[ 7 ]
“UH, DONUT?” I SAID, LOOKING DOWN AT THE CAT.
Mordecai stood beside me, mouth agape.
Despite being nothing but a pile of goo just a few minutes earlier, the cat appeared to be exactly the same as before. Maybe she had gotten a little bigger, but not by much. Either way, she was still decidedly a cat.
Except for the talking part.
“First off, Carl, my name is ‘GC, BWR, NW Princess Donut the Queen Anne Chonk,’ and I’m going to have to insist you call me by my proper title.
I will accept just Princess or even Princess Donut but not if we are in the presence of high company.” She looked at Mordecai as if he was something she had just vomited upon the floor. “I suppose Princess Donut will do for now.”
“I see what’s happened,” Mordecai said after a moment. “You’re partied with her, so you can see for yourself. Pull up her stats.”
I clicked on the party menu, and then I clicked on Donut’s stats.
Strength: 11
Intelligence: 11
Constitution: 2
Dexterity: 8 Charisma: 25 “What the hell?” I said. She was stronger and more intelligent than me.
And her charisma was just ridiculous. “What happened?”
“Her stats were all one. All except dexterity, which was always eight and charisma which was five. Whatever buff you gave her kept her race but changed her stats. Hmm let me look…. Yes, it’s like I thought. Look in her
health menu. It shows conditions.”
I clicked over, and under Buffs it read: Enhanced Growth.
After an initial boost to four random stats, all additional levels will automatically grant +1 to Strength and Intelligence. Charisma will gain +2 per level. No additional stat points will be received upon level-up.
“Wait,” I said. “So she’s getting four stat points per level instead of three?”
“Yes,” Mordecai said. “And she doesn’t have to wait until she picks a class before they disburse. But that boost is a double-edged sword. She’s forever stuck with a constitution of two and a dexterity of eight unless she can find some gear that will enhance it or if she picks a race and class that changes it for her. But even then, the points will still distribute as indicated.”
He grunted. “With a charisma like that, she should consider a bard-based class. Two points every level is going to add up fast. I’m immune to the effects of her charisma. Same with you and other crawlers. But all the other NPCs and mobs won’t be. For the first several floors, that number is huge.
Bigger than you realize.”
“But how can she talk? She’s still a cat!”
“I am right here you know,” Donut said. “It’s quite rude to talk about me as if I’m not in the room. And if you must know, Carl, for me, I hear your speech as it should be heard. And you hear mine as that disgusting monkey grunting you call English. I imagine this other creature hears it as squeaks and vermin hisses. This whole translation system is quite elegant, I must admit.”
“I’m gonna have to start the tutorial all over,” Mordecai said. “She’s not a pet anymore. She’s now classified as a regular crawler.”
“Not necessary. I heard everything you said to my manservant,” Donut said. “Now wave your hand and grant me access to my prize boxes so we can
get this farce rolling.”
“Manservant?” I said.
“He’s a little slow,” Donut said to Mordecai. “Intelligence of only three.
Sad, really. But he’s been with the family for a while now, and I just can’t see myself letting him go.”
“I’ve activated your menus,” Mordecai said. “Oh, wow.” He looked at me. “She received a Legendary Quadruped box for being the first cat to enter the dungeon.”
I watched as a group of loot boxes lined up in front of her just as they had done with me. She only had five of them. Three bronze ones with a couple healing potions and torches. Next was a silver adventurer box that contained a book and a pile of pet biscuits. The note over the book read: Tome of Magic Missile Next came the legendary box. The symbol on the front was of a lion thing. Only a single item came out. A small, jeweled tiara. The cat-sized crown glittered with smoky, dark gems. The deep purple stone in the center swirled internally with clouds, as if the center was liquid.
Enchanted Crown of the Sepsis Whore.
“That sounds ominous,” I said.
“Wait until you read the description,” Mordecai muttered. The item disappeared into her inventory. The cat sat down and started to groom herself.
“Are boxes custom tailored to the person?” I asked as I pulled up the party menu. I quickly found I couldn’t examine items in Donut’s inventory.
Only items she had equipped.
“Sort of,” Mordecai said. “You’ll receive items that can be used by your race, but not necessarily your class. So a human barbarian might receive a
necromancer staff.”
Donut glowed a bright red.
Mordecai turned to the cat, raising his hand. “Ah, Princess Donut, I see you taught yourself the Magic Missile spell already. That’s good, good. In case you didn’t know, tomes will permanently teach you the spell, and scrolls will just cast it once. That other item you received is quite valuable and powerful. But it is also a very dangerous item. Before you decide to put it on, you should take special note that it…”
Poof! The crown magically appeared on her head.
Mordecai lowered his hand, sighing.
“How the hell did she do that?” I asked. I’d had to manually put on my cloak and shirt.
“She’s a quadruped, so she has a different user interface than you. She can perform many actions directly from her menu.”
Now that it was equipped, I could examine the tiara’s properties.
Enchanted Crown of the Sepsis Whore.
Who’s a dirty girl? You’re a dirty girl!
This is a Fleeting item!
This is a Unique* item!
Imbues wearer with +5 Intelligence, grants the user +5 to the Good First Impression skill. All attacks, including magical attacks, now have a 15% chance to inflict the Sepsis debuff.
Warning! (Seriously though. I’m going to say this again.
WARNING! Read this shit before you put it on.) Placing this crown upon your head permanently places you within the royal line of succession for the Blood Sultanate on the ninth floor of the world dungeon. Removing this item will not remove this status. Royal members of the Blood Sultanate will be required to slay the Sultan and all other members of the royal family before descending to the tenth floor. You’ll only want to wear this if you’re a blood-thirsty, raging psychopath.
“That…” I began. “I’m not so sure you should’ve put that on.”
“It’s purple,” Donut said. “Purple is my color. Do you know how many purple ribbons I’ve won? Do you know what it takes to get a purple ribbon?”
“What does fleeting mean?” I asked Mordecai. “And why is there an asterisk by ‘unique?’”
Donut had received a few more boxes from learning the spell and putting on the tiara. It was all low-tier potions and torches. She sorted through the items now, hissing with displeasure each time she received another torch.
“Fleeting means it’ll crumble to dust the moment she takes it off. If that happens, another crown will be generated somewhere else in the dungeon.
Now that it’s on her, don’t let her take it off. If another crawler gets the crown, it’ll just be one more person you’ll have to kill to get off that floor.”
The idea of having to fight actual people hadn’t occurred to me. Would that really happen? The thought of it made me sick. I looked at Donut.
“What the hell am I going to do now?” I asked, shaking my head. The tutorial was over, and I knew it. We’d have to go back out there.
“It’s quite simple, really,” Donut said. “You need to assist me to this 18th level, so I can exit this hellscape and resume my rightful place as liege. I am assuming this rat creature won’t be able to travel with us,” she lifted her paw and pointed it at me, “so you have been promoted from manservant to bodyguard. Congratulations, Carl.”
Princess Donut has named your party The Royal Court of Princess Donut.
Princess Donut has changed your title to Royal Bodyguard.
Princess Donut has changed her title to Grand Champion Best in
Dungeon.
“Really?”
Mordecai laughed. “She has the highest combined stat total, so she’s the designated party leader. As such, she has more control over the party menu.
Don’t worry. The titles don’t mean anything.” He paused, suddenly serious.
“Listen up, kid. She’s quite a bit more powerful than you are right now, so you’ll want to stick together. At least until you get to the ninth floor. That… That will be a challenge. You can always leave the party. That crown is on her head, not yours.”
Donut walked up to the door and scratched at it. It opened on its own.
