Chapter 12
aroline wraps an arm around my shoulders and guides me through the rows of books.C ‘I’m sorry,’ I stutter out between the tears. ‘I shouldn’t have —’ ‘It’s fine. You don’t need to tell me now. Just give it a minute, okay?
We’ll be there in a minute.’ Given how each word results in a fresh torrent of tears, I take her advice and remain silent, becoming vaguely aware that we’re heading out of the library when she takes me to a back staircase. Still, I don’t know where we’re going until she pushes open a door and leads me into a simple dorm room.
With one window and only three beds, it’s far smaller than the ones I stayed in at the barracks. Only one of the beds has any sheets on it. The others don’t look like they’ve been slept in for a long time, if ever.
Towers of books are stacked against the walls to various heights, some of which are precariously tall. ‘Scribe quarters,’ Caz explains when she follows my gaze. ‘Some of the other rooms are nicer, but I got one on my own as a trade-off for taking Rohan.’ ‘It’s lovely,’ I say, and it is. To get your own space, your own books … there are far worse fates. ‘Yeah, it’s not bad. Now sit down. I want to know what’s going on.’ I can’t tell her everything. I can’t tell her about William, and I still don’t know whether I should tell her about what I learned from Dinah, but I tell her about Kyor, and I tell her about Kay and Jonas deciding to marry one another without a single word to me. I don’t give the reason for the shotgun nuptials, but I suspect she’s smart enough to work it out for herself.
By some miracle, despite my anger and hurt, her room remains intact at the end of my confession. Nothing is frozen, and I haven’t slipped out of this moment, my vision remaining normal the whole time. ‘Wow, that is a lot for anyone to deal with after everything else you’ve been through,’ she says, letting out a sigh. ‘That’s only part of it,’ I admit.
She offers a sympathetic smile. ‘Well, you can tell me the rest, if you want. Or you can hide away here, if you prefer.’ Hiding away is definitely preferable, but it won’t solve anything. And that’s what I came to the library for – solutions.
Still, I don’t answer immediately. If Llin were here, I would have told her about my Issen heritage. I know I would. And Llin trusted Caz with her life and her heart. As far as endorsements go, they don’t come better than that. ‘I think I have Issen magic,’ I whisper.
Her eyes snap wide. ‘What? Fucking hell, Rose!’ ‘I know.’ I sigh. ‘Did Llin know?’ she hisses. ‘Does Benny?’ ‘Llin didn’t, no. As for Benny … he’s seen me do some things, and he tried to help me find a reason for why my powers have been playing up, but he doesn’t know for certain yet. He wasn’t at the house when I got back from seeing Dinah, who confirmed it.’ ‘Things?’ Caroline arches an eyebrow. ‘You said you’ve done things?
What sort of things? What can you do?’ A dry scoff huffs from me. ‘Firing ice at people is one of the key features.
And I … I seem to be able to stop people breathing.’ I don’t mention the visions I’ve had twice now – the first time before facing the kraken, and then again in the house – of me sweeping through the air like I’m a bird, because by anyone’s standards, that’s weird. ‘You’ve got to keep it hidden,’ she says unnecessarily as she bites her thumbnail. ‘I know, but I also need answers, and I don’t know how to get them on my own. Besides, it’s easier said than done. When my emotions flare … bad shit happens.’ I lower my voice further, even though we’ve been whispering this entire time. ‘I need to know everything there is to know about Issen magic. Can you help me find some resources?’ Her brow pinches as she shakes her head. ‘I’m sorry, Rose. King Korvane burned everything Issen-related years ago. All that remains are maps of the
territories.’ ‘Fuck.’ I lean back against the wall. The library was my last hope. Some texts, some guidance … hell, even some stories, or half-arsed anecdotes, or folklore. I’d take anything to help me learn to control the magic. Anything.
Anything that gives me any other solution than the one Dinah urged: going to the source itself. ‘I’m going to have to leave,’ I whisper dully. ‘I can’t stay here. I’ll put Kay in danger. If anyone sees me use my powers, they’ll execute both of us.’ Caroline licks her lips and doesn’t disagree. I didn’t really expect her to, but the silence still stings. It’s confirmation that I’m out of options. ‘Where will you go?’ she asks finally.
I blow out a breath. I’ve been considering that since the moment Dinah and I spoke. Without any resources or other ways of gaining help, I’ve got no choice.
Before I can speak, Caroline sees the answer in my eyes. ‘No, Rose,’ she gasps. ‘They’re savages. They’re just as likely to kill you as help you.’ ‘I know, but staying here will definitely kill me.’ She grimaces, but once again she doesn’t deny it. ‘I’ll find you some maps,’ she offers instead. ‘I’ll come by later with what I can gather.’ ‘You’re a good friend,’ I say, knocking her knee with mine. ‘I don’t deserve you. Not after —’ ‘Don’t,’ she stops me. Her face is momentarily stony before she sighs and shakes her head. When she looks back at me, her gaze is far softer. ‘Rose, do you know what my powers are?’ I blink as I consider the question, only to realise with surprise that I don’t.
Caroline wasn’t in the Retterheld. She didn’t need to use her magic to survive the way we Rettlings did, and as such I’ve had no reason to see her powers in action. Or at least, I don’t think I have. ‘No,’ I tell her. ‘Actually, I don’t.’ ‘Well, it’s not as impressive as some, but I can tell when you speak the truth. When anyone speaks the truth.’ Her haunted eyes meet mine. ‘Every time you say how much you loved Llinos, every time you say you wish you had died instead, I know it is the truth. I’m angry at her death.’ She closes her eyes. ‘So fucking angry. I don’t know when I won’t be.’ She opens her eyes and looks at me. ‘But I’m not angry at you. Not anymore. It wasn’t your fault she died; it was Holden’s. And he’s dead. Rose, it was never your fault.
Never. But if you need my forgiveness, you have it.’ Something sharp and jagged within me eases and a fresh wave of tears
threatens to escape.
I had needed it more than I knew. ‘Thank you, Caroline.’ A single tear falls down my cheek, and she brushes it aside. ‘Caz. Call me Caz. And you’re welcome. Now, go. Get yourself home. Get ready. I’ll come by with maps as soon as I’ve found them.’ Home.
It hurts that the place in which I was raised has barely had a chance to become that again, and already I’m planning to leave.
Gods, I don’t want to leave, don’t want to leave Kay and William, but what choice do I have? If I stay, I’ll endanger them, and I won’t do that.
Not for one single moment.
I ONLY REALISE EXACTLY how long I spent with Caz when I step into the courtyard and see the stars littering the sky. Part of me expects to find Kyor waiting there, Elska at his side, ready to torment me with his presence again.
My masochistic streak is sad that he isn’t.
Still, it’s later than I thought it was, and it’s only when my stomach growls that I realise that other than a muffin I grabbed from the kitchen first thing, I’ve not eaten all day. Not only that, but I’ve left Ruben alone at the house.
I’m sure if he got up and went for a wander he would find Kay, and he’s met both Benny and Summer before, but it hardly feels like the best move on my part. Not when he’s already grieving and alone.
Which is why, when I arrive home, I head straight upstairs to my bedroom. Although when I reach the landing, I stop.
Laughter is coming from Kay’s room. Her laughter, joined almost instantly by Jonas’s. I fight the prickling along my skin. She’s alone in her room with a man. Yes, technically they’re married, but that’s only to cover the mess she got into from being alone with another man.
I hesitate.
What I want to do is storm in and tell Jonas to get the hell out of there,
but things are fraught between Kay and me, and I need to pick my battles with her wisely.
This isn’t something I need to fight about now. After all, they are married, and I can’t protect her from her bad decisions forever. So instead, I turn around and head to my room.
Inside I find the bed empty and made, though Ruben’s bag is still on the floor, so it’s safe to assume he hasn’t left yet. ‘I thought I heard you come back. Ruben’s downstairs.’ The voice causes me to spin around on the spot. ‘William? You’re still here?’ Maybe it’s the dark of evening, but I swear my brother has never looked more like our father. There’s something about the way he’s standing and the cut of the expression across his face that make him the spitting image of a younger version of our sire.
As I continue to stare, his expression drops slightly. ‘That’s okay, isn’t
it?’ ‘Always, yes,’ I tell him. ‘Yes?’ His smile is so nervous it makes my heart hurt, and I hate when the sound of Kay’s laughter causes it to fade into a frown. ‘I know you’re mad at Jonas,’ he says. ‘I am too. But I think he really did hide it from you to keep me safe.’ ‘I know,’ I admit. ‘And I’m glad you’ve had somebody there to look out for you like that. Truly, I am.’ ‘Me too,’ William replies. A pause threatens to claim the conversation, but before it can, he speaks again. ‘Have you decided what you’re going to do. About, you know … our mother?’ ‘I think so,’ I say. ‘But I want to do something else first. And for that, I need your permission.’
A BLOOD VOW.
Even as I look at the words on the page in front of me, I debate what I am about to ask my friends to do. There are no details beyond what is required for the spell. No explanation as to what will happen if it is broken, though I can assume that whatever it is, it won’t be good. Death, either instant or
excruciating, would be my assumption.
Summer is fetching Caz from the High Hold library for me, while Benny and Ruben wait in the drawing room for me to come and explain exactly why I’ve summoned them there. The rest of us are in the kitchen, the hub of the home. ‘It’s the only way,’ Jonas says as he, Kay, William, and I sit around the table. We’re family now. All of us, by blood or marriage. And it’s more than I thought I’d ever have again, that’s for sure. ‘I wish I’d thought of it with you both, if I’m honest.’ ‘Really?’ I give him my most withering look, only to shake my head and sigh. He was just protecting William, that was all, just the same way I want to do now. ‘I don’t see why you need to tell them anything at all,’ Kay says. ‘If it’s that much of a risk, why not just keep it secret? Why suggest a vow?’ It’s a valid question, but one I can’t answer without telling her what I have planned next, and that’s not something I plan on doing right now. So instead, I offer her a different truth. ‘I would not be alive without these people, Kay,’ I tell her. ‘I owe them my life. Ruben, too, for the gift he gave me. Not to mention they are all smart as hell. Whatever happens next, having them here to help plan can only be a good thing.’ ‘And you’re sure that this blood vow will work?’ William asks, worry etched on his face. ‘Not a hundred percent, but confident enough. Still, it’s your call. It’s your secret, as much as it is mine.’ ‘I trust you,’ he says slowly. ‘And you trust them.’ ‘Trusts them so much she needs to make them do a blood vow,’ Kay mutters beside me, but I ignore her.
A silence starts to settle when there’s a knock at the door. ‘M’lady, I have shown your guest to the drawing room with the others,’ Summer says as she steps inside the room.
I push back my chair and stand. ‘Thank you. You have the evening off.
Please stay away from the house for a few hours.’ She drops me a curtsy. If she finds my order curious, her face does not show it.
I wait until she’s gone before turning to the others. ‘I’ll give them the chance to leave first. They may not choose to take the vow. Either way, I’ll
fetch you when it’s done.’ My hand is trembling as I weave my way down the hallway to the corridor. I’ve barely said two words to Ruben since he woke up, and at some point I will need to see how he is doing, but this is not that moment.
Inside the room, the three are chatting – presumably Benny has already made introductions between Caz and Ruben – and seeing them together like
this causes my throat to go dry.
Rapidly.
Several cups of wine sit on the table, probably poured by Benny. I could do with a sizeable glass myself, but I need to be clear-headed for this. And I need to do this now. ‘So this is all very cloak and dagger,’ Benny says drolly as I walk in. ‘You want to tell us what’s going on, Rose?’ I rub my hands on the seat of my trousers, trying to dry the sweat that slicks my palms. Trying to find the words to start. ‘You know that I trust you guys with my life …’ It feels like as good a place as any to start, and I make sure I look each of them in the eye as I talk. ‘I wouldn’t be here without you – or without Llin,’ I add to Caz. ‘But what I have to share now, it’s not about trusting you with my life. It’s about trusting you with something infinitely more precious, and I can’t risk anyone outside this house ever knowing what I’m about to tell you.’ I watch as Benny and Caz exchange a worried look. ‘Is this about what you told me before?’ she asks. ‘Partly, but not completely. This is even more … treasonous.’ Three sets of eyes widen, particularly Caz’s. And I get it. After all, what’s more treasonous than having the blood of our enemies flowing in my veins?
Having a brother who was supposed to be killed by order of the king.
That’s what. ‘If you want to leave now, then please do,’ I continue. ‘I will understand completely, and it will make no difference to how much I love and respect every one of —’ ‘I’m in.’ Ruben’s answer comes before I can finish, and I can’t help but smile as my eyes meet his. ‘Whatever you need, Rosey, I’m in.’ ‘Thank you,’ I whisper. ‘But you should know that what I’m going to request of you is very serious. I’m going to ask each of you to join me in a blood vow, and I don’t know what the effects will be if you break it.’ ‘Good job I don’t spill secrets,’ Benny says simply. ‘Like Ruben said, I’m
in. I wouldn’t be here without you. That’s not something I’ll forget. Ever.’ My heart swells with love for these two men. Would I have answered so quickly to help them, not knowing what it was they were going to share with me? I’d like to think the answer was yes, but I can’t say for sure.
With their two answers given, I look to Caz. ‘There’s no pressure here,’ I tell her. ‘If you want to walk away, then you can absolutely go, but I had to ask you here. I had to give you the choice.’ ‘For Llin?’ she asks, causing a tug behind my sternum. ‘For you, as my friend,’ I say, holding her gaze fixedly. Llin may have been the past that brought us together, but any future friendship we have will be built on bricks we forge together. ‘Well,’ Caz says slowly, ‘as your friend then, I’m with these guys. I’m in.
Now, what do you need?’ ‘Oh, not much,’ I say, trying to ignore the prickling that raises the hairs on the back of my neck. ‘But it’s going to start with a little spilled blood.’
WE LEAVE the dining room half an hour later, all a little paler. ‘Is it me, or do you feel different?’ Ruben asks quietly. ‘Like you can feel the extra magic in you?’ ‘It’s not finished yet,’ Benny reminds him. ‘Rose still has to do the final part. I expect the sensation will settle after that.’ ‘I’m just grateful I wasn’t given healing magic,’ Caz comments, carrying two glasses of wine with her and taking a hefty gulp from one of them. ‘There’s no way I could deal with seeing blood every day.’ I’m grateful for the way they’re trying to act like this is all normal. Trying to make out that what I just asked of them is entirely reasonable in the realm of friendship. I’m also aware that now that the blood’s been prepared, I have to do the final part to seal the vow, and that includes telling them the secret they will never, ever be able to share.
When I reach the door to the kitchen, I push it open with my hip, my hands full with the small glass dish that holds my friends’ blood, which flashes with a sheen of magic that sits like an oil slick on water.
Jonas and William jump to their feet while Kay remains seated, as if this is all just a load of unnecessary fuss.
‘It’s done?’ Jonas questions as his eyes scan the group. ‘All of them?’ ‘All of them,’ I reply, flashing my friends a smile as Benny heads over to the counter and grabs another bottle of wine. ‘And it’s almost done. Just the final bit to go.’ I place the bowl on the table then take a scrap of paper and write the secret on it. When I place it into the blood, a stream of red smoke billows into the air.
A low, collective gasp rattles around the table as I look at my friends, all three of whom are clutching their chests in exactly the same spot on the right- hand side.
If I wanted confirmation that the spell worked, I think I just got it.
Their eyes are expectantly locked on me, and I know there’s nothing
more to do but trust.
Trust my magic.
Trust they will choose not to forfeit their lives to share this secret. ‘Benny, Caz, Ruben. I’d like to introduce you to William. Also known as Florian. My brother.’
