I Promise You (Dare, #2) — Chapter no 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

COLE

“HERE.” I GRAB AUSTIN’S hand and help her out of my car.

She gives a little laugh. “Cole, I know how to walk.”

“I just wanna help you,” I offer, shutting the passenger door. The doctor finally discharged her after two weeks in the hospital, but he told her to take it easy. However, her definition of easy is not the same as mine.

When I turn around, she’s facing me with a big smile on her face. Fuck, I never thought I’d see that again. “Thanks, but you don’t have to treat me like glass.”

My face falls at the mention of glass. That was what her journal said how Martin treated her. And although I no longer want to break her, I also don’t want to treat her like her piece of shit ex did. I’m nothing like him. He tried to feed her full of bullshit and make her think he was there for her. If he were any kind of a man, he wouldn’t have tried to feed her drugs and forget the sick bastard she had to live with. Instead, he would have killed that motherfucker.

“Everything okay?” she asks with worry, noticing my change of mood.

I nod. “Fine. Come on, let’s get you inside.” Taking her hand in mine, I help her to the door of the clubhouse. Once inside, I drop her bag on the table in the corner while she takes a seat on the couch.

And it reminds me of the last time she was here—prom. The night before I allowed her to walk out on me.

I turn the lock, and then I’m spun around. My back hits the door, and I look down into a set of very heavy, very gorgeous green eyes. “Are you okay?” she asks.

“Of course,” I lie, running the back of my scarred knuckles down her soft cheek.

“You don’t seem like it. You’ve been giving me the cold shoulder ever since the guys pulled you to the side at prom tonight.”

That’s because they want me to give you up. And although I know they’re right, I’m not sure I can do it. I’m gonna have to force you to leave.

And it’s gonna kill me ’cause I’ve fallen in love with you.

That’s the first time I’ve allowed myself to think that, and I hope she’s too drunk to notice the way my knees shake as I finally admit it to myself.

“Was tonight as bad as you thought it was gonna be?” she questions at my silence, and I frown at her words. She giggles, assuring me that she’s so drunk her thoughts are all over the place. “You don’t have to lie. I know you didn’t want to go tonight.” She flattens her hands on my chest and runs them down my tux.

I want her nails digging into my skin. Her breath on my neck. I wanna bury my face between her legs and eat her all fucking night. “That’s not true …”

“And you hated that I wanted to go to the after parties.” She bites her painted red lip, and my cock begins to harden. I’ve been looking forward to this part of the night since this morning.

I straighten my back, pushing my hand into her dark hair. I know she wore it down just for me. I spin us around, pinning her back to the door now. I push my body into hers, caging her in.

Her heavy eyes close, and her lips part. A soft moan escapes them when she leans the back of her head against the door as well, exposing her neck to me. I lower my head and run my lips across her jawline.

She’s right.

I didn’t want to go to those lame ass parties. I wanted her here. Alone.

But I’ll never admit that. Never let her know that all she had to do was bat her fucking eyelashes and I’d give her what she wanted. That I’m so weak for her, I’d cave that easily.

I lie. “If I didn’t want to go, then I wouldn’t have gone.” My free hand runs up her rib cage, and I wish I had a knife on me to cut this dress off her.

I wanna unwrap her like a fucking present on Christmas morning. Rip it to shreds and discard it to the floor.

She smiles. “You don’t have to lie to me, Cole. You’re getting laid either way.”

I chuckle softly. When I get to her neck, my teeth sink into her delicate flesh. And she cries out, her hands fisting in my jacket. “Ffucckkk …”

I draw her skin into my mouth and taste the perfume. Fuck, I could eat her alive. And at this point, I don’t think she’d stop me. She hasn’t yet. “Yes.

We are.”

She shrieks as I slide my hand behind her knees and pick her feet up off the floor. “Pull your dress up,” I order. The length is so long, I’m stepping on it.

She gathers the red material in her hands, and I carry her up the stairs to the loft. Once we reach the landing, I put her down on her feet, and she sways a little bit.

“Lift your arms,” I order, and she obeys.

I reach up and unzip the dress down her side. The zipper comes to a stop at her hip, and in record time, it’s falling to the floor. A pile of red lies at our feet—like a pool of blood. She isn’t wearing a bra, but she has on a black lace thong. I place both of my hands on her hips, sliding my fingers between the fabric and skin. I fall to my knees before her and slowly slide the fabric down her smooth, toned legs, softly kissing the inside of her thighs. They shudder from the contact.

Her flawless skin breaks out in goosebumps, and I smile before I sink my

teeth into it.

“Cole.” She gasps as they shake.

“Sweetheart?” I kiss higher. She pants from above me. I can feel the heat from her pussy. She’s so ready for me. But not yet… My hands glide up to cup her ass—fingers digging into her flesh. I look forward to leaving my handprint on it later. Her hands dig into my hair as my lips trail back over to her thigh. She whimpers in protest. I smile and bite her skin again. Harder this time. She jerks my head back. I look up to see her staring down at me, red lips parted while she breathes heavily. Her nipples hard and ready for my mouth. Standing to my full height, I grip both her thighs, picking her up and throwing her onto the bed.

She squeals in surprise, and her hair covers half of her face. She blows it out of the way as I crawl between her legs. “My heels …”

“Leave them on.” I plan on wrapping my fists around them.

Her hands grip my tux, and she yanks on it, trying to pull me to her.

“Take it off,” she moans, and I laugh at her lack of patience. “Cole,” she growls.

“What?” I grab her wrists and pin them above her head.

She squirms underneath me. Arching her back, she clenches her teeth and her chest heaves. She’s getting pissed. And I’m hard as a fucking rock.

I cross her wrists and wrap one hand around them, holding them down.

My now free hand goes between her legs. She spreads them the best she can

for me. “So fucking wet, baby.”

“Please,” she begs.

I slide a finger into her. “Is this what you want?”

“No.” Her response is breathless, and she bucks her hips, wanting more.

“What is it that you want?” I ask, pulling out my finger and thrusting two in this time. My thumb runs over her clit, teasing her.

Her hips buck again, and her heels dig into the comforter. “You. I want you.”

“You want me to what, sweetheart?” I love fucking with her. Ever since the night I met her in the cemetery, I’ve wanted her like this. And I take full advantage of it.

“Fuck me. Please? Cole, just fuck me!” she cries out to me.

I still don’t wanna give her what she wants. I wanna make her wait.

Because I know come tomorrow morning, things will be different. I’m gonna have to push her away no matter how much it kills me. This is for her safety. From me. From the group. From everyone. I’m willingly going to give her up and pray that she comes back to me.

Just the thought makes me sick.

“Cole?” she snaps, trying to free her hands from my grip. It doesn’t work. “What are you … Please?” she begs again, wiggling her hips under me.

Her perfect tits are right there. I could easily bend down and take a hard nipple into my mouth, but I’m not going to. Not yet.

I lower my head and nuzzle her neck, breathing her in. She already has a thin layer of sweat covering her skin. “I’m gonna fuck you, sweetheart. I

just wanna hear you beg for it first.”

“I am,” she whimpers.

“Beg for my cock, Austin. Beg for me to be inside you. Owning you.

Fucking you. Destroying you.” I want to hear the desperation in her voice.

The need for me. Because I know it will be a long time before I hear it again. Come tomorrow, she’s gonna hate me. More than she ever has.

She struggles underneath me. Her green eyes narrow up at me, and I smile down at her. “So beautiful.”

“I need you,” she chokes out, body shaking. “Please, God …” She arches her back. “I need you to fuck me …” she all but cries out.

I just watch her. She’s getting herself worked up, and she looks fucking gorgeous like this. “So needy.”

“Cole!” she growls. Her heels continue to dig in the bed, and I hear the sheets rip. I smile. Her muscles tense in her wrists that I continue to hold down. “You fucking own me,” she says, squeezing her eyes shut. “Is that what you want?” She sucks in a long breath. “You own me. I need you …

please …”

But do you love me?

I shake my head at that thought. She could never feel that for me. Not after what I’ve done to her. But I’ll prove that I can do better. Be better.

You’re gonna love me, Austin Lowes, no matter what I have to do to get you back after I hurt you for the last time.

“See, was that so hard?” I tease.

Her eyes spring open and narrow up at me. I release her wrists, and she reaches up, yanking my shirt open, and my buttons go flying. She grips the back of my neck and yanks my head down to hers. I kiss her desperately. My tongue dances with hers as I reach my free hand down, unzip my slacks, and take my hard dick in my hand. I rub it against her pussy. Using my thighs, I pry hers apart and slide into her. Painfully slowly. Feeling her stretch for me. My cock. She feels so fucking good.

She rips her mouth from mine and lets out a moan before biting her bottom lip. Her eyes close, and she arches her back.

“This what you want?” I wanna fuck her so hard that tomorrow she won’t be able to walk away from me. She’ll have to crawl. “See what happens when you’re a good girl?”

“Yes. God … yes.” Her breath catches, and I pull out of her just as slowly as I entered her.

After I’m done with her tonight, I want her to feel me for days, weeks even because I don’t know when I’ll have my next chance to have her like

this.

“I need to go to my dad’s.”

I shake my head. “Huh?” I ask, pulling myself out of the past and into the present. Reaching down, I adjust my pants because, of course, I’m fucking hard.

“I need to go to my dad’s,” she repeats.

“Why?”

She looks up at me. “I need to get my stuff. Pack everything up—”

“It’s already been done.” I interrupt her and grab her a water out of the fridge.

“What?” she asks surprised. “When?”

I sit down beside her, very aware of my hard-on but trying to hide it from her. Sex should be the last thing on her mind. “Last week. I had Blanche get everything together for us. It’s all packed up to go and already loaded in a U-Haul.” I didn’t want her to have to go back to the house for anything. I was afraid the memories would resurface. And they still haven’t cleaned it.

Not sure what they plan on doing with that house now.

She stares at me with wide eyes. Reaching out, I push a piece of hair behind her ear, running my finger over all her piercings. I haven’t really got to touch her much in the past couple of weeks. Well, more like the last month. Not since prom night. I’ve had to hold back, and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Like right now as her green eyes search mine, I just want to pick her up in my arms and carry her up to the loft, lay her down, and bury myself between her legs. But I know it will be a while

before that can happen.

So instead, I ask, “What, sweetheart?”

“Nothing,” she lies, looking away from me.

The door opens, and I turn around to see Deke enter. He has a go fuck you look on his face, and his jaw is set in a hard line. I still haven’t had the chance to talk to him.

“Where is Bennett?” Deke asks, plopping down in one of the gaming

chairs.

“On his way,” I answer.

He nods and pulls his cell out of his jeans pocket.

“I’m gonna go take a shower,” Austin announces and stands.

“I’ll help you.” I jump to my feet.

“No.” She places her hands on my chest. “I can do it, Cole.” Then she leans up on her tiptoes and kisses my cheek. “I’ll be all right. Promise.”

I stay standing as I watch her take the steps. She’s getting around well, to be honest. And I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of anyone. Sitting back down, I catch Deke staring at me. “What?” I ask.

“I never did get to clean up the bathroom. Did you …?”

“Oh, shit!” I jump up and take the stairs two at a time. I come to a stop at the open door to see her standing in the middle of it.

“What happened?” she breathes with her arms out wide. Her eyes go to the shattered mirror and then they go to my hands. Hair and makeup

products lie scattered on the floor along with glass from the mirror. It crunches under her Chucks. “When did you do this?”

I sigh. “It doesn’t matter. Give me ten minutes, and I’ll have it cleaned up.”

“It does matter,” she says matter-of-factly. “When?”

I run a hand through my hair. “Austin …”

“No, Cole.” Her eyes narrow on me, and I can’t help but smile. This is the Austin I love. The fighter in her who doesn’t back down. She’ll stare the devil in the eyes with a smile. “We are not doing this. You are going to tell me what I want to know.” She crosses her arms over her chest.

“Or what?” I ask, my smirk growing.

She huffs. “Or I will withhold sex.”

I laugh for the first time in six weeks. And I forgot how good it felt to find something funny. “We won’t be having sex for a very long time anyway. So go ahead and withhold your pussy, sweetheart.”

Her face falls as if she expected me to fuck her tonight. “Then … just …”

She sighs. “When did you do this? Was it because of what I did?”

“What you did?” I take a step into the bathroom and wrap my arm around her waist, carefully pulling her chest into mine. “You didn’t do anything, Austin.”

“That’s not true.” She swallows nervously. “Before Kellan … I pretended to like Myers to make you jealous.” My brows rise. “I used him to get to you. I wanted you to hurt like you hurt me.”

“I was hurting,” I admit. I have no problem telling this woman I’m obsessed with her and that she has the potential to ruin me more than I already am. “I need to know—”

“Nothing happened between us.” She interrupts me, already knowing where I was headed.

“It’s okay if something did,” I lie. It would kill me, but I would live with the pain. “I deserve that.”

“Cole.” She places both of her soft hands on my face, and her eyes search mine. “I’m not lying. Nothing happened,” she repeats. “Is that why you did this? ’Cause you thought I was sleeping with him?”

I take a deep breath and cup her cheek. “I did this the night Kellan shot

you.”

“Oh,” she says.

“After I found you lying on your dad’s kitchen floor. Dead. We took care of Kellan, then we came back here to shower before I turned myself in.”

“You what?” She gasps, her hands dropping to her sides.

We haven’t really had the opportunity to discuss how things went down.

Once she woke up in the hospital, things became hectic. Nurses and doctors in and out of her room. If Becky wasn’t visiting, Deke was. Then Bennett was there often. The police questioning her. They never did ask to speak to her again once Jacob and I showed back up. When he told them they were not allowed to speak to her without him being present, they said they had enough information. Which was bullshit. The only question is why? Did my father get to them? I’m not sure why he would do anything to save her unless he thinks she’ll roll on me. And we all know that he’ll do whatever he can to keep my ass out of prison. As far as Kellan, all she knows is that we killed him.

“Turn yourself in for what?” she demands.

“It’s a long story.”

“Cole—”

“I have plenty of time to tell you.” I interrupt her. “Just give me ten minutes, and I will have this cleaned up for you. Then later, I’ll fill you in, okay?”

Her eyes search mine for a long time before she finally nods. “Okay.”

I come out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later to find her sitting at the end of the bed. Her head’s down, and she’s inspecting her fingernails, but I can see her mind working. I can almost smell her fear. Like when I took her to watch Jerrold with me. But this time, it’s different. It’s not what will happen to her; it’s what will happen to us. Where do we go from here? The threat may be over, but what does that mean for us now? Can we move on so easily? Can I keep her and Lilly safe?

I know this ’cause I’ve asked myself these same questions over and over.

I come to the end of the bed and kneel before her. She lifts her eyes from her hands to look at me. I see unshed tears fill her green eyes, and she looks away. She obviously doesn’t wanna talk about whatever it is she’s thinking.

That’s one thing about Austin; if she wants to know something, she’ll ask.

So I won’t push her right now. When she’s ready, she’ll let me know.

She stands and walks to the bathroom without saying a word. I go to walk past it to head downstairs when I hear her hiss in a breath. I peek in to see her trying to get out of my T-shirt she’s wearing. Becky brought it for

her. Shelby suggested she wear something that opens up in the front for her to get in and out of easily, but she ignored her and chose one of my shirts.

The girls had helped her dress at the hospital.

“Let me help you,” I suggest, entering the bathroom.

Her arms fall to her sides, and she sniffs. I reach into my front pocket and grab my knife. Flipping the blade open, I hold it up. Her eyes go to it and then to mine. Those green eyes that I first saw in the middle of the night in a cemetery stare back at me. They look different now. Less lost yet more terrified than I’ve ever seen them. I reach up and grab the collar and then slowly cut down the front, making sure to stay away from her skin.

“I liked that shirt,” she says in a soft voice once it’s cut in half, exposing her bare chest and stomach. I can see the bandage that covers up her scar, and my fist tightens on the knife. I wish I could stab Kellan with it. “It smelled like you.”

I smile at her, ignoring the rage that wants a release. I have to change for her. I can change for her. “I have plenty more where it came from.” Putting the knife away, I reach out and place my hand in the waistband of her black yoga pants and slowly push them down her legs. It reminds me of prom; only I won’t be tossing her onto the bed once they’re off. After she steps out of them, I straighten to my full height. I lean in and kiss her on the forehead. “Take a shower, sweetheart. I’ll be downstairs when you’re done.”

_______________

An hour later, I’m sitting on the couch talking to Deke and Bennett when she comes down the stairs. Her hair is down and still a little damp from the shower. Her perfect face free of makeup and smiling at me. She looks stunning. Her bruises from Kellan’s hands have finally healed. She wears another T-shirt of mine, and I frown, wondering why she didn’t holler at me to help her get it on. And a pair of my sweatpants. Both swallow her.

“How are you feeling?” Bennett asks her as she sits down next to me.

I pull her into my side and kiss her hair. I inhale that familiar smell that I missed so fucking much.

“Much better.” She gives him a smile. “It’s amazing what being home will do for you.”

Home? Does she see this place as her home? I sure hope so. I could totally see her, Lilly, and me living here if we didn’t have a house waiting for us in Texas. As much as I’ve loved this place, I can’t wait to get out of this town and away from this life. Maybe Becky was right, and Austin always has been my fresh start.

He nods as if understanding, and then the room falls silent. The guys know how much I’ve told her and what I don’t want her to know. Some things are just better kept between us.

“Is something wrong?” she asks when the silence lingers.

Bennett runs a hand through his hair nervously. And Deke looks up at the

ceiling.

“Austin?”

She turns to face me completely, and I can see the fear in her eyes. “What did you do, Cole?” I hate how panicked she sounds. “Please tell me that whatever you did, you covered your tracks?”

“Of course, we did.” Deke snorts. “We’re sharks, after all? Not fucking stupid.”

“We?” Her voice squeaks. “You all took part in killing Kellan?”

He nods at her. “Well, I let Cole do the job. I just made sure Kellan didn’t get away while he took care of him.”

She flinches in my arms at the way Deke speaks so carelessly of someone we once considered a brother.

“Once it was over, we called Bennett. He got rid of the body.”

She sits up straighter. “How did you do it?” All she cares about is protecting me and making sure I didn’t fuck up. It makes me smile. “Did you make sure no one will find him? Please tell me that you guys didn’t bury him. You did a shitty job with Jeff.”

Bennett chuckles.

Deke snorts as if she insulted him. “Dive tanks. Bennett tied what was left of his lifeless body to a couple of dive tanks. Took his father’s speed boat out for a night swim in the ocean and threw his ass into the water.”

“Doubt there’s much left of his body now,” Bennett adds.

“What …?” She trails off as her eyes meet mine.

I had used her plan. She had told me that very thing when I asked her how she would get rid of a body if she ever killed someone. And I must say, I felt much better that sharks were eating his rotting corpse at the bottom of the ocean. It was very poetic.

“Did you guys ever find his car?” she asks.

Deke nods. “It was at his house.”

She frowns. “So how did he get there?”

He shrugs. “Sounds like your idea that maybe Celeste picked him up was the only possibility.”

“I don’t know …” she says slowly, her voice trailing off. “Why would he not drive? They were fighting. I don’t think he planned for me to show up, but I think he planned to hurt her. He wouldn’t have had a way home once

he killed her. It doesn’t make sense.”

We all agree with her.

Bennett’s phone goes off, signaling a message. After he reads it, he stands. “Well, I will let you all get some rest. Boys, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“I’m gonna leave too,” Deke says, following him.

“Oh, wait.” I unwrap her from underneath my arm and stand. Pulling out a key, I hand one over to Bennett. “I changed the locks.”

He nods and places it in his pocket. “Thanks.”

I close up the door after they walk out and then go back to the couch.

“Let’s go to bed.” We make our way upstairs.

“Why did you change the locks?” she asks.

“Deke suggested it.” Lie. I changed them ’cause all the sharks have a key to this place, and I no longer trust Shane.

She nods, believing me. “What about Deke? You didn’t give him one.”

“I did the other day. Plus, he will be in Texas with us. Bennett is staying here for school.”

She’s pushing the sweatpants down her legs when she changes the subject. “Where is Lilly?”

“She is staying with Blanche tonight,” I answer, pulling the covers back.

She nods. “Have you spoken to your dad about Texas?”

I walk around the bed and over to her. “Yes.”

“And?” she urges.

“It’s fine, Austin. Stop worrying.” I grab the hem of my shirt she’s wearing.

She takes a step back, but I don’t let go. “Don’t cut this one.”

“I’m not,” I tell her with a smile. “I’m gonna help you out of it.”

I roll it up in my hands and then help her get one arm out at a time. This one is a bigger size, so it’s easier for her to get on and off. Once it’s on the

ground, I look over her body as she stands in a pair of little baby blue underwear. You can see her ribs. More than before. Her hips bones are more noticeable too. I run my thumbs over them. She still has bruises from her chest tube and IV. And one peeks out under a fresh bandage.

“Cole.” She takes my hands in hers and pulls them away from her. “Your dad—”

“He’s not gonna stop us.” I interrupt her. Might as well give her peace of mind when it comes to that bastard. All of Lilly’s stuff is already packed and in the U-Haul, as well.

She seems pacified with that answer and nods once. I help her into bed and then lie down beside her. Pulling her to me, I inhale her scent again.

Fuck, I’ve missed her so much.

“What about Shane?” she asks softly.

“Someone else you don’t need to worry about.”

“But he has to know what you guys did?” She draws little circles on my bare chest. Her fingers softly touching me. “Have you seen him?”

“No,” I lie.

I don’t want to worry her ’cause the truth is I don’t know what to do about Shane just yet.

She believes me, and asks, “What’s wrong with Deke?”

I hold in a sigh. Her mind is filled with so many questions, and I hate how much she sees. How much she worries. “If I had to guess, I would say he’s upset over Becky breaking up with him.” But I’m not sure that’s what it is. He’s more pissed than upset.

“They broke up?” Her fingers pause on my skin.

Guess Becky hasn’t spoken much to her about her personal life lately.

“Yes.”

She buries her face into my chest and sighs heavily. I tighten my arms around her, and she flinches. “I’m sorry.” I immediately loosen my hold.

“They’ll figure it out.” She ignores my apology.

“Maybe.” I’m not so sure, though. If Deke knew what I knew, he’d be so pissed at her. And me.

“You told me that he loves her.” She yawns.

“I did.” I run my hand over her soft hair. “He does.” I’m not sure now.

“Then they will figure out a way to make it work.”

I pull away from her enough to look down at her face. Her eyes are closed and her lips slightly parted. When I run my knuckles down her

cheek, she opens her eyes and looks up at me. “Are you okay?” she asks.

I don’t answer her. I’m not sure how. Saying yes would be another lie, and answering no would worry her. I already had problems sleeping before she came into my life, but now it’s pretty much nonexistent. I’ve been running on fumes for too long.

She sighs. “I can tell something is bothering you. Please tell me.”

This time, I decide to lie again. What’s one more? “Nothing is bothering me.”

“Cole”—she pulls away and slowly sits up— “I want you to talk to me.”

I sit up too. She has the sheet pulled up to her chin, shielding her body, and I wonder why she chooses now to hide from me. But I don’t pull it away. I cup her cheek, unable to keep my hands to myself. Not like I ever have since I met her.

“Cole, please …? Whatever it is. We will get through it together.”

She thinks I’m hiding more from her. I am, of course, but it’s all to

protect her.

“Did you …?”

“I love you.” It’s the only words I can think to say to her.

The only thing that I know with a hundred percent certainty at this very moment. I’ve known it for a while now. Everything else is out of my control. I don’t know if Shane will come for me. I don’t know if my father will one day want Lilly. And I don’t know if Austin will one day wake up and realize I’m not good enough for her and leave me.

Her lips part, and her eyes widen.

“I love you, Austin Lowes. And I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner.”

Those beautiful green eyes begin to well with tears. God, she’s so gorgeous.

“You’ve changed me, sweetheart. And I’m gonna do everything in my power to protect you and take care of you.”

My hand slides into her soft hair, and she closes her eyes, sucking in a shaky breath. When they open, the first tear rolls down her cheek. Then the second tear falls. And the third as we sit in silence. My heart pounds in my chest, waiting for her to say something to me. Anything. Even if it’s that she hates me. I can work on that. I can show her how much I love her … She licks her wet lips and whispers. “I love you, Cole.”

I never thought words could mean so much—all I’ve ever known were hate and rage—but this woman brings a whole new meaning to my life.

And that feeling is stronger than anything else I’ve ever felt. I let out a

breath I didn’t realize I was holding and kiss her softly with just our lips touching, but when she tries to deepen it, I pull away. “We can’t.” I hate saying those words to her. I never want to turn her down or make her feel unwanted.

“I want you,” she whispers, her watery eyes running over my chest.

“I want you too.” I run my hand through her soft hair. “But I don’t want to hurt you.” She smiles up at me, and I return it. Kissing her forehead, I say. “Come on. Let’s get some rest.”

We lie back down, and she buries her face in my chest once again. I stay awake, watching her fall asleep in my arms, and eventually, her breathing evens out. I kiss her forehead and whisper, “I love you, sweetheart.” Then I close my eyes, hoping tonight will be the first night in a long time I’ll actually get some rest, knowing she’s in my arms.