The Encouragement Approach
PHILOSOPHER: As you may recall from our discussion on the separation of tasks, I brought up the subject of intervention. This is the act of intruding on other people’s tasks. So why does a person intervene? Here, too, in the background, vertical relationships are at play. It is precisely because one perceives interpersonal relations as vertical, and sees the other party as beneath one, that one intervenes. Through intervention, one tries to lead the other party in the desired direction. One has convinced oneself that one is right and that the other party is wrong. Of course, the intervention here is manipulation, pure and simple. Parents commanding a child to study is a typical example of this. They might be acting out of the best of intentions from their points of view, but when it comes down to it, the parents are intruding and attempting to manipulate the child to go in their desired direction.
YOUTH: If one can build horizontal relationships, will that intervention disappear?
PHILOSOPHER: Yes, it will.
YOUTH: Well, it’s one thing if you’re just talking about a child’s studies. But when someone’s suering right there in front of you, you can’t just leave him or her be, can you? Would you still say that lending a helping hand is intervention, and then do nothing?
PHILOSOPHER: One must not let it go unnoticed. It is necessary to oer assistance that does not turn into intervention.
YOUTH: What is the dierence between intervention and assistance?
PHILOSOPHER: Think back to our discussion of the separation of tasks, to the subject of a child’s schoolwork. As I stated then, this is a task that the child has to resolve himself, not something that parents or teachers can do for him. So intervention is this kind of intruding on other people’s tasks and directing them by saying things like “You have to study” or “Get into that university.” Whereas assistance, on the other hand, presupposes the separation of tasks, and also horizontal relationships. Having understood that studying is the child’s task, one considers what one can do for him. Concretely speaking, instead of commanding from above that the child must study, one acts on him in such a way that he can gain the condence to take care of his own studies and face his tasks on his own.
YOUTH: And that action isn’t forced?
PHILOSOPHER: No, it’s not. Without forcing, and with the tasks always kept separate, one assists the child to resolve them by his own eorts. It’s the approach of “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.” He is the one who has to face his tasks, and he is the one who makes the resolution.
YOUTH: So you neither praise nor rebuke?
PHILOSOPHER: That’s right, one neither praises nor rebukes. This kind of assistance, which is based on horizontal relationships, is referred to in Adlerian psychology as “encouragement.”
YOUTH: Encouragement, huh? Right, that’s the term you mentioned some time ago. You said you’d explain at a later date.
PHILOSOPHER: When one is not following through with one’s tasks, it is not because one is without ability. Adlerian psychology tells us that the issue here is not one of ability but simply that “one has lost the courage to face one’s tasks.”
And if that is the case, the thing to do before anything else is to recover that lost courage.
YOUTH: But we’re just going around in circles! That’s basically the same as giving praise. When one is praised by another person, one becomes truly aware of one’s ability and regains one’s courage. Please do not be stubborn about this point— just acknowledge the necessity of giving praise.
PHILOSOPHER: No, I will not acknowledge that.
YOUTH: Why not?
PHILOSOPHER: The reason is clear. Being praised is what leads people to form the belief that they have no ability.
YOUTH: What did you say?
PHILOSOPHER: Shall I repeat myself? The more one is praised by another person, the more one forms the belief that one has no ability. Please do your best to remember this.
YOUTH: Do such foolish people even exist? It’s got to be the other way around! It is as a result of being praised that one becomes truly aware of one’s ability. Isn’t that obvious?
PHILOSOPHER: You are wrong. Even if you do derive joy from being praised, it is the same as being dependent on vertical relationships and acknowledging that you have no ability. Because giving praise is a judgment that is passed by a person of ability onto a person without ability.
YOUTH: I just cannot agree with that.
PHILOSOPHER: When receiving praise becomes one’s goal, one is choosing a way of living that is in line with another person’s system of values. Looking at your life until now, aren’t you tired of trying to live up to your parents’ expectations?
YOUTH: Um, well, I guess so.
PHILOSOPHER: First, do the separation of tasks. Then, while accepting each other’s dierences, build equal horizontal relationships. Encouragement is the approach that comes next.
