Chapter 35
’m more than a little relieved to see Zelle is back for our training the next morning, and he offers me a wide smile in greeting. ‘I hear you hadI
some excitement while I was away.’ ‘You could say that.’ ‘Cowards. Shameful cowards. I’m not normally one for vengeance, but in this case, I won’t lose any sleep when they get what’s coming to them.’ I can’t help but wonder if he’s talking solely about the Rettlings, or whether Holden is included in the sentiment too. It’s not like it could have happened without his say-so. Still, that’s not something I’m going to ask. ‘You okay now?’ he adds. ‘I’m all good,’ I reassure him. ‘We should get started.’ Today it’s straight into sparring, with no footwork practice first, and thankfully, there’s no sign of the prince. The difference his absence makes to me is more than a little noticeable. The tension in my muscles is entirely different, and I can actually focus one hundred percent on the fighting.
Only when I’m drenched in sweat and my time with Zelle is nearly up does his royal highness finally deign to join us. Though rather than a weapon in his hand, the prince carries a plate of pastries. ‘Did you eat
anything yet?’ he asks me gruffly. ‘Um, no,’ I admit.
He holds the plate out, but I don’t take it. Perhaps my plan for Zara is affecting my thinking, but I can’t help but worry that they might be poisoned, laced with something .
His mouth tightens as he grabs one and pointedly eats a mouthful. Then he stalks over and slams the plate onto the weapons cabinet before whirling
around to face me. ‘It’s not fucking poisoned.’ His snarled words confirm he read my reluctance flawlessly. ‘It’s food, and you need to eat. If you don’t fuel your body properly then you’re wasting Zelle’s time and yours. Worse, you’re wasting my fucking time because it’s time he’s not training with me. So do us all a favour and eat something.’ Without another word, he turns on his heel and stalks off, not waiting to see if I consume his buttery offerings.
Silence falls between Zelle and me, and I hate the way the pastries continue to call to me. There’s no way around it. I’m fucking starving. As I move to pick one up, Zelle clears his throat. ‘It was hard to say goodbye to her,’ Zelle murmurs. It takes less than a heartbeat for me to realise what he means. My cheeks colour furiously as
hollow fear sweeps through me.
Zelle knows I saw Elska. ‘I—’ He shakes his head and holds a hand up to forestall any explanation I might make. ‘The Gods led you to see what you needed to see. Cut him
some slack. He’s trying to atone.’ I blink. ‘Atone for what?’ Zelle fixes his eyes on me. ‘For his lies.’ It hits me like I’ve been dragged into icy water. Zelle knows the truth.
No wonder he’s been so keen to help me. He knows my mother was innocent. He knows that the only reason I’m even here is because Kyor ruined us. ‘There is no atonement for what he did,’ I spit. ‘There is no forgiveness.
My brother is dead, my mother, my father. We have lived destitute, hungry, and in fear. Fuck his atonement.’ Zelle smiles a little. ‘The two of you are such a pair.’ He looks at me with an affection I can’t bear to see. ‘He was a child, Rose. A child who’d just watched his mother die before his eyes. The most precious person in his life, ripped away to join Mortidem. You’ve experienced loss yourself. You know the anger that comes with it. The desire to rage against the Gods’ will.
The feeling of injustice that makes you seek someone to blame. He was a child,’ he repeats, his tone now just a little chiding. ‘Would you not forgive a child? ’
‘No,’ I say shakily, more shaken than I care to admit. ‘No, because I was a child too.’ ‘You were’—he nods—‘but a life lived in hate is no life at all.’ His rebuke is soft, yet it hits me like a blow to the stomach. ‘Session’s up,’ he murmurs.
A glance across the battle yard shows me that the other Rettlings have started to arrive. Rather than immediately heading over to them, Zelle squeezes my arm then moves over to the plate of pastries and plucks one up. He saunters away, no doubt ready to dispense some more unasked-for wisdom.
As the rest of the Rettlings file in, I all but run from the battle yard. The hollowness that fills me is due to far more than a lack of pastries.
‘IT TAKES ABOUT twenty-four hours to take effect,’ I tell Llinos a week later.
I’m up before sunrise, not to train with Zelle and Kyor but for the sole purpose of putting my own poisoning plan into action. ‘Which means if I slip it into their breakfast this morning, the symptoms will kick in tomorrow. Less suspicious, right? I’ll pour it into their water jugs, then tomorrow morning we watch the Rowells suffer.’ ‘With a dodgy tummy?’ she says dubiously, raising an eyebrow. ‘Rose, you’re so soft. Your mighty punishment for them trying to murder you is a dodgy tummy?’ ‘A really dodgy tummy,’ I say, grinning. ‘Sweats, cramps, vomiting, shakes. It won’t kill them, but it’ll sure as hell make them feel like they’re going to die.’ I’ve not mentioned the argument I heard her and Benny having, nor have I told a soul about Kyor and Elska. I sure am racking up secrets. But the poison doesn’t need to be a secret from Llin. In fact, it feels good to be able to share something with her. And so she comes with me to add the final ingredient, changing the concoction from a deep purple to colourless. ‘All this without magic and spell work.’ Llin sounds genuinely impressed by my skills and I can’t deny the bubble of pride that fills me. ‘I need to get down there now,’ I say excitedly as I pour the now colourless liquid into two glass vials. ‘Oke has a habit of getting up
annoyingly early, and this’ll get less potent if I have to wait until later in the week to use it. ’ ‘Want me to hang around at the top of the stairs and make sure none of them are heading down?’ Llinos offers. ‘I can distract them if needed?’ ‘If you’re sure?’ I ask as I pocket the vials. ‘I don’t want you to put yourself at risk.’ She snorts. ‘Wow, careful there, Rose. You’re sounding like your boyfriend.’ I offer her my most withering glare. ‘Not my boyfriend. Jonas is just an
old friend.’ ‘Who clearly wants to be more.’ I shake my head as I slip on my boots. ‘If we’re dissecting relationships, perhaps I should ask you more about the situation between you and Benny?’ I deflect, only to wince internally as the words slip out.
Llin’s posture stiffens as her eyes narrow. ‘What’s that supposed to mean? What’s he said to you?’ ‘Nothing,’ I reply, already regretting the comment. ‘I just mean, I don’t even know how you two know each other.’ ‘Yes, you do. We’re both from Brandish,’ she says flatly. ‘Right, but I always thought it was a big city. I certainly didn’t know all the other noble kids growing up here, and it’s not like Jonas knows all the nobles in Wrohelm that well either.’ Her fingers pinch the bridge of her nose and I know she’s weighing up what to tell me. ‘Benny and I are related,’ she says eventually. ‘Distantly through marriage. Not blood.’ ‘Ahh, so now the bickering makes sense. You’re family.’ I grin, trying to make light of the matter. ‘We do not bicker,’ she argues, only to change her mind. ‘Okay, yes, we do. But don’t think I didn’t notice how you shifted the subject away from you and Lorathin just now. Please, whatever you’re going to do, do it soon.
I can’t deal with another carriage ride filled with longing looks.’ ‘There have been no longing looks, and we don’t have time for this conversation. I have to get down to the dining room. Now, are you helping
me or not?’
‘I’ve got your back.’ I smile, confident she does.
Just as planned, I leave Llinos at the top of the stairs and head down alone. When I reach the dining hall, a couple of people are already there eating breakfast, including two of the knights and the wind weaver from Galreck. Despite my heart pounding so loudly that I’m sure they can hear it, none of them pay me any attention.
I work swiftly. I’ve already unstoppered the vials on the way down, and as I walk past, I pour a fair dose into each of the water jugs on the Rowell table, grateful they always choose to sit at the table right at the end of the room. I’d prefer to stir it in just to make sure it’s all mixed properly, but given how much I’ve put in there, it’ll only take a couple of sips for them to feel the effects – and fingers crossed, they’ll have a darn sight more than that.
Trying to control the grin that’s spreading across my cheeks, I’m barely halfway to my own table when footsteps echo behind me and a glass clinks.
Shit. Someone’s already here, and the first thing they’ve done is pour themselves a drink. My heart ricochets as I realise how close I was to getting caught, but the fear dissolves almost instantly. I didn’t get caught, and I know at least one of the Rowell lot is going to face a not insubstantial punishment for what they did to me.
As a smile rises on my lips, I can’t help but glance over my shoulder, only for my jaw to drop in surprise. It’s not Zara or any of her crew. It’s Kyor. And he’s already emptied what I assume was a whole fucking glass.
Oh shit.
I’m gaping, hands wringing, totally flustered.
He’s topless and glistening with sweat. Without me to slow them down this morning, I imagine he and Zelle have had a heavy workout. As tempting as it is to let my eyes linger on those abs or the concentric circle tattoos, they’re instead drawn to his lips, where moisture glistens, and then to the empty glass in his hand. ‘Is there a reason you’re staring, Thorn?’ he says, arching an eyebrow at
me. ‘Nope,’ I manage.
He smirks. He thinks it’s his sexy body that has me gawping at him, and usually he’d be right, but today my stare is panic-filled. What if I did the infusion wrong? If that’s the case, I may well have just poisoned the heir to the throne!
I try my best to appear calm, fighting to keep all the panic concealed inside. Oh this is bad. ‘You fancy a lie-in today?’ Kyor says lightly as he moves from the end table towards me. Once he’s close enough to have a perfectly civil conversation, he continues even further, encroaching on my personal space.
It’s enough to draw the air from my lungs. ‘I can picture you, Thorn, tangled up in your sheets. ’ ‘I … I just don’t normally see you at breakfast, that’s all,’ I stutter out.
Smooth, Rose. So smooth. ‘Perhaps I just don’t like being seen,’ he says.
He turns around and strides back to the Rowell table, where he picks up his empty glass, ready to pour himself some more water. Shit. I can’t let him drink more. ‘The second trial,’ I blurt out hastily. ‘What of it?’ His hand moves away from the jug and I try to hide the relief I feel. ‘Are you doing it?’ I ask. ‘Benny told me the priestess gave you a choice in whether you wanted to participate. You’re going to, aren’t you?’ His eyes glint. ‘Why? Worried about facing me out there?’ ‘No. Just wondering why you need to prove yourself so much. Daddy issues, I guess, right?’ Amusement flashes in his eyes, and his lips twitch into a smirk. I realise that this time I’ve moved closer to him. And he didn’t miss it.
He’s so close I can smell the fresh sweat and vanilla musk rising from his hot skin. ‘You lack common sense, you know that? Maybe I should find a way to pound some into you.’ My throat instantly dries as I open my mouth, wishing I could think of some sort of witty retort, but literally nothing comes.
That’s part of the problem, I guess. Sharing a dorm has made my sexual frustration way worse, and I swear that’s the only reason why this encounter is making me so unfeasibly wet.
Kyor reaches out and traces a finger around the outside of my lips. ‘That’s a good look for you,’ he says huskily. ‘An open mouth.’ I snap my mouth closed sharply, and he chuckles.
Our moment comes to a close as a voice interrupts us. ‘Great workout this morning, Your Royal Highness.’
My eyes swivel away from Kyor to find Holden standing behind him.
Unlike Kyor, who’s glistening with sweat, Holden is dripping. His face is bright pink and from the way his chest is heaving I struggle to believe he was ever an active knight. His wolf must be embarrassed by him. ‘You’ve got excellent technique. And power.’ ‘It was a good warm-up for me, too,’ Kyor replies drily.
Holden’s lips purse as he shifts his attention to me. ‘Kultavaris,’ he snarls. ‘Your family always did have a cockroach-like tenacity. Well, they got what they deserved in the end, as I’m sure you shall too. ’ Anger flashes through me, which surges even hotter as he shoots an oily, sycophantic grin to Kyor. ‘You look hot, Commander,’ I say, taking a glass and filling it to the brim with the laced water. ‘You should drink. I’d hate for it to appear that you weren’t able to keep up with one of the Rettlings so early in the morning. What was it the prince called it? A warm-up?’ His nostrils twitch, and his sneer exposes the slightest sliver of yellow teeth. I don’t wait to see if he drinks the glass. I can’t. I’m too afraid my expression will give away what I’ve done. So I turn and stride casually back to my normal table. When I finally muster the courage to look back, both Kyor and Holden are gone, and both glasses are empty.
Seconds later, I look up to see Llinos coming down the stairs. She gives me a questioning look, and I nod, implying I got the job done. ‘It was getting weird, just standing at the top of the stairs,’ she explains. ‘Thanks for that. We’ve already got our first victim. Maybe two.’ I wince a little.
Her eyes bug. ‘You have?’ She looks up but frowns when she sees Zara’s group are only now walking down the stairs. ‘Who?’ ‘Kyor,’ I say. ‘He grabbed himself a drink after training. Picked the wrong jug.’ Llinos’s mouth forms an ‘O’ of shock. ‘You just poisoned the prince and heir to the throne of Morathka?’ ‘I did.’ I try to suppress my slightly hysterical laughter, but it’s impossible, and what leaves my lips is the closest thing to a giggle I’ve ever made. ‘And it gets even better.’ ‘How?’ she says. Her look of disbelief borders on comical. ‘The other person? It was Holden.’
Llinos bursts into laughter. When she gets a hold of herself, her face is an expression of pure elation. ‘You know, if I wasn’t spoken for, I’d kiss you right now.’ ‘I think that would draw a little unwanted attention. But thanks.’ I grin back, helping myself to a large pastry from the plate in front of me. ‘Now all we have to do is wait.’
AFTER WATCHING Zara and her Rettlings fill and drink their glasses, I go straight to the battle yard. Zelle is already waiting, and judging by the rivulets of sweat rolling down his forehead, Holden isn’t the only person Kyor was sparring with this morning. For now though, he and I are the only people here. ‘Morning, Kultavaris,’ he says as he strides over to me. ‘Sleep well?’ I wonder briefly if that’s a dig at my purported lie-in, but his face is open, genuine. He really does hope I’ve slept well. ‘Not bad, thank you.’ ‘Excellent …’ He picks up a sword from the rack beside him. ‘What do you say we have a bit of practice?’ ‘Now that you’ve been thoroughly tired out by a proper warrior, you mean?’ I sass. I expect him to laugh, but instead, his cheeks pull in slightly. ‘He’s not had it easy.’ The solemn air has returned to his voice tenfold. ‘The prince. He doesn’t have many good people around him. Never has.
And I know that doesn’t excuse what he did to your family. The lie he told.’ Zelle drops his voice low. ‘But whatever the prince said, I fear the outcome would have been the same. Kyor was a boy – a child, as I’ve said before.
His word wasn’t the deciding factor in your punishment. The king was. And I think you know that.’ Some part of me did, but right now I can’t verbalise that, can’t speak it aloud and make it real. I’ve clung to my hatred of Kyor for over a decade, and without it I’m not quite sure who I am anymore. ‘He’s been helping you, too. Training you with me. He didn’t have to do that.’ ‘Other than your bet, you mean?’ I fire back.
A curl of amusement twists the commander’s lips. ‘Is that what he told you? That we have a bet going?’ He shakes his head. ‘Sorry to disappoint, but as I already told you, he’s helping you purely because he wants to atone.’ I stare at him, eyes wide in disbelief. No bet?
Zelle isn’t done yet. ‘Your father would be so proud of you, Rose.’ His voice is almost a whisper. ‘He was the most formidable fighter I’d ever encountered. Should have had my job – would have if it wasn’t for politics.’ Politics. I scoff at the word. He means how my father was a bastard.
In my shell-shocked silence, Zelle continues, ‘He was one of the best men I knew. Loved with his whole heart. You remind me a lot of him. A lot of your mother, too.’ I don’t know when the tears started falling, but when I lift my fingers to my cheeks, I find them soaked. Hastily I scrub the tears away . ‘That’s enough gassing.’ Zelle pushes back his shoulders with a smile, as though we’ve been happily chatting away about the weather this whole time. He reaches over to the weapons bench, selects a sword, and throws it to me. I catch it without a second’s thought. ‘Let’s put those reflexes to use in a fight.’ An hour later, I’ve had the best spar of my life. That’s not an exaggeration. It’s the first time I can remember being truly pushed to fight, and I’ve actually risen to the challenge. My training with Kyor and Zelle has really started to sharpen me into the fighter I should always have been.
Every strike Zelle aimed at me, I blocked. And I even got in a few of my own.
When we stop, we are both dripping in sweat. ‘You’re not the weakest here, Lady Kultavaris,’ he says with an approving nod. ‘Not by a wide margin. Don’t let your lack of magic make you believe otherwise.’ ‘Thank you,’ I say, my chest burning with unexpected pride.
Not the weakest. Not by a wide margin.
The way he looks at me … it’s like Zelle actually believes I can survive this. Survive it and maybe even win.
‘LOCH ALSO THINKS it’s going to be soon,’ Benny says as we sit in the dorm that night. ‘He keeps saying they’re whispering. All whispering.’ ‘They are.’ Loch whips his head up from where he was staring blankly at his lap. ‘They think no one can hear them. But I can. I can hear them all.’ He starts to rock.
I open my mouth, ready to ask Loch what exactly he’s heard them saying, but Benny shakes his head. I suspect he’s already tried that. ‘I just hope it’s the one without magic,’ I say instead. ‘I know I’ll stand a chance then.’ I’m determined to build on the confidence my spar with Zelle gave me, even if it’s the conversation beforehand I still can’t stop focusing on. ‘Do you think it will be a group task again?’ Llinos joins in. ‘Most of the trials only have two group tasks, or three at the very most. And normally for at least one of them we’re in pairs.’ ‘But that’s only because the numbers are so much lower by the end,’ Jonas interjects. He’s sitting on the end of my bed, which is sweet but also annoying. There are plenty of spare beds in here, and with him on mine, I can’t stretch out fully unless I put my legs on him. And I know exactly what response the others will have to that. ‘I’m sure as long as all of us stay alive, then we’ll all be able to keep helping each other through. And we know for certain that one of us is through to the third trial regardless of how this next one goes.’ He lifts his glass to Benny and tilts it towards him. Since he snapped at him for being in my room, Jonas has been making a concerted effort not to be a dick, but now he’s going too far in the other direction, and if he sucks up to Benny any more he’s going to get some seriously chapped lips. ‘Well, I’m going to head to bed early,’ I say. ‘That fight with Zelle wiped me out. Besides, I want to be up early again tomorrow.’ As I catch Llinos’s eye, simultaneous smirks rise on our faces. ‘Why? What happens tomorrow?’ Jonas questions, his brow furrowing.
Unlike Benny and Llin, I’m not sure exactly how Jonas will respond to finding out about my plan for the Rowells. Which is why I haven’t told him. ‘Maybe something. Maybe nothing.’ I shrug. ‘Now budge. I need sleep.’ It’s another half hour before I’m actually in bed, though rather than sleeping, my head is unsettled. Benny and Jonas have gone off to hunt down a home brew one of the Galreckians – either Moryal or Del – has
made, while Llin is silent in her bed and Loch mutters as he stares out of the window.
I’ve never actually made the infusion I put in the water today, and while I’m almost positive it won’t do any permanent damage, I can’t deny a twinge of fear.
Then there’s the conversation with Zelle. If he knows the truth about my family, then how many other people do? My instinct is to say none, to assume he’s the only person close enough for Kyor to share that secret with, but what do I really know of the prince? Nothing except what I’ve seen of him here. For all I know, he could have told everyone, maybe even bragged about it. Perhaps that was what he was laughing about with the kitchen staff when I found him there that day. My gut churns. Instinct tells me that’s not right, that Kyor’s not like that. He’s arrogant and confident, yes, but not a braggart.
Atoning, Zelle had said. That implies remorse, doesn’t it? ‘Rose, are you still awake?’ Llinos’s voice drifts from the other side of
the room. ‘Yeah, just.’ I hear the creaking of her bed, and a moment passes before her weight settles on the mattress next to me . ‘I’ve been thinking,’ she continues to whisper, ‘about you and Kay.
When all this is over.’ ‘That feels like a long way away right now,’ I admit. ‘I know. I know it does. But I was thinking that when it’s over, if you don’t want to stay – and I’m not saying you won’t, I’m just saying if – then you could come back with us to the Eastern Isles. There’ll be a home for you in Brandish. With me. With Caroline.’ ‘Caroline’s leaving the High Hold?’ I remember the argument I overheard where Llinos said Caroline was at risk. But what kind of risky situation can a scribe be in, other than paper cuts and being bored to death by old men like Rohan? I’m missing a piece of the puzzle, and it doesn’t feel good. ‘Yeah. You better believe that as soon as this is over, we’re going to be out of here.’ She reaches out, pulling me closer to her. ‘There are things you can do on the island. The ointments you make, the balms, the infusions.
There are people who do that, like healers, but without magic. You could work there. I’d be able to find work for Kay, too. I know it. You’d be
comfortable. I’d make sure of it.’ Her voice is passionate, and I find that I believe her utterly. My eyes are suddenly hot. For the first time, it feels like winning the Retterheld isn’t the only option for me. That maybe just staying alive will be enough to give Kay and me a whole new chance at life.
I try to imagine it, Kay and I leaving behind the mainland for a fresh start. I haven’t even been to the Eastern Isles; what if we don’t like it? And there’s also Jonas’s offer to consider. ‘I know we haven’t known each other that long,’ Llinos says fiercely, ‘but the Retterheld is a crucible of fire. It burns like shit, but it also forges damn good friendships. I honestly believe that I was meant to find you, Rose. And now I can’t imagine a life without you in it. But take your time.
Think about it. You don’t have to answer me now.’ Her last words make me realise I’ve been silent too long. ‘Yes,’ I say, but it comes out in a half-sob. ‘Thank you. Thank you so much.’ For a moment we just lie there, holding each other, and then Llinos shifts. ‘We should get some sleep.’ As I try to sleep, my mind fills with thoughts of the future. An actual future where it would be about living, not just surviving. When I finally drift off, I dream of sitting on a cliff edge with Kay and watching the waves crash against the cliffs. It’s so vivid that I can almost taste the salty air and feel the breeze whip through my hair. As we sit there, holding hands and staring at the blue, the howl of the wind grows louder and louder until it’s a clangour. A clangour that forces me to cover my ears before it finally shakes me from my sleep.
Not the wind, I realise with a sickening bolt of nausea. A bell. A
Godsdamn trial bell. ‘What time is it?’ I yawn. ‘I don’t think it’s even midnight,’ Llinos replies. ‘Benny’s not in bed yet. Unless he’s bunking with Jonas. Here we go again,’ she says, sounding resigned.
I nod my head, unable to form a proper reply. It’s the second trial. And it’s starting now.
