Chapter 37
njured or not, Kyor takes the lead, and Ruben stalks at his heels with Caz close behind. Benny falls into step next to me, and together we bring upI the rear.
Benny glances ahead, then sideways at me. ‘So,’ he says lightly, ‘are we all pretending nothing’s changed, or are we acknowledging the fact that you nearly killed yourself dragging the prince through a forest on his wolf?’ I snort. ‘I didn’t nearly kill myself. You’re being melodramatic.’ ‘No, I’m not,’ he says with surprising seriousness. ‘It was dire. Life- threatening. Extremely stupid.’ A smile tugs at his lips. ‘Incredibly romantic.’ ‘Fuck off.’ He grins, and then slowly it fades. When he speaks, his voice is quiet, for my ears alone. ‘Rose, honey, you don’t do that for someone you’re not sure about.’ That needle lands cleanly under my ribs. ‘I didn’t do it because he’s Kyor,’ I say. ‘I did it because he was hurt.’ Benny hums. ‘You say that like it makes a difference.’ I glare at him. ‘It does. I would have done the same for you.’ ‘You would have,’ he agrees easily, ‘because you love me.’ He lets a few steps pass before speaking again. ‘Look, I’m not here to push you, to reopen something you want closed. I’m just saying, I don’t think the door is as locked as you think it is. In fact, I think it’s creeping open. We can all see it.’ My jaw tightens. ‘I just want to know why you’re still acting like choosing him was some sort of terrible mistake that you have to atone for.’ I stop walking.
Benny stops too.
Ahead of us, the others keep moving, unaware of our spat – or politely pretending not to notice. ‘That’s not what I’m doing,’ I say stubbornly.
He studies my face, all humour stripped away. ‘Rose. You look like someone waiting for the punishment to fall. Waiting for the next punch.
Waiting for the worst to happen. You can’t live like that.’ That hits hard. It’s how I lived in the slums. Always on edge. Always anticipating every single danger because if I didn’t, if I missed something … I try to swallow down the lump that’s blocking my throat.
He’s right. I don’t want to live like that, not anymore. ‘I’m just being careful,’ I say stiffly. ‘You’re being scared.’ I cross my arms, aware of the way my jaw clicks from side to side. ‘He broke my heart.’ ‘I know.’ Benny’s voice softens. ‘And that’s exactly why this scares you.
Because you didn’t lose something empty. You lost something real.’ I swallow again, but fuck this lump is stubborn. ‘You don’t owe Kyor forgiveness he hasn’t earned. But you do owe
yourself the truth.’ ‘Which is?’ I ask quietly. ‘That this isn’t about trust anymore.’ He meets my eyes. ‘It isn’t about his choices. It’s about fear, and whether you think you’re allowed to want him again, knowing what it cost you last time.’ I don’t answer … because I can’t. He sees to the heart of me, voicing thoughts I’ve refused to hear, even within the confines of my own mind.
Benny exhales, then flashes a familiar grin, lightening the heaviness between us. ‘For what it’s worth, Ruben’s a good man. He’ll be fine without you. Probably annoyingly fine. Might even fall for someone sexy who actually deserves him.’ He winks. ‘We can but hope, right?’ I can’t help but smile at my friend. ‘You’re incorrigible.’ ‘True.’ He bumps my shoulder. ‘But I’m not wrong.’ Without the need for any more words, we start walking again.
Ahead of us, Kyor slows slightly, clearly trying not to favour his injured shoulder, and something in my chest twists.
Benny looks at me, sympathy swirling in his eyes. Better than pity, I suppose. ‘Did Caz tell you about when she and Llin split up?’
‘They broke up? You mean when Caz was sent to Wrohelm?’ ‘No, they were very much together when my mother sent Caz there. It was before then. It wasn’t as dramatic as your split with Kyor, not as far as I’m aware anyway, but one day they just said they were over. They were
done.’ ‘For how long?’ ‘For a couple of months?’ He shrugs. ‘We were all young, and I think the idea of commitment – the fear of it – was part of it. But to be honest, at the time I thought it was the right thing for them to do.’ ‘You did?’ I look at him in surprise. This wasn’t the way I’d expected the conversation to go.
He shrugs. ‘With Caz’s powers being what they were, I knew at some point they’d be separated. That they might not see each other again. Ending it then, before they got too attached …’ He slows his pace as he looks me in the eye. ‘When you’re a member of the court there are commitments, you know that. And those commitments only get more complicated the higher up you go. Leading people is tough enough to do clear-headed, but when the heart gets involved … It’s difficult learning to go against what you’ve been taught your entire life.’ He pauses. ‘When I saw them back together, and again reunited in Wrohelm, it made me think that maybe the pain was worth it. I like to think it was, for both of them. But who can really know?’ As his voice trails off I can’t help but wonder if we’re still talking about Caz and Llinos at all. Or whether this is now about Kyor and me, or perhaps maybe about Benny.
It’s certainly the closest he’s ever come to telling me about his past relationships without turning it into some light-hearted quip. It’s hard to believe there hasn’t been someone serious in his past. The amount of love he has to give, people should be flocking to his side, but then maybe that’s an issue, too. Finding the right one among the flock. Especially for someone in Benny’s position.
Kyor’s past with Thea is evidence enough of that. ‘Caz and Llinos … they were soulmates,’ I say. ‘You could see it when they were together. They adored each other.’ Benny reaches out and lightly grasps my arm, stopping me. He meets my gaze intently. ‘Rose, honey, if that shit hadn’t gone down with Kyor’s father, would you not have said the same thing about him? About the two of you?’ I don’t reply, and my silence is the only answer he needs.
He nods, and his hand falls from my arm as we begin to walk again. ‘I’m just saying, one break-up isn’t necessarily the end of something special. And you’re allowed to be happy, Rose, to prioritise yourself for once.’ ‘I’m pretty sure we are prioritising me, or else I wouldn’t be dragging you and the others the length and breadth of Morathka,’ I retort. ‘That’s for your safety. I’m talking about your happiness.’ My happiness.
There’s only one other person I can remember talking to like this. One other person who would speak to me with such a combination of frankness and love: Llinos. I don’t think it’ll ever get any easier knowing how little time I had with her in my life. And having Benny here isn’t just a close second; it’s something else. Something I’m infinitely grateful for. ‘Has anyone ever told you that you’re a great friend?’ I ask.
He grins. ‘Oh yeah. I’m a national treasure.’ His dry comment makes me laugh wildly – the first laugh I can remember since this damn trip began. ‘You are. Thank you for coming this far with me.’ Up until this point I’ve tried to block out that Benny was only coming to Galreck, but now that we’re here, the fact that he’ll be leaving soon leaves me with a weight I don’t want to face.
Reaching out, I give his hand a squeeze, and then I turn my attention to the new city we find ourselves in. It’s definitely easier to look at than turning my gaze inward.
The city forms slowly, starting with market stalls and farms. I can’t help but note the weak, straggling plants, their leaves pale and the fruits sparse.
The ground is hard and cold, dusted with snow. The plants are hardy – they have to be to grow in these climates – but they’re not thriving.
If I had magic to spare, I’d help them. Make them grow just a little. But I’m already exhausted and it’s not just the energy expenditure I need to consider, but also the risk of being seen, which grows greater and greater with every step. Soon the populace and buildings grow denser, until we’re hemmed in by bodies on all sides.
And noise. I wasn’t prepared for the noise. There was some drumming in the slums, but nothing like this. The noise of the drums reverberates around the city, a constant low-level thrum.
It’s not hard to see why the Quiet Ones refer to this place as the city of drink and drums.
‘Any idea where we should go next?’ I call to Kyor. We have three aims: find ourselves some more horses, restock our supply bags – and this time keep them – and get Caz to the library. The finest library of Morathka will no doubt be in the heart of the city, nestled in the centre of the court. As Kyor still has no desire to go anywhere near any lords and ladies – nor, I find, do I – it means the group should probably split up. ‘Probably this way,’ Benny answers, pointing further ahead. ‘I’m sure if we take this road, we’ll join the main strip.’ ‘There are some stables just here,’ Ruben comments, gesturing to the side of us. ‘Let me go and speak to the owner, see what I can find out about
purchasing some more horses.’ ‘Good idea,’ I say. ‘We’ll wait here.’ Ruben strides off with purpose while the rest of us look around.
The sound of the drums is even more pronounced here, and a heavy beat reverberates through the ground, through the very soles of my feet. The smell of fermenting hops and barley hangs heavy in the air. ‘What is that?’ Caz asks, holding her nose. ‘Beer,’ I say, recognising the aroma all too well. The scent makes my stomach turn. It reminds me too much of the stench on Father’s breath as he fell down time and time again, lolling into unconsciousness from too much alcohol. ‘Now I get why Thessa called it the city of drink and drums,’ she sniffs, echoing my earlier thoughts. ‘Do they ever stop that infernal racket?’ ‘No,’ Kyor says bluntly. ‘They say the day that the sound of drums isn’t heard in Galreck is the day the city will fall.’ ‘Once,’ Benny says with a grin, ‘some people from Rowell snuck in with one purpose in mind: to silence the drums.’ ‘How?’ Caz asks, intrigued. ‘They slit the skins of every drum they found.’ ‘Did they manage to silence them?’ I ask, invested.
Benny snorts. ‘Not even close. Every single household has a drum; most have two or even three. The Rowells damaged a few hundred though, which the residents didn’t love. Turns out the different drums and beats mean all manner of things because they’re not music – they’re commands. When the Rowell idiots silenced the drums, they made it entirely clear where they were
within the city.’ ‘What happened to them?’ Caz asks.
Kyor grins suddenly. ‘I like this part of the story.’ Benny rolls his eyes. ‘Of course you’d like the gory part.’
‘Who doesn’t?’ ‘Ignore him. What happened?’ I press.
Benny snickers. ‘The legend goes that they used some special drums, drums that created bone-deep vibrations. The frequency resonated differently with their non-Galreckian bones, and the sound of the drums made them pass out.’ He flashes a quick grin. ‘Total bullshit, of course, or the Galreckians would just take drums up to fight the Issen. But it makes for a good story.
And the best part? Supposedly, when the Rowells were unconscious, they were skinned alive, and then their skins were used to fix the drums they’d destroyed.’ ‘Well,’ Caz says faintly, ‘that’s disgusting.’ ‘Let’s try not to piss off any Galreckians while we’re here,’ I suggest. ‘And no one touch any drums.’ As we wait for Ruben to return, the talk turns to the most obvious point of conversation: where we’re planning on sleeping tonight.
The thought of a proper bed, after so many nights on the road, makes me grin.
Yesterday’s pallet bed did not count. At all. ‘We should have told Ruben to ask about inns,’ I say. ‘I’m sure he’ll think to ask himself,’ Benny replies. ‘Although you don’t need to worry about me. I’ve got a couple of friends here, so I’ll sort my own lodgings.’ My stomach lurches. Friends? Or rebels? I think of the whispered conversation between Ruben and Benny, talking of meeting the rebel leader, Arle. If I’d thought of it earlier, when Benny and I were alone, I would have hissed instructions not to be so idiotic as to meet with him, but the moment is gone.
I try to keep my unhappiness off my face. The last thing I need is for Kyor to grow suspicious of Benny. ‘Friends?’ Kyor questions the Eastern Islander.
Benny shrugs. ‘Acquaintances. Should probably show my face, do a little hobnobbing while I’m here. You know what it’s like.’ Kyor’s gaze remains sceptical. ‘I never saw you do much of that in Wrohelm.’ ‘I didn’t realise you were watching me. Should I be keeping an eye out
for guards following me in the shadows?’ He says it as a joke, but I know he’s disguised a serious question with humour.
Kyor’s jaw clicks. ‘Do whatever you want. It’ll be easier to secure lodgings for a smaller group anyway, and we’ll save money on your room.’ ‘Seriously? The silver-spooned prince is worried about coppers?’ Benny teases, but before Kyor can respond, Caz speaks. ‘Talking about not needing a room, I was thinking I’d head to the library tonight,’ she says. ‘Tonight?’ I question. ‘Surely you want some rest? A proper night’s sleep?’ ‘I really don’t need that much sleep, and if I’m going to be looking up all sorts of things I shouldn’t, I’m really better off doing it in the evening when there are fewer prying eyes. Besides, library chairs are comfortable enough for a few hours’ kip if I need it. I’d rather have longer with the books and maps than waste time on sleep.’ ‘Are you sure?’ I ask dubiously. I like a book, but I like a hot bath and a comfy bed more. ‘Positive.’ She flashes me a smile, but before I can respond, another thought enters my head. ‘So if you two are going elsewhere, then it’s just me, Kyor and …’ ‘Ruben,’ Kyor finishes for me, the edges of his mouth turned down.
Benny smirks and makes his damned triangle symbol again.
I shoot him my most withering glare, but it does not wither him at all.
Instead, his smirk widens, unperturbed. ‘Maybe I’ll stick around for a bit to see how this goes. Ah, look. Here’s the big guy now.’ ‘Everything all right?’ I ask my friend as he approaches.
Ruben crinkles his nose. ‘No, not really. We’ve got problems.’ Problems – plural? Fantastic.
Ruben continues, ‘That place doesn’t have any horses we can have, and the stable hand said there’s a festival tomorrow night. Most inns are going to be heaving. We’re going to struggle to get a room.’ I look between the others. ‘Caz and Benny have already decided to make
their own arrangements.’
‘They have?’ he questions.
‘Library,’ Caz explains. ‘Acquaintance,’ Benny adds.
Ruben’s lips tighten, and I’m sure he’s thinking the same thing I am: that Benny’s acquaintances aren’t standard members of the court. But thankfully, he knows better than to say that. ‘Well, the owner felt bad about not being able to help with the horses, so he’s going to see if he can speak to a few friends of his and see what he can do for us. And in the meantime, he offered me space to kip in the stables,’ he says.
That’s Ruben all over. His goodness shines through so that people can’t help but trip over themselves to help him, because you can instantly tell that he’s the type who’d do the same for you. ‘Okay,’ I say slowly, swallowing. Because if he kips in the stables, that means it’s just Kyor and me … ‘I guess I can sleep in the stables too,’ I say, but I really don’t want to.
After a night in a slum lean-to, I’ve been daydreaming of a warm room and a bed. I look at Kyor. ‘You wanted to spend the nights away from the lords and court life. Can’t get much further away than that.’ ‘The stables may be a step up for you,’ he says to Ruben, ‘but it’s several steps down for me, and I’m not keen to sleep with the equines.’ If he weren’t so damned injured, I’d hit him. ‘I came from the slums too,’ I snarl.
He blinks. ‘I didn’t mean … you weren’t … you were born and raised in the High Hold.’ ‘Until you drop-kicked her out of there,’ Ruben fires back.
Kyor’s eyes narrow. ‘Enough!’ I snap. ‘Focus. We need a place to stay and to gather supplies.’ Kyor sighs but looks at Ruben. ‘These stable rooms, they got a door?’ Ruben frowns. ‘No. They’re just piles of straw, but away from the horses.’ ‘Which means other people will be there? Coming and going, I’m
guessing. Stable hands. Owners?’ ‘I guess so.’ ‘Exactly.’ He looks back at me. ‘There’s no way you’re staying somewhere like that. It’s a big enough risk having you in a city again. A private room with a locked door is the minimum requirement. We can’t have you accidentally spraying ice everywhere.’ I want to protest, but before I can, Caz interrupts with a sympathetic glance at me.
‘He’s right, you know. There doesn’t seem to be any pattern to when your magic flares up, and we haven’t had an incident in a couple of days. You might be due one.’ ‘I don’t think it works that way; it’s not on a schedule.’ ‘No, it seems tied to your emotions,’ Caz agrees. ‘But either way, you’re safest away from other people. There must be an inn somewhere that has a room for you two.’ A room – and definitely two beds, I think to myself.
