CHAPTER 23
SEE WHICH CELEBRITY IS
YOUR SOUL MATE!
ADRIAN
I’d never had sex like this. To say it was fun was the understatement of a lifetime. She was as playful in bed as she was outside of it and she had no problem asking me for what she wanted. We couldn’t get enough of each other. We woke each other up in the middle of the night. I was on about three hours of sleep.
I loved the unique language of her affection. She climbed and explored me. Hung from my neck and kissed my Adam’s apple, hugged me from behind while I cooked a midnight snack for us, bounced off me and boomeranged back. She beamed at me, nestled into me, perched on my lap, peppered me with kisses. I wish I’d been able to unlock this level sooner. I wish I’d met her years ago. High school. Grade school. A previous life. It all felt like lost time.
It was Tuesday morning and I was getting ready to head into the office.
I’d dealt with Annabel’s arraignment over the weekend. She was getting released from the hospital today straight into a rehab facility in Iowa. Sonja and Gerald were taking her.
She’d specifically requested that Vanessa not come. She didn’t want to
see her. She was mad at her sister, probably for cutting off her credit cards and phone. Vanessa seemed hurt, but she was just glad Annabel was getting help.
I stood over the bed, putting on my tie, smiling down at the sleeping woman curled up in my comforter.
I loved having Vanessa in my bed. I loved waking up and being able to pull her in instead of staring at a wall between us or waiting for her to wake up and text me back. I loved the smell of her hair on my pillows and the things she’d say when she was half asleep. I loved when I got to get up with Grace and bring her back to give her a bottle in between us in the bed and
we felt like a little family.
The corners of my lips fell.
Grace.
The best possible scenario was that Annabel would get clean and take her daughter back. Then I could still see her. And with Annabel heading to rehab, the chances of that were good.
It was the other thing that bothered me. The reason Vanessa couldn’t
adopt Grace herself.
She’d be going back to work soon.
In fact, the sooner Grace was gone, the sooner Vanessa would be too.
And I didn’t like what that would look like. On any level.
Vanessa was usually gone so much she didn’t even keep a place here. All her stuff had been in a storage unit for the last two years. She’d rented an apartment because she’d planned to be home for a few months to help her sister with the baby. Then she’d ended up with Grace altogether and got stuck here. But when that was over…how did I—us—fit into that?
I didn’t fly. And even if I did, I couldn’t leave work for weeks at a time to travel the world with her. And she couldn’t stay here and make videos.
Not in the long-term. She was already clutching at straws trying to come up with content as it was… But I was trying not to look at the sun.
Annabel was months away from completing her ninety-day program.
After that she’d move into sober living. She wouldn’t be able to have Grace there. That meant Vanessa was still months away from leaving. We had some time to figure it all out.
Vanessa stirred, and I smiled down at her. She peered up at me sleepily.
“Where are you going?” she asked, rubbing her eyes.
“I have to go to work.”
She put her lip into a pout. “Awwww. Stay with me.”
“I can’t.” I smiled, knotting my tie. “I changed Grace and gave her a bottle. I gave Harry his meds and put some wet food down. Satan has been fed.”
She laughed. She threw the blankets off her and stretched like a cat.
She was naked.
My hands froze on my tie.
She looked at me over her shoulder and gave me a mischievous grin— and then grabbed her T-shirt, pulled it over her head, and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth. When she came out, she started jumping into
her pajama pants.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
She shrugged. “You’re leaving. I have to go home.” She climbed onto the mattress and stood on her knees on the edge of my bed and wrapped her arms around me, squeezing my waist.
“You’re not going home.” I smiled. “I don’t ever want you to go home.
In fact, I think we should cut a door between our apartments. Use yours as a closet.”
She laughed and smiled up at me with her chin on my chest. “So I get to
stay here while you go to work?”
“I’ll give you a key.”
“I’m gonna snoop through your medicine cabinet.”
“Let me know if anything’s expired.”
She grinned. “So, what? Does this mean I’m your girlfriend now?” She bit her bottom lip and bounced her eyebrows.
I smoothed the hair down on the top of her head and looked at her seriously. “That title doesn’t even feel worthy of what this is.”
And I meant it. It didn’t. It felt wildly inadequate.
She beamed up at me. “Hey, since we’re exclusive now, we can stop using condoms if you want. But we both have to get STD testing first,” she said, looking at me sternly.
“Okay.” It wasn’t a bad idea. I always used protection, but you could never be too safe. “But what about birth control?”
She shrugged. “My tubes are tied.”
I jerked my face back. “What? Why?”
“Because I don’t ever want to accidentally get pregnant and pass down
my shitty genes.”
I snorted. “Okay…”
Her smile fell a little. “Does that bother you?”
I shook my head. “No. Not really. There’s more than one way to have kids if you want them. And I’m good either way if you do or you don’t. It’s just that it’s such a permanent procedure.”
“Well, I needed a permanent solution. Took forever to find a doctor to do it. Heaven forbid a woman in her twenties knows what she wants to do with her fallopian tubes.” She nipped at my bottom lip. “I got you a Christmas present,” she whispered against my mouth.
I made a dismissive noise in the back of my throat and went to kiss her again, but she shook her head and draped her arms around my neck. “I have to give it to you now so you can think about it.”
I smiled. “Okay. Give it to me now, then.”
She bit her lip and beamed up at me. “I got us into Badger Den.”
I pulled my face back and grinned at her. “You did? When?”
“Tomorrow.”
Ahhhhhhh. Fuck.
“I know what you’re gonna say, and I already have a plan.”
I shook my head. “I can’t fly. You know that.” And Lord knows I couldn’t afford to miss any more work.
“I know you think you can’t fly. But hear me out,” she said. “I put a lot of thought into this. We have dinner at the airport tonight. We get there three hours before our flight. There’s a place I love to eat in the terminal and we can get nice and sloshed and watch the planes on the tarmac like a little dose of immersion therapy. It’s only a three-hour flight and I got us first-class tickets. We’ll be in our seats with drinks in our hands and plenty of time to get comfortable and used to the plane before it even taxis from the gate. I downloaded season five of The Office to watch while we’re in the air and I had Yoga Lady make you a lavender-and-eucalyptus essential oil roller for your anxiety. And then, when we get there, we’re staying in an amazing five-star hotel on the beach and having dinner at Badger Den. It’s the ultimate motivation to overcome your fear.”
I dragged a hand down my mouth. “And if I can’t get on the plane?”
She shrugged. “Then you can’t get on the plane. All I’m asking is that you try.”
I blew a breath out through my nose. I guess I’d have to figure this shit out eventually. My girlfriend was a travel vlogger. We’d need to fly to places. If I couldn’t fly, it meant I couldn’t come to her even when I could get away for a few days. And she was right, Badger Den was a pretty amazing reward—even if it was for three hours of what I was sure would be
pure hell.
“Who’s watching Grace?” I asked grimly.
She smiled in that bubbly excited way she had. “Dad and Sonja. Sonja says it’s good for him to see that his efforts reap rewards.”
“And Harry Puppins?”
“Becky. I already texted her.”
I arched an eyebrow. “You text my assistant?”
“I text your everyone. All your people are my people now, remember?”
I snorted.
“Come on. Pleeeeease?” She wiggled.
I took another moment. “All right. Let’s try it.”
She clapped animatedly. “Okay, so I have a tip for you. A little life
coaching.”
I let out a grim breath. “What?”
“Don’t think about it yet. Don’t think about it until it’s happening.”
I rubbed my forehead. “Yeah, I have a feeling that’s not going to be possible.”
“You know how when you’re running late, you’re all stressed? I don’t do that. Ever. If I’m supposed to be somewhere at two and I know I’m not getting there until two fifteen, I don’t let myself be stressed until two.
Because until then, I’m not actually late yet. All I’m doing is feeling the stress of a thing that hasn’t even happened.”
“Yeah, but you know it’s coming. You know it’s going to happen.”
“That’s just looking at the sun, Adrian. Fuck what’s coming. Don’t focus on what’s going to happen. Or in this case, what might happen. Because who knows, you might get there and realize that you’ve built this whole thing up in your head. You might get on that plane and find out that you’re stronger than you think and you’re capable of anything.” She smiled at me.
“And you are. I’ve never known anyone as capable as you.”
She kissed me gently. Then she leapt off the bed and went to the bathroom. I watched her go and waited for the door to click closed before I clutched a hand over my racing heart. The fact that I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath and we hadn’t even left the apartment yet should have been an indication.
My day didn’t go well. I couldn’t focus at work. I kept thinking about the plane ride. It was ridiculous, and I was getting pissed off at myself.
What was the big deal? It was three hours. That’s it. I could do anything for three hours. I’d sat in a prison for a week interviewing a client who’d chopped his neighbor up with an ax. I couldn’t get on a fucking airplane?
I tried to push it from my mind like she said. She was right. Maybe if I didn’t let myself dwell on it, I could just show up and tear the Band-Aid off.
I’d walk onto that plane and just do it.
Ten hours later we were in the airport parking lot. Grace had been dropped off. Our bags were in the trunk. We’d checked in online and Vanessa had rolled essential oils on my pressure points and held my hand the whole way there.
I had a panic attack before I even got out of the car.