16
CHRIS
TEXTED HER FROM outside the apartment, and ten seconds later sheI opened the door. The moment she laid eyes on me, it was all over her face.
“You promised you would not laugh,” I said, feigning seriousness.
“I know. I did promise.” She bit her lips together. “It’s just—”
“What.”
She sucked air through her teeth. “It’s just so much bigger than you
described.”
“Ha.”
Nancy came up behind her, holding Woofarine. “Oh, hon… Thank goodness you’re cute enough to pull it off.” She shook her head and handed me the dog and wandered back into the apartment, chuckling.
Larissa leaned in to study me. “Explain to me one more time how this
happened?”
“I was doing a vaccine clinic,” I said.
“Uh-huh.”
“The store hired a face painter for the kids to try and make it fun.”
“Okay.”
“One of the kids asked if she could paint my face.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “And this kid was how old?”
“Five maybe?”
“All right.”
“I said yes.”
“Clearly.”
“She used a Sharpie.”
Larissa covered her mouth with her hand and choked on her laugh.
I was also trying not to laugh.
“How did you not feel this?” she asked, shaking her head.
“I thought it was one of the face-paint markers.”
“Where were the parents?”
“Not close enough to save me?” I said.
“You know what they look like…” she asked, squinting to study my face
closer.
“I know what they look like.”
“Was she trying to draw balloons?” She started breaking up on the last word. “It looks like you fell asleep at a frat party—”
“Okay, find your own ride, I’m out of here.” I turned for the car, pretending to leave.
“Chris, wait! I’ll be good!” She was laughing. “Come back!”
I turned and shot her a mock look of indignation. She was standing in the doorway, doubled over, her blue eyes sparkling. It almost made my face art worth it. Almost.
I took her in while I was pretending to be mad. She was wearing a short- sleeve top, knotted at the waist, shorts. Her long wavy hair was down and partly pulled back in a clip. Barefoot. Again.
She looked beautiful. As always.
I came over to where she stood, still cracking up in the door. She straightened and bit her lip, trying to get ahold of herself.
“Are you done?” I said, trying to look serious and failing.
“Yes. Totally. Probably.”
I shifted Woofarine to the other side. “I’m already dealing with enough abuse from you.”
She gasped. “I do not abuse you,” she said defensively.
“Well, you’re not nice to me.”
“I am so nice to you,” she said, beaming.
“I’m too fragile to have you tease me about this for the next five hours.”
“Do you want me to put some makeup on it?” she asked. “I could at least color in the balloons so they don’t look like little sperms headed for your eye.”
I wanted to dive in to tickle her. I didn’t move.
“I brought you something,” I said. “But now I’m not sure you deserve
it.”
She crossed her arms and waited.
I smiled and leaned down and picked up the lavender iced matcha I brought her.
Her eyes lit up. “How did you know I wanted to try this?”
“I felt it shimmer down the trauma bond.”
She laughed again and took it. “Thank you. I can never rationalize paying eight dollars for a drink.”
I knew this. That’s why I got it for her. I knew she liked matcha and lavender and I also knew she couldn’t afford the pricey drinks she delivered to other people.
She sipped it and closed her eyes. “Oh my God, it’s so good,” she
breathed.
“Is it beef-stick-in-the-woods good?”
“Better.”
I felt it like a warmth in my chest. I’d been living for this moment since the second I had the idea.
I loved seeing her happy. It was turning into a hobby of mine—as much as I could make it one. I couldn’t do most of what I’d like to because what else was I allowed to do that wasn’t overstepping? I’d been thinking about that a lot.
I’d been thinking about a lot of things lately.
She started to wrestle a tote bag up from the floor. I leaned over and grabbed it. “What else do you have?” I asked.
“Just my luggage,” she said. “I’ll get it.”
“Nope. Where’s it at?”
She gave me a look. “I can carry my own luggage.”
“I’m sure you can. Bedroom?”
Her amused expression was her answer as I handed her the dog, then edged past her and cut through the apartment.
When I came back, she had a quizzical look on her face. “How did you know where my room was?”
“Your mom showed me,” I said. “A couple of weeks ago when I was picking up Woofarine. You were doing deliveries.”
“My mom showed you my room?” she said loud enough for Nancy to hear from the sofa. Larissa shot her an amused look.
“What?” Nancy said, shrugging. “I wanted to show him the curtains you made.”
Larissa rolled her eyes. “She has no boundaries.”
“If it makes you feel better, they’re very nice curtains,” I said.
“Ha. Thanks,” she said, putting on her flip-flops.
“Was that the jewelry box Mike got you for your birthday?” I asked as she locked the door behind us. “In your room?”
She brightened again. “Yes! I love it. He got it from a guy in Wakan. It’s
custom made.”
The corner of my lip quirked up.
He hadn’t told me he got the jewelry box. I hadn’t seen Mike much. Not since that day I dropped him off in the parking lot.
He paid me back a few days after that, then threw himself into working for Tony. In fact, he was working for Tony so much, he didn’t even have time to meet us at the gym. Even Jesse was complaining.
He hadn’t filled his Prozac prescription.
I asked him about it, and he said the soonest he could get back in with his doctor was six weeks. He said the therapist he promised he’d see was three months out. This was typical, our mental health care system was shit. I was just glad he was trying.
I loaded her bags and got into the driver’s seat. Woofarine was already in her lap.
“Should I look for a place to eat on the way up?” she asked, pulling out her phone.
I adjusted my mirror. “I already found a place midway. No nuts in the kitchen, I called.”
“Oh. Thanks.” Her flip-flop fell off and she tucked her foot under her on the seat.
I felt her looking at me as I pulled away from the curb. “What?”
She was laughing at my face again.
“Stop.”
“I want you to know that I am fighting for my life over here. This is going to be a very long drive for you.”
“You know what that little girl did when she was doing it?” I asked.
“What she was saying as I was being defaced?”
“What?”
“She was narrating, like she was doing one of those makeup tutorials?”
“You are a saint. Besides the permanent marker, how’s work been?”
I let out a long breath. Not good? “Yesterday I got yelled at by a ninety- year-old woman who wanted me to fill a prescription for quaaludes that she
found in her house from 1972,” I said.
“No…” she said.
“Yes. Then a guy asked me to help him pick out a cortisone cream for a bug bite. I came out to help him and we’re in the aisle and he shows me his calf—it’s swollen and streaked. He’s got cellulitis.” I turned onto the highway. “I told him he needed to get to the ER immediately if he wanted to save his leg and he told me to go fuck myself.”
She shook her head. “Why are they always telling you to go fuck yourself?”
“Because I work retail pharmacy? People are sick and injured, coming in to pay hundreds of dollars on medicine they wish they didn’t need.
They’re already in a shitty mood.”
“I don’t know how you do it,” she said, petting Woofarine.
“I’m used to it.” I was used to more than I liked to admit.
We stopped for gas. I pumped and she went inside. My phone rang while
I was leaning against my car. Mike.
“Hey, what’s up?” I said, answering.
“Where the fuck you two at? You kidnap my girlfriend or what?”
He was drinking. Not drunk, but definitely drinking. This wasn’t really noteworthy—we all drank at the cabin—but it was only 9:00 a.m.
I glanced at Larissa in the Circle K. “We had to stop to get gas. We’re still down here.”
“Damn, dude. Hurry up, I wanna see her. I’ve been here without her half a week already.”
“Hey, you need to clean out the freezer and pantry before we get there.
Get rid of all the nuts.”
“Okay,” he said, obviously distracted.
I put my phone to my other ear. “Mike, I’m serious. Do it now. Your sponge had peanut butter on it and her throat itched for half a day. If anyone busts that stuff out while she’s there, she’s gonna have a reaction.”
“Yeah yeah, I got it.”
“Do you want to FaceTime me from the fridge? Just to make sure you don’t miss anything?”
He laughed. “Man, I think I know what has nuts in it. Hurry the fuck
up.”
The call ended.
I blew out a breath. I finished pumping the gas, locked the doors, auto started the car for the dog, and went in after Larissa. I found her in the chip aisle, a bag of Lay’s and pretzels under her arm.
“Twizzlers?” she asked, holding them up. “And I got you that energy
drink you like.”
“How do you know I like it?”
“Trauma bond.”
I eyed her.
“I saw it on your coffee table when I was picking up Woofarine,” she
said. “I did not go in your room.”
“Hey, Nancy is hard to say no to.”
“Oh, I know. You should see all the streaming passwords we have.”
I snorted. “Let me take this,” I said, grabbing things from her.
I took the snacks, picked up a new sponge, went to the counter, and pulled out my wallet.
“Let me give you money,” she said, coming up behind me.
“No.”
“Can I pay for gas?” she asked, hovering.
“Also no.”
“Chriiiiis.”
“I’d be buying the gas whether you were in my car or not,” I said,
tapping my card.
“Then let’s take my car next time.”
“Nope. Your car’s a piece of shit.”
She choked on her laugh. “Oh, wow. You know, I can’t believe I thought you were crabby once.”
I had to look away from her. That was becoming my least favorite memory.
When we got back in the car, she picked up where we left off. “You don’t need to always pay for everything.” She dug in the bag of snacks and opened the Twizzlers. She stuck one in her mouth and handed me two. “It’s okay for some things to be a negotiation.”
“I’ll let you pick the music,” I said, biting the licorice.
She rolled her eyes but she was smiling. Little dimple. I forced my gaze
away from her to start the car.
I would never let her pay for anything or take her money. Never. She couldn’t afford it. And the reason I didn’t let her drive was because I wanted her to relax on the way up, look out the window, scroll on her phone if she felt like it. I don’t think she actually wanted to drive, she just didn’t want it to be unfair. I didn’t care about fair. I wasn’t keeping score.
And I wasn’t letting her take her car. I meant that part—it was a piece of shit.
“You know, I bet if you let your beard grow in for the next few days, you wouldn’t be able to see the marker,” she said.
I put a hand to my chin. “I don’t think I’d look good in a beard.”
“I bet you’d look distinguished.”
“This isn’t distinguished?” I said, gesturing to my cheek.
She started digging in her purse. “I think I have something that might work,” she said.
“I’m telling you, it’s not coming off,” I said.
“And I am telling you that you haven’t tried everything and we can’t go around with this on your face. What if there are children? Aha!” She held
up a bottle.
I eyed it. “What is that?”
“Beauty oil,” she said, putting her purse on the floor.
She took a napkin from the center console and put a few drops on it, then she scooted closer to me. I backed away and froze like a human ice sculpture with my shoulder blades stuck to the door.
She blinked at me balking. “Are you going to let me do this or not?” she
asked.
“No. Give it to me.”
She gave me a look, but she let me take the napkin. Thank God. My heart was galloping.
We did not touch. Ever. Not once in all the time I’d known her. Not a hug or a handshake. I don’t know at what point I decided that touching her was something I was never going to do, but I had. I avoided it so much I couldn’t tell you with certainty that I’d catch her if she fell.
I wiped at the marker while she watched from the passenger seat. The oil smelled faintly familiar because it was one of the many scents that made up her.
“I have a funny story to tell you,” she said, her eyes fixed on the side of
my face.
“Oh yeah?”
“Woofarine got into a lot of trouble yesterday.”
“What kind of trouble?”
“He got run over by a lady pushing a cart full of tamales.”
I stopped wiping my face. “What?”
“I was sitting outside and Woofarine was with me. I had him leashed to the lawn chair. The lady came zipping around the corner out of nowhere and he went for the tire. Got run over right in front of me.”
I stared at him on her lap. He looked proud of himself—and fine. “Is he okay?”
“I mean, obviously. He popped out completely unscathed. Not a scratch on him except for a little tuft of fur missing on his cheek.”
I blinked at her and she shrugged.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me this,” I said.
“I was seeing you in a few hours and what was there to tell? Our dog is immortal, we should get used to it. I got free tamales out of it,” she said.
“You didn’t get me any?” I teased.
“Uh, I did actually. The chicken ones you like. They’re in the freezer.
You can get them the next time you come over.”
I smiled.
“Also, I brought you something,” she said, going back to her purse. She dug around and came out with a book. “For you.”
I lowered the napkin. It was Cross Stitch. “You’re giving me your copy?” I said, looking at her.
“No. I got you your own. Mine is really beat up. The spine is broken and there’s water damage. I wanted to get you a nicer one. I found one at a used bookstore. It’s like new. I traded in a bunch of my hardcovers in exchange for it.”
I set the napkin down and took the book gently from her. I couldn’t believe I was holding this. “Thank you,” I breathed.
“You’re welcome. I had a feeling you wouldn’t let me pay for gas, so I had to give you something.”
I opened it and reverently flipped through the pages.
“It’s on page 234,” she said.
“What is?”
“The quote. The one you like.”
I went to page 234. There it was.
I’d written it from memory. I’d gotten it right. I read it out loud.
“‘Maybe this isn’t the kind of love that deserves to exist. Maybe it’s the kind that wars start over. The kind that topples empires and never leaves the
world better than it found it.’”
She smiled. “That’s the one.”
The oil worked to take off most of the marker. We went to the restaurant I’d planned and got to the cabin by 2:00.
“Fucking finally,” Mike said, coming around the corner before we were even fully in the door. He had a beer in his hand.
He grabbed Larissa and hugged her.
“Ow ow, Mike? You’re pulling my hair,” she croaked.
“Oh, shit, sorry,” he said, letting her go.
“Where is everyone?” I asked, setting Woofarine down. He bounced off Mike’s shins for a moment, then took off into the house.
Mike tipped his beer into his mouth. “They’re all on the dock swimming. I waited for you guys, go get changed.” He was already in swim trunks and flip-flops. “You guys want a margarita?”
“I’ll have one,” Larissa said.
He looked at me. “Chris?”
“No, I’m good.”
“Ahhh come on, it’s a fucking party.” He smacked my shoulder, a little too hard.
I rubbed my arm. “Uh, okay? Maybe just one?”
“That’s my boy! I’ll meet you two out there.” Then he grabbed Larissa and kissed her. Roughly.
Her eyes flew wide as he bent her backward. “Mike…” she said against his mouth, trying to push him off. “Mike!”
He put his forehead to hers. “Missed you.” And he let her go and left.
She staggered back a few steps and looked at me, disheveled. “Okay…”
she said, smoothing down her hair.
“I think he’s a little… happy to see you?” I said, not knowing what to say.
“Yeah.” Her face flushed. “I guess I’m gonna go get changed?”
“Yeah.”
I showed her to the room she was sharing with Mike, and she went in without looking at me again. I went to the kitchen to swap out the sponge.
When I was done, I went to check the pantry and found myself face-to-face with a jar of peanut butter and trail mix—he hadn’t cleaned anything out.
Not even after I told him.
He was drinking, not fucking paying attention. It pissed me off.
Larissa’s allergy terrified me. It literally kept me up at night.
She was careful, but even with all her due diligence, there was still the risk. I didn’t tell her, but I’d brought an EpiPen too. I got Heather to write me the prescription. My insurance wouldn’t cover it, and it was seven hundred dollars, but I wanted to have it, especially up here. We were over an hour from the closest hospital. What if she had a reaction and her pen didn’t work or we couldn’t find it or she required another dose? I needed it, for my own peace of mind.
I stood there for another moment, staring at the nuts he didn’t throw out.
Then I grabbed a trash bag and tossed everything myself.