44. Trust and Turmoil
“That’s where you’re wrong. I can read you like a book, Doe. You can’t hide anything from me.” Ace’s hands caressed my sides, leaving hot sparks in their wake.
“Like, right now, you’re thinking about how exhausted you are. How much you want to go to sleep. In my arms.”
He leaned down to kiss my brow. “I want that too. How about we go home and take a nice nap
together? Please. We both need it.”
That did sound nice.
“You know, before this year…” I sighed. “Before this year, I had perfect attendance.
Straight As. I was an incredible student. I was even thinking about going to college.
What the heck happened?”
“We grew up. And you figured out that your worth does not depend on your grades or attendance. You have bigger things going on in your life.”
I allowed my forehead to fall on his chest. “You were such a jerk,” I murmured. “I should never talk to you ever again.”
“I know. I was horrible to you. But it was just because I was worried. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I didn’t know I was hurting you.
“It’s no excuse, but I have a hard time controlling myself when it comes to you and your safety. I would have never touched you like that if I knew what my father did to you.”
“You shouldn’t have touched me like that, no matter the circumstances.”
“You’re right. It will never happen again. I give you my word. I’ll do better, Doe. I’ll be better for you.
I’ll control myself, my instincts. Anything so that I won’t lose you.
Please.”
Silence hung between us while he waited for me to respond.
“All right,” I finally said.
Ace sucked in a breath. “All right?”
I nodded. “So long as nothing like that ever happens again, I…I forgive you.”
Ace’s face broke out in a breathtaking smile. Then he slammed his lips down onto mine.
After kissing me for several seconds, he pulled back. “Thank you, Doe,” he breathed against my lips.
“You won’t regret giving me your trust again. I promise.”
“Mm-hmm,” I hummed absentmindedly, clutching his huge biceps. My brain felt muddled after that kiss. I wanted more. I wanted to drown in him forever. “Just take me home, Ace.”
He grinned. “Your wish is my command.”
With a hand on my back, Ace led me out of the school and into the parking lot. He didn’t even bother going back to the science lab to grab our stuff, saying he’d ask Madoc to collect our backpacks.
He was a man on a mission.
I knew where Ace was taking me without even asking him. Since my parents were probably home, we were going to his house to be alone.
That realization made me pause.
Is this what I want? Is it a good idea to go back to where Mr. Stoll hurt me? I still have so many
from me.” Ace’s questions about what happened.
“Ace?” I asked as we approached his sleek black car.
It was such a nice day out, and for a moment, I basked in the warmth of the sunlight on my skin and the sound of the spring air rustling the trees.
It was nice to be able to think about other things now. I felt like I could finally breathe again.
Too bad I was about to ruin it.
“I, uh, have a question.”
“What is it, love?” He kept walking, pulling me onward by my hand.
When we reached his car, he opened the passenger side door for me, motioning for me to get in.
I took a step back. “I want to talk to you about something before you take me anywhere. There’s something that’s been bothering me.”
A groove appeared on his forehead. “Okay.”
I shuffled my feet. “Why…why was Clara in your room the other day?”
“What?” g clearly. I didn’t“Clara was in your room the day of our fight. Alone. She had the code to your door and was looking
through your things. I want to know why.” I stood a little taller.
Protectiveness went rampant on his face.
“Please tell me this isn’t something you’ve been worrying about while we’ve been apart. I think I’d actually die if you still thought there was something going on between Clara and me.” be better for you.I crossed my arms and raised my chin. “You said I was the only person besides you who had the code
to your room, but that’s obviously not true.
“And you also said you were hanging out with Madoc after school on Friday, but when Clara found me at your house, she told me she was with you when you realized I was missing.
“So, yes, I’m a little worried about what is happening between you and Clara and why you clearly feel the need to lie to me about your relationship. Can you blame me?”
Ace hung his head with a loud sigh. “Fuck, I wish I would have known this was something you were thinking about. I would have put it to rest ages ago.
“I hadn’t even considered what it must have looked like to you when Clara showed up at my house.”
He hesitated for a moment. “I will never forgive myself for what I did to you the last time you went missing. I hurt you.”
I felt his eyes slide to my neck and the spot where he bit me. Goosebumps instantly sprouted there.
“I was so worried, and I…I wasn’t thinking and…”
He reached up and brushed his thumb over the small bump on my neck. I couldn’t hold back my shiver.
“I hurt you,” he stated again, quieter this time, the remorse in his tone practically tangible.
“So, when I thought you’d gone missing a second time, I knew I was at risk of losing control again.
And I refused to put you in that sort of danger again.”
He framed my face in his hands. “I sent Clara to my house and gave her the code to my room so she’d
bring me something to calm me down while I looked for you. So I wouldn’t do anything stupid.
“She didn’t have the code before that day, I promise. She’d never even stepped foot in my house
before.”
“What did you ask her to get?” I asked. n my skin and theHe traced the sides of my jaw with his thumbs. I gripped his wrists tightly while I waited for him to
respond.
“A…drug,” he finally told me. “A tranquilizer.”
“A tranquilizer?”
“Yes. I can show it to you when we get to my house if you want. I had a doctor prescribe it to me after…I bit you. I didn’t want to let anything like that happen ever again.”
His shoulders slumped with guilt. “Little good it did me. I still ended up hurting you.”
I shook my head. “You didn’t mean to. I know that. It wouldn’t even have hurt if your father hadn’t injured my shoulder first.”
“I still manhandled you, Doe.” He released my face and ran a hand through his hair.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I can’t just control myself when it comes to
you.”
“Ace—”
“I know I don’t deserve you.” Ace took several steps back. “I think about it every goddamn day: how you’d be better off without me, how much happier you’d be if we’d never met. I’m not good for you.”
I was suddenly having difficulty breathing. “What…what are you saying, Ace? Do you”—I struggled to get the words out—“not want to be with me?”
Ace’s face filled with horror. “No! No, of course not. Of course I want to be with you.”
He rushed over to me, hauling me into his embrace. “That’s not what I meant. Not even close. I’ll n Clara found mealways want you. I’ll always need you.
“And, let me tell you, if we hadn’t met on that cruise all those years ago, I would be working like hell to find you. Because I would know something is missing. You’re my other half. My soulmate.”
He squeezed me, then released a bitter laugh. “So, we’re stuck together, for better or for worse. Even if you decide you hate me one day, you’re never getting rid of me. I’m too selfish to let you go.”
I peered up at him. His words felt like a knife straight through my heart.
“Ace?” I waited until his eyes met mine. “I would be looking for you too. You know that, right? If we’d never met, you wouldn’t be the only one feeling like some part of them was missing.
“I don’t function without you, just like how you don’t function without me. We do stupid things when we’re apart.
“Yeah, maybe it’s not the healthiest relationship in the world. Some might even call it codependent.” I d back my shiver.chuckled but the comment made him frown.
“But every relationship has its problems,” I continued. “I would be a mess without you. You ground me. I love you and I’m so unbelievably glad I met you. Even when we fight.”
He deflated a bit. “I love you too, Doe. So, so much.” He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to my mouth—one that ended too soon.
Ace molded his forehead to mine. “I’m sorry about Clara. I should’ve been the one to find you, not her.
“And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you she was going to hang with us at Madoc’s house. I truly didn’t think it worth mentioning. She’s no threat to you. I don’t think about her in that way.”
He tucked some of my hair behind my ear. “I’ve never been interested in her, Doe. I promise. I’ve only got eyes for you. You’re the only one I’ll ever want.”
Somehow, I believed him. It was irrational of me to think Ace was cheating on me despite knowing how strong our love for each other was. He would never do something like that to me.
I sighed in relief. “Okay. Okay, good.”
“Can I take you home now?” Ace asked. “You can barely keep yourself upright, you’re so exhausted.”
I nuzzled closer to him, letting him take more of my weight. I let out a big yawn.
“Yeah, we can go home now.”
or worse. Even if
Ace molded his forehead to mine. “I’m sorry about Clara. I should’ve been the one to find you, not her.
“And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you she was going to hang with us at Madoc’s house. I truly didn’t think it worth mentioning. She’s no threat to you. I don’t think about her in that way.”
He tucked some of my hair behind my ear. “I’ve never been interested in her, Doe. I promise. I’ve only got eyes for you. You’re the only one I’ll ever want.”
Somehow, I believed him. It was irrational of me to think Ace was cheating on me despite knowing how strong our love for each other was. He would never do something like that to me.
I sighed in relief. “Okay. Okay, good.”
“Can I take you home now?” Ace asked. “You can barely keep yourself upright, you’re so exhausted.”
I nuzzled closer to him, letting him take more of my weight. I let out a big yawn.
“Yeah, we can go home now.”
