Twenty Three
R I V E R
I FUCKED UP.
The moment those words left my mouth, I knew I fucked up. I should’ve known better than to tell Mako I’m going to see Barbie. But I didn’t know how to leave after we just did… well that, and it not be awkward. You don’t just leave with a ‘see you later’ when someone fucks you the way Mako fucked me.
My stomach tightens with heady desire and a sharp thrill for the millionth time when I recall what we did only twenty minutes ago. It’s fucking pathetic of me to already want to do it again. And again. And a-fucking-gain.
I need to see Barbie, though. I’ve waited far too long already, too busy cocooning myself in the house and away from prying eyes. The Ghost Killer—or Billy—is still out there. I was hoping to gain more information from Barbie as I try to figure out how the hell I’m supposed to tell Mako who the Ghost Killer is. He’s going to hate me, I already know it. He’s put so much time and energy into finding him, and I’ve known from the moment he told me about the killings, and I haven’t said a damn thing.
But now, Mako wants to come. So, the only thing I can do is collect the much needed rent and find another time to talk to Barbie. If anyone would know anything, it’s her. She didn’t know about Billy’s killings before, but now that it’s been brought to her attention, she’s going to weasel any information she can get. If Barbie is good for anything besides selling her body, it’s getting information.
Dread settles in my chest as Mako opens his car door for me, waiting for me to slide in. Bringing Mako here is such a bad idea.
“Maybe we should just not go,” I say, cringing as the words come out of my mouth, awkward and very fucking suspicious. His eyes narrow on me. I shift, uncomfortable with the way he’s scrutinizing me.
“I’d feel better doing this while I’m with you,” he says finally. Goddamn it. He knows me too well. Well enough to know that I want to go by myself. And there’s no way Mako’s going to let that happen. Not after I already opened my big mouth and divulged some of the things Billy put me through, and especially not after Billy nearly beat me to death.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. There’s no getting out of this and the only person I can be angry with is myself.
Stupid sex-induced brain. Sex with Mako is dangerous if it completely halts the ability to think properly.
Don’t freak, River. Just go in, get the money, and leave. Simple.
Nothing with Shallow Hill is ever simple.
The entire time I’m giving Mako directions, I’m tempted to just make him drive to a random, empty house and claim she’s not home. There are plenty of abandoned houses in Shallow Hill. It
would be easy. But something feels wrong about lying to Mako even more than I already am.
He pulls into the driveway of my decrepit childhood home. Just like every other house in this sad town, the white panels are hardly white and hanging on by a thread. Boarded up windows from explosive fights between Barbie and her clients. A rickety wooden porch with a collapsed step and a hole in it from when someone fell through.
It’s fucking embarrassing to say the least.
“You don’t have to come in, Mako.”
He’s already opening the door and rounding the car to open mine for me. My heart drops when I see Barbie’s beady little eyes peeking through the tattered curtains.
The dread cements inside my chest. I’m going to need a jackhammer to clear it out when this is all said and done.
I drag my feet walking into the house, Mako on my heels. His presence is overpowering and suffocating when all I want to do is remove him from this house.
“Well who the fuck do we have here?” Barbie says from the kitchen entrance, her arms crossed across her frail body. Her eyes are eating Mako up, clearly enjoying the view based off the unfiltered excitement in her eyes. “Oh, this is an upgrade, dear. Much better than the last one you brought home.
That one looked like he fucked himself with a stick for pleasure.”
I can’t help it. I snort in response. Sometimes I can appreciate the honestly from Barbie’s mouth, even if the venom she spews is mostly directed towards me.
“Barbie, this is Mako. Don’t scare him away,” I warn.
A sinful smirk stretches across her face. This is Barbie in action, even though she knows Mako will never give her the time of day. Mako, ever the gentleman, gives a curt, “Hello, Barbie.” Her eyes widen when she gets a taste of his voice. Deep—so fucking deep, especially when he’s saying the dirtiest things in your ear while at least nine inches deep inside you. I shiver at the memory.
Even when Mako realizes that he’s going to hate me instead of love me, I will cherish that memory until the day I die.
“What do you want?” Barbie says, forcing her eyes away from the magnetic man behind me. It takes serious effort on her part, I know this from experience. The usual venom in her voice is absent.
Probably too enthralled by Mako.
“Rent time,” I chirp. Her face falls, rolling her eyes dramatically and turning to walk in the kitchen. When Barbie isn’t in her room fucking, she’s in the kitchen smoking, injecting, or snorting. It took four cigarettes to keep me in that kitchen—the same place Billy granted me with new nightmares —last time I was here. Smoking in front of Mako just feels wrong.
The only thing that unsticks my feet from the ground is the reminder that I have Mako here with me. His strength silently bleeds into me, giving me the courage I need to revisit my personal Hell.
The kitchen is in the same state it was last time I was here. And every time before that since I can remember. I watch Mako’s eyes take in every detail. The overwhelming urge to blindfold him is almost too much to bear. I hate him seeing the place I grew up in. I didn’t like Ryan seeing it, either, but something about Mako discovering where I came from feels different.
With Ryan, I felt like I had to impress him. Prove something to him. And this dingy house doesn’t exist on any lists to impress your boyfriend with. Ryan sneered and looked down on this house and Barbie. The whole experience left me embarrassed and with a bad taste in my mouth, and I’m almost sure it made Ryan look at me with a little less awe.
With Mako, I just want to protect him from this life. Not because I feel the need to impress him, but because I’m terrified that he’ll pity me. The last thing I need is pity.
But of course, Mako always surprises me. The very thing that diminished in Ryan’s eyes is the same thing shining from Mako’s as he stares down at me. Awe. He doesn’t need to say the words now, he’s already said them before. He’s… proud that I came from a hellhole like this and became the woman I am today. Even if I am a murderer. It doesn’t matter to Mako. Not when the person I killed deserved every single thing I did to him.
“Do you have the money?” I ask impatiently. Barbie’s sitting in her usual chair, puffing on a cigarette.
“Can’t you come here to visit your mother for once? You only come here for money. You’re starting to make me feel used.”
I give her a dry look. “Cute, Barbie. Real cute.”
Blackness dances on the edges of my vision. I hate being in this kitchen.
“River ever tell you the story on how she got her name?” Barbie prompts, looking Mako up and down like a slab of meat. I’d correct her if I wasn’t guilty of doing the same thing every time I’m around him.
“No.” His response is short and concise. I’d say uninterested if it wasn’t for the quirk of a brow aimed my way. I sigh, the regret from bringing Mako anywhere near this place deepening.
“I went into labor in the middle of runnin’ for my life,” Barbie starts, focusing her attention on the worn table. “I thought it would be harder to get caught if I was in the river out there.” She nods her heads towards the direction of still, dirty river. “Figured he couldn’t catch me that way. Here I am, gettin’ chased by one of the scariest men alive, and that’s when River decides she wants to make an entrance. I’m screamin’ and cryin’, beggin’ for my life while actively trying to keep a baby from coming out my body.” A dry chuckle slithers from her cracked lips. “But River wasn’t havin’ it. She wanted out right then and there. So, the water is up to my chest, Billy can’t see what’s goin’ on. He’s coming up behind me, gun in his hand and already raised to my head, and then just stops cold when I lift River up and he hears the first cries from a little baby.” She pauses, and brings her weathered, blank eyes to me. “River is what ultimately saved my life that day. As soon as Billy heard her cry, he decided he liked the sound of it. And then made it his life’s mission to hear her cry until the day she escaped Shallow Hill.”
An ominous silence settles over us as the last of Barbie’s words ring out, and then fade into the chill air. I shiver, despite it being hot as hell in this house.
I’ve always hated that story. The origins of my birth and how I came to be. Billy was getting ready to murder a pregnant woman and let her and her dead baby float along the river. Not surprisingly, there’s been more than a few dead bodies pulled out of the river. All nobody’s with no family to speak of and not a soul around that gives a shit. Barbie might’ve been lucky enough to gain some sympathy since she would’ve been pregnant when killed, but not enough to truly search for her killer.
So many nights, I wished that’s what would’ve happened. I hated myself for being born because if I had only waited a minute longer, I would’ve never existed. I would’ve never endured the torture and abuse that’s never really ended, even twenty-two years later. I would’ve been granted access to heaven without having to endure hell first. I would’ve been free.
“Your life might’ve been saved, but mine ended that day,” I say, forcing dryness into my tone.
She smirks at me, as if she knows how badly that story still affects me. Mako doesn’t say anything, but the edges of his eyes have softened a bit.
“Money, Barbie,” I remind, snapping my fingers obnoxiously. Being reminded of Billy has lit a new fire under my ass.
“Don’t have it,” she says shortly.
Mako comes to stand beside me, crossing his arms across his broad chest and staring down at Barbie with a cocked brow. He’s not looking down his nose at her like he’s better than her—he’s
looking down at her to intimidate her.
For me.
Shock slaps me in the face when I see Barbie blush from the scrutiny in Mako’s stare. Never in my fucking life have I seen Barbie blush.
The only thing that snaps me out of my shocked state is the wad of crisp clean bills slapping on the dirty table. Seeing the bills freezes my heart. Clean bills don’t pass through Barbie’s hands. It’s just not something that happens. This town is dirty, and the money is even dirtier.
“Where did you get that from?” I whisper, staring down at the bills like their live snakes, reared back and ready to bite.
Barbie glances down at the bills, and then back up at me with an unreadable emotion in her eyes.
It almost looks like trepidation, but that word has only ever been associated with Barbie when Billy
is involved.
“You know the answer to that, River.”
“Why is he giving you money?” I grind out through my gritted teeth.
“Because he knows you come to collect rent each month. Says he wants to take care of his favorite girls, so he fronts me the money to give to you. He said it kills two birds with one stone.”
My stomach sours, twisting and turning until I’m sure I’m going to be sick. Vomit rises in the back of my throat. I take a step away from the money.
“I don’t want his money,” I hiss. “What about the money you make?”
“That is my money! Who gives a shit where it comes from, River. Just take it!”
Without thought, I grab the money and whip it in her face, tens of bills smacking across her face before fluttering to the filthy tiled floor. Barbie shoots up, her chair clattering loudly behind her and gets in my face.
“What, you too scared to accept money from the Ghost Killer now? You accepted his dick inside you plenty of times, what’s wrong with his money?”
All the air is suctioned out of the room, leaving nothing but stagnant, bone-chilling stillness. I cringe and close my eyes, tears already lined across my lids. One slips through when I hear Mako take a single step forward.
“What the fuck did you just say?” An hour ago, his low gravelly voice was deepened with desire and need. Now… Now it’s deepened with betrayal.
A curse slips from my mouth as I turn to face Mako. He’s already staring down at me, shock splayed across his beautiful face. Coupled with hurt. Deep, cutting hurt.
“I was going to tell you,” I mutter shamefully. So badly, I want to drop my eyes to my feet and hide from the anger filling up Mako’s eyes like an empty gas tank being pumped full of gasoline.
“You knew who the Ghost Killer was? The entire time?”
Barbie’s jeering cackle sounds from behind me. My shoulders hike up to my ears and embarrassment floods me. This is the last thing I want Barbie to witness. I brought home a man even she wanted, and he’s breaking up with me right in front of her, not even a half hour later.
“Yes, but—” Mako’s turning and storming out of the house before I can finish my sentence—or rather, my lame excuse.
I’m whipping around, running after him, even as Barbie’s heart-stopping words follow me out.
“Wait till he finds out Billy’s your father, too.”
I almost stop. I almost turn back around and demand what the hell Barbie just said. But she must be lying. She’s just egging on the fight to hurt me. There’s no way Billy’s my father. One of them would’ve told me that already.
“Mako, wait!” I shout, not giving a shit that there’s a small party on the porch a few doors down, now quieting as they witness the Ghost of Shallow Hill chase after an unknown man. A man that clearly doesn’t belong in this town.
“Just… fuck! Get in the goddamn car, River.” He rips open his door, throws himself in and slams the door shut behind him. Not wanting him to drive off without me, I scramble into the car, just barely shutting the door before he’s peeling out of the driveway, leaving skid marks in our wake.
Both fists are curled around the steering wheel so tightly, the leather is popping beneath his grip.
White knuckles glare at me in the darkness, reminding me that I fucked up.
Again.
His arms tremble and his breathing fills the tense silence with short, staccato bursts.
“Do you have a picture of him?” he asks tightly, anger coloring his tone.
“Yes,” I whisper, my mouth tasting like ash. Tears blur my vision as I pull my phone out and search for the only picture of Billy I have. I took it years ago, before I left. He was particularly savage that night, brutalizing me and ripping me apart mentally and physically. I had already secured my spot at the university and knew I was leaving within a week. I still don’t know why I took it, but I sneaked it in when Billy was glaring at me, still angry for whatever I did that night. The reasons of Billy’s anger escape me, the only thing remaining is the abuse he inflicted because of it.
The bright light of my phone illuminates Mako’s hardened face as I hand over the trembling phone. The second his eyes land on the picture, he’s stomping on the brakes and whipping the car to the side of the road. My body pitches forward from the force, and even deep in throes of his anger, Mako still cares about me enough to bar his arm across my chest and push me back into the seat.
“FUCK!” he roars.
I jump so hard, I hit my head on the glass window. Mako curls his fist and pounds it into the steering wheel, so hard that the car is blaring from him hitting the horn.
“Mako, stop! What’s wrong?!” I scream, my voice desperate and scared. I’m not scared of Mako per se, but I’m scared of what his reactions means. I don’t understand his reaction to the picture.
He finally stops, his knuckles already bruising. His hands rip through his hair as he fumes.
“When did you figure it out?” he demands, keeping his face turned away from me and glued to the window.
Hot, steady streams of tears leak from my eyes. “When you told me about him at dinner. When Billy attacked me that night… he called me a ghost as he was… anyway, it’s something that’s common in Shallow Hill because of Billy. He says that when you grow up in a place like Shallow Hill, there’s no escaping it. So, when you do and then come back… you’re considered a ghost. Someone that just haunts the streets when you see fit but always disappears in the end.” I wipe the snot away with the bottom of my t-shirt. I forge on, my voice trembling as I confess.
“When I was six years old, Billy got hooked on meth. Real bad. He became unhinged and started killing people off pretty carelessly. It’s a miracle Barbie and I survived that time. He would come to the house, raging about how all the men working for him betrayed him. Whether it was because he thought they stole from him or were fucking with the product or whatever the reason. He killed them all. Nothing came of it because he managed to dispose of all the bodies. And as sad as it is, no one really gives a shit about people who die in Shallow Hill.
“When you told me about the Ghost Killer and the way they were murdered, I knew it wasn’t a
coincidence. I knew it was Billy. I went over to Barbie’s when I got the chance to get away from Ryan, and she confirmed Billy’s hooked again. Back to killing all his men, and now labelling them Ghost’s because well… that’s what they are now.”
Suffocating silence fills the car, nearly choking me from Mako’s anger. He’s trembling, shaking so hard from his anger that it looks like he’s seizing. My mouth opens, ready to tell Mako what Barbie told me as I chased him out the door, but the words die on my tongue. There’s no use telling him something that I haven’t confirmed true.
“Please tell me what’s going on, Mako,” I plead when the angry man beside me continues to stew. I’m shaking like a leaf in bitter winds as I watch my worst nightmare come to life. This is why I cried on Mako’s chest in the library. Because I knew I would hurt Mako when he found out the truth.
A small, stupid part of me held onto the hope that he’d understand why I did it. All the same, I’m losing him. Just like I knew I would.
He sighs harshly, slowly regaining his control. “That’s the person that claimed he was a witness to a Ghost Killer murder. That was Ryan’s client—Benedict fucking Davis. The man that killed my father and have been chasing for over a year was right in front of my face. Just like Ryan said.”
