All the Colors of the Dark — Chapter 161

161

One crisp morning he answered the Meyers’ phone to discover Charlotte had cut school. He covered for her gamely, told the teacher she had come down with a cold, and then he set out through Monta Clare to find her. He remained mostly calm, reasoned she could not have gone far as he roused Sammy and sent him out to cover the higher streets.

Patch found her by the lake where she sat alone and held a few-leaf sunflower, her fingers small around the short lance of the bract as she stripped toothless leaves and floated them on the water.

“Mind if I sit?” he said.

“Always.”

He sat far enough away to keep from touching her knee with his. “I used to cut school and come here when I was your age.”

“I’m not cutting. I chose not to go. It’s not prison.”

“Are you scared…your mother.”

“I’m not scared.”

“I am.”

“That’s why Sammy calls you a pussy.”

He frowned.

“I’ve seen pictures of my mom when she was young, and she’s beautiful like she is now. But she chose you,” she said, like it was a challenge, like there could not be a thing less fathomable.

“Because you saved her. My grandmother talks about pity. Because you were poor. I saw it in the photos you’re in. You’re all skinny and your clothes don’t fit. Your mother didn’t love you enough.”

“I was hard to love.”

“You were bad.”

He nodded.

“But she gets sick and you don’t.”

“Do you believe in God?” he said.

She took a moment and then shook her head.

He fought the urge to reach out, and she sensed it and stared at him with such heat. “I’ll never want you as my father.”

“I…”

“You all think I don’t know.”

Behind her a bufflehead dove and concentric circles crowned until they grew too large, until there was no trace left at all.

“You should know I’ll never hold your hand. I’ll never hug you. I’ll

never be yours in any way at all.”

He nodded.

“It’s not fair,” she said.

“It rarely is.”

She walked back toward home.

He waited awhile and followed, keeping her just within sight, far enough away so that she did not have to feel him there at all.

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