All the Colors of the Dark — Chapter 113

113

Inside, half the town showed, and when it was time her grandmother led her before their eyes, and she stood opposite him in his two-button suit, his satin lapels and sage paisley tie.

She did her best to smile, to speak her vows, to make far-reaching promises from a limited vantage point. And only when all was nearly said and done did she make the fatal mistake of glancing to the back of the nave.

Patch sat alone, and for a moment she met his eye.

She took Jimmy’s hand. As the applause rang out and he led her down the aisle, she looked for him again. And saw that he was gone.

Outside in the break of rain as the photographer readied and the locals gathered to throw confetti, Saint slipped from her husband’s hand and

moved back down the pathway.

“Hey,” she called.

And she took a breath before he turned.

“How did you—”

Patch smiled. “Sammy.”

“Right.”

“You’re not staying for the party.”

He shook his head.

Soon enough his hair matted down with the rain, but for a long time they stood there, so familiar and foreign.

“He seems—”

“He’ll be a veterinarian,” she said.

“You always liked animals.”

She smiled, and she wondered if he still saw that girl with the crooked

tooth, the overalls torn at each knee.

“He treats you well?” Patch said.

She wanted to tell him that Jimmy said there wasn’t room for her piano.

That sometimes she fixed his dinner and he forgot to thank her. That he was not silly in any of the good ways. She wanted to tell Patch that Jimmy did not like her being a cop. That he wanted to have children right away, and that when they did he expected her to step out of her life and into a mother’s. Most of all she wanted to tell him that she was scared. She was a cop who had done so many brave things. But she was scared.

“He treats me well.”

He took her in his arms and she felt the strength of him, the heat as his hands pressed the small of her back, her chest against his.

“I miss you,” she whispered into his ear.

“Every day,” he said.

“There’s so much to say, Patch.”

“But nothing that will change much of anything.”

He wiped her tears.

“You be good, kid,” she said.

And then she walked back to the church, where Norma found her and took her into the side room and dried her off, fixed her hair and the little

makeup she wore.

“You look beautiful,” Jimmy said.

“Thank you.”

“I was worried you were going to wear that braid in your hair like when we were kids,” he added with a laugh. “Where were you, before?”

“I had to say goodbye to somebody.”

Saint managed to smile for the photos, managed to shake the hands and kiss the cheeks, and make small talk with everyone who filled the church hall into the evening.

And it was only when the dance floor cleared, and the spotlight fell, and Jimmy took her in his arms that she felt the smallest stab of relief that Patch had left before the reception.

The small crowd gathered at the edge and smiled as the speakers crackled with the opening notes.

“Why did you choose this song?” Jimmy asked, as they gently swayed.

“I just like it.”

Saint moved with him and did not meet his eyes, instead closing hers tightly.

She sang in a whisper, of Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters, and how rose trees never grow in New York City.

OceanofPDF.com