CHAPTER 1
THE JOURNEY TO FINDING THE ROOT CAUSE OF SUFFERING
"People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh
There is an important distinction to make when speaking about suffering. When I mention suffering in this book, I'm referring to psychological and emotional suffering. There is a way in which, no matter what happens in your life, you do not have to suffer emotionally and psychologically.
I am not saying that what we go through is all in our heads or made up. Terrible and unfortunate events happen to people every single day. What I'm saying is that although we experience a lot of pain in our lives, suffering is optional. In other words, pain is unavoidable, but how we react to the events and circumstances that happen in our lives is up to us, and that will dictate whether we suffer or not.
Buddhists say that anytime we experience a negative event in our lives, two arrows fly our way. Being physically struck by an arrow is painful. Being struck by a second emotional arrow is even more painful (suffering).
The Buddha explained, “In life, we can’t always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. The second arrow is optional.”
When I first heard of this quote from Buddha a few years back, I was confounded because although I understood what he meant, I didn't know how I could apply this in my own life. If anyone were given the clear choice of suffering and not suffering, I don't think anyone in their right mind would choose to suffer.
How can I just choose not to suffer? If it were as easy as that I don't think anyone would be suffering anymore. It wasn't until years
later that I came across a new understanding of where suffering comes from that I was able to stop it at its source.
As I began my journey of self-improvement, I came across a myriad of different teachings, studies, and methods to help people overcome their problems. I read dozens, if not hundreds of books, studied psychology, went to therapists, listened to many different thought leaders, tried changing my habits, waking up at 4am, changing my diet, becoming more structured and disciplined, shadow work, studying personality types, meditating daily, going on spiritual retreats, following spiritual masters, and researching different ancient religions.
If you name it, I've probably tried it. I was desperate to find an answer because I wanted to know how to stop suffering in my own life as well as help others do the same. Although some of these things did help me improve incrementally, it didn’t stop my suffering. I still always felt extremely anxious, fearful, unfulfilled, irritated, angry, frustrated, and heavy every day. Even after doing all of that, I still didn't discover the answer and, if I'm being honest, I was even more lost than before I started on this quest.
I felt purposeless, hopeless, and directionless. I didn't know what to do anymore, where to look, or who to talk to. It wasn't until I was in my darkest hour that a glimmer of hope began to lead me to the light.
All of the sudden, after years and years of searching, I stumbled upon one of my first mentors that taught me how to become a coach and he revealed to me the answer of how I can alleviate my own suffering.
The answer I discovered was in the understanding of how our minds work and how the human experience is created.
