THE NEARER WE GET TO THE BOAT, THE MORE IT seems that people are spilling from its edges. The person in charge—the captain, I presume—greets us gruffly and helps Yusuf and Lama get on. The faces that greet us as we clumsily make our way onboard and try to find room to sit are starved, cold, empty. They huff in annoyance at more people crowding the already overfull boat.
We find a small, empty space and quickly sit down and lean against the boat’s side. My limbs sag with relief, my teeth chattering as I huddle closer to Kenan. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and hugs me closer. Our jeans and coats are wet up to our knees. Lama clings to Yusuf, her body shivering. Her own coat won’t dry anytime soon, so I take out a sweater and throw it to Yusuf, praying we don’t die from hypothermia.
“Put it around her. It’s not much, but it’ll do something.”
“Thank you,” Yusuf whispers.
The sky is gray, matching the sea, and if it wasn’t such a dire situation, I’d have enjoyed this weather. I wouldn’t be malnourished; instead I’d be covered in coats and scarves with a piping cup of tea in my hands.
My eyes wander to the other people traveling with us. There are more children than adults. My heart jolts when I spot a pregnant woman, and I look away before she catches me staring. Kenan groans quietly, and I for one sick moment am happy for the distraction.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, twisting to look at him.
“I’m fine.” He closes his eyes, breathing in deeply. I hope the concussion is letting go of its hold on him. “Can—can you give me Panadol?”
“Yes!” I quickly go through my bag and take out one tablet, pass it to him discreetly. He immediately pops it in his mouth, swallowing with no
water. The exhaustion from moving the heavy debris after being kicked and beaten and not having enough sleep is catching up to him. Not to mention our wet clothes aren’t helping.
Kenan catches my worried expression and smiles, pulling me against him and our shivering lessens. “I’m fine. Don’t worry. Dr. Ziad checked me.” He gestures at his face, which is still swollen and bruised. “They’re just annoying bruises.”
“Do you feel nauseous? A headache?” I take out my phone and shine the light in his eyes. They react normally.
“No, Dr. Salama,” he says like a dutiful patient. “I just want to sit here with my wife.” He rubs his hand over my arm. “You’re cold.”
I relent. He really is just tired.
“A bit,” I admit, happy he’s holding me. “Do you want me to tell you
something good?”
“Yes, please.”
“I have a new story idea.”
I look up at him and there’s a twinkle in his eyes. The tension lessens in his brows. “Tell me.”
“It came to me before we left home. When I was looking at Layla’s
painting.”
“It’s a beautiful painting.”
I pat his cheek, and he leans against my palm. “It’s a story about a little girl who stumbles on magical portraits that take her to alternate universes.
But to cross through, she has to sacrifice something valuable.”
He stays silent for a few seconds and then softly says, “I don’t want to
illustrate this. I want to animate it.”
I smile. “Another collaboration?”
“It would be my honor to work with the genius herself again.”
“Praise me some more and you have a deal.”
He laughs lightly and I’m glad to be able to draw his mind away from the terror of the drive here. “Salama, love of my life. My sky, my sun, my moon, and my stars, would you grant this mortal wish of mine?”
I pretend to think about it while my ears burn. “Okay, fine.”
“We’re leaving now!” the captain calls, and we fall back to reality. The whispering disappears and, as if in unison, all of us look back at the shore.
The boat starts to rock away gently, the waves lapping against its body,
trying to find holes through which to enter. I know how to swim. Baba taught me and Hamza. Kenan told me he and his siblings do too. But I don’t want us to test our strengths against the sea’s. Not today.
For once the humming in my brain stops, and I don’t hear anything but the sea and the mourning of my country. I raise my head to get a good, long look at Syria.
My eyes wander on the shore, desperately trying to memorize its features before it disappears, and just there, I see a girl about eight, laughing, running along the beach, her pink dress looking so out of place.
Her curly brown hair falls below her shoulders, and when she looks toward me, she grins. I know that face, and the missing front tooth, because I have photos of me looking like that. Ten years will do a lot to the cheeky twinkle in that girl’s eyes. Ten years will teach her how to survive. It’ll wedge Syria’s soil under her fingernails. Despite being a pharmacist, she’ll know
some wounds will never heal.
I blink and she disappears.
A song begins. One of the revolution’s songs that compares Syria to Heaven. Heaven. I listen as if it’s the first time I’ve heard it. I take in the words and tattoo them on my heart. And I realize I’m not hallucinating the song—everyone on the boat is singing. My throat becomes tight as the hoarse voices mingle with the wind, carrying our melody to the heavens. I can hear the tears fall down their cheeks and I can taste them in my mouth.
They’re as salty as the sea.
Soon enough, my voice joins theirs, and I sing through my own silent sobbing that drips, drips, drips to the boat’s floorboards, sinking into the old wood. Even Yusuf sings, his voice bruised from underuse.
By the end of it, we’re all craning our necks back toward Syria as she vanishes slowly behind us. Kenan leans on my shoulder, trying to get a better look, and his tears drop on my hand. I look up at him and I realize we really are Syria now. Just like I told him. Our small family is all that’s left to remember our country by. I hug him, crying, and he cries too.
We don’t blink; we don’t look away until we can’t see her anymore.
