Deny the Desire for Recognition
YOUTH: So you said that today we would discuss freedom.
PHILOSOPHER: Yes. Did you have any time to think about what freedom is?
YOUTH: Yes, actually. I thought about it at great length.
PHILOSOPHER: And did you arrive at any conclusions?
YOUTH: Well, I couldn’t nd any answers. But I did nd this—it’s not my own idea, but something I came across at the library, a line from a novel by Dostoevsky: “Money is coined freedom.” What do you think? Isn’t “coined freedom” a rather refreshing term? But seriously, I was fascinated to nd this one line that drove right to the heart of this thing called money.
PHILOSOPHER: I see. Certainly, if one were to speak in a very general sense of the true nature of that which is brought about by money, one might say that is freedom. It is an astute observation, to be sure. But you wouldn’t go so far as to say that “freedom therefore is money,” would you?
YOUTH: It’s exactly as you say. There probably is freedom that can be gained by way of money. And I’m sure that freedom is greater than we imagine. Because, in reality, all the necessities of life are dealt with through nancial transactions.
Does it follow, then, that if one possesses great wealth, one can be free? I don’t believe that is the case; I would certainly like to believe that it is not the case, and that human values and human happiness cannot be bought with money.
PHILOSOPHER: Well, say for the moment that you have obtained nancial freedom. And then, though you have gained great wealth, you have not found happiness. At that time, what problems and privations would remain for you?
YOUTH: It would be the interpersonal relationships you have been mentioning. I have thought deeply about this matter. For instance, you might be blessed by great wealth but not have anyone who loves you; you have no comrades whom you could call friends, and you are not liked by anyone. This is a great misfortune. Another thing I can’t get out of my head is the word “bonds.” Every one of us is tangled up and writhing in these strings that we call bonds. Having to be attached to a person you don’t even care for, for example, or to always watch out for your awful boss’s mood swings. Imagine, if you could be released from such petty interpersonal relationships, how easy things would be! But no one can really do such a thing. Wherever we go, we are surrounded by other people, and we are social individuals, who exist in our relations to other people.
No matter what we do, we cannot escape the strong rope of our interpersonal relationships. I see now that Adler’s statement “All problems are interpersonal relationship problems” is a great insight.
PHILOSOPHER: It is a crucial point. Let’s dig a little deeper. What is it about our interpersonal relationships that is robbing us of our freedom?
YOUTH: Last time, you spoke about whether one thinks of other people as enemies or as comrades. You said that if one becomes able to see others as one’s comrades, one’s way of looking at the world should change as well. That certainly makes sense. I felt quite convinced the other day when I left here. But then what happened? I gave the matter some careful thought, and I noticed that there are aspects of interpersonal relationships that can’t be completely explained.
PHILOSOPHER: Like what?
YOUTH: The most obvious one is the existence of parents. I could never think of parents as enemies. During my childhood, especially, they were my greatest
guardians who raised and protected me. In that regard, I am sincerely grateful.
Still, my parents were strict people. I told you about this last time, that they always compared me to my older brother and refused to recognize me. And they have constantly made comments about my life, saying I should study more, not make friends with people like this or that, get into this university at the very least, get this kind of job, and so on. Their demands put a lot of pressure on me and were certainly bonds.
PHILOSOPHER: Then, what did you end up doing?
YOUTH: It seems to me that until I started university, I was never able to ignore my parents’ intentions. I was anxious, which was unpleasant, but the fact of the matter is that my wishes always seemed to end up overlapping with my parents’.
My place of work I chose myself, however.
PHILOSOPHER: Now that you mention it, I haven’t heard about that yet. What kind of work do you do?
YOUTH: I’m now working as a librarian at a university library. My parents wanted me to take on my father’s printing plant, like my brother did. Because of this, ever since I started my current job, our relationship has been somewhat strained. If they weren’t my parents, and instead were enemy-like presences in my life, I probably wouldn’t have minded at all. Because no matter how much they might have tried to interfere, I could always just ignore them. But as I’ve said, parents to me are not enemies. Whether or not they are comrades is another matter, but, at the very least, they are not what I would call enemies. It’s a relationship that is much too close to be able to just ignore their intentions.
PHILOSOPHER: When you decided which university you would go to in line with your parents’ wishes, what sort of emotion did you feel with regard to your parents?
YOUTH: It’s complicated. I did have feelings of resentment, but on the other hand there was this sense of relief, too. You know, that I could get them to
recognize me if I went to that school.
PHILOSOPHER: You could get them to recognize you?
YOUTH: Come on, let’s stop the roundabout leading questions. I’m sure you know what I’m referring to. It’s the so-called desire for recognition. It’s interpersonal relationship problems in a nutshell. We human beings live in constant need of recognition from others. It is precisely because the other person is not an abhorrent enemy that one wants recognition from him, isn’t it? So yes, that’s right; I wanted to be recognized by my parents.
PHILOSOPHER: I see. Let’s talk about one of the major premises of Adlerian psychology regarding this matter. Adlerian psychology denies the need to seek recognition from others.
YOUTH: It denies the desire for recognition?
PHILOSOPHER: There is no need to be recognized by others. Actually, one must not seek recognition. This point cannot be overstated.
YOUTH: No way! Isn’t desire for recognition a truly universal desire that motivates all human beings?
