Chapter 17
o, is the answer to his question. What the hell is he playing at?
I don’t want to dance with him.N I want to scream at him. Claw at him. Run a sword through his cowardly ribs so he can feel just a fraction of the pain that my heart is
suffering.
Only I can’t do any of that.
Especially not here at my sister’s wedding announcement, and he knows it. Manipulative shit. It’s the very reason he asked me. It’s a fucking test of the cruellest type. A reminder that whatever I once thought we were, I am now nothing but his royal subject. That he has always held every inch of power in this farce of a relationship. ‘I actually just asked the gifted to dance myself,’ Benny says, trying to give me an out. ‘I’m sure she’ll make time for you later.’ Kyor doesn’t so much as blink in Benny’s direction. ‘She promised me a
dance. One dance.’ I did. Back when I thought he loved me. ‘One dance, gifted, unless you find yourself wanting more.’ A dry scoff breaks from me. ‘Unlikely,’ I tell him. ‘Fine. One dance. And keep your hands to yourself.’ ‘When dancing it is customary to touch,’ he says drily. ‘I’ll have to put my hands on you somewhere.’ I wish the thought didn’t fill me with adrenaline, but my damn body’s a traitor. It always has been with him.
And it’s even worse now that it knows what those hands can do. Even worse than when I just imagined the feel of his fingers against mine.
Fuck, why is it impossible to keep my thoughts straight?
Leaving Benny watching on, I allow Kyor to lead me across to the dance floor.
He’s dressed formally, yet his sleeves are rolled up, exposing his forearms in a way that makes me think he could be ready to fight at any moment.
Fight or maybe something else. He knows I love the sight of his muscled forearms. The prick is playing dirty. ‘So,’ he whispers as he interlocks our fingers and presses his palm against mine, ‘is this touching okay?’ I stifle the urge to hold my breath. We’re just holding hands, I remind myself. People hold hands every day.
But with the feel of his skin against mine, my mind all but disintegrates.
All I can think about are the best parts of us. Lying with my head against his shoulder. Laughing as we descended a cliff together in the fourth trial.
How is it possible to still love someone so much even while knowing all
the hurt they’ve caused you?
I am a fool. ‘It’ll do,’ I say shortly.
He frowns. ‘Really? I’m not sure this is the most comfortable position to dance in. We’ll draw attention, Kultavaris, and we don’t want that, do we?’ Annoyingly, he’s right.
I jerk my head in a nod. ‘Fine,’ I spit. ‘How about I just slip one hand around here …’ He releases my fingers and slips his arms around my waist. With his hand on the small of my back, he pulls me into him. There’s no stifling my gasp as it flies from my lungs. ‘Gods I miss hearing you gasp like that,’ he whispers, voice husky. ‘Gasp. Moan. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.’ His breath grazes my lips in the most intoxicating almost-kiss I could dream of. A millimetre closer and I’m not sure I’d be able to resist. ‘I’ve missed breaking you in ways you can’t imagine.’ His choice of words whips me out of the moment, and a bitter scoff cracks from my throat. ‘Believe me, I know well all the ways you can break me. Speak to me inappropriately again, and audience or not, I will knee you in the bollocks. What little you have.’ Regret consumes his expression. ‘Rose. I didn’t mean …’ He shakes his head. ‘Forget I said anything. We’re dancing, right?’ He pulls me in closer
still so that every inch of my chest braces against the hard contours of his body. It would be so easy to fold myself into him. To place my lips against his and taste him like we’re the only people in the room. But my last thread of common sense is still there, holding the fractals of me together, and so I hold myself rigid, as unmoving as a plank of wood. His hand moves to the base of my spine, but I remain tense and unhappy in his arms.
The moment is agonisingly atrocious. It’s as if time has no place here.
The music continues on and on in the longest dance of my life. I am begging Etta to make the misery end when a figure strides towards us – a man of similar age to Kyor with striking dark skin and vivid eyes. ‘Your Royal Highness.’ He dips his head politely at Kyor before turning his attention to me. ‘Gifted, I was wondering if you would do me the honour of the next dance?’ ‘Oh …’ My mouth opens in surprise as I struggle to respond while he stretches his hand out to me. Scars stretch up his forearm, and I have no doubt that this isn’t just a pretty courtier I’m faced with, but someone who has actually fought. Someone with balls. I’m about to accept his offer, if only to spite Kyor, when the prince answers for me, domineering arsehole that he is. ‘No.’ Kyor’s voice is as icy as his eyes. ‘The gifted will not be dancing with anyone else tonight.’ With my jaw now hanging loose, I turn and look at the prince, only to feel the static raging from him. And I’m not the only one. The lord, whoever he might be, begins to shuffle away awkwardly. ‘I understand. Sorry for the interruption,’ he says before scurrying backward. Okay. Maybe he didn’t have balls after all.
My attention snaps back to Kyor. ‘You don’t have the right to do that,’ I snarl. ‘You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do, and you can’t just send courtiers away because you don’t want them to speak to me.’ A dry scoff cracks in his throat. ‘I believe you’ll find that in my palace, Lady Kultavaris, I can do exactly as I please with my courtiers.’ ‘Indeed,’ I snap. ‘Even cast them aside.’ Regret instantly clouds his eyes, and I have no time or patience for it. ‘It’s good to know where we all stand. It’s important to know one’s place,’ I say. I step back from him and offer a deep curtsey – the type I know he despises.
His eyes flash, and a grim smile curls my lips at the sight of his fists
being clenched.
He’s upset. Good. He deserves to be. ‘I believe I have given you the one dance I promised, Your Royal Highness.’ I sniff. ‘Now, if I have your royal permission, I would like to celebrate my sister’s marriage.’ His eyes widen and his lips part as he readies to respond, but whatever he’s going to say, I don’t want to hear it. And so I turn around and head back to Benny without another word. ‘All right?’ Benny asks as I rejoin him. ‘Fuck him,’ I snarl. ‘I believe that’s what got you into this mess in the first place.’ I level a glare at my friend, and he winces. ‘Sorry. Too soon.’ Despite the urge to drink my way through the night, we plan to escape from Wrohelm while it’s still dark, and so I stick to water and try to focus on Kay and William and the fact that these are the last few hours I’m going to get with them.
It’s tough. An intricate balance. The last thing I want to do is draw attention to William by spending too much time with him – especially given how much I basically ignored him at other balls before now – and Kay is clearly revelling in having her moment. I don’t want to ruin that, but I still manage to snatch precious moments with them both. Moments I emblazon into my memory for the coming moons we’ll spend apart.
A little after midnight, Benny disappears and I pull my siblings and Jonas into one of the anterooms. I change out of my ballgown, handing it to Kay, and stand ready in my leathers. It’s only when I look around that I realise which room I’m in: the library – the one where I finally gave in to the need to feel Kyor’s lips on mine.
It was the same room in which I first told him I trusted him, and I truly
had at the time.
Fool.
It was also the same room where I heard Caz scream out before Llinos took her final breath.
Maybe it’s an ill omen, being in here to say goodbye.
Maybe this trip is already cursed.
Stifling the tears that threaten to fall, I look back at Jonas. ‘Keep them safe. All of them,’ I demand of him. ‘Kay, William, the baby.
Swear it.’ Jonas nods. ‘I swear it. With everything that I am, I will protect them.’ There’s not the slightest hint of doubt in his voice, and Mortidem take me, I believe him. ‘It won’t be forever,’ William replies. His youthful optimism stings between my ribs. ‘No, it won’t be forever,’ I agree, because that’s a nicer note to leave things on than talking of me dying on the Hirathean Path. Because deep down, we all know that’s what is most likely to happen. Soldiers don’t come back from the North. Knighted guards with their bonded dire wolves lose their lives to the barbarians that roam the lands. Barbarians I’m actively going in search of.
And who am I? Certainly no bonded warrior. I am the gifted – part Issen, part Morathkian, and wholly an emotional wreck.
Not exactly a hero in the making.
Yet as I look at William, I force myself to match his optimism. And then, because I desperately need to, I wrap my arms around him and squeeze him so tightly that I feel myself doubting whether I want to leave at all.
My little brother is alive. I have him with me, and yet here I am, leaving him. It goes against everything I believe in, everything I want to do, but it is the best way to protect him. And Mother and Father would have wanted me to do that.
It’s what they would have done – anything to keep us safe.
Finally, I look at Kay. ‘I love you. So much. Take care of that baby for me. I’ve made you tonics. Summer will tell you where they are. I need the little one healthy for when I meet them.’ Tears glisten in her eyes. ‘You will meet them, won’t you?’ There’s no denying the quaver in her voice. ‘I will,’ I promise, glad she doesn’t have Benny or Caz’s ability to see right through me. ‘I will see you all again.’ I hug both my siblings to me, clinging to them fiercely before whirling around and striding out of the room, hoping the speed of my movements will hide the tears cascading from my eyes.
As I stalk out, I swipe the wetness from my cheeks, thankful that they are not icy. Outside, silver moonlight casts watery shadows on paving stones as I head towards the gate.
Benny, Caz, and Ruben are already mounted, and the horses are laden down. I asked Summer to prepare rations for us to take with us, and given the meals that she’s cooked over the last couple of days, I should have known better than to expect a couple of bread rolls and cold meat. There’s enough to feed an army here: bread and meats, yes, but also stewed fruits, canned to keep their freshness, dried vegetables that we can rehydrate to create broths, salted fish, biscuits, oats, and dried milk. You name it, she’s packed it.
At least it means we won’t have to worry about food, which, given how much we actually do have to worry about, is a blessing.
One mount is lacking a rider: a jet-black mare with a thin, white blaze of hair on its forehead. Blaze. Seems like as good enough a name as any. ‘Last chance to back out,’ I say as I pull myself into the saddle of my newly named steed.
Benny shrugs. ‘Not really. I’m pretty sure we can abandon you at any point we fancy.’ Without a change in expression, Caz moves her horse next to his, reaches
out, and hits him over the head.
‘Thanks,’ I say to her. ‘Public service.’ She shrugs.
With Benny’s power, he surely saw Caz’s intention as she approached, yet he let her swipe at him all the same. He’s a good friend.
Ruben grins for the first time since we watched his mother disappear into Etta’s temple. ‘This is going to be fun.’ ‘That’s the spirit,’ Benny says. ‘It’s best that we’re all delusional from the start.’
WE RIDE through the city in silence, passing through the rings effortlessly as tired knights wave us through checkpoints with no issues. Sometimes conversation creeps into the group, but mostly we’re quiet.
There are times, though, like when we reach the third ring and Etta’s temple, that the silence becomes even more pronounced. I wonder whether we should stop and allow Ruben a moment at his mother’s final resting place, but I know that if he wanted to do that, he’d have asked, so I respect his tacit wishes once again, and we continue on into the outer rings.
Stars litter the sky above us as we slip out through the final wall and find ourselves in the deprivation and stench of the slums. ‘Is it strange that this smell feels like home?’ Ruben says, inhaling a lungful of the undeniably putrid air. ‘Extremely,’ Benny says, but I get it. Somehow, there is something comforting about it all. In the slums, you know where you stand.
As I throw Ruben a smile, a child runs beside us. ‘I know you. You’re the gifted!’ he shouts, his mouth hanging open as he stares at me. ‘Shh! It’s late,’ I chastise him. The last thing I want is a crowd. Not when we’ve got this far unnoticed. ‘You should be in bed.’ He has to be able to hear me, but he doesn’t listen. Instead, he yells, ‘It’s Lady Rose! The gifted! She’s come back!’ A corkscrew of nerves twists within me as the first few figures appear around us, attracted by the noise, only to add to it. ‘It’s the gifted!’ ‘She came back!’ People start to pour out of their makeshift houses and lean-tos, gathering around us. ‘Are we about to get robbed?’ Caz mutters behind me. ‘I’m looking, don’t worry,’ Benny replies, scanning the area. His ability to see things is normally enough to spot anyone who’s out to harm us before they can actually do so, but before long we’re surrounded.
‘One of us!’ someone shouts. ‘One of us!’ the cheer comes again. ‘She’ll always be one of us, right, Rose?’ The warm use of my name catches me by surprise, but when I twist my head around and see the figure standing there, I understand. Corem, my old neighbour, is looking up at me, pride beaming from his face. ‘Always one of us,’ he says quietly, as if it’s just the two of us.
Tears fill my eyes as the chant starts up again. Any apprehension I had is long gone. These people aren’t going to hurt us. Even if our horses are laden with more wealth than they’ll see in a lifetime.
The thought causes another to stir within me. ‘I’m going to do something stupid,’ I warn the others.
Benny sighs. ‘Aren’t you always?’ Next to me, Ruben grins. ‘Let me guess, we’re not gonna be quite as well fed as we thought on this trip?’
I reach back and loosen the bag filled with my share of the food Summer made up. ‘You’ve got one too, right?’ I say to Caz, while beckoning Corem over.
As the bag slides out of the saddle straps, Corem reaches my side. ‘Share it out,’ I tell him as he grabs the bottom. ‘That one too,’ I add with a gesture to Caz’s bag.
Corem nods, his eyes shining. ‘I will, Lady Rose.’ The use of my title causes my heart to twinge. ‘It’s Rose, Corem. Just Rose.’ ‘No, it isn’t,’ he says gently. He opens the pack and starts passing the rations out. ‘There’s more here,’ Ruben says as he slings his pack down and hands it to Corem as well.
Benny sighs loudly. ‘You guys are absolutely idiotic,’ he says, but he’s undoing the straps to his own saddlebag as he speaks. ‘Just so we’re clear,’ Caz says, ‘we’re probably all going to starve now.’ ‘Yeah.’ Ruben shrugs with his trademark grin. ‘What’s new?’ We leave the slums with significantly less than we rode in with, but my heart is lighter too, and for that I’m grateful.
‘THE HORSES COULD DO with a couple of hours’ rest,’ Ruben says on a yawn a few hours later when we reach an area of sparse trees that shelter us from the worst of the wind. The stars are fading, and only the brightest continue to show against the brightening sky. In a few hours, dawn will be upon us, and we’ll need to keep going. ‘We can take turns keeping watch. I don’t mind going first,’ he offers. ‘Sounds good,’ I agree, ready to curl up and catch some much-needed sleep. The excitement of leaving Wrohelm has faded like the stars, and all that is left is a bone-aching tiredness and a fair bit of hunger. But I don’t regret giving our rations away, not even when my stomach lets out a grumble and Benny’s tummy gives an answering groan. ‘Just so we’re clear,’ he says as he lays his roll mat on the ground. ‘It’s your fault I’m hungry.’ ‘You think not having one meal makes you hungry?’ I scoff. ‘That’s how
you know you’re a future duke,’ I shoot back.
He responds with a huff as I stretch out onto my mat with him on one side and Caz on the other. Ruben moves a little further away, presumably to get some higher ground and watch over us.
Almost immediately, Caz begins to snore. ‘They were so thin,’ Benny whispers into the night. ‘No child should ever be so thin.’ ‘I know,’ I murmur back. The words feel useless and small against the memory of hollow cheeks and wrists thin enough to be snapped like twigs.
I close my eyes as if darkness might erase it and sink into the hard ground, letting sleep drag me under.
WHEN I WAKE, an unexpected aroma fills my nostrils. ‘What’s cooking?’ I ask as I sit up, noting the fire and the plumes of smoke spiralling into the air from roasted meat. Ruben continues snoring lightly next to me. ‘Caz caught a couple of rabbits,’ Benny whispers happily, trying not to
disturb Ruben.
‘Caz?’ I say in complete surprise.
She grins. ‘Not just a pretty face.’ ‘Never thought you were,’ I say before realising how my comment sounded. ‘I mean, I never thought you were just a pretty face. Not that I never thought you were a pretty face.’ She laughs, waving my babbling away. ‘I got it. While we’re eating, I thought we should have a look at the maps. Make sure we’re still on track.’ I snort. ‘We can’t have gone wrong already; we’ve barely done a few hours’ travel.’ ‘You’d be surprised,’ she says drily. She gets out her maps and fusses over them while Benny and I share a rabbit. When we’re all done, we wake Ruben so he has time to eat before we get on the road again. ‘How did everyone sleep?’ he asks as he stands up and stretches. ‘Anyone
want a warm hug?’ Benny looks amused. ‘What?’ ‘Ruben’s a furnace,’ I explain. ‘He can heat his body to nice and warm.
It’s lovely, especially when you’ve been lying on the cold, hard ground all night in freezing temperatures.’ ‘Say no more,’ Benny says. ‘Hot man with hot hugs? I’m in.’ Ruben grins, not offended in the slightest by Benny’s flirting. The others each have a warm hug with Ruben while I tamp down the fire and make sure the horses have all been watered. Then, when the camp is cleared, I go in for my own cuddle.
It seems strange, hugging him for warmth again. Sure, I hugged him when he first turned up at my house, but that was different. I didn’t need it then. I just wanted to. This is somewhere in between. Having his friendship back in my life is a gift I won’t take for granted, and I already know his power is going to be a lifesaver on this trip, especially as we get further north.
As I stand with my head against his chest, a happy sigh escapes my lungs as the cold of the night is swept away in his arms. ‘Watch out!’ Benny yells, and without any form of warning the horses explode into panicked whinnies, rearing high and fighting their ropes. As adrenaline surges, I reach for my blade, determined not to fall victim to whatever has them so spooked, only for one of the horses to pull free of its tether and bolt towards us. ‘Fuck!’ Ruben cries, yanking me back into him as it gallops past. ‘Fucking hell!’ ‘What the fuck caused that?’ Benny calls to us as he holds the reins of two of the remaining horses, which are continuing to rear against their restraints. The sound of the hammering hooves of the escaped horse fades with distance. ‘I don’t know …’ I start to say, still sprawled against Ruben.
A reaction like that feels worthy of Mortidem himself, and yet as I stare through the trees a static prickle rises on the back of my spine.
Hot.
Familiar.
And utterly unwelcome.
I know exactly who I’m going to see before he even steps into the light.
Not Mortidem.
Worse than Mortidem.
Kyor fucking Knavin.
His eyes meet mine, and they are hard and angry. ‘Well, Rose, it doesn’t look like your heart stayed broken for long.’
