Chapter Thirty-five
LOR
’m so cold. My eyes are closed, and I shiver as a gust of wind blows rightI through my clothing. With a groan, I curl into a ball, wrapping my arms around me. The ground is hard, something sharp digging into my hip and my
arm and my shoulder, making it feel like I’m being assaulted by a barrage of pellets. There’s a howl of wind and I shiver against its icy blast.
The last thing I remember is falling asleep in Atlas’s bed with his warm body around me. This is a terrible dream. It’s awfully realistic, though.
Another attack of arctic wind has my teeth chattering, and I shift, the rough sting of gravel biting through my thin tunic and leggings. Something definitely doesn’t feel right. Slowly, I peel open my eyes, my lids weighed down by anchors.
A blank canvas materializes before me, stained only with shades of white and grey. My cheeks are raw, the cold wind stinging like nettles as I attempt to move, rolling over and swinging my leg so I can push myself up. I’m expecting solid ground, but it meets nothing but air, and I scream, gripping the rock beneath me when it becomes clear I’m about to roll off the edge of a sheer cliff. I scream again and scramble back on my hands before I bump into something hard and warm. Another body.
Clambering over it, I scream again, terror squeezing my heart in its fist as the sloped surface keeps dragging me back towards the edge. My vision fills with nothing but a blur of white until finally my back hits a cold wall.
Halo, Tesni, and Apricia are stirring from sleep, each waking to the same monstrous sight. We’re in a small cave hewn into what seems to be the side
of a mountain. Only about ten feet deep, the far end opens to an endless drop.
In front of us loom more mountains, grey and impossibly tall, covered in snow and frost.
Halo gasps and also backs up, crawling across the cold stone floor to sit next to where I’m huddled, my hands wedged into my armpits to keep them warm. It’s freezing up here and we’re all wearing nothing but our thin brown tunics and leggings with soft brown boots. They’re comfortable but offer no protection against this biting cold.
“Where are we?” Halo asks, her teeth chattering.
I shake my head, too frozen to speak. Tesni crawls along the floor and plants herself on my other side, also shivering from head to toe. “Is this the next trial?” she asks, blowing on her hands and rubbing them together.
Halo shakes her head, her dark curls bouncing. “It’s not for another two weeks. The ball was last night…wasn’t it?”
We exchange a wary glance. “Were you wearing that when you went to sleep last night?” Tesni asks us, and I feel my cheeks heat when I think about where and how I fell asleep. I touch my mouth, my lips still swollen from Atlas’s feverish kisses, confirming what happened wasn’t a dream. And couldn’t possibly have been two weeks ago. I reach up, finding the icy metal locket where it rests against my skin, and clutch it like a lifeline.
“No,” Halo answers. “I was in my nightgown.”
Apricia is watching the three of us with her usual disdain, huddling against the side of the cave.
“Why don’t you come over here?” I ask. “We can try to keep each other warm.” She scoffs and flips her stupid hair over her stupid shoulder and peers
out into the blank white-and-grey scene, serving as our only view. “Suit yourself.” I roll my eyes.
“So last night, the king ended the third trial,” Halo says, as if trying to
remind herself. She cuts a glance to me. “What happened? Why did he get so upset about you dancing with the Aurora Prince?”
I hesitate, not entirely sure how to answer that. “I don’t know.” And then, to prevent them from asking where he took me after we left the ballroom, I keep talking. “And we all fell asleep and woke up here? In different clothes?”
“It must be the fourth challenge,” Tesni says, getting up on her hands and knees slowly. She approaches the edge of our tiny cave and lies flat on her stomach to look over the edge. Wanting to see for myself, I follow, being
sure to make careful movements. The cold air has formed a crust of ice at the edge, rendering it even more treacherous.
Sliding on my stomach, I inch over, the dizzying effect of the floor’s incline pitching me forward like a demon sucking its teeth. Standing up here would be impossible. Tesni is still peering down when I join her. There is nothing but stone and snow and an endless drop so far down I can’t see where it ends. We are positively fucked.
I look over at Tesni, and her dark eyes are full of worry.
“What are we supposed to do?” she asks, and I shake my head. It’s colder out here than at the back of the cave, so I inch away, returning to my place next to Halo. Linking my arm with hers, we press our bodies together, trying
to coax out a sliver of warmth.
“I don’t like heights,” she says, her voice wooden and her brown skin ashen.
“Stay away from the edge.” It’s an unnecessary warning, but I give it voice anyway, needing to say something. Tesni has slid back on my other side and
links her arm through my second one.
“There’s no food or water,” Apricia finally comments. “They must mean us to get out of here quickly.” She says it with such confidence, I nearly
believe her.
“Why? Because they’ve been so careful about our safety before this?” I
snap. Somehow, she’s managed to get through every challenge with barely a scratch. I can’t help but wonder if Atlas had a hand in that.
Apricia arches a black brow like she's already the fucking queen, and I’ve never wanted to slap someone so much in my entire life. Doing my best to ignore her, I study the walls of the cave, searching for some variation in the rock that hints at what we’re here to do. “Should we explore the walls?
Maybe there’s a latch or something hidden.”
Tesni and Halo follow my gaze, questions written on their faces.
“Sure,” Tesni says, letting go of my arm and moving into a crouch before she presses her hands along the wall behind us. Slowly, she touches the wall higher and higher, stretching her arms as far as they’ll go, but she can’t feel much more without standing. She hesitates, and I understand her predicament.
“Wait,” I say, scooting over and sitting behind her legs to help her balance on the uneven floor. She nods and then extends to her full height, reaching overhead. The cave isn’t high and Tesni is several inches taller than me, meaning she can reach the top.
Her slender brown hands slowly explore every bit of space as we work our way through the cavern, Halo and I continuing to act as barriers so she doesn’t fall.
“You could help, you know,” I say to Apricia, who’s sitting against the opposite wall, watching us like we’re here for her amusement. She just
shrugs as both Tesni and Halo glare at her, too. I let out an exasperated breath before we continue searching. While Tesni tests the walls, I do the same with
the floor, hoping it will reveal something. A staircase? A trap door, perhaps?
I shiver as I continue tapping the stone.
I’m not sure how long it takes to explore the cave, but the sky is dark by the time we’re done. It seems we’re going to be spending the night here.
“We should huddle for warmth,” I say. “We can take turns with who sleeps on the outside.”
I pin Apricia with a glare as she opens her mouth to protest. “Don’t be an idiot,” I say. “If you don’t, you’re going to die of the cold. Never fear. No
one will forget how superior you are for even a moment.”
She narrows her eyes, but then reluctantly crawls over, somehow keeping her pointy nose thrust in the air. Her skin is pale, and her hands are red and raw. She slides into the space between me and Tesni, lying on her side, and we all squish together as closely as we can. The ground is hard and rough and it’s so cold I can feel every knifing gust of wind through my clothing. This is miserable.
The night passes slowly as I doze off for brief spurts, unable to actually sleep. I must eventually drift for a moment because the sky begins to lighten, welcoming another day. I swallow, my throat dry and my stomach aching as it grumbles. Hunger used to be a feeling as familiar to me as breathing, but
the weeks of rich, decadent food have softened the sharpest corners of those memories. Now they come screaming back at me with razored clarity, reminding me, yet again, of everything I stand to lose.
“I’m starving,” Apricia whines. “Couldn’t they have given us something?”
Blinking, I sit up, peering out of the cave’s opening. The air feels a little
warmer, which is a blessing, and I notice then it’s gently raining. Crawling on my hands and knees, I inch forward and reach my hand out, letting the water fill a tiny well in the middle of my hand. Bringing it in, I lick my palm,
savoring the water’s sweet, fresh taste. Just like those nights I spent in the Hollow, the rain becomes my dubious savior once again. I’m not sure which
option is the worse one right now.
The other three Fae are mimicking my movements, absorbing as much water as they can.
While they drink, I look out over the desolate space, wondering what the four of us are going to do. We must be missing some vital clue to our escape.
Something catches the corner of my eye—a glimmer of light, so small it
would be easy to miss, but the longer I stare, the more apparent it becomes against the blank backdrop of snow and rock. It flickers in and out, glowing brighter and then dimming like a star waving a signal flag.
“Do you see that?” I ask, pointing into the distance.
“What?” Tesni asks, squinting.
I scan the space again, searching for the light, but it’s gone. After a few more seconds of waiting, I shake my head. “Never mind. I thought I saw something.”
We continue sipping on drips of rain until it stops falling, abandoning us for now. The wind picks up again, sending us back into a huddled mass at the rear of the shallow cave. Even Apricia joins us, the tips of her hair turning
white with frost.
“What do we do?” Halo asks, her eyes closed and her cheeks wet, her breath fogging in filmy puffs of air. “What do they want from us?”
There is some trick, some puzzle, we’re not seeing. They can’t have just left us here to die…but then my stomach drops to my feet with a thud that
vibrates straight to my frozen fingertips. I think of Mag’s slip and how the previous Sun Queen Trials were cut short last time. I never did get answers about what happened then. I decide now is not the time to bring it up.
Could Atlas have done the same thing a second time? Did he leave us out here to die? But he seemed so sure I’d win and that I’d be his queen. I’m still
not sure I can trust any of it, though.
For another day and night, we shiver on the ledge, searching the cavern over and over again, hoping something useful materializes. But it’s nothing but impermeable blank stone staunchly withholding whatever secrets it’s keeping.
It’s daylight again, the air a hazy grey so thick it feels like I could scoop it
up like cotton stuffing. I stare ahead, willing the scene to change. If I never see the colors white and grey again, it'll be too soon.
My nerves are brittle and frozen, liable to snap under any more pressure, and I will myself not to cry. If I start, I may never stop. I was so close to winning. So close to finally getting everything I’ve ever wanted, and now it’s slipping away through my fingers like curls of frost off a frozen lake.
Halo is lying in a ball on the floor completely still, only her lips moving in a whispered prayer. I reach out to run a reassuring hand down her back, but she doesn’t acknowledge it. Tesni and Apricia are doing no better, both of them speaking little and barely able to open their eyes.
For the first time since I came to Aphelion, I pity them. These poor Fae
have never experienced this kind of suffering. They aren’t built for this.
Maybe I should be grateful Nostraza left me as hard and unscratchable as nails, but all it means is that I’ll probably be the last one alive, left to suffer out here alone.
Something snags the corner of my vision and I see that same flash of light I
noticed yesterday. It shimmers, brighter this time. More clearly and more defined.
It’s then I remember the night Atlas showed me his magic during our first
dinner together. The faux ocean he’d created had been speckled with similar points of brilliance. I blink, everything snapping into place.
“It’s an illusion,” I say, and Apricia and Tesni raise their weary heads, looking at me with confusion. “It’s not real. This is Atlas’s magic.”
Pushing myself to stand, I take careful steps to the edge, the wind buffeting me and threatening to throw me off balance. Looking down, I quickly back away as my head sways from the plummet of the dizzying drop.
I’m sure I’m right, but this still all feels very real.
“An illusion?” Apricia scoffs, some of her verve returning thanks to her need to disagree with me. “That makes no sense.”
“Can you see it?” I point to the shimmer, noting where more spots are visible now. They’re brighter today, thanks to whatever false vision Atlas has created. Maybe he did it on purpose because we weren’t figuring it out on our own. “There. Look. This isn’t real.”
“How can you possibly know that?” Apricia asks, folding her arms. I describe what Atlas showed me. At first, I can tell they don’t believe me, and I don’t miss the fact that Apricia doesn’t say anything about Atlas giving her a similar demonstration. Though I’m growing increasingly desperate, this is still a competition, and we’ve just been handed a lifeline.
“So, what do we do?” Tesni asks, her arms wrapped around her knees. I look over at her and press my lips together, knowing no one is going to like
my answer.
“We jump.”
“What?” Apricia exclaims, definitely more herself now. “Don’t be absurd.
We’ll die.”
“We won’t. This is the test. This is what we’re supposed to do.” I infuse a confidence into my voice I don’t entirely feel.
“What if you’re wrong?”
With a shrug, I tell Apricia, “Then I guess we die. Either way, we won’t
survive out here much longer.”
As if agreeing with me, the wind gusts so fiercely it shoves me back like a hand slamming into the center of my chest. Halo has uncurled from her position on the floor and is watching me warily. I reach for her.
“Come with me.”
“Lor,” she whispers. “I don’t know.”
“Trust me.”
Our gazes meet. She didn’t want to be here. She wanted to be out of these Trials and I stopped her without understanding why. If I’d just let her fall, then she’d be warm and secure with Marici, where she wanted to be.
No, I remind myself. She wouldn’t have cleared that jump. She would be nothing but bones and shredded meat for that monster in the pit. She’s stuck here, and while she doesn’t want to win, I need her to survive.
“What do we have to lose?” I ask, imploring them all now.
Another howl of wind sings to us with its taunting melody, daring us to remain out here, but still she hesitates.
“Come on,” I say again, taking her hand and pulling her up to stand. “We
can’t stay here any longer or we’ll die for sure.” I scan everyone’s anxious
faces.
“You coming?” I ask Apricia.
She flips her hair, and I resist the overwhelming urge to march over and hang her with it. “You have got to be kidding me. I am not jumping off that
cliff.” Tesni’s uncertain gaze is darting between me and Apricia, clearly not
sure which one of us she agrees with.
“Fine. I’ll go first.”
Halo yanks her hand from mine, clutching it to her chest, her eyes wild with fear. “I don’t want to do this.”
“Okay, I’ll jump. You’ll see. I’m going to pass through the illusion. When you see it’s safe, you can follow.”
She nods, though I can tell she still doesn’t believe me.
Fuck, I hope I’m right.
But there is nothing else out here, and this is our only option. If they have left us here to die, then I might as well get it over with. At least this will hurt
less in the end.
I keep that last thought to myself.
I have to be right, and if I’m not…well, let’s just hope I am.
Taking a deep, steadying breath that doesn’t work at all, I stand at the back of the cave, my back pressed to the wall. Clutching my locket, I gather my courage and toss a prayer to Zerra, hoping that for once in my life, she’s listening.
Maybe I’ve always been too reckless for my own good. Maybe I should think about this further. This might be the proverbial nail in my act-now- think-later coffin. But there are no other choices before us now.
“Here goes nothing,” I say, three sets of eyes watching me with a mixture
of hope and fear.
And then, I don’t allow myself the luxury of deliberating any longer before I sprint for the edge and leap into nothing.
