17. Tangled Emotions
Ace released me with a snarl.
I used his state of shock to my advantage and scrambled away, leaping from the bed, but he managed to wrap his arms around my waist before I could take a single step toward the door.
He lifted me into the air and threw me back down on the bed like a sack of potatoes. Then he crawled on top of me so I couldn’t get away.
“No!” I yelled, desperately trying to get out of his hold. “Let me go!”
“Doe.” Ace pinned his hands over my head, but I continued to whip my head around and kick my legs.
“Doe, stop, you’re going to hurt yourself.”
“I don’t care! I don’t want to be around you! I don’t want to be around you ever again!”
Ace froze. The atmosphere in the room turned ice cold.
My struggle slowed to a stop, and my eyes met his deep blue ones above me. Dread churned in my stomach as I took in the expression of misery and hurt on his face.
“You don’t want to be around me?” he repeated, his voice hoarse.
I swallowed, suddenly very aware of how close I was to breaking down in tears.
“I-I… Maybe?” I closed my eyes in frustration, and tears started to race down my cheeks.
I let out a breath and forced myself to peer up at his tortured face once again. “I just… You can’t touch me like that and then pretend like it never happened afterward.
“I’m not just this outlet for your pent-up sexual energy or your stupid need to feel like the most powerful person in the room.”
My throat was so raw it was hard to speak. “You’ve been doing it for years now but even more so over the last few days.
“And when I try to ask you about it, you make me feel like I’m going insane, or you ignore me, or you change the subject. I can’t take it anymore.”
My tongue dipped out to wet my lips, and I tasted the saltiness of my tears.
“So, yeah, if you’re going to keep doing stuff like that, I-I don’t want to be around you anymore. You can find some other girl to make her feel used and unwanted.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have said that last part. I didn’t want to distance myself from Ace, and I definitely didn’t want him to go find another girl.
Of course I wanted to be around him constantly. I wanted to be his only girl.
But I wanted more of his touches, ~more~ of his attention. And I wanted him to kiss my lips, hold my hand, caress my skin.
I just… I also wanted it to mean something to him.
“Doe,” Ace said after a moment, “is that true? I’ve really been making you feel that way?”
I nodded slowly, more tears flowing.
His movements were slow and tentative as he released his hold on my hands and reached out and ran his thumb over my jaw, the same spot he had been gripping when he yelled at me, soothing the mild ache he had caused.
“I’m sorry. So fucking sorry. I didn’t…I didn’t think…”
He sighed. “I’ve been too controlling. I know I have. I’ve known it for a while. I’ve been trying to keep myself in check, but it’s getting—” His gaze drifted down my body. He rolled his neck stiffly.
“It’s getting hard. It’s not an excuse for my behavior, but I just…” His fingers traveled from my jaw ut he managed to down to my neck, where he began stroking one of the hickeys he’d left there.
My sex clenched without my permission.
“If you only knew what happens in my head when I’m around you.”
My heart boomed anxiously in my chest. “What…what do you mean? What’s going on inside your head?”
I could see the wheels turning in his head.
“I’ll tell you when you’re ready.”
I frowned. “And when will I be ready?”
“That’s for you to decide.”
I nearly kneed him in the balls. Of course that was his answer. Evasive and mysterious responses were his forte.
“I am sorry for how I’ve been treating you though,” he continued, speaking softly.
“I…I really don’t know how to explain it without confusing you more.”
“Try.”
He dropped his head into the crook of my neck, pressing his nose to my skin and inhaling deeply.
“We’re getting older, Doe. I’m about to turn eighteen, and things are starting to change. I know you feel it. Everything in my life is going to turn upside down after we graduate.
“Sometimes, I worry about losing you, and that fear turns me into a possessive asshole like you said.
But you must understand, you’re my only constant, the only thing that isn’t going to change.”
Goosebumps sprouted where his hot breath fanned my throat. “What exactly is changing in your life?”
I asked breathlessly.
My dad had said the same thing the previous night, but I didn’t know what he’d meant.
Ace placed a single kiss beneath my ear before leaning back, his expression thoughtful but frustrated.
“You’re right. That was a bad explanation.”
He paused, thinking. “Okay, how about this? The men in my family…have always been possessive bastards.
“Just think of my asshole of a father. Before my mother died, he needed her by his side at all times, making sure she was safe and protected.”
He petted my hair lovingly, rolling the strands between his fingers as he spoke.
“And now that I’m getting older, I think that instinct is starting to rub off on me… with you.
“It’s like I can’t help but try to control and protect the people I care about. And, I’m not sure if you know this, but I’m rather fond of you, Doe.”
He smiled down at me. “I’m just sorry that my fondness—along with my fear that I might lose you, just like my father lost my mother—has manifested itself into possessive and inappropriate behavior.
“I never mean to upset you. I’ll try to be better. You have my word. I’ll try not to be so controlling.”
en trying to keepI studied him silently, not sure what to do with everything he was saying. “You mean, you’re not going to grope my boob anymore without my permission?”
His lips turned up, revealing his dazzling teeth. “That really was an accident. But, yes, I’ll try my best not to fondle you in my sleep again.”
“And you’ll let me go when I ask?” I continued.
He didn’t answer that question right away. Instead, he lay down on his side next to me and maneuvered my body with a hand on my waist so I was on my side, too, facing him.
I could feel the tension rolling off him in waves.
“That I can’t promise so easily,” he said. “Sometimes, I hold you when you’re stressed because, as much as you hate to admit it, it calms you down. You need my touch. You always have, even as a kid.
“I let go of your boob when you asked because it truly was an accident, and it would’ve caused you more anxiety if I didn’t. But usually, physical contact helps you, even if you’re angry at me after.”
He wrapped his arm around my back, dragging me closer to prove his point. “Like right now. Can you feel your heart rate slowing and your muscles relaxing?
“Your body is responding to mine, the same way it did last night when you begged me to hold you when you were scared, the same way it did when I just pulled you onto my lap when you were panicking.”
He was right. I couldn’t deny the truth of his words. I had never really questioned my constant need to be around him, but thinking about it, his touch has always calmed my raging storms.
It was why I wanted to be around him when I was scared or stressed. It was why I felt like I went through Ace withdrawal whenever we were apart for too long. I craved his closeness like a drug.
Thankfully, Ace didn’t force me to admit defeat or to say he was right. He wasn’t one to gloat and I loved that about him.
Instead, he scooched me even closer to him so we were chest to chest, forehead to forehead, breathing
in sync with one another.
We sat like that for a while.
After a few minutes, I said, “Ace?”
“Hm?”
“What about Monday morning?” I asked in a weary tone. “When you were kissing my neck and…”
And when he gave me my first-ever orgasm.
“You needed that,” he replied softly.
“What? N-no, I didn’t,” I complained, grimacing when it came out as a stutter.
He raised his eyebrows. “Actually, you did. That was an important moment for you, believe it or not.”
His eyes fell on a specific spot on my neck, and I gasped when it suddenly felt hot.
He grinned. “You may not understand your body’s signals, but I do. Yesterday morning, you needed a release—a release from me. Your body was begging me for it even if you couldn’t put it into words.”
I shifted uneasily. I was tempted to touch the spot on my neck that he was staring at, but I didn’t wantght lose you, just him to know he was having such an effect on me.
“And how exactly was my body begging you for it?” I challenged.
you’re not going“Your scent became stronger, more floral. You started to squirm against me, seeking friction. Your heart rate and breathing picked up. Your cheeks brightened with that adorable blush of yours.
“And”—he leaned in closer—“your sweet pussy was soaking, sobbing for my touch.”
My mouth started opening and closing like a fish out of water. There was no way… “You couldn’t have possibly known any of that,” I whispered. and maneuveredHe hummed and tucked me into his chest, placing his chin on top of my head. “I hate that I made you feel like that meant nothing. That was never my intention.
“I’m sorry. I won’t do anything like that again. Not unless you ask me to, that is.”
He didn’t give me a chance to respond. Instead, he kissed my head one last time and then lifted himself out of the bed.
“I’m going to run back to my house and get ready for school and give you some time to yourself,” he said, reaching for his pants and shirt and quickly putting them on.
He looked back at me once he was dressed, giving my body one more once-over, and then ran his hand through his hair. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
He escaped through my bedroom window, leaving me even more confused than before.
“Your scent became stronger, more floral. You started to squirm against me, seeking friction. Your heart rate and breathing picked up. Your cheeks brightened with that adorable blush of yours.
“And”—he leaned in closer—“your sweet pussy was soaking, sobbing for my touch.”
My mouth started opening and closing like a fish out of water. There was no way… “You couldn’t have possibly known any of that,” I whispered.
He hummed and tucked me into his chest, placing his chin on top of my head. “I hate that I made you feel like that meant nothing. That was never my intention.
“I’m sorry. I won’t do anything like that again. Not unless you ask me to, that is.”
He didn’t give me a chance to respond. Instead, he kissed my head one last time and then lifted himself out of the bed.
“I’m going to run back to my house and get ready for school and give you some time to yourself,” he said, reaching for his pants and shirt and quickly putting them on.
He looked back at me once he was dressed, giving my body one more once-over, and then ran his hand through his hair. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
He escaped through my bedroom window, leaving me even more confused than before.
