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MY REPORT CARD:
Plays Nice B
Social Studies C
Spanish C
Art A
Lunch D
Biology B
Algebra C+
Clothes C
English C
Gym C+
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The Ecology Club has won round two. We are no longer the Tigers because the name shows “shocking disrespect” for an endangered creature.
I know I'm shocked.
The Ecology Club made great posters. They laid out headlines from the sports page: tigers ripped apart! tigers slaughtered! tigers killed! side by side with color photos of Bengal tigers with their skins peeled off. Effective. The Ecology Club has some good PR people. (The football team would have protested, but the sad truth is that they've lost every game this season. They are happy not to be called the Tigers. Other teams called them Pussycats. Not manly.) More than half the school signed a petition and the tree huggers got letters of support from a bunch of outside groups and three Hollywood Actors.
They herd us into an assembly that is supposed to be a “democratic forum” to come up with a new school mascot. Who are we? We can't be the Buccaneers because pirates supported violence and discrimination against women. The kid who suggests the Shoemakers in honor of the old moccasin factory is laughed out of the auditorium. Warriors insults Native Americans. I think Overbearing Eurocentric Patriarchs would be perfect, but I don't suggest it.
Student Council is holding an election before Winter Break. Our choices: a. The Bees--useful to agriculture, painful to cross b. Icebergs--in honor of our festive winter weather c. Hilltoppers--guaranteed to frighten opponents d. Wombats--no one knows if they're endangered
