CHAPTER 47
Emmett
Emmett
Troops. Julia and I can’t leave the cabin, but we’re out of food. So… send help, aka food.
Riley
Boning too much to leave the house might be an excessive amount of information for the family chat. Sorry, I can’t help—I’m out of town.
Evan
I could bring you something. But I’m
going to need you to be decent when you answer the door.
Emmett
You guys, please stop. I’m working on getting out of the show contract. And for
legal reasons, cannot leave the house.
We are starving, though.
Parker
If this has to do with skewering that Dick
Wad creep, then count me in. I’ll bring you all the food you want.
Opa
Me too. I fucking hate that guy.
Oma
Me three. I just like causing trouble. LOL.
My stomach growls, and Julia sends me a pitiful look from where she’s lounging next to me on the couch, flipping through a magazine. Water and Tylenol have taken the edge off, but waiting for food to arrive has still been borderline torturous.
But as if I manifested it into reality, the doorbell rings.
“Thank fuck,” I mutter, pushing to stand as I head for the door. I nudge the small curtain to the side to check out the window and make sure that this isn’t Dick Wad pulling some shady shit. But I come up short when I see who is standing on the front steps.
Two people in costumes clearly raided from the Halloween box in the shed. A blow-up unicorn and a blow-up T. rex.
The unicorn balances two boxes of pizza with a half sack of beer stacked on top, and the T. rex holds a Deep and Delicious frozen chocolate cake and a bottle of wine.
“Special delivery!” they shout in unison, their filmy costumes fluttering as they jiggle their seven-foot frames.
“Jesus Christ.” Laughter shakes my shoulders.
“What?” Julia pushes to her feet and jogs over to the window. Her mouth pops open. “Is that—” Her giggle cuts her off.
“Parker and Evan? Yes. I believe it is.”
We open the door for the two animals, chuckling as they dance on the spot.
“What the hell are you two doing?”
“Who, us?” Evan presses a hoof to his chest in mock offense. “We are simply putting on a show for the cameras.”
“If Dick Wad wants good TV, then we’re going to give it to him,” Parker adds before ramming her T. rex’s head into the unicorn’s neck, roaring like she’s mauling the mythical creature.
I don’t know if it’s exhaustion, adrenaline, the heavy emotions, or just that this is hilarious, but Julia and I burst out laughing.
They hand over the food, high-five their mismatched paws, and gallop down the driveway with a whinny and a roar.
“I love you, Emmett!” Parker bellows, loud enough for the cameras.
“No, I love you more, Emmett!” Evan volleys back before they dissolve into laughter and disappear into the dark.
“They’re officially the best,” Julia says as she watches them vanish with a wide grin on her face.
“They’re…” My head joggles. “Something. I’m lucky to have them.”
“And they’re lucky to have you.”
I smile softly at the warmth blooming in my chest before kicking the door shut and locking it behind me. Heading back to the island, I set our food up. But it isn’t long before my phone pings again. It’s Oma.
Oma
I heard those two yahoos just brought
you booze and sugar and greasy junk food, so I’m coming over with a salad.
Julia shrugs as she reads my screen from over my shoulder. “I’d eat a salad.”
A text from Opa comes through.
Opa
You’re not going to want to see this.
I laugh and fire a text back.
Emmett
No way. After Parker and Evan’s
shenanigans, I can’t wait to see what Oma comes up with.
Opa
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
One slice of pizza and several minutes later, there’s a knock on the door that has Julia and me sprinting to answer it. When I tug the knob, I look down and see a bowl of salad covered in Saran Wrap on the doormat.
And when I look up, I see Oma’s bare ass. Sneakers, socks, and absolutely nothing else as she sprints down the driveway faster than a woman her age has any business doing.
“Fuck you, Dick Wad,” she yells, flipping double birds at one of the cameras along the fence line. She shakes her shoulders. “You want titties? You got ’em!”
“Oh. My. God.” Julia wheezes beside me, palm slapped over her mouth.
Farther down the driveway, Opa watches her with hearts in his eyes, one hand over his stomach as laughter rips out of him.
She’s the only woman who’s made him laugh like that. And he’s the only man in the world who could have truly handled her antics.
None of this surprises me all that much.
With a chuckle and a soft smile, I glance down at Julia. “Welcome to the Brandt family, Jules.”
OFFICIAL MEMO
To: Richard Wadsworth
From: Teri Baker Subject: Production Shutdown
Submitting my final memo for the record to show that Romance Ranch filming has concluded.
The show did not run to completion.
Legal has directed us to destroy all the footage we have collected over the past five weeks.
Despite the less-than-ideal outcome, it has been a pleasure to work on this show with you.
Sincerely,
Teri Baker Story Producer
