Excessive Self-Consciousness
Sties the Self
PHILOSOPHER: It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?
YOUTH: Yes, I last came about a month ago. I have been thinking about the meaning of community feeling since then.
PHILOSOPHER: So how do you feel about it now?
YOUTH: Well, community feeling is denitely an attractive idea. The sense of belonging, that “it’s okay to be here,” for example, which we possess as a fundamental desire. I think it is a brilliant insight into our existence as social creatures.
PHILOSOPHER: It’s a brilliant insight, except…?
YOUTH: Funny, you caught on right away. That’s right, I still have some issues with it. I’ll say it straight out—I have no idea what you are going on about with your references to the universe and all that, and it ends up reeking of religion from beginning to end. There’s this kind of cultish quality to it all that I just can’t shake.
PHILOSOPHER: When Adler rst proposed the concept of community feeling, there was a great deal of opposition in a similar vein. People said that psychology is supposed to be a science, and here was Adler discussing the issue of worth.
That sort of thing isn’t science, they said.
YOUTH: So in my own way, I tried to gure out why I couldn’t understand what you were talking about, and I’m thinking that the order of things might be the problem. You’re starting o with the universe and inanimate objects, and the past and the future and so on, so I lose track of things. Instead, one should get a rm grasp of the “I.” Next, one should contemplate one-on-one relationships.
That is to say, the interpersonal relationships of “you and I.” And once one has done that, the larger community should come into view.
PHILOSOPHER: I see. That is a good order.
YOUTH: Now, the rst thing I want to ask about is attachment to self. You are saying that one has to stop being attached to the “I” and make the switch to “concern for others.” I am sure it is exactly as you say—concern for others is important, I agree. But no matter what, we worry about ourselves; we look at ourselves all the time.
PHILOSOPHER: Have you thought about why we worry about ourselves?
YOUTH: I have. If I were a narcissist, for example—if I were in love with myself and constantly fascinated with myself—maybe that would simplify things.
Because your instruction, “Have more concern for others,” is a perfectly sound one. But I am not a self-loving narcissist. I am a self-loathing realist. I hate who I am, and that’s exactly why I look at myself all the time. I don’t have condence in myself, and that’s why I am excessively self-conscious.
PHILOSOPHER: At what times do you feel that you are excessively self-conscious?
YOUTH: Well, at meetings, for example, I have a hard time raising my hand and making myself heard. I think needless things, like If I ask this question, they’ll probably laugh at me, or If the point I want to make is irrelevant, I’ll get ridiculed, and so on, and I just clam up. Truthfully, I falter even when it comes to telling silly jokes in front of people. Every time, my self-consciousness kicks in and puts the brakes on, and it’s as if I’ve been straitjacketed. My self-consciousness won’t allow me to behave in an innocent way. But I don’t even have to ask for your
answer. I’m sure it’ll be the same as always: Have courage. But you know, such
words are of no use to me. Because this isn’t just a matter of courage.
PHILOSOPHER: I see. Last time, I gave an overview of community feeling. Today,
we will dig deeper.
YOUTH: And where will that take us?
PHILOSOPHER: We will probably arrive at the question, What is happiness?
YOUTH: Oh! So happiness lies beyond community feeling?
PHILOSOPHER: There is no need to rush the answers. What we need is dialogue.
YOUTH: All right, then. So let’s get started!
