Chapter 28
he next morning, I awaken with gritty eyes and a tiredness in my limbs that suggests I barely slept. The others seem to have suffered similarly,T and silence has settled into the bones of the group. ‘How was Loch last night?’ I ask Benny as he loads up his saddlebags.
‘Has he said anything to you?’ ‘Nothing that makes sense,’ he admits. ‘But he recognises you? Knows who you are?’ ‘I think so. It’s tough to tell. I’m not sure whether he can ride or not,’ Benny says. ‘Probably best he doubles up with me.’ None of us object; as mean as it is, I think we’d all rather Loch ride with Benny than one of us. We’ve been cycling through the horses so that they only need to carry two of us once every three days. With Loch’s arrival, it means they only get one day’s break in every three. It’s not like there’s much weight to the former Rettling, but still, the horses are beginning to look as
weary as we feel.
I chew my lip. ‘Kyor?’ He turns to look at me.
His expression softens the instant our eyes meet, the hard lines of prince and commander easing into something painfully familiar. For a moment, it’s just us, like it used to be before vows and crowns and broken hearts got in the way. ‘Can I ride with you?’ I gesture behind me to Loch’s general vicinity.
He smiles. ‘Thorn, I’d love nothing more than to have you between my legs.’ Despite myself, my lips curl up. I can admit to myself that I’ve missed his
flirting and that nickname that ignites something in the pit of my stomach.
His arms come around me as we settle on Elska’s back, caging me in, his chest a solid warmth at my spine. Every jolt of the wolf’s movement presses me back against him, and I’m far too aware of every place our bodies touch.
We ride north, and I find I’m suddenly filled with doubts.
Am I doing the right thing, dragging my friends around Afaven Forest to find my mother’s ring? What if the visions are nothing more than insanity?
Yet I swear I can almost feel its presence, like a pressure at the base of my spine, pushing me on to find it.
All we’ve got are Elska’s instincts and memories to say we’re in the right part of the forest, and what if she’s wrong? What if she’s lost?
It’s a thought I’d never dare voice in her company. I’m brave, but I’m no fool.
Still, all it would take is for our path to be a metre off to the left or the right and we’d miss the ring entirely. ‘Hey Rose, you got a minute?’ Ruben asks as he rides up beside us a
short while later. ‘Sure, what’s up?’ I try to make it look like I wasn’t deeply settled into Kyor’s chest. I might not have any intention of rekindling things with the prince, but the last thing Ruben needs is to be reminded that I chose not to be with the man I love over actually being with him. That’s just shit. ‘I was thinking …’ Ruben continues. ‘Maybe your vision of the ring wasn’t about the ring at all. Maybe it was a metaphor. Maybe what we were supposed to find was Loch. I mean, the ring’s not worth anything, is it? Other than sentimental value?’ ‘I don’t think so,’ I admit. ‘I mean, it’s worth coin, but nothing beyond that.’ ‘So maybe the vision’s purpose was to lead you to find Loch? I feel like that would make more sense if you guys were friends in the Retterheld, right?’ I wouldn’t go as far as to say we were friends, but we were definitely part of an alliance. ‘Maybe,’ I admit. ‘If we’ve not found the ring by tonight, I’ll reassess,’ I promise, but my words are empty. I know I need that ring, even if I can’t articulate why.
Ruben frowns, and I know what he’s thinking. He, like the others, wants
to get out of the forest as quickly as possible, but instead we’re plunging ever deeper into it. It isn’t as if I enjoy being here any more than they do, but the thought of abandoning the ring is enough to cause that pressure to reform at the base of my spine. ‘Okay. And look.’ He holds out his palm and a small flame appears.
I gasp. ‘The power … it’s staying?’ ‘Yeah.’ He nods. ‘So far. I’ve been pretty chill with it. Seeing how little I need to light a fire, that type of thing. I can feel it’s not as strong as it was, but I reckon if I keep using it sparingly like this, I should have enough power to get through a few days with a flame.’ Pride puffs out his chest, making my heart warm. ‘Nice.’ I smile because he’s so clearly delighted with himself. I get it, I really do. If all I’d gained was my green magic, I would have been thrilled too. ‘Let me know when it runs out; I’m happy to give you more if I can.’ Behind me, Kyor’s sudden tension is unmissable, but he doesn’t verbalise any complaints. ‘Thanks. I suppose we should try it, if only to make sure you can do it again. And I’d like to see if I can do a few other things, too.’ ‘Other things? Like?’ ‘Like burning without a flame, maybe? I was trying on wood. Seeing if I could just up my heat enough to do that. Maybe it’ll be impossible, but I won’t know until I try, right?’ ‘Ahh yes, nothing says macho like burning your initials into a tree.’ Kyor snorts.
I twist in his arms to give him a flat look. ‘What? I’m just saying that if your power can be replaced with a lighter or a flick knife, then it really doesn’t have much point, does it?’ ‘You’re right,’ Ruben says, seemingly unflustered by the belittlement. ‘Maybe I should work on heating up something else.’ He bites down on his bottom lip as if he’s contemplating the idea. ‘Maybe Rose and I could experiment together. I’m sure I remember there were certain parts of her I got pretty hot when it was cold in the slums, right?’ I sigh. I have no idea what Ruben is up to. We talked, we agreed he and I were never going to happen, and yet here he is, deliberately riling up the prince.
And the worst part is, some traitorous part of me likes it. Likes the way Kyor’s grip tightens on my waist, the way his breath turns sharp and
possessive against my neck. It’s insane, craving proof he cares, even in the form of petty jealousy.
It makes me think that maybe Kyor did truly care about me, even if it wasn’t love.
And that is the kind of thought that fractures a person.
Kyor growls behind me. ‘You clearly didn’t do that good a job,’ he bites back to Ruben, ‘or she wouldn’t have ended up in my bed, would she?’ ‘Oh, don’t worry, I’m in it for the long game, which from what I’ve heard isn’t your forte.’ Ruben tosses Kyor a patronising wink. ‘Enough!’ I snap. ‘I really don’t need this dick-swinging conversation right now.’ As Ruben falls silent, Kyor mutters something. ‘What was that?’ I ask. My eyebrows rise so high they all but hit my hairline as I glare at him. ‘Something you want to say, Kyor?’ ‘He said, “Is his dick even big enough to swing?”’ Loch calls from behind us.
Benny and Caz burst out laughing. I can see the hope in Benny’s eyes, that Loch may have turned a corner in his recovery.
I eye the older man, who is smirking slightly.
Fucking typical. The first intelligible thing Loch decides to say, and that’s what he goes with?
Unable to cope with the lot of them, I squeeze my heels into Elska’s sides a little. She turns her head towards me and growls. Oh-kay. No trying to control Elska. Noted.
Kyor seems amused, and the confrontation with Ruben hasn’t left him stewing like it might have done in days prior, so that’s something. ‘Why are you being so calm?’ I ask.
He leans forward, his breath tickling the shell of my ear. ‘You’re in my arms, not his. And before long, you’ll be back in my bed, not his. We’re inevitable, Rose. Like the rising sun.’ I huff. ‘No, we’re not. I need someone I can trust,’ I tell him pointedly for what feels like the millionth time, but my body moves against my will, leaning back into him just a little more.
Kyor’s chuckle skims a breath against my ear. ‘You should keep wriggling against me, Thorn. I like it.’ His fingers splay and squeeze at my waist, and combined with the gravelly husk in his tone, it’s enough to cause all the muscles in my body to
sink even deeper into him. ‘Fuck!’ I mutter as I feel just how much he likes it. I bite my lip, doing all I can to stop a moan escaping, and he laughs again. ‘I did warn you.’ ‘Yeah, you’re a real gentleman,’ I say sarcastically. ‘That’s why your cock is pressing into me.’ I shift myself deliberately forward on Elska’s back, even though I instantly miss his warmth.
Kyor groans. ‘Don’t use those words together. It’s not fair. Not when I want to press it into you in a very different place, my love.’ ‘Don’t call me that,’ I snap. ‘I’ll call you whatever I please,’ he says languidly as he reaches an arm around me and pulls me flush against him again.
I try to ignore how much I like it. Try to ignore the way the rhythm of the wolf’s stride has my body rubbing up and down his length, wishing I could feel it without the confines of fabric between us. But that’s insanity. It’s only tiredness and a lack of physical touch that’s making me feel that way.
Or at least, that’s what I’m telling myself.
Luckily, Benny and Loch join us up front shortly thereafter, though the latter’s constant vigilance sets my teeth on edge. Loch is always tense, always listening for danger. His eyes are wide as he mutters and whispers.
Maybe it should be reassuring, having him with us, knowing he’ll hear even the slightest hint of danger before it’s upon us. But it’s not. His constant state of anxiety is just stoking my pulse higher and higher. Add to that the fact that the woodland is thickening into something far darker and more oppressive, and I’ve never felt more relieved than when Kyor calls it a day and suggests we set up camp for the night.
Exhaustion pulls at my bones even as the tension between Kyor and me coils tighter with every heated glance. And there have been many today, along with numerous gentle caresses as we’ve ridden, which I’ve tried my best to ignore.
Each casual brush of his fingers, each steadying squeeze at my hip when Elska landed hard, felt like its own quiet question: Will you let me in again?
I’ve ignored every single one, but my body has catalogued them all the same.
Enjoyed every one, too. ‘Els says there’s a pack of feral wolves deeper in,’ Kyor says. ‘But we’re out of their territory here.’ I’m grateful for that reassurance, the attack of the unbonded pack still
fresh in my mind. ‘Quiet ones,’ Loch says feverishly, wringing his hands, his volume just audible. ‘The Quiet Ones will keep it safe. They’re close. The Quiet Ones are close.’ He’s rocking back and forth, and I exchange a concerned glance with Benny.
As we tether the horses and gather our things, I seek out Caz. ‘Sounds like you had some fun conversations today.’ She smirks at me as she unclasps the top button of her cloak then proceeds to tie her hair into a loose bun. ‘Yeah, you could say that. I just wish they would stop riling each other.’ ‘I actually think it’s a good thing. It feels like banter now. Kyor hasn’t threatened to slit Ruben’s throat in hours.’ I baulk. ‘He threatened to slit his throat?’
Caz nods. ‘While he was sleeping.’ I pinch the bridge of my nose. ‘I mean … he didn’t follow through,’ she continues hastily as she takes her cloak off entirely and rolls her shoulders. Clearly mine aren’t the only muscles that are aching from all the hours on horseback. ‘I really think Ruben is growing on him, now that he’s seeing you’re not interested in him like that.
Not anymore.’ Needing to shift the conversation away from my disastrous love life, I let out a slight sigh before gesturing to Loch. ‘What do you think?’ I ask Caz. ‘Are you able to get anything from him?’ She shakes her head. ‘His only intention is survival. That’s all. No duplicity though.’ I think about what Ruben said about the ring and how maybe it wasn’t what I was supposed to find. I suppose that someone with Loch’s hearing would be far more useful on this trip than a piece of metal, but that’s assuming Loch can actually communicate what he’s hearing, and right now, that’s not happening. Other than the dick comment, none of his ramblings have made any sense. Not to me anyway.
There’s little chatter from him or anyone else as we eat our food around the fire, though it’s Benny’s quiet that unnerves me the most. His wisecracks and constant flirting with Ruben have been one of the few things to lighten the mood on the trip; without them, the sense of despondency is hard to ignore. I think Ruben has enjoyed the flirting too, Benny has given him something to think on, other than the loss of his mother.
‘Come on, buddy,’ he says to Loch as Caz and I start making our beds. ‘Time to get to sleep.’ For a second it looks like Loch’s about to agree, when without warning he suddenly cries out. ‘Quiet Ones!’ he shouts, spinning in a circle. ‘The Quiet Ones, they are near! We should go! We should go!’ I look at Kyor, but Elska is already on her feet, starting to scout around
the perimeter. ‘She’s on it,’ he reassures me. ‘The Quiet Ones! Why would they come?’ Loch continues. ‘Not for me.
No, not for me. They’re all coming. Silent.’ ‘It’s all right, buddy,’ Benny tries to soothe him. ‘No one’s coming for you. We’re here now.’ ‘We’ve got you,’ Ruben helps with the reassurances. ‘No one’s getting past us.’ He flicks his hand to produce a flame ten times the size of the one he made earlier, but Loch only continues to shake his head. ‘Fire won’t stop them. They know where they are. The Quiet Ones know.’ Are the Quiet Ones protectors or enemies? I can’t tell. But my heart drums against my ribs as a tingle of magic floods through me. Before I decide what to do with it, a hand grabs mine and gives it a reassuring squeeze. ‘It’s fine.’ Kyor turns me around to face him. ‘It’s fine. There’s nothing to fear. There’s nothing but animals out there. I promise.’ I want to believe him, but it’s hard with Loch pacing crazily only a few feet away. ‘Els has checked,’ Kyor insists. ‘She would know. She wouldn’t let us stay here.’ ‘She wouldn’t let you stay here,’ I correct. ‘She’d happily let the rest of us be eaten by one of these quiet things.’ ‘Well, in that case, you should definitely curl up with me. Just for safety’s sake, you know.’ He says the words so drily and matter-of-factly that I can’t help but let out a slight laugh. Kyor’s eyes lock on mine. ‘I’d never let anything happen to you, Rose. You know that.’ There’s no humour in his eyes now, no teasing lilt to his voice – just raw, unvarnished truth. He looks at me as if the world could burn and he’d still be standing between me and the flames, but we both know it isn’t true. He won’t even stand between his father and me.
But … do I believe he’ll keep me safe tonight, even from a Myrkr?
Godsdamn it. ‘I do,’ I whisper.
He reaches out and strokes my cheek, and it’s hard not to lean into his warmth. ‘I miss you,’ he murmurs softly, his voice heavy with longing. ‘I miss my best friend. My only friend.’ His words slice through me, sharper than any blade. I don’t want him to feel alone.
I love the stupid idiot. Though perhaps I am the stupid idiot for thinking that, still.
Kyor’s calloused thumb traces a slow line along my cheekbone, and a shiver chases down my spine. My traitorous body tilts almost imperceptibly towards his touch, starving for this caress even while my mind screams at me to pull away.
A lump forms in my throat and tears threaten. Gods, I miss him too. Miss his unquestioning support. Miss the one person who made me feel like I could achieve anything. Miss the feel of his lips on mine.
But would it even feel the same, being with a man I know would never choose me in the end? Would a second chance be the thing it took for him to put me first, or would it be the final nail in our coffin?
Kyor’s so close I can smell his scent all around me, intoxicating and heady. All it would take is moving forward a couple of inches, and I could
taste his lips again.
Like I’ve been dreaming of.
His gaze drops to my mouth, his breath hitching, and for one suspended heartbeat the world narrows to that tiny stretch of air between us. If he leans in, I don’t know whether I’ll stop him. I don’t know if I can.
Caz calls out, ‘Rose, there’s a comfy bed over here. I’ve got your stuff sorted.’ I turn to find the scribe standing a short distance away, with the blankets strewn on the ground near a moss-covered tree. She holds my gaze with a knowing look before I glance back to Kyor.
I don’t know whether to be grateful for her timely interruption or whether
I should strangle her.
I blow out a breath. I should join her.
I take a step away from Kyor, and that’s enough to break the spell between us. ‘No practice tonight?’ he says, his tone businesslike.
‘Maybe tomorrow. I’m tired.’ He scans my face, seeing the shadows there, and for once, he nods and lets me slink away.
When I reach Caz, she spins me gently around so that our backs are facing Kyor. ‘Looked like you were getting quite close to doing something you might regret,’ she says. ‘Thought I’d give you an out if you wanted one.’ ‘What happened to the bone mending stronger than before?’ ‘Is that what you were doing?’ she asks. ‘Maybe …’ It definitely felt honest, if nothing else. ‘Maybe.’ I pick up one of the blankets she placed down and move it a little. The bottom of the tree trunk might be mossy, but it’s too sloped for my liking.
As I lie down, my eyes drift up to the canopy above and the dense sea of dark leaves that blocks our view of the sky. My thoughts drift to Kyor, as they so often do.
What’s the point of wanting a man, loving a man, with whom there’s no future?
With my head still whirring, I think of Llin. I’m sure her advice would have been terrible, but I find myself craving it nonetheless. She probably would have told me to fuck him out of my system.
I turn towards Caz to share that thought, the words forming on my tongue, but when I look at her, a gasp catches in my throat. ‘Caz!’ I scream.
