Chapter 11
Feelings
CHARLOTTE
As TJ exited the room, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that he was leaving because of me. He was under the impression that he had messed up last night and that I was mad at him. I couldn’t let him believe that. The truth was, I was the one who had acted foolishly last night. He had been nothing but a gentleman, kind and considerate. Why couldn’t I just be straightforward and tell him that my shyness was the problem?
He was making such an effort to be nice, and he wanted to be my friend.
I would have loved another friend, especially someone as sweet as him. Not to mention, as incredibly handsome.
“I thought he’d never leave. I’m so sorry about him—are you okay?”
Tracy asked me, her voice laced with concern. She knew that being around him would only make me more anxious.
“Yeah, I’m fine. But I don’t want him to think I hate him. It’s not his fault that I’m…different,” I replied, my voice heavy with sadness.
“Firstly, you are NOT different. You’re just shy, and that’s perfectly okay. Secondly, if it’s bothering you, I can talk to him later—maybe explain,” she offered.
“You would do that? It wouldn’t be awkward?” I asked, a hint of excitement in my voice.
“Of course, but you seem a little too excited about that. Should I be worried? Do you like my brother or something?” she asked.
“What? No, of course not. I mean, he is attractive, but I don’t even know him. I just like the idea of another friend. I can count on one hand
how many friends I have, and you are the only one of them I’ve actually met in person. That’s pretty pathetic,” I explained.
“If you’re pathetic, so am I. I thought I had lots of friends until I realized they just wanted my brother. I’m sorry if I’m a little jaded about my friends having an interest in him,” she said.
“We fit together nicely, don’t we?” I giggled.
“We sure do,” she replied, giving me a hug and giggling as well.
“It’s okay for you to be friends with my brother, or to like him. Just don’t hurt me or him in the process, please,” she replied, her tone turning serious.
“Never,” I assured her, hugging her back.
Just then, my phone buzzed, so I picked it up to check the notification.
Jupiter
Morning man, what time you gonna be on today?
Mars
Prob in an hour or two.
Mars
So, I didn’t get any more drunk txts last night, did the rest of your evening go better?
Jupiter
Sure did. I ran into that chick I was telling you about. Man, she is smoking hot!
Mars
In the words of Nep, get some?
Jupiter
Wow, way to step out of character man…and no.
Mars
You must be having withdrawals…players gotta play
Jupiter
Dude, I’m not Nep or Plut, give me a break. Besides, she doesn’t seem like a one-night kinda girl, and that’s not what I’m looking for anyway
Mars
Sorry, couldn’t help myself. Well, I hope things work out with her, you deserve to be happy
Jupiter
What about you man, any hot guys at your new school?
Mars
Didn’t know you swung that way, want me to try and get some numbers for you?
Jupiter
Ha ha
Jupiter
Serious though man, you deserve to be happy too. Maybe we’ll go find you someone when we all get together for the tournament in March.
Mars
Yup, I’m in. So, you’ll be my wingman and go check out guys with me?
Jupiter
Why do you always have to make me sound gay?
Mars
You make it too easy. Besides, why do I need to find a guy when I have you, my secret lover?
Jupiter
Really? That’s what you’re going with now?
Mars
Mwahahahahaha
Jupiter
And now you sound like a chick
Mars
Haha
Mars
Anyway, gtg if I want to be online on time. Love ya
Jupiter
I really need a new best friend
Mars
Ouch…you cut me deep, lover. TTYL
When I put my phone down again, Tracy was staring at me with a smirk
on her face.
“What?” I asked.
“Yeah, I totally don’t have to worry about you having the hots for my brother. You are completely in love with your little text buddy there,” Tracy explained.
I instantly dropped my mouth open, gaping at her.
“What?! No, I’m not. He’s just my best friend.”
“I see that huge smile on your face whenever you guys are texting. You may not realize it, but you, my dear, are in love,” she told me confidently.
“I’m not in love with him. I can’t be in love with him—I’ve never actually met him. That’s impossible, right? I mean, I love talking to him and teasing him. I look forward to his text messages and chatting with him online, and I know almost everything about him—but that’s just the definition of friendship, right?” I felt confused.
“Do you look forward to texts from me or your other friends?” she asked.
“Well, yes, of course,” I replied confidently.
“Do you look forward to them as much as the ones from him? Do you have that same goofy grin when reading and replying to my texts?” she asked.
“If you answer yes, we might have some problems here. I’m not into chicks.”
“Well, of course I don’t, but that’s just because I haven’t known you as long, not because I like him. Besides, you can’t like someone you have never met. Not that way, anyway. I don’t even know what he looks like.” I tried to sound full of conviction.
“You are so deep in denial that it is painful to watch. Someday you’ll admit to yourself that you like him. Maybe after you see him in person over spring break; at least you won’t have the excuse of not knowing what he looks like. To be honest, though, I bet he could look like an ogre, and you would still be in love with him. Your feelings are based on his personality, not looks,” she told me.
I did love his personality—but not him. I was sure I didn’t love him.
Anyone would have loved his personality, though. He was caring, kind, compassionate, funny, honest, and just an amazing person. It would be hard
not to like him—as a friend, I meant. Tracy had crazy ideas sometimes.
Liking Jup as more than a friend—ha.
“I think I stumped you, so I’ll just let you think that one over,” Tracy giggled, giving me another hug.
“Why don’t you go shower and get ready? Then I can take you home. I know you said you had some things to do today.”
“Sounds good, thanks,” I told her before racing out of the room so she couldn’t say anything else about Jup.
When I was ready, Tracy drove me home. Luckily, I managed to avoid TJ for the rest of the morning, so there were no more awkward incidents.
Once I got home, I ran up to my room and logged on to my computer.
Online was so much safer than real life.
