
I have no plan to move into one of the empty rooms, but they do provide an extra space to train in, and the moment I saw Zelle was once again missing from the battle yard, I decided not to risk facing Holden again. Kestria kindly offered to come and train with me.
She’s one of the few Rettlings I can fully hold my own against. In fact, I’d actually say I’ve got the upper hand in a lot of situations, but it’s not something I’d rub her nose in. It’s not her fault that her training is frequently derailed by sudden needs to babysit Seiren.
She continues, ‘There was some serious tension there. Are those two always like that? I thought they were friends?’ ‘I think it’s come from spending too much time together.’ I try to sound as nonchalant as possible, though the truth is, I don’t believe it. Things have been bubbling between the two since Caroline came back on the scene, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s jealousy on Benny’s part. Or maybe just annoyance that Llin’s not focusing all her attention on the Retterheld. ‘They’ve been together since the boat over,’ I tell Kestria, trying to make my lie as convincing as possible, ‘and sleeping in the same dorm room. They’ve also lost a lot of people, including Suan, who Zara killed on the very first day here simply because she thought her power didn’t have a place in the Retterheld.’ Kestria nods solemnly. ‘The whisperer? I heard about that.’ ‘Yeah, she and Loch were close. I think he took it the hardest.’
Kestria smiles with sad understanding. ‘I guess it gets pretty tough.
Funny choices, though, the Eastern Isles Rettlings. One who can hear for miles, one who can – could – send messages on the wind. It’s like they came for a lot more than fighting, don’t you think?’ she asks pointedly.
I haven’t actually thought of it, but Kestria’s right; put Suan’s and Loch’s powers together and they’re an incredibly powerful combination for information gathering. ‘So what about you?’ I say, wanting to shift the conversation. ‘What’s the situation with you and Seiren? You two seem close.’ Kestria smiles, although there’s a sadness to her expression. ‘She’s incredible. Really. You’ve seen what her powers do. Before the battles, she was the most formidable woman you’d ever meet. She would put on these events, not just for the tower, but all around, where she’d turn the sky into massive rainbows or fill the whole of Dorain with trees and birds. Gods, the birds were crazy! The number of accidents that damn illusion caused …’ She lets out a brief chuckle that fades too soon. ‘My mother used to say a fraction less power would have been a blessing for Seiren. That way, she’d never have been forced to fight. But she was. And everyone said the same thing: when she came back, she was changed.’ ‘I’m sorry. That’s awful. Can I ask what happened with Odetta?’ Kestria’s expression hardens. ‘Odetta wants power because she wants to lord that power over people. Her brother controls Korvane’s troops in Dorain. If I had to bet, I’d say she wants to take that role from him. Not to mention a chunk more power.’ ‘And you?’ I ask, unable to keep the question in any longer. ‘What do you want the gifting for?’ At some point, we stopped fighting. I’m not exactly sure when, but we’re both on our feet, weapons by our side.
It’s a personal question to ask, and not one person has directly told me their answer. I don’t expect Kestria to be any different, yet as she lets out a long sigh, I feel like she actually wants to tell me. ‘I don’t know,’ she admits. ‘And that’s not me being coy or mysterious or anything. I really don’t. I thought that if I got in, then Etta would have a reason for choosing me, and then at some point the reason I needed the gifting would become known. That probably sounds crazy to you, doesn’t it? Risking my life without even having a reason.’
‘A little,’ I concede. ‘But not the bit about the answer coming to you.
That feels just like Aitara deciding she needed to bring her six children forth, right? One minute she was on her own, and the next the world had seven Gods. Maybe living your way, acting on the signs you’re given, is a better way of doing things.’ Did Etta give me a sign, I wonder? Did I choose the right path? Kay has been here for weeks now, living in the High Hold with Artur and his wards, and I have no idea how she’s doing. I can only imagine how Lora and the other nobles are treating her. It makes me physically nauseous. ‘You wanna stop?’ Kestria’s voice brings me back to the moment. ‘Still got a couple of hours until dinner.’ ‘No, I’m good. Let’s keep going. I need to work on those high shots.’ ‘Then I’m your person for that.’ Training with Kestria isn’t a touch on training with Zelle and Kyor, but it helps my muscle mass and my stamina, and it sure as hell beats training with Holden. We keep going until darkness falls, only stopping when the smells of food and the sounds of clattering plates rise from downstairs.
Kestria, worrying about how long she’s been without checking on Seiren, heads out, and we agree to meet at dinner.
I go to clean up, but rather than using the bathroom I share with the others, I grab my things from the dorm and check my infusion. I’m pleased to see it is the right hue of purple. It needs another week or so before the final addition will change it to a colourless liquid, and then it will be as potent as I want. I shower and luxuriate in the hot water. I will never get used to it and will never take it for granted the way I once did.
As I dry myself off, I study my bruised body. Kestria got a few good shots in, and to save the healers trouble, I use some of the salves I got after the FOF fight. I should really be making my own, just like I should be making and taking the tonic my mother insisted we drink daily, but at the end of each day I barely have enough energy for a conversation, let alone to start brewing. Besides, with that level of exhaustion, I’d almost certainly mess something up, and it’s not as if I need the tonic’s benefits now that I’m eating better than I’ve done in nearly a decade.
By the time I’m dry and dressed, the only person at our normal table is Jonas, and most of the food’s been cleared away. ‘Hey, I was about to come and look for you,’ he says, pushing a plate over to me. ‘Didn’t know what you’d want, so I saved you a bit of
everything.’ ‘Thank you so much!’ I grab the cutlery and gratefully tuck in. ‘I didn’t realise I’d been so long. Hot water. I still can’t get over how much I’ve missed it.’ A hint of a smile ghosts across his lips and for a second I assume he’s about to say something, but he merely shakes his head and remains silent. ‘You okay?’ I ask in between bites. ‘Yeah. I was just thinking about you and Kay. You know I spoke to her at the ball. ’ Her name causes me to tense. ‘Yes, you told me. You said she was well.’ He nods. ‘Actually, she was better than well. She looked … she looked like she really fitted in here. Like a real noble.’ Irritation rises and a prickle runs down my spine. ‘She is a real noble, Jonas. She was born here, remember?’ ‘No, yes, sorry, I didn’t mean it as …’ He shakes his head and looks upwards as if asking the Gods for their help. Maybe he should ask Etta for the gift of thinking before he speaks. It’s certainly not the first time I’ve thought he’d benefit from it. ‘Whatever happens, I don’t want you and Kay to have to go back to the
slums.’ ‘You and me both.’ ‘The next time I see my father, I’m going to ask him about it. See if there’s a way. I don’t know how it would work as the king has to approve all wards. And I’m not sure he really appreciated who Kay was when she arrived here, but he sure as hell knows who you are. Still, there’ll be another way. I’m sure of it. A way we can make sure you never have to go back.’ A warmth spreads out from my chest. This damn boy. One minute he has me wanting to throttle him; the next second, I could kiss him. ‘Thank you,’ I whisper, feeling a sudden rise in my pulse.
Jonas smiles. ‘You know, we’ve still not had the conversation I wanted
to have with you.’ ‘We haven’t?’ I can’t even remember what that conversation was supposed to be about.
‘Maybe later, if you’ve got time.’ ‘You don’t want to have it here?’
He glances around the room to the other figures still sitting at the tables, though they’re few and far between. ‘No, it can wait.’ His lips twitch and I wonder if he’s about to say more when he’s interrupted by the sound of my stomach growling. ‘Maybe I should let you eat,’ he says, grinning. ‘I was going to go do some training with Yeva anyway.’ ‘I’ll be fine.’ I nod across to the far end of the hall. ‘Grenda’s still here.
She won’t let Zara try anything.’ ‘Okay. See you later?’ ‘Possibly.’ I’m not going to make promises I can’t keep, and I don’t think I’m in the mood for a deep heart-to-heart tonight.
I watch as Jonas walks towards the door and out into the battle yard. He really does have a good body, and the memory of him shirtless lingers in my mind for a full ten seconds, until it’s interrupted by something – or rather someone – else.
Kyor has come up from the stairs by the kitchen, and all he’s dressed in is a pair of fighting leathers. No shirt. No shoes. But for once it’s not his shoulders, or arms, or any other part of his body that holds my attention. It’s the way he’s walking. Head down, warily glancing around him. He has sneaking about written all over his forehead, like I used to when I constantly got targeted by pickpockets in the market.
Kyor Knavin doesn’t want anyone to see where he’s going.
Which is why I leave my plate exactly where it is and follow him.
