Chapter Sixteen
Ryan opened the door to his apartment. “I haven’t really done much with the place.”
His nerves had returned during their walk, once he’d gotten the pressing need to kiss Fabian out of the way. Now that they’d made it home, he had no idea what to do next.
“Wow,” Fabian said, walking past him into the living room. “I’ve never been in one of these buildings.”
“I couldn’t quite afford a unit that faces the CN Tower, but I still have a pretty good view, I think.”
Fabian snorted. “My apartment has a view of an alley where raccoons like to fuck. There’s a reason why I keep my curtains closed.”
Ryan laughed, but he was worried that his apartment was making Fabian uncomfortable. Compared to Dallas Kent’s stupid mansion it didn’t seem overly ostentatious, but it had still cost him plenty.
Fabian slipped his coat off and draped it over the back of Ryan’s sofa.
Ryan was oddly touched by how easily Fabian did this, as if he was in his own home.
Ryan hung up his own coat in the closet and slipped off his shoes. Fabian noticed him doing this and looked embarrassed. “Shit. Sorry. I’m super fucking rude.” He grabbed his coat off the couch and Ryan took it from him.
“Don’t worry about it. Can I get you anything?”
“No. Why don’t we just...relax?” Fabian went to the couch, dropped onto it, then patted the cushion next to him.
Ryan had thrown his button-up shirt back on before they’d left the club, but Fabian was only wearing the white lace tank top that had been thoroughly distracting Ryan all night. Without sleeves in the way, Ryan could see the muscle definition in Fabian’s wiry arms, and he could feast his eyes on the smooth, soft curves of his shoulders. The nipple piercing that Ryan had been curious about for weeks was clearly visible through the
dainty fabric of the shirt.
“You’re staring,” Fabian said.
“Probably.”
“You can get a better look over here.”
Ryan wasn’t sure how far he would be comfortable going tonight, but he decided he would try to let his body, and Fabian, guide him. His brain tended to ruin everything.
He sat in the middle of the sofa, and Fabian immediately crawled into his lap and straddled him. Ryan rested a hand on the side of Fabian’s head and let his fingers drift into his silky, dark hair.
“Mm. Play with my hair and I’ll let you do anything,” Fabian purred.
“Anything, eh? Like what?”
“You can...kiss me?”
Ryan didn’t have to be asked twice. It had been way too fucking long since Ryan had kissed anyone, but it wouldn’t have mattered if he’d made out with five men that morning, this was Fabian. It was Fabian’s teeth that were nipping at Ryan’s bottom lip; Fabian’s tongue that was sliding over his own; Fabian’s sweet sighs that Ryan was swallowing.
Without even realizing what he was doing, Ryan guided Fabian down onto the couch cushions and covered him. Fabian smiled at him from his new position beneath him, and Ryan took his mouth again.
Ryan knew this was selfish. It was probably the most selfish thing he’d ever done, and he knew he’d feel bad about it later. But that was later. Right now, he was finally kissing Fabian Salah. Really kissing him. He was finally making Fabian squirm beneath him by kissing the sensitive skin under his smooth, sharp jaw. God, his neck. Ryan wanted to know every inch of his neck, and his shoulders, and his collarbone.
Fabian arched up so his erection pressed against Ryan’s thigh. “What do you want? What do you like? I’m up for just about anything.”
Ryan froze, his face hovering above Fabian’s. He was suddenly reminded of how bad he was at sex. Kissing was fine, but anything beyond that would
definitely leave Fabian disappointed.
“I—we could just...kiss?”
Fabian looked confused. “We could. Is that all you want?”
“For now. Maybe?”
Fabian stroked his fingers gently over Ryan’s beard. “That’s okay with me. But is something wrong?”
“No. No, it’s just—” Ryan sighed and sat up. His brain had shown up to wreck everything, as usual. “I need you to know, before we do anything,
that I’m not...normal about this stuff.”
“Normal? Who wants normal?” Fabian teased.
Ryan ran a hand through his own hair. He had no idea how to explain any of this, so he just started talking. “I’m serious. I’m anxious. Like, clinically
anxious.”
“Lots of people are anxious.”
“Okay, fine. But I’m also terrible at talking to people. I beat people up for a living and...when I’m in the moment—fighting someone, I mean—it’s the only time my head is clear. It’s like...easy. It’s so fucked up that I’m relaxed when I’m punching someone, but I’m a pile of nerves when I’m ordering in a restaurant.” Ryan was babbling now, but he needed to make Fabian understand. “I’m not okay. I see a therapist, I take medication. And I’m terrible at sex. So if that’s where this is leading—”
Fabian moved to stand between Ryan’s legs. He put his hands on Ryan’s shoulders, commanding his attention. “Do you find it hard, talking to me?”
Ryan answered him honestly. “No.”
“Do you want to know what I think of you?” Ryan wasn’t sure. When he didn’t reply, Fabian continued. “I think you’re sexy as hell. And you’re so fucking sweet. And I don’t think you beat people up for a living. I think you protect people for a living. Because that’s who you are, Ryan. You have a giant heart in that giant chest and...” He leaned in, brushing his lips against Ryan’s ear. “I’m. Not. Scared of you.”
The force of Fabian’s words made Ryan gasp, and then, before he could stop himself, he grabbed the front of Fabian’s shirt and pulled him forward until Fabian was in his lap again. They kissed wildly, and this time it was Ryan who ended up on his back with Fabian falling on top of him. Fabian straddled Ryan’s waist, and Ryan wrapped his hands around his slim, strong biceps. Ryan’s cock, which had been half hard since leaving the club, was painfully rigid now, and he could feel Fabian’s arousal digging into his leg.
“We can just kiss,” Fabian said breathlessly, “but if that’s what you want, then I need to change position. Because if we keep up like that I will definitely hump your thigh until I make a mess.”
Lord Jesus. “That would be okay. If you want. I don’t mind.”
Fabian looked amused. “Well, I try to aim a little higher with my sexual partners than doing things they don’t mind.”
Ryan was already fucking this up. “I’m sorry. It’s me. Like I said, I’m not good at sex.” He closed his eyes and waited for Fabian to politely make his
excuses to leave.
“I have no idea what that means,” Fabian said. He pushed himself off of Ryan and kneeled between his legs on the couch cushions. “Do you make
sure you have your partner’s consent?”
“Yes.”
“Are you safe? Do you use protection?”
“Always.”
“Do you care about your partner’s pleasure?”
“Of course.”
“Well then.” Fabian rested a hand on Ryan’s stomach and smiled at him.
“I don’t see a problem.”
Ryan shook his head.
Fabian sighed. “Fine. Tell me the problem. Let’s hear it.”
The mood was effectively killed anyway, so Ryan decided to go for broke. “I need...instruction.”
Fabian’s eyes widened. “Like...domination?”
“No! No. That’s not what I mean. I just need a lot of...” It took a moment, but Ryan found the right word. “Reassurance. That what I’m doing is good.
Because otherwise I just spend the whole time worrying that I’m doing everything wrong.”
Fabian seemed to consider this. “Well, that’s certainly doable. Is that all?”
“No. I also...kind of have body issues. I don’t like people looking at me
too closely.”
“Naked, you mean?”
“Sexually, I guess. Like, I’m naked all the time in the locker room and stuff. It’s more about...being appraised. Being compared to other people.”
Fabian frowned. “You don’t think much of yourself, do you?”
Ryan looked away, embarrassed. “Not really. No.”
“So let’s say we leave the lights off and I give you lots of positive reinforcement. Would that make things easier?”
Ryan truly appreciated how accommodating Fabian was being, and he wished he could just say yes. That it would be enough. But...
“I can’t... I mean, I don’t usually, um, come. Even if it feels good and I like what’s happening. It’s a side effect of the meds I take, but it’s also just...me. I get trapped in my head sometimes.” He blew out a breath. “So, yeah. Sex with me is probably not worth it.”
He gathered up his courage and turned his gaze back to Fabian, and was surprised to find him smiling fondly. “We don’t have to do anything, if you don’t want. But I would like to make you feel good. It doesn’t have to involve orgasms. We can even keep our clothes on.” He reached for Ryan’s hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed his knuckles and said, “I like the way you look at me. And the way you touch me and kiss me.”
“I like touching you. And kissing you.”
“Then maybe we could start there, and see what happens. No pressure.”
He turned Ryan’s hand over, and began massaging it gently. “But I should warn you... I sort of have the opposite problem. In bed, I mean.”
Ryan’s brow knit. “What? Like, you don’t have body issues?”
Fabian laughed. “I think we both know I don’t. But that’s not what I mean. I tend to orgasm way too quickly. So I can’t guarantee that it won’t
happen if we fool around at all.”
“Oh.”
“I have ways to...stave it off. And the good news is that I can usually come at least twice. So it’s not, like, over after the first time. But I just wanted to warn you. Even if we’re just making out, I might go off.”
Ryan blinked. “We are not a good match.”
“Not at all. Want to make out?”
“Yeah. Bedroom?”
“Yes please.”
Fabian fell on top of Ryan’s enormous body and kissed him. It was hard to do because he was laughing. And maybe Ryan was laughing too. It felt good to get all of their sexual laundry aired before they started playing around. It was refreshing to be so honest with a new partner.
Ryan had just trusted Fabian with a lot of personal stuff, and Fabian wasn’t taking that lightly. He was determined to make this as good as possible for Ryan, who, it seemed, had not had much positive sexual experience.
Fuck that. Fabian happened to be quite good at sex. At least, he assumed he was. He had no reason to believe otherwise.
And Ryan, despite all his warnings to the contrary, was a very good kisser. There was maybe a tad too much beard in the way, even with the
trim, but his mouth was heavenly. Warm and soft and welcoming. Fabian squeezed Ryan’s hips with his knees and dove in.
Ryan had his enormous hands on Fabian’s back, but he kept them on top of his shirt. Fabian wanted to rip the shirt off. He wanted every scrap of fabric between them gone, but more than that, he wanted to respect Ryan’s boundaries. So he threaded the fingers of one hand in Ryan’s thick hair and planted the other on the mattress. He would let Ryan set the pace.
He could feel Ryan’s erection, though. It was...difficult to ignore. He didn’t like to think of himself as someone who cared about size, but the bulge in Ryan’s jeans was certainly intriguing. And encouraging. Ryan couldn’t be entirely uncomfortable right now.
“You are a fantastic kisser,” Fabian murmured, remembering that he was supposed to be providing positive reinforcement.
“Thanks.”
“You can touch me, if you want. Under the shirt, I mean.” He nipped Ryan’s earlobe and whispered, “I’ll let you get to second base.”
Ryan laughed and gently freed the hem of Fabian’s shirt from his pants.
He slid his hands under the shirt, gripped Fabian’s waist, and curled his thumbs around to rest on his stomach. Ryan’s hands were so large on Fabian’s slim frame that his fingertips nearly met on Fabian’s spine. Fabian wanted those hands everywhere. He squirmed, trying to encourage Ryan to explore, and his ass brushed Ryan’s erection.
“Sorry,” Fabian said. “Do you want me to move somewhere else? It’s kind of hard to avoid that thing.” Then he quickly added, “Not that I want to
avoid it. But you want me to, right?”
“I, um...”
“Anything you want. Tell me.”
“Could—could you do that again?”
Fabian could tell the words had cost Ryan something, so he didn’t tease him. “Gladly.” He rotated his hips, slower this time, as he gave Ryan his best attempt at a lap dance. His ass caressed the substantial length of Ryan’s
cock, and Ryan shuddered beneath him.
“Oh god.”
“Good?”
“Yeah. Fuck. Keep going.”
Encouraged, Fabian sat up straighter and kept his hips moving in a slow, grinding pattern as he peeled his shirt off over his head.
“Oh,” Ryan breathed. “Wow.”
“Touch me,” Fabian breathed. “Please.”
Ryan’s hands slid up his sides and across his chest, pausing to gently rub his nipple piercing. He had worn one of his more ornate ones tonight: a silver filigree clicker with dark blue stones. When Ryan brushed his thumb over it, Fabian lost his rhythm.
“Holy shit,” he said, then laughed. “You’d think I’d get used to that.”
“I like this,” Ryan said. His voice was a low rumble that went straight to
Fabian’s balls. “It suits you.”
“Have at it,” Fabian panted.
“Come here. I want to kiss you.”
Fabian fell forward, sliding his hands under the hem of Ryan’s tank top as he brought their lips together. Ryan held the back of Fabian’s head as he kissed him, his thumb caressing the side of his throat. Fabian loved his hands. He wanted those long, thick fingers wrapped around his dick. He wanted them inside him.
“Can I take this off?” Fabian asked, tugging at Ryan’s shirt.
“Yeah. Okay. Let me—” He did a crunch and quickly yanked both his shirts off, then lay back on the mattress.
“Look at you. Gorgeous.”
Ryan’s stomach was flat—not a six-pack, but definitely toned—with a trail of dark red hair leading down from his belly button. His pecs were spectacular; huge and solid and blanketed with more red hair. He had no visible tattoos or piercings, but there were several bruises and scars.
Fabian didn’t even realize he’d been absently smoothing his palms over Ryan’s torso until Ryan stopped him by gently pulling one of his hands to his mouth and kissing the inside of his wrist.
“Do you want me to stop?” Fabian asked.
“No. I’m actually really fucking turned on right now.”
Fabian wriggled his ass against Ryan’s erection. “I noticed.” He bent down whispered into Ryan’s ear. “Does he want to come out to play?”
Ryan huffed out a laugh. “I think so.”
“Good. Because I know someone who is dying to meet him.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
Fabian winked, then slid down Ryan’s body so he could open the button on his jeans. “Tell me if you want to stop. Anytime, okay?”
“Okay. Keep going.”
Fabian slowly pulled Ryan’s zipper down and peeled open the fly of his jeans to frame the mouth-watering bulge in his briefs. Keeping eye contact with Ryan the whole time, Fabian placed his palm on it. “Fuck, you’re huge. Can I take it out?”
“Yeah. It’s weird, though,” Ryan warned.
“Weird?” Okay, now Fabian had to see it. He carefully pulled the waistband of Ryan’s underwear down to his thighs, and Ryan’s cock thudded against his stomach, huge and solid.
There was absolutely nothing, as far as Fabian could tell, weird about it.
It was a beast for sure, long and thick and uncut. The head was an angry red, and his balls were fucking huge, but none of that was anything that Fabian would call weird. Glorious was a better word.
“Yeah,” Ryan sighed. “Like I said—”
“No! I love him!” To prove it, Fabian dipped his head and kissed the underside of his shaft. “There are so many things I want to do to you.”
“You don’t have to—”
Fabian held up a hand. “Ryan. I am talking to my new friend. Shush.”
Ryan laughed, which made Fabian feel a little bit proud. “Sorry.
Continue.”
“How about we take these pants all the way off?” Fabian suggested.
“Yep. Here. I’ll do it. They’re tight.”
Fabian moved off of him so Ryan could sit up to remove his jeans, underwear, and socks. He could tell, when Ryan was fully naked, that he was starting to feel uncomfortable again. His hands flexed against his duvet, and he couldn’t make eye contact with Fabian.
“Would you mind if I joined you?” Fabian asked. “I’m a little worried about ripping these pants, to be honest. The situation is getting dire.”
“Sorry. Yeah. Please.”
Fabian stood and wriggled out of the rest of his clothing. His rigid cock sprang eagerly out of his underwear the second he began to remove them.
He gave it a couple of strokes as a reward for being so patient.
“Oh wow. Can I do that? For you, I mean?” Ryan asked.
“Absolutely.” Fabian stood between Ryan’s spread thighs and braced himself with one hand on Ryan’s muscular shoulder. He plunged the fingers of his other hand into Ryan’s hair.
Ryan’s hand was dry, but it was so fucking big and warm. Fabian moaned at the contact, and moaned more when Ryan stroked him. God, he’d wanted
this. Exactly this: Ryan Price naked with his hand on Fabian’s cock. It was perfect.
“You’re so fucking sexy,” Ryan murmured. “I love your body.”
Fabian could only whimper happily in response. He’d meant it when he’d told Ryan that he loved attention. He was addicted to adoration and praise.
He’d quit all social media recently, because he’d been addicted to seeing how many likes each of his posts received. Now his label managed his Instagram account for him.
He rarely received the adoration he craved from the men he hooked up with. Not like this. Not like the wonder he saw now in Ryan’s eyes, or the reverent way he touched him.
Fabian’s toes curled against the fancy carpet in Ryan’s bedroom when Ryan teased his slit with the pad of his thumb. Then Ryan leaned in and licked his nipple piercing, and Fabian nearly lost it.
“Fuck! Fuck. Stop. Just for a second, stop.”
Ryan released him immediately and looked at him with concern. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” He laughed. “I wasn’t kidding earlier. About my little problem.”
Ryan’s expression was puzzled, and then he understood. “It’s not a problem. I’d like to make you come now. Can I?”
Fabian nodded, his head foggy with lust. “Okay. Yeah. Do it. Then we can take our time.”
Ryan wrapped his fingers around him again, and Fabian’s cock twitched excitedly. This wouldn’t take long at all. Ryan’s other hand gently cupped and caressed Fabian’s balls as he stroked this time, and Fabian’s eyes rolled back.
“Fuck. Yes. Like that. Just like that. I’m going to—”
As usual, his orgasm detonated before he’d managed to stammer out a warning. But he couldn’t be mad about it. Holy fuck, it felt good.
When he opened his eyes again, he saw that his release had landed on Ryan’s chest, and was clinging to his chest hair.
“Oops,” he said.
Ryan’s mouth hung open in an expression of pure astonishment.
“I did tell you—” Fabian started, but Ryan cut him off.
“Your face was so beautiful when you did that. Holy god.”
Fabian half crawled, half slumped into Ryan’s lap. “Thank you.” He rested his head on Ryan’s shoulder and closed his eyes. Ryan began
stroking his hair, and Fabian was suddenly dangerously comfortable.
“You’re sleepy,” Ryan observed.
“Nope,” Fabian murmured, but he ruined his argument by yawning.
Ryan chuckled, then wrapped his arms tight around him and stood, carrying Fabian like a child and resting him gently on the bed with his head on a pillow. “It’s three in the morning. We can call it a night.”
“But I was going to show you my trick,” Fabian protested. The pillow was a perfect balance of soft and firm. He closed his eyes again.
“It can wait. I’ll be right back.”
Distantly, Fabian heard Ryan in the bathroom, running water and presumably washing the spunk out of his chest hair. Probably brushing his teeth. Maybe dunking his erection in cold water. A stab of guilt made Fabian open his eyes.
“What about you?” he asked when Ryan returned from the bathroom with a damp cloth.
“What do you mean?” Ryan gently wiped the warm cloth over Fabian’s torso, which had gotten sticky when he’d pressed himself against Ryan’s messy chest.
“I mean you got me off and I didn’t even try to get you off.” He noticed, as Ryan stood and tossed the cloth in a laundry hamper, that the other man’s erection had flagged almost completely.
“It’s fine. I’m probably way too tired anyway.” Ryan opened a dresser drawer and pulled out a clean pair of underwear. “Like I said, even at the best of times it’s a chore.”
“Not a chore,” Fabian argued, but it came out as one garbled word as he closed his eyes again.
Ryan got into bed beside him, and Fabian immediately scooted over to be the little spoon. “You’re so warm,” he murmured happily.
Ryan kissed the top of his head. “Good night. And thank you.”
“Anytime.” Fabian’s last thought before he drifted off was that he knew he meant it.