Chapter 13
our brother?’ Ruben is the first to break the silence. He sits by Caz with William on the other side of him, and the way he looks at my‘ Y little brother, it’s like he’s scouring his face for evidence of what he just learned. ‘I thought he was … he was —’ ‘Killed by the king?’ I answer for him. ‘Yes, we all did. But it turns out that’s not the case. He was hidden away somehow, then placed under the care of Lord Lorathin – Jonas’s father. As part of my gifting from the Goddess, Jonas told me the truth of my brother’s existence. A little detail he knew for several years but kept to himself.’ ‘What?’ Benny sits at the end of the table next to me, though he looks as if he’s about to leap up from it to throw Jonas across the room. ‘You knew?
You knew Rose’s brother was alive when we were in the Retterheld and you didn’t tell her? All that time when you were trying to get into her pants … you knew this then? You’re a fucking shit.’ Jonas shifts in his chair and I fight the urge to smile. I shoot Benny a look of thanks. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of having someone in my corner the way Benny always is. ‘Jonas did what he thought was best,’ Kay responds coolly, raising her chin, though I wonder if she’s annoyed most at Jonas being called a liar or hearing from someone other than me that her now-husband wasn’t exactly subtle about his wishes for something to happen between us.
Then again, she’s convinced there are no secrets between them, so perhaps she knows it all. ‘Sure he did. Best for himself,’ Benny mutters into his glass. ‘No, that’s not what happened—’ Jonas tries to defend himself, but
Ruben joins in too. ‘Do you have any idea how much Rose mourned her brother?’ He glares at Jonas. ‘How every night she —’ ‘Enough!’ I call the argument to a halt. We’re less than two minutes in and the bickering has already started. It doesn’t bode well.
Besides, as much as I hate to admit it, I know why Jonas made his choice.
I might not agree with his decision to keep me in the dark, but it’s better that he avoided telling anyone, including me, than spread William’s true name like gossip among anyone willing to listen.
With the room quiet again, I continue. ‘Jonas kept William’s secret safe.
That deserves recognition.’ I pause and look at Benny and Ruben, both of whom simmer down a little. ‘You are all also aware that Jonas and I are officially family now.’ I gesture to the ‘happy couple’. ‘Given that he and Kay thought it would be a good idea to get married.’ My little sister lifts her hand and flashes the rings, as if it’s a normal marriage worthy of a normal celebration. Gods help me. Sometimes her naïveté hurts. Yet I only have myself to blame. I worked hard to protect her from the realities of the world, and now it’s biting me on the arse. Neither one of them has thought of the potential repercussions. From Artur. From Hew. From Korvane. ‘Ruben.’ I turn my attention to him. ‘What you don’t know is that I manifested some unexpected powers during the trials. Magic that I had never encountered before. I learned today from Dinah that those powers came from our family. Our mother. Apparently … we’re a little bit Issen. A quarter, I suspect.’ He gapes for a beat. ‘Issen?’ Ruben lets out a low whistle, and for a second, I pause, waiting to see if he has any more of a reaction. Fear. Disgust, even? After all, I’m sure that’s how plenty of people would react if they found out one of their past fuck buddies was the thing we’ve been taught to fear and despise. But there’s no disdain in his eyes. He sees me, not my heritage, and I’m insanely grateful for that.
I shift my gaze to Benny, but he doesn’t look the slightest bit surprised.
He’s a smart man, and with his magic, he’s able to see to the heart of things, so I suspect he already worked out the truth of my heritage.
If I’m honest with myself, even though I pinned all the new powers on the Issen spirits, a creeping suspicion was crawling through my mind, even back in the Retterheld. I just refused to acknowledge it.
Kay lets out a choked sob. ‘It’s a nightmare come true,’ she whispers. Her hand once again lingers protectively on her stomach. If she planned on keeping the pregnancy a secret, she’s doing a piss-poor job. It’s a good job I have friends I can trust. ‘I won’t tell a soul,’ Ruben promises, locking eyes with each Kultavaris.
‘I promise you that.’ The ghost of a smile lifts my lips.
I never doubted his loyalty. If I had, he wouldn’t have been in the room in the first place. ‘So is it just you who’s got the powers?’ Benny asks, glancing at my brother and sister. ‘A first-child type thing?’ ‘I am completely normal,’ Kay says with a haughtiness that makes me clench my jaw.
Benny looks at my newly rediscovered brother. ‘William, what about you? Have you seen any evidence of these powers?’ William grimaces and looks at me in question.
I nod encouragingly. ‘We can trust him. All of them. I swear to you.
Show them what you can do.’ A hint of excitement glimmers in my brother’s eyes as he reaches out and places his hand on Ruben’s wineglass. ‘You mean like this?’ A second later, ice crystals appear on the outer edge. ‘Duuude!’ Ruben extends the syllable into a groan. ‘That’s red wine. I’m pretty sure it’s meant to be served warm.’ ‘Sorry,’ William says, but his sudden, wide grin is unrepentant and reminds me just how young he still is. I want to kiss my friend for his casual reaction; it was exactly what was needed to break the tension of the moment, and I’m once again reminded that Ruben’s power to warm goes well beyond that of a physical nature.
Yet as I turn to Benny, hoping for the same easy, laid-back demeanour on his face, my hope is shattered. Instead, a tight frown clenches his face. ‘Benny?’ Nervousness coils within me. ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’ ‘What was that?’ he asks sharply, but he’s not looking at me. He’s looking solely at William, who shrinks back a little. ‘Benny, it’s our power. It’s nothing to be afraid of …’ My pulse is racing, an unexpected fear gripping my ribs. ‘William is —’ ‘I’m not talking about the ice,’ he cuts in. ‘I’m talking about the pain William just felt across his stomach. The wince he didn’t quite hide.’
‘What?’ I question. I didn’t see a wince. I look between the two men who are sitting opposite one another. ‘William? Does it hurt you? Does doing that magic hurt you? ‘No.’ William’s answer is immediate, yet it is too quick to be believable,
so I look to Caz. ‘He’s lying,’ she confirms. ‘I think he’s still in pain,’ Benny continues. ‘It did something. His entire body reacted.’ I turn back to William. His face is pale and his eyes avoid meeting mine. ‘Benny can see things,’ I tell him, trying to keep my voice soft and calm, ‘and Caz knows when you’re lying, so there’s no point trying to hide things from us. Tell me the truth. What does it do to you when you use that magic?
Does it hurt?’ The thought of my little brother being in pain makes me want to wrap my arms around him and shield him from the entire world, but I get the feeling that’s not something he would accept from me right now. He is nearly a man grown; he does not want a sister’s protection.
Yet he will get it all the same. ‘Sometimes it hurts, but …’ William’s voice trails off. ‘But?’ It’s Jonas who presses him this time. ‘You’re safe here, Will. No one around this table is going to say anything about you to anyone ever. You know that. Please tell us the truth.’ Still, he remains clammed up and silent, and I don’t need Benny and Caz to tell me there’s more we need to know. ‘William, my friends just took a blood vow to make sure you stay safe,’ I try again. ‘And I get that this is a lot for you, but I’ve been honest with you from the very start of this. Now I need you to do the same. You understand?
It’s the only way we can guarantee everyone in this room stays safe. That includes you. Please help us do that.’ Finally, William dips his chin in the most minuscule of nods, but rather than speak again, he reaches down to the hem of his shirt, which he pulls out, then unbuttons the bottom before lifting it higher. Every pair of eyes in the room is on my brother, every breath held, and my heart is hammering against my ribs so hard I can hear the pounding in my skull. With one final movement, William’s stomach comes into view.
A gasp escapes me.
His skin is covered with the icy lace pattern characteristic of the Issen.
Fear and dread war for supremacy. He cannot have a normal life with these marks upon him. He will not be able to marry, not unless he binds his wife with a blood vow.
How far the delicate pattern extends, I can’t tell.
On the left side, it stretches out across his stomach and disappears under his shirt, which he holds at the bottom of his ribs. White, translucent, pale … it’s the very skin we have been taught to fear for our entire lives. ‘Good Gods!’ Kay recoils, covering her mouth. ‘It’s … It’s …’ ‘Growing,’ Benny finishes her sentence.
My eyes snap to his, then back to William. ‘Is he right?’ I ask, unsure why I’m even asking the question. If Benny says the pattern is growing, I have no reason not to believe him – other than I simply don’t want to. I really, really don’t want to. ‘The expansion slows down when I don’t use the magic. Or at least most of the time I think it does.’ William’s voice is so quiet I wish I had Loch’s power to hear him. ‘Sometimes it flares up and grows for no reason, but it hasn’t done that for a while.’ ‘Did you know about this?’ I say, spinning around and snapping at Jonas.
‘Did you know?’ ‘What? No, of course not!’ ‘No one knew,’ William insisted. ‘I kept it hidden when it started. No one’s ever seen it. Not Artur, not healers. Nobody. Ever.’ ‘Good,’ I say, trying to take a steadying breath. My mind is in turmoil, churning with panicked, half-formed thoughts.
With the control he has over his power, and the way he’s slipped by unnoticed for so many years, I thought William was safe here. But if those patterns become visible … if they reach his neck or his hands … if he takes an injury that requires a healer’s help … there’ll be no saving him then. ‘So, what now?’ Jonas’s voice cuts through the silence.
If getting to the Issen to get my powers under control wasn’t a priority before, it sure as hell is now. ‘This just confirms what I already knew,’ I say, looking between the group members. ‘I need to leave.’ ‘Leave? No!’ Kay shakes her head. ‘No, you can’t. Rose, you’ve only just got back. We’ve only just got our lives back.’ I nearly scoff. The truth is that there’s been no we since I won the Retterheld. No sisterly shoulder to cry on when my heart was broken. No
asking how I was doing after my best friend’s death. Kay’s not even asked about my magic.
But this isn’t just Kay and me anymore. It’s about William, too. ‘If I stay, sooner or later I’m going to fuck up,’ I say simply. ‘I can’t control my magic, and I’m going to use it in the wrong place, and you’re all going to die for it.’ ‘If this doesn’t get me killed before then,’ William adds with a gesture down to his stomach. ‘It seems to have been spreading faster the last couple of moons.’ My heart clenches. The last couple of moons when he was living with his sister? Could family proximity be what’s causing it to worsen? Or has he just reached the age where his Issen magic is maturing? Either way, it means we need to act. Now. ‘My baby …’ Kay whispers as if that’s the only matter that actually makes her take stock of how serious the situation is.
Benny, Caz, and Ruben exchange glances but don’t say anything, and for that I’m grateful.
All colour has drained from Kay’s face as she fumbles for her husband’s hand. ‘I won’t let anything happen to you,’ Jonas promises fiercely. ‘Either of you.’ She takes some deep breaths, looking sick. ‘So what’s next?’ Kay asks into the brittle silence. ‘What do you plan on doing, Rose?’ Fear continues to claw at my insides, but now more than ever I need to push that aside. I need to quash it. Focus on finding an answer and staying
alive.
For all our sakes.
I scan the table, taking in every single person sitting there. I clear my throat. ‘I’m taking the Hirathean Path. I need to find the Issen.’ In the blink of an eye, chaos erupts. ‘You can’t be serious?’ Jonas is first with his thoughts on the matter.
‘Rose, that’s insanity. Suicide.’ ‘They’re monsters,’ Kay cries. ‘You’ll never make it,’ William says, face ashen. ‘You’ll be killed well before you get there.’ Their votes of confidence are overwhelming.
I hold a hand up and they fall silent. I appreciate that there is no objection
from Benny, Caz, or Ruben. They have my back, all the way, and that matters. ‘We need a solution’—I gesture between William and me—‘and they are the only people who can give us one.’ ‘You can stay here and stay hidden,’ Jonas pleads. ‘Just remain in the High Hold and out of sight.’ ‘Out of sight?’ I scoff. ‘You mean live my life locked up in this house,
never able to wander outside?’ ‘Yeah, fuck that,’ William agrees.
My eyes spin to meet his, my sisterly instinct making me ready to rise and chastise him for his use of a swear word, but I swallow the urge. I don’t have the right to speak to him like that. Not yet anyway. Our relationship is only just beginning. ‘It’s not like there isn’t room here,’ Kay continues. ‘Jonas and I could make sure you have everything you need.’ ‘It’s the safest option,’ Jonas joins in. ‘We can protect you both.’ Jonas and Kay – our keepers, our saviours?
Our jailors, more like.
The thought of being kept in the house is claustrophobic, closing in on me from every side. It presses, overbearing and relentless, until my chest tightens and my breath turns shallow. Power surges within me in a wild, panicked rush, unbidden and unstoppable. It is too much, far too much, and I cast around desperately for somewhere, anywhere, to force the unbidden power into.
My gaze snags on the plant pots scattered around the dining room. I thrust the burgeoning magic into them without thought or finesse. The plants explode into life, leaves unfurling with violent speed. One creeps along the walls, thick vines clawing for purchase, wrapping around the decorative trellis Mother loved. The walls groan beneath the strain, and the sound sends a fresh spike of panic through me. ‘Deep breaths, Rose,’ Benny says, suddenly next to me, rubbing my arms, his voice low and soothing. ‘It’s okay. Just take some deep breaths, honey.
We need you to calm down. There’s only so many cracks in the walls this old house can take.’ The gentle humour helps, and I do as he bids, gulping in air like it’s my first breath.
I breathe in and out, over and over again, letting my chest rise and fall
until I feel calm again. ‘She’ll end up tearing the house to pieces, if not the city, if she stays here,’ Benny says. ‘Imprisoning her isn’t the answer.’ ‘Exactly,’ I agree once I’m back under control. I give Benny’s hand a grateful squeeze. ‘I need to go,’ I reiterate. ‘It’s the only way to find out what’s happening to me. To us,’ I add, nodding at William.
A slight pause perforates the room. ‘I know I’m not your favourite person right now,’ Jonas begins anew. ‘But have you really thought this through? Or do you just plan to walk north until you find one of these monsters and pray you can kill them before they kill you? And that’s assuming you don’t bump into any Torailians on the way. They’re both feral peoples, you know, the Issen and Torailians. The way they fight … they have armies in the tens of thousands, bigger even.
Have you thought about what will happen if you come across one of their battalions?’ My back teeth grind together. I ignore his negativity the same way I’ve done many times before. Jonas not believing in me isn’t something new. ‘Obviously I have a plan,’ I seethe. ‘I’m going to explain my absence from court by saying I am going on a pilgrimage for Etta. I’ll say that I plan to visit all her temples and express my gratitude to her for the gifting. No one will think anything of it, and it will give a legitimate reason for my disappearance.’ Not to mention, Korvane will simply think I am running from Kyor’s rejection, slinking away to lick my wounds.
I fold my arms. ‘As for bumping into Torailians, I plan on staying as far away from their territory as possible. And even if I do stumble into them, they’re hardly going to see one lone woman as a threat. All I need from you all is to propagate my lie for me. Spread the story that I’m visiting the temples.’ ‘Fuck that!’ Ruben snorts. ‘And fuck being a lone woman. I’m coming with you. It’s not like I have anything holding me here now.’ My chest tightens at that, at the void Noleen will leave for him. ‘Me too,’ Caz chimes in, shoulders square, daring me to argue. ‘I have to make sure you don’t accidentally wander into hostile land.’ Tension drains from me, replaced by a warmth that makes it feel like my
entire heart might swell to bursting.
I won’t be doing this alone.
‘Thank you. All of you.’ My voice warbles with emotion, but thankfully, it doesn’t break. ‘I can travel as far as Galreck,’ Benny says quietly. ‘I’m sorry I can’t go all the way. But the Isles … my mother —’ ‘It’s fine. I wasn’t expecting you to be able to come,’ I reply truthfully.
Benny has far more important obligations than babysitting a liability of a friend. ‘But I can come to Galreck,’ he repeats. ‘I have people I could do with seeing there anyway.’ The thought of him accompanying me warms me, and perhaps I am weak, but I do not try too hard to dissuade him. ‘Only if you’re sure?’ ‘I am.’ ‘Thank you,’ I murmur. The words are hardly enough to express my heartfelt gratitude. ‘I’ll come with you as well,’ Jonas says, then downs the glass of wine in front of him. ‘No,’ I say sharply. ‘Your place isn’t with me. Not anymore. It’s with Kay.’ ‘I’ll come too,’ Kay says, but her voice is weak and everything in her body language is screaming that she would rather do anything than travel with me to meet the Issen.
I grin at her. ‘Your magic isn’t an issue, Kay. Thanks to Mum’s tonic, it’s still suppressed. And William’s marks are still hidden. For now.’ I look at him. ‘You need to do everything in your power to keep them that way. I’m the only liability. You can both stay here, safe in Wrohelm. I’ll learn what I can and come back and teach you. I’ll find a way to stop the pattern spreading.’ I look at Kay. ‘In the meantime, you just stay here and concentrate on keeping my nephew or niece safe and healthy.’ Her bottom lip trembles. Nephew or niece. It’s the first time I’ve called the baby that, and it lands, not just on her but on me.
I’ve been thinking in terms of Kay being pregnant, and somehow my mind hasn’t yet accepted that she will have a baby. That she will be a mother.
I already know what a good mother she will be. She’s utterly brilliant with kids. ‘I’ll come too,’ William says stubbornly, but unlike when the others offered to join me, it’s not relief I feel but fear. And judging by the way his jaw locks – in an expression that is uncannily familiar – he can tell. ‘I’m just
as much Issen as you are. I have a right to go. And I’m the one with this.’ He lifts his shirt again, and it takes all my strength not to grimace. Not at the sight of it, but at what it means. The added risk it places him under. ‘No.’ I shake my head. Only once but with absolute certitude. ‘I’m not willing to negotiate on this. It’s too dangerous and you’re too young. And most importantly, we can’t explain away you going with me, not without exposing who you really are. And we can’t risk that. If Korvane finds out that you didn’t die, that his orders weren’t carried out fourteen years ago, then he’ll rectify the situation immediately.’ I hate to spell it out for him like this, but he needs to understand the depth of the danger he faces.
Frustration flashes in William’s eyes, and I’m cruelly relieved to see fear there too.
Fear is good. Fear keeps us safe, and fear will keep him safe. ‘I’m not finally finding my real family only to lose them again,’ he protests. ‘You’re not losing your real family,’ Kay promises. ‘You’ll still have me.’ She pauses. ‘If I’m enough.’ There’s vulnerability in her eyes and William can’t help but offer her a gentle smile. ‘Of course you’re enough, Acacia.’ She nods, but she doesn’t look convinced. ‘That’s it then. Apparently it’s all been decided for us.’ Her voice is bitter. ‘William, Jonas, and I will remain here and paint a picture of how normal life is, while Rose and her little gang go north to face the Issen.’ She stands, and her bottom lip trembles as her eyes meet mine. ‘You go off on your adventure, Rose. Fight your monsters. And once again I’ll stay here, praying you come back alive.’ With that, she turns on her heel and stalks out of the room. To my surprise, I don’t even blame her. She’s right. About all of it. I have to find the Issen and hope like hell that they’re not as barbaric as we’ve been told our whole lives.
I have to go and risk my life again. But I don’t envy her staying here, waiting in fear. Gods know, I couldn’t do it.
As the hard echo of the door slamming resonates around the room, Jonas rises to follow her. ‘I should make sure she’s all right,’ he says.
Rightly so, I think as I watch him leave, though none of us respond.
Jonas shuts the door with a gentle click, but it feels like he closes something else between us. His position in my life is no longer by my side.
He is no longer my friend, my once paramour; instead, he is now and forever my sister’s husband.
Some lines, once crossed, can never be uncrossed.
My mind remains with my sister, with Kay. It isn’t right, leaving her again, not when I promised the Retterheld would be the last time, but it’s either leave or be the reason we all lose our lives. There isn’t a third option
here.
‘So when do we go?’ Benny asks.
‘Soon,’ I reply.
Before I can lose my nerve.
