Chapter 6
ilence sweeps into the room as Ruben sidles up beside me, shaking his head in confusion but not in disbelief. I appreciate the distinction.S ‘How?’ he asks. ‘Magic stays with a person until they return it to Mortidem.’ ‘Right …’ My voice is a murmur as I stare at Noleen, even more certain of the emptiness I felt. ‘When did you last see her use her magic?’ He looks towards his mother and rubs the bridge of his nose. ‘I don’t know. She … she wanted a fire before I left, but I lit it with matches because she was struggling. I thought it was because she was tired. I don’t … I don’t know when she last made a flame herself.’ He turns back to me, eyes pleading. ‘You can’t just lose your magic, can you? Not unless you drain yourself. And there’s no way she’d be foolish enough to even get close to that. No way.’ I wish I could offer him some sort of reassurance, but I’ve got nothing. ‘Maybe I was just reading it wrong,’ I say weakly.
Magic is supposed to be passed to Mortidem at the moment of death in order to be given out again at birth. At the precise moment of death. Not before it. Every Morathkian knows that.
Which means I have to be wrong. That is the only option. Noleen’s magic must still be there. I just can’t sense it.
I cling to the thought as if insisting on it might make it true. But the way my stomach continues to tighten, slow and inexorable, tells a different story.
I know what I felt – or rather, didn’t feel. ‘Let me fix the tonic,’ I say instead, moving away from Noleen, not only to give Ruben and his mother some privacy, but also to stop him from seeing
the anxiety that is clawing inside me.
Back at the stove, I stir the contents of the pan, watching iridescent swirls glimmer within the liquid as the tonic thickens, colours catching and sliding over one another as coils of nacreous steam weave upwards. I stare into the opalescent air, allowing my thoughts to drift with the steam.
And they definitely don’t drift to Kyor. He doesn’t deserve my thoughts.
My love. I wish I could turn it off as easily as he has apparently done.
Then again, if Thea is to be believed, he probably didn’t ever truly love me at all. The rain that fills the sky is likely little more than show – a way to ensure I can’t stop thinking of him. Yes, he’s certainly narcissistic enough for that. Gods, my heart hurts. ‘This is good to go,’ I say at last, keeping my voice steady despite the prickle of unease that refuses to leave me. ‘Can you fetch me a sieve to drain it?’ ‘Sure,’ Ruben replies, reluctantly leaving his mother’s side to join me.
In a matter of minutes, the tonic is drained and the final ingredients are added, at which point I pour it over the ice and take the cup straight to Noleen. Ruben wakes her gently.
Just like with the water, Ruben holds the liquid up to his mother’s lips and coaxes it into her mouth. But the effect is nearly instant. Her chest drops in relief at the ease of the pain. ‘Thank you, Rose,’ she whispers before closing her eyes again, the shadow of a smile still gracing her lips. Within moments, the soft reverberations of sleep rattle from her lungs. ‘If you want to give her some more, re-boil it first,’ I instruct Ruben. ‘Then cool it the way we just did. She’ll probably need a little more than we gave her just now, as the magic within it weakens with time.’ ‘Thank you, Rosey. She’s definitely breathing easier.’ I try to smile, but it’s hard when I really don’t feel like I’ve done much.
Dulled some pain, eased her breathing. Not exactly top-tier healer stuff. My mother would have barely counted it as the beginning of the consultation. I haven’t found the source of Noleen’s problems, merely treated the symptoms.
But as new to my powers as I am, it’s all I’ve got to offer. Maybe I’ll be able to do more after a year or two of practice with my magic. ‘You could stay a little longer if you wanted,’ Ruben says, closing the distance between us. ‘I’ve missed you.’ ‘I missed you too,’ I respond without thinking. As his eyes warm in that
old way, I hurriedly correct myself. ‘Your friendship. I missed your friendship.’ An easy smile lifts the corners of his lips and quickly turns into a laugh. ‘And there’s that friend-zoning again. Like the tannery never happened.’ He winks.
This time I can’t help but laugh in response. ‘Will you stop with the tannery!’ I blush. ‘I still can’t believe that—’ I break off, clearing my throat. ‘I have to get back.’ His smile drops, but only by a fraction. ‘Of course. You’ve probably got all sorts of fancy balls and things going on up at the High Hold.’ A chill settles low in my chest. What do I have to get back to exactly? A new maid, a large house, and a heap of loneliness. And as for balls, it’s not like I have a great history with them. Not only that, but I expect Kay and Artur will use the next one to announce their engagement.
The thought makes me ill. ‘Let me gather your herbs and things,’ Ruben says, moving back towards the kitchen. ‘They can stay here,’ I offer. ‘I’ve plenty back at the house. You keep them. Sell them if you want.’ He may have won big, but without a job, he
needs a way to keep money coming in. ‘Thank you.’ I pack Mother’s notebooks and Dinah’s blade into my satchel, but as I go to lift it all up, Ruben helps, as if it’s heavy. When he slips it onto my shoulder, he grazes his lips against my cheek in the softest kiss. A sigh leaves my lungs as I close my eyes. The opportunity for someone to kiss me with such tenderness is something I believed I’d been stripped of.
I’m just sad it’s the wrong man doing it.
With a surge of emotions I can’t – and don’t want to – face, I offer Ruben a half-flash of a smile before swivelling on my heel and disappearing out of the front door and into Kyor’s damned rain.
If nothing else, the Retterheld taught me that romantic love is a farce. I never believed I needed it before, and now I’m sure as hell not going to make the mistake of letting a man near my heart again. By the Mother, if the Issen powers could just freeze that part of me instead, life would be easier.
Thankfully, there are plenty of carriages waiting to take me back to the High Hold, though the trip is far slower than it was on the way out. It leaves me too much time to sit alone with my thoughts. Though for what feels like
the first time in years, it is not Kay who is at the forefront of my mind. Nor is it William. And it’s certainly not Kyor.
No, it’s Noleen’s face that’s seared into my mind. The frailty. The inability to even hold a smile. The inevitability that she will soon meet Mortidem.
I helped, but not enough. The God of Death stalks her already. But her lack of magic? It doesn’t matter how much I want to believe that I am mistaken, I know I am not. Her body is devoid of the power that should have filled her veins. But how?
I recall all too well when my own mother became ill. I don’t know whether it was the same sickness that affected so many in the slums, but whatever it was, her daily health tonic wasn’t enough to prevent it.
With her, the pain came first in her stomach, then an icy cold that spread up through her chest and throat and down into her legs, until every part of her was afflicted. She was in agony at the end, and I could do nothing.
That same helplessness is riding me now. Crippling me. I thought that helping Noleen would give me purpose, but it has made me feel more helpless than I felt before. More useless. More full of questions I don’t have answers to.
By the time I reach home, the weight of it is still lodged beneath my ribs, heavy and unmoving, and I am more than ready for an evening meal having eaten nothing since breakfast. I unlock the door on instinct alone but brace for the quiet.
Instead, the smell of freshly baked bread and a clean home greet me.
Summer has been working. Hard. ‘Kay?’ I call out optimistically, slipping off my shoes. ‘Kay? Are you here?’ A silhouette appears at the end of the hall, and my heart flutters for a split second before I realise who it is. Benny. ‘She’s not back yet,’ he says, and the weight in my stomach drops further.
Kay and I argued, sure, and said things we didn’t mean, but she couldn’t seriously be avoiding me for this long? We have lived together, in each other’s pockets, for years and years. The only time we’ve been apart was for the few moons while I was in the Retterheld.
I assumed that she would at least want to ask me about meeting the Goddess. About her powers. About anything, really.
Has she changed so much that she doesn’t even want to see me? Before,
she was desperate for me to win, and now that I have, she’s just … left me.
Like Kyor.
The hurt is so fucking raw. And I said to myself I wasn’t going to cry today. I’m not. Damn it. ‘How was Ruben’s mother?’ Benny asks. ‘Could you help much?’ I smile weakly at his less-than-subtle change of subject. Nothing like a good friend to see when you need a distraction. ‘I don’t think so,’ I admit sadly. ‘I’ve no idea what to do, if I’m honest.’ I’m talking about more than just Noleen, and Benny senses it. He slings an arm around my shoulders. ‘Everything is going to be okay, Rose. Really, it is.’ ‘Yeah,’ I agree, but it feels like I’m lying.
I’m a ball of anxiety, worrying about Kay, about William. Not to mention the magic that I still have possession of with absolutely no way to control it.
With all of that, there shouldn’t be room to think about the bastard of a prince who ripped my heart out without a backward glance. Shouldn’t. But somehow there still is.
Right now, ‘okay’ feels incredibly far away.
Without another word, Benny leads me into the sitting room and fills a glass with water for me, as if I’m the guest and not the other way around. I’ve barely taken a sip before the doorbell chimes.
By instinct, I go to move, forgetting about Summer, but Benny is straight
on his feet too. ‘I’ll go,’ he says. ‘You warm up.’ I suspect he’s trying to give me space to work out if I want to talk, and if so, where to possibly start, so I don’t object, sinking back into the sofa.
The weariness feels endless and while it’s not the same as the exhaustion that came from life in the slums, or the endless battles during the Retterheld, it has its similarities. It’s bone-deep. All-consuming. It clouds my brain with a fog that only lets me see glimpses of my future. One that is devoid of hope.
Of family. ‘Rose!’ Benny’s shout breaks through my melancholy. ‘It’s Kay!’ Every other emotion I feel evaporates and I’m up and running to her without thought. Sure enough, framed by the door is my beautiful little sister.
Despite my despair and worry over her the last day, she looks radiant.
She’s still dressed in the ballgown she wore the night before. And next to her is Jonas.
‘Where have you been?’ I ask, flying towards her, ready to crush her in pure relief, yet as I move closer something catches my eye.
My fingers curl into my palms.
Kay has only ever worn one ring: a simple band with an iridescent pale blue stone, which belonged to our mother. She lost it when she was taken to the forest during the second trial.
Yet at that moment, there are three equal-width rings placed across her middle three fingers, so perfectly aligned they look like a single sheet of metal.
Representing the past, present, and future.
Three rings. The symbol of marriage in Morathka.
Oh Gods. What the hell has she done?
My eyes meet hers, and there’s nothing but pure stubbornness in them.
Stubbornness and perhaps a hint of pride, too.
As my gaze shifts from her to Jonas, I note that he is wearing matching
wedding rings, and my jaw drops.
‘What the fuck have you two done?’ Jonas. Kay has married Jonas.
A man who, only hours ago, I almost murdered with a power I have no control over. A man who kept our brother’s existence from us. A man I spent moons getting to know – or at least thinking I knew – in the crucible of the Retterheld, whose own father proposed to her, and Kay didn’t even consider discussing the matter with me?
Incredulity and hurt thrum in my chest, and in that split second, I wish with all my heart that I could be anywhere but here. ‘Rose?’ Benny’s voice reaches me, thin and far away. And then, before I can take another breath, the world tilts.
WHERE I WAS and what I was doing no longer seem to matter. All that exists is the here and now. This moment. I’m consumed by it. Though what it is, I have no idea.
The blackness that I first disappear into lasts less than a heartbeat as pinpricks of light before me grow ever larger.
I’m soaring.
Not metaphorically. Physically. At least, that’s what it feels like.
I’m not in my own body.
Instead, I’m miles above the ground, looking down on buildings and rooftops with veins of streets snaking between them, everything small and doll-like, and feeling the rush of air as I sweep through it all.
A sense of freedom I didn’t know existed fills me.
The rain is pouring, rain that falls from odd-coloured clouds, but I do not care. The water slides off my wings without impact.
Without warning, my vision swoops down, and I plummet towards one of the buildings. For a split second, I think I’m going to collide with the roof, but I slow just in time, and the rush of air lessens as I draw to a complete stop.
I’m on a windowsill, I realise, peering in through the glass.
It takes me a moment to realise what I’m looking at. Or rather, who.
Me, in Benny’s arms. As I watch, he places me on a sofa. ‘Rose!’ Benny shouts my name in pure panic as he jostles my shoulders, gently at first, and then harder. When he moves to shake me for a third time, the motion ripples through my body and I open my eyes to find his face inches from mine.
THE WEIGHT IS INSTANT, as if my body is made of lead, when only moments ago it was feather-light. And the pressure in my chest – the one that has refused to leave for longer than I can remember – returns. For a moment, I felt … free. ‘Thank the Gods,’ Benny gasps. ‘You’re back.’ ‘I … I …’ I begin but then fall silent. Rather than trying to respond, I turn my head to the great glass window that looks out onto the courtiers’ arc, not sure what I’m expecting to see. But there is nothing. ‘I’m okay. It was just the shock, that’s all,’ I finally manage as I push away from Benny and twist around so that I’m sitting up … and looking straight at my sister. ‘Your eyes.’ Kay swallows, her eyes wide and harsh with suspicion. ‘They were white, Rose. What did you do?’ ‘What did I do?’
Silence sweeps the room, so tense I can feel it burning into the marrow of my bones. Is she really going to start accusing me of things when she’s the one who turned up here wearing bloody wedding rings? It doesn’t matter how glad I am to see her, this side of my sister is getting harder and harder to deal with, and I find myself in desperate need of someone to interject before I say something I won’t be able to take back.
As if reading my thoughts, Benny steps into the void. ‘Rose, honey, I don’t want to be the one to mansplain your own powers to you … but … maybe you need to take a moment. Take a few breaths.’ I turn to my friend, unsure what he’s talking about until I notice his breath hovering in the air. The temperature has dropped to freezing, yet I hadn’t noticed.
The windows, I realise with a start, are all glazing over with ice.
Fuck. ‘We need to talk about this,’ Jonas interjects, but before I can tell him this is none of his business and he needs to kindly fuck off, Summer appears in the doorway with a look of surprise on her face. ‘Lady Rose … you have guests! Is there anything I can do?’ My sister swivels around to face the maid. ‘Who are you?’ ‘This is Summer,’ I stress her name, ‘our new help. She’s been wonderful, assisting me greatly.’ Unlike some who just fucked off and got married.
Offering the maid what I hope she knows is a genuine smile, I reply to her initial question. ‘Perhaps you could prepare us all some dinner?’ I suggest. I’m keen to get her out of the room before she spots the ice on the window. ‘Of course, m’lady. I’ll clear the dining room.’ She bobs a curtsey that makes me grimace and then bustles off.
Silence follows. Silence I have no intention of breaking. ‘So we should probably talk about it,’ Jonas begins. ‘You think?’ I spit, only for Benny to step between us. ‘Actually, maybe now isn’t the right time to do this,’ he says softly, his
eyes on me. ‘Sorry?’ I snap back, eyes narrowing.
Benny rests his hand on my shoulder. ‘I’m saying this for you, Rose,’ he murmurs to me so softly, it’s as though we’re the only ones in the room. ‘You’ve had a rough couple of days, and you were out all day today. You
need to rest. You also need to make sure you don’t do or say something you’ll regret.’ Would I regret killing Jonas? At this precise moment, I’m not sure, but I know why Benny’s counselling caution. My magic is dangerous – deadly to those around me and to me if Korvane finds out about it.
My magic has already gone haywire once this morning, and I can’t risk another flare-up. Benny’s right.
Besides, if I’m going to kill Jonas, it’s going to be a clear-headed, with- my-own-bare-hands type of murder. ‘I want him out of my house,’ I hiss, looking past Benny and straight to Jonas.
Kay opens her mouth to protest, but Benny gets there first. ‘I shall escort him out myself,’ he says. ‘You need rest, Rose. Go upstairs. I’ll bring you your food. Once he’s left.’ Kay glares at me, folding her arms across her chest. ‘If Jonas goes, I’m going too.’ ‘No, you’re not.’ I’m surprised to hear the words grind out from Benny’s mouth rather than mine. ‘Your sister won the Retterheld yesterday – the greatest honour there is. She earned back your family’s home, wealth, and powers. And yet, after everything she’s been through, you let her spend her first night here – in rooms full of heartache – on her own. You will not be leaving here tonight, and believe me, you do not want to test me on this.’ When I first arrived at the barracks, I noted the way the other islanders defaulted to Benny. Noticed his quiet leadership. But there’s nothing quiet about this. It’s pure command. And strangely, it reminds me of Kyor. The only difference is that it’s my side Benny’s standing on.
Rather than responding herself, Kay looks to Jonas, as if she’s expecting him to fight the future Duke of the Eastern Isles. It just shows how woefully little she knows about her husband.
Jonas purses his lips. ‘Perhaps it would be better if I went tonight,’ he says quietly, his tone conciliatory. ‘I will return in the morning and we will talk then.’ Kay’s disappointment shows in the pout of her lips. ‘Fine,’ she sniffs. ‘But I’m going to bed too. And don’t worry about bringing me any food,’ she says with a withering glance at Benny. ‘I seem to have lost my appetite entirely.’ Her eyes linger on me for a moment longer before she turns on her heel
and marches out of the room.
As her footsteps pad down the hallway and up the stairs, I turn to Jonas, who immediately shrinks away, his hand on his chest as if he’s worried I might suddenly freeze the air in his lungs again. ‘I’m going. Don’t worry, I’m going,’ he says before scuttling away. Only when we hear the front door close does Benny turn to look at me and blow out a long sigh. ‘Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m starting to think your sister might have got on scarily well with Zara.’ I snort, but then the quiet closes in again.
