Chapter 65
lie with my head on the dip of his shoulder; the shape is so perfect it feels like it’s been made just for me to lie there. The static charge of theI room has finally died down, though I can’t imagine what my hair looks like. I’m betting frizzy.
A sense of sadness ripples through me as I think about how much Llin would have loved that little titbit of information, though she would have been bound to use it to mock me mercilessly.
Now that I’m sated, tiredness has struck again, aching all the way down to my bones. As I let out a yawn, Kyor shifts a little on the bed, moving himself and me a little more upright. ‘We need to talk about Jonas and Benny,’ he says.
I raise an eyebrow. ‘You want to talk about them now? After that?
Interesting. I’m not saying I’m opposed, but …’ He growls and then shoots me a glare so venomous I’m almost reminded of those early days. But now I recognise this icy expression for
what it is. Jealousy.
‘Not funny,’ he huffs.
‘A tiny bit funny?’ I try. ‘No.’ I drop back onto his chest and let out a giggle. Toying with him is fun.
How is it that when I’m with him, nothing else seems to matter? ‘Fine,’ I say in all seriousness as I realise his body is growing tense. ‘What is it you want to talk about? ’ ‘They didn’t buy it. The residual magic thing. Neither of them. Lorathin questioned me on it and I tried to cover, but he’s not as dumb as he looks.
Even with that pretty-boy beard of his.’ I didn’t know that a pretty-boy beard was a thing, and I add it to what’s probably going to be an endless list of things I wish I could share with Llin.
Still, I bite down on my lip. There’s no denying he’s likely right. ‘I’ll talk to them.’ He doesn’t look convinced. ‘And tell them what? Are you going to mention precisely how you killed Oke?’ ‘No,’ I reply instantly. I trust my friends, but I’m not a fool. The Wrohelm court taught me how fragile some friendships can be, and I don’t plan to repeat the mistakes of my youth. ‘Then what are you going to say?’ ‘I don’t know right now, but I’ll think about it.’ Silence falls between us, but I can feel his thoughts whirring away. It’s as though that static bolt that ran from him to me has increased my sensitivity even to the parts of him he keeps hidden. ‘There are other ways,’ he says slowly. ‘People with powers in the High Hold. Powers to alter memories. Spells, too. I’m sure I could find one. Find a way to make it work. Assuming you don’t want a more … permanent solution.’ I swivel around to look at him, hoping to find humour in his eyes. But no, he’s absolutely serious. ‘No.’ I say the word as firmly as possible. ‘One hundred percent no. I’m not wiping my friends’ memories. And we’re definitely not killing them.’ ‘Even if it keeps you alive?’ ‘Even then.’ My gaze softens as I shift myself around so that I’m straddling him. I plant a kiss on his lips. ‘Besides, you don’t believe in killing Rettlings outside of the trials, remember?’ ‘That was when the trials were the most important thing to me,’ he responds.
My heart swells with such an unexpected warmth that it causes a prick of heat behind my eyes. Is it sweet or psychotic, a man wanting to kill my best friends to protect me? I guess it’s both. ‘I trust them, so please, my love, trust me too.’ I linger on those words again. It’s only the second time I’ve said them, and they came with even more ease than before. Unfortunately, they don’t appear to have alleviated his fears the way I hoped .
‘I get that you needed to trust them before now,’ Kyor continues. ‘But the next trial is the Ofur. Allegiances don’t last past this point. It will be every man for himself. And let’s not forget your buddy Benny already made some serious lies by omission. I’m assuming from your reaction earlier that you didn’t know who he was?’ I didn’t, but I don’t respond. Did Benny lie? Perhaps. But it’s not as though I ever pressed too hard. I knew there was a hierarchy with Llin and the others, and I knew he was at the top of it. I’m sure it wouldn’t have been that hard to work out if I’d really wanted to do so. ‘Benny did what he thought was best, and it doesn’t change how much he helped me. Without the islanders’ training and protection at the start, I doubt I’d have even made it past the first trial. And as for Jonas, his father was and is a true friend of my family. He’s the only one who helped Kay and me when we were stripped.’ A pout tightens Kyor’s lips, and I wish I could read the meaning behind it. At first, I assume it’s because I’ve reminded him of what his lie did to us all those years ago. But then his frown lines deepen. ‘I don’t get it. I know you’re happy that Acacia’s in the High Hold with him, but I’ve known Lord Lorathin my entire life and I’ve never known him to do anything that doesn’t benefit himself.’ ‘Could that just be the fact that you instinctively see the worst in everyone?’ I tease. A smile twitches at the corner of my lips, but he refuses to reciprocate it. ‘Kyor, you’ve got to listen to sense when it comes to Benny and Jonas. At least let me speak to them before you start making any rash plans. Please?’ He lets out a sigh. ‘Fine, no killing them … yet. But you need to get control of this power. Know what you can and can’t do, when you should and shouldn’t use it. When we get back to Wrohelm, that’s the only training you and I are doing.’ My smile twitches again. ‘You know, it sounds as if you like telling me what to do.’ I plant a kiss on his neck, lowering my chest so that it’s flush against him. ‘I’m sure we can think of a far more fun way of putting that commanding attitude of yours to use.’ He huffs out a laugh. ‘I thought you needed more rest.’ ‘Well, maybe this time you could do a bit more of the work?’ Mock horror registers on his face and in one sweeping motion, he stands up, with me still wrapped around his waist. With a wicked grin and a glint
in his eyes, he throws me onto the bed and follows me down . ‘Oh, I am more than happy to do all the work …’ He growls, sending a static ripple straight between my thighs, but before my body can respond, my attention is stolen by the scars on his arm.
It’s not the first time I’ve noticed this particular set of scars, which are far paler and clearly edged than many he has, but this time I am drawn to them. There’s something about the thickness of the lines and the way their curves perfectly match the contours of his skin that makes them look almost organic in creation. ‘How did you get these ones?’ I ask, running a finger along the skin. ‘Really, Thorn, that’s what you want to talk about now?’ ‘If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to. I’ve just never seen scars quite like them before.’ He draws in a long breath as he shifts slightly and lies down next to me.
A slow silence builds around us, but I don’t press it. No scars come without pain and sometimes the memories are almost too raw to confront. I feel he’ll tell me about their origin when he’s ready. ‘My father.’ His eyes are fixed on the ceiling as he speaks, his fingers combing lazily through my hair. ‘He considered it a strengthening exercise.
He would ignite a fire on his palm and hold it against my skin. The more I screamed, the longer I had to endure it.’ ‘Kyor!’ My hand flies to my mouth. ‘That’s torture. No parent should do that to their child. Hell, no human should do that to anyone. Ever.’ He shrugs as though I can’t see the pain radiating from the memory. ‘It was only for a few years. Once my powers came in, I told him it was only fair that I see how a king fared in a similar test. Suddenly he didn’t seem so keen to use that particular training method.’ Tears sting my eyes. All that wealth. All that luxury. All that darkness hidden beneath the gilding. For all the pain our father’s neglect caused Kay and me, not once did I fear he would physically hurt us. With my heart heavy, I press my hand against Kyor’s cheek and tilt his head to look at me. ‘I am so sorry you went through that,’ I whisper.
‘Others have gone through far worse.’ ‘That doesn’t make it right.’ For a long while we lie there in silence, my head rising and falling to the rhythm of his breath, until finally his lips find mine again. The kisses are softer than before, with tenderness in every touch, and yet once again I
find my body pressing closer and closer. Needing that intimacy. And from the way his hands start grazing my body, I’m not the only one. ‘Again already, my love?’ he whispers.
A stream of static brushes my chest and my eyes roll to the back of my head as I anticipate what’s about to happen, but before I can draw his head down to me, a horn blares out somewhere in the distance. His head twists to the window and he peers out.
He grimaces. ‘That’s the ship back to the mainland. Which means we need to get moving.’ ‘Can’t we just see if there’s another one coming in a couple of days?’ I groan, only for Kyor to let out a laugh that hits me right in the chest. ‘Don’t worry. We’ll pick this up later.’ With his hand on my forearms, he hoists me up to sitting as I let out an exaggerated sigh. ‘I just wish we could take this bed with us.’ ‘Don’t worry. We won’t be sleeping in the barracks forever.’ I get that the comment is meant to make me feel happy, but instead, it causes a bolt of nervousness to churn in my belly. What is going to happen to us when this ends? Jonas assured me that Kay and I wouldn’t have to go back to the slums, and Morwenna has offered us a home here – and with Benny as the future duke of this place a future in the Eastern Isles is a promising one – but that option would take me away from all we’ve known, not to mention away from Kyor. And given that Jonas’s proposal was made when he still thought there was a chance for him and me, the offer could well be retracted now. I shake the thoughts away. That’s not a question I have the capacity to wonder about right now. In fact, I don’t have the capacity for much. ‘I’ll head straight to the library when we get back. See if I can find some books on whatever this is that’s happening to me,’ I tell Kyor as we head outside and towards the dock. ‘I’ve no idea where I’ll start though.
Not with how big the place is.’ A new nervousness fills me. It would certainly help if Caroline was in the library to help with my research, but I still don’t know if she’s ready to face me.
The thought of Wrohelm also causes another pang of disappointment.
With the post-trial ball having been held here in Brandish, there was no chance to see Kay, meaning the next time she and I will be together is when this thing is over. Hopefully that will give her time to realise there was
nothing I could do when it came to Holden, that I honestly tried to let him go. His death was in his own hands . ‘You okay?’ Kyor asks, my silence clearly more conspicuous than I realised. ‘I was just thinking about Kay. I wish they’d let us see other people now and then. Do they really think that me seeing my baby sister will somehow jeopardise the trials?’ Kyor shrugs. ‘It sucks, but it’s another way to test your dedication to the gifting, I guess. But Acacia will know you’re okay. Every person in the High Hold who’s placed a bet against you has lost it, so your continued success will be all anyone is talking about.’ I can’t help but laugh. ‘You mean, they all thought I’d be dead by now?’ I ask, feigning shock.
He kisses the top of my head. ‘Yes and more fool them.’ He steps back so he can take my hands and look me in the eye. ‘I know it’s hard, but we’re in this together, right? At least we have each other. And lots of privacy in the barracks now, too.’ I grin. ‘That is a good thing,’ I say, pushing myself up onto my tiptoes to kiss him.
The ship is probably a hundred times bigger than the rowboat we came across on, and thankfully, there is no sign of a kraken in the water as we cast off.
Benny and Jonas are on the deck, staring out at the view.
Leaving Kyor a little way back, I go and offer Benny a deep hug. ‘How are you doing?’ I ask him. ‘Good. It was good to see everyone. Reminds me what I’m fighting for, you know?’ I nod, though the truth is I still don’t know what it is he – or any of the others – are here for. And now, more than ever, that lack of knowledge is unnerving. Just like Kay said at the beginning of this, everyone thinks they’re worthy of Etta’s gift, and as Kyor pointed out, it’s each person for themselves now that we’re at the Ofur, meaning maybe I should be a little more sparing with my trust. Though the way Benny beams at me makes it nearly impossible. ‘Well, I think it’s safe to say that every person on the island is happy that you’re okay now,’ Benny says. ‘Those storms were definitely starting to piss people off.’
‘There were storms while I was out?’ I’m frowning, still not sure what the weather has to do with me until Benny’s gaze shifts across to Kyor, and it clicks. ‘You mean …’ ‘Let’s just say they had an unusually greenish hue …’ Jonas replies.
A spasm of warmth flickers inside me. He told me he was terrified, but it’s different to know there was physical evidence of it. ‘I’m also very glad to see you’re all right, Rose,’ Jonas says. There’s a strange formality to his tone and when I go to hug him, his body is unusually rigid. ‘Just one more trial to get through.’ ‘Right?’ I know from the look Benny gives me that he can feel the tension too, but I’m not exactly sure what I can do about it. A boat is hardly the most practical place for a private conversation, assuming that’s even what Jonas wants, as the other four remaining Rettlings are here too. Along with Zara and Grenda, the other two who made it to the Ofur are Moryal and Del, the two behemoth men from Galreck.
My mind shifts to the last trial and specifically to Seiren. I pray she didn’t die trying to seize a boat.
With Jonas being so standoffish, I quickly head back to Kyor, though we don’t speak much. Instead, we simply stand there, his arms wrapped around me as I gaze out at the water. When the mainland comes into view, my stomach twists. The weight of it all presses down, and I know that no matter what happens at the end of this, life will never be the same as before, but wasn’t that what I wanted? Deep down, I know whatever future awaits us has to be better than life in the slums, but the unknown is nerve-wracking all the same. ‘Can you see that?’ Benny comes over to us when we’re still a fair way from the shore. ‘It looks like they’re waiting for us.’ ‘A welcoming committee, you mean?’ My heart lifts at the thought that I might get to see Kay after all. But the hope fades as Benny shakes his head. ‘No, I don’t think so. I think it’s just priestesses.’ A knot binds my ribs as Kyor and I exchange a look.
I sigh. ‘They can’t be doing this again so soon. There’s no way.’ ‘We’re not ready for the Ofur.’ Kyor frowns. ‘You’re barely recovered.’
‘No, it’s not possible,’ Jonas joins in. ‘Every Retterheld recorded has been across four moons. We’ve only just finished the third cycle. It should be at least another week, if not two.’ ‘Well, someone ought to tell them that then.’ Benny gestures to the shore where I can now make out the blue robes of the priestesses, even if I can’t see their faces. And I know exactly which priestess he’s talking about when he adds, ‘Is it just me, or does she also freak the fuck out of you all? ’ None of us reply. We don’t need to.
High Priestess Mila waits on the dock and my eyes go to her belt, to the dagger that is still at her side. ‘Is it me, or does something about this feel dodgy?’ Benny asks.
‘Dodgier than usual,’ he amends. ‘It’s not just you,’ I reply. ‘Just stay close.’ Kyor takes my hand, his comment solely for me. ‘And not because I think you need me, but—’ ‘I know,’ I say. The fact is, I also want to hold his hand. There’s a quiver in the air, creating a sense of unease.
Not a single person speaks as we disembark, and Mila waits until we’re all standing on the dock before she speaks. ‘Rettlings, I am grateful to see your safe return. Etta has blessed you indeed. But I am afraid I have bad news. During the previous trial, there was a gross violation of the Retterheld rules.’ A cold like iron threads through my blood. She knows, I think in a panic. She knows that I used the ice powers that somehow hide in the shadows of my veins. Issen powers.
She knows I’m the reason the kraken escaped. I am going to die for this, and from the way Kyor’s hand is now clenching mine, he’s thinking the same. ‘As is customary when such things happen, I have sought Etta’s guidance, for I myself believed that the only suitable punishment was death.’ My knees feel weak. Have I survived a drowning by kraken only to be put to the sword now? The confirmation of my worst fear is enough to steal any strength I had. I can’t breathe. This isn’t happening. Killed, not in the trials, but for this? Something I have no control over? ‘I’m not going to let anything happen to you,’ Kyor growls beside me. ‘If they—’
‘But,’ Mila continues loudly, glaring at Kyor, ‘in this particular circumstance, Etta has chosen to make an exception.’ She steps forward. ‘Prince Kyor Knavin, you are hereby disqualified from the trials for attacking, injuring, and showing wilful disrespect towards the priestesses of Etta.’ It feels like the air has been ripped from my lungs. They’re going to take Kyor? For his lightning strike? I should be relieved it’s not my neck on the line, that my secret is safe, but this can’t be happening. I need him. ‘No.’ I lurch forward, my arms in front of him. ‘It wasn’t his fault. He only did that because—’ ‘It’s fine, Thorn.’ His voice cuts across mine. ‘I used my powers to break the ward on the kraken. I will accept my punishment.’ He leans in as if to kiss my cheek, but instead he whispers, ‘It’ll be okay. I promise you.
I’ll be waiting for you. Just get control of those damn powers and win the Ofur. The gifting is yours. Fucking own it, Thorn.’ Before I can reply, he disappears.
