Dear Kitty, This is the first Saturday for months and months that hasn’t been boring, dreary, and dull. And Peter is the cause.
This morning I went to the attic to hang up my apron, when Daddy asked whether I’d like to stay and learn some French. I agreed. First we talked French, and I explained something to Peter, then we did some English. Daddy read out loud to us from Dickens and I was in the seventh heaven, because I sat on Daddy’s chair very close to Peter.
I went downstairs at 11 o’clock. When I came upstairs again at half past eleven, he was already waiting for me on the stairs. We talked until a quarter to one. If, as I leave the room, he gets a chance after a meal, for instance, and if no one can hear, he says, “Goodbye, Anne, see you soon.”
Oh, I am so pleased! I wonder if he is going to fall in love with me after all? Anyway, he is a very nice fellow and no one knows what lovely talks I have with him!
Mrs. van Daan quite approves when I go and talk to him, but she asked today teasingly, “Can I really trust you two up there together?”
“Of course,” I protested, “Really you quite insult me!” From morning till night, I look forward to seeing Peter.
Yours, Anne
Monday, 6 March, 1944
Dear Kitty, I can tell by Peter’s face that he thinks just as much as I do, and when Mrs. van Daan yesterday evening said scoffingly: “The thinker!” I was irritated. Peter flushed and looked very embarrassed, and I was about to explode.
Why can’t these people keep their mouths shut?
You can’t imagine how horrible it is to stand by and see how lonely he is and yet not be able to do anything. I can so well imagine, just as if I were in his place, how desperate he must feel sometimes in quarrels and in love.
Poor Peter, he needs love very much!
When he said he didn’t need any friends how harsh the words sounded to my ears. Oh, how mistaken he is! I don’t believe he meant it a bit.
He clings to his solitude, to his affected indifference and his grown-up ways, but it’s just an act, so as never, never to show his real feelings. Poor Peter, how long will he be able to go on playing this role? Surely a terrible outburst must follow as the result of this superhuman effort?
Oh Peter, if only I could help you, if only you would let me! Together we could drive away your loneliness and mine!
I think a lot, but I don’t say much. I am happy if I see him and even more if the sun shines when I’m with him. I was very excited yesterday, while I was washing my hair, I knew that he was sitting in the room next to ours. I couldn’t do anything about it; the more quiet and serious I feel inside, the more noisy I become outwardly.
Who will be the first to discover and break through this armour? I’m glad after all that the van Daans have a son and not a daughter; my conquest could never have been so difficult, so beautiful, so good, if it had not been someone of the opposite sex.
Yours, Anne
PS: You know that I’m always honest with you, so I must tell you that I actually live from one meeting to the next. I keep hoping to discover that he too is waiting for me all the time and I’m thrilled if I notice a small shy advance from his side. I believe he’d like to say a lot just like I would; little does he know that its just his clumsiness that attracts me.
Yours, Anne
