CHAPTER 5
Sebastian
THE FIRST PULL OF ALCOHOL STUNG.
The second went down smooth and easy, like my body realized it should soak up every drop before I deprived it again.
I savored the rich, almost chocolatey taste of the whiskey as the bartender left to tend to other duties. I hadn’t allowed myself to indulge since the Prague incident, but I needed it tonight.
It wasn’t enough to fill the void, but it was better than nothing.
They’re as empty as everything else in your life.
Maya’s voice echoed through my head. I clenched my jaw and continued drinking, hoping it’d drown out the memory
of her.
It didn’t.
God, I couldn’t stand her. I couldn’t stand how she argued with me every time we talked or the way she cut through the bullshit and nailed me right where it fucking hurt. I couldn’t stand knowing that no matter what I did or how much I won, she’d never see me as anything other than her nemesis.
Most of all, I couldn’t stand the way she haunted my
thoughts for days, weeks, months.
Years.
She was right about so much, and wrong about so much more. But I couldn’t begin to untangle that web because we didn’t have that type of relationship.
So I sat there in the private bar of the Vault, and I drank.
The floor was closed to the general public. Only select VIPs had open access to it, and besides the bartender, I was
the only person here.
Or rather, I used to be.
The door opened, and I caught a whiff of sweet perfume before the newcomer slid onto the stool next to mine.
“A seltzer with a twist of lime, please,” she told the bartender. “Thank you.”
“Ayana.” I didn’t turn my head. “Shouldn’t you be downstairs with your friends?”
“Maya’s busy, and Sloane is scheming with Xavier.” She crossed her legs, her crystal-studded dress sparkling in my peripheral vision. “I saw you sneak up here and decided to keep you company. You looked upset.”
If it were anyone else, I’d think they were flirting with me, but Ayana and Vuk were locked at the hip. There was no breaking up that couple unless some poor fool wanted to be fish food in the East River.
“That’s nice of you, but you should really leave before Vuk throws me into a meat grinder and serves me up to the dogs.”
Ayana laughed. “Come on. He’s not that bad. He’s a big teddy bear once you get to know him.”
I huffed out a laugh at the thought of how Vuk Markovic would react to anyone other than his girlfriend calling him a “big teddy bear.”
Big, sure. That motherfucker was the size of a small mountain. Teddy bear? Only if said teddy bear had silent anger issues and was more unhinged than a screen door in a
hurricane.
I was about to excuse myself when I finally registered what she’d said earlier. “Maya’s busy? Doing what?”
“She’s talking to some guy.” Ayana accepted her drink with a smile. “Xavier couldn’t get a hold of Killian, so he introduced her to one of his old buddies who’s in town.”
I grimaced. “Not one of his party buddies, I hope. They’re bad news.”
“Maybe for long-term relationships, but she’s just looking for a wedding date. Someone who’s fun and down to party sounds like the perfect fit.” Ayana arched an eyebrow.
“Unless you want to take her?”
I barked out a laugh. “No. I don’t.”
“Okay, so it shouldn’t bother you if she goes with another guy.”
“It doesn’t bother me. I never said it—” I cut myself off and took a deep breath. “She can go with whoever she wants. I was simply pointing out that the people from
Xavier’s past can’t be trusted.”
“Aren’t you from his past?”
“I’m the exception, obviously.”
“Obviously,” she said.
I cast a suspicious glance her way as she drank her seltzer. I didn’t buy her excuse about following me because I looked upset.
Ayana and I were friendly, but we weren’t close enough for her to seek me out like this. Either she was really bored, or she had an ulterior motive.
I never got a chance to figure out what it was because the door opened again, and six feet, five inches of scarred,
brooding Serb walked in.
Ayana’s face lit up.
“Markovic.” I raised my glass as he approached us. My time here was now limited, but that wasn’t an excuse to chug prime liquor like a Neanderthal. “Good to see you.”
Pale, nearly colorless eyes narrowed. Vuk didn’t appear
thrilled to see me with his girlfriend, but his face softened a smidge when she stood and kissed him on the cheek.
“Hi, my love,” she said. “Did you get what you needed done?”
He nodded, his arm curling protectively around her waist.
He was selectively nonverbal, and he rarely spoke out loud to anyone except Ayana. However, I picked up his get- the-fuck-out-and-leave-us-alone vibes, loud and clear.
“Sebastian and I were just chatting,” Ayana said.
Vuk signed something in American Sign Language.
“Oh, don’t worry,” she assured him. “He’s way too focused on Maya to think about anyone else.”
I stiffened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. You just talk about her a lot.”
“I don’t. Other people bring her up first.”
“Weren’t you the one who asked what she was busy doing?”
The heat creeping across my face wasn’t a blush. It was the alcohol. Clearly.
Beside Ayana, Vuk’s glower melted into a smirk.
Wonderful. Even the world’s grumpiest man was laughing at my expense.
“As much as I would love to stay and argue, I have something I need to check on.” I took one last sip of whiskey and slid off the stool. “Vuk, Ayana, always a pleasure. I’ll see you both again soon, I’m sure.”
I left, abandoning my drink and ignoring the voice in my head that told me to stop running every time I was
uncomfortable.
Maybe one day, I would.
But today wasn’t it.
I should’ve gone straight home, but I took a lap around the club first.
I had to find Xavier and say goodbye. That was the polite thing to do.
What Iwasn’t going to do was ask who he’d set Maya up with. I didn’t care, and everyone who said I did was wrong.
Besides, Maya and Killian? I couldn’t fathom a worse pairing, and I said that as someone who’d watched every season of every trashy dating reality show out there.
Still, something pinched in my chest as I wove through the crowd—nothing dramatic, just that annoying pinch I got when I couldn’t stop overthinking.
I scanned the room, trying to pick out Xavier in the sea of people. He wasn’t in the VIP lounge, but maybe— My gaze snagged on a sliver of blue. It was the exact shade as the dress Maya had been wearing.
I didn’t find Xavier, but I did find the guy he set her up with. He stood facing me, his expression utterly charmed as he listened to whatever Maya was saying.
Her back faced me, but dress aside, I’d recognize that midnight-colored hair and those long, athletic legs anywhere.
The guy laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He leaned down to whisper something to her, and her shoulders shook with what was either genuine amusement or the maniacal glee of a succubus before she ate him alive.
Poor schmuck. Little did he know, her pretty face hid a razor-sharp tongue and enough acid to melt the Statue of Liberty.
Everyone knew that the most beautiful creatures in the wild were also the most poisonous. If they didn’t, it was my duty to save them.
Consider it my charity work for the month.
I walked over. “There you are, Sal,” I drawled. “The date hunt is going well, I see.”
Maya’s shoulders visibly tensed. She ignored me, but the guy’s brow creased with confusion.
“I think you have the wrong person. Her name’s Maya,”
he said.
“Oh, no. I know. Sal’s my nickname for her. We go way back.” I held out my hand. He shook it warily. “Sebastian Laurent. I saw you talking and just wanted to check in. She has a bad history with men, you see. Never manages to get past the first date, but it’s not her fault. Her anger issues have improved a lot since her court-mandated classes.”
The guy’s mouth rounded. His eyes darted back to Maya in horror.
“Ignore him,” she said through a smile that was better described as “bared teeth.” It lent considerable credibility to my claims. “Poor Seb suffers from delusions. He’s not supposed to leave his house without a caretaker, but he must have wandered off on his own. Again.”
“I couldn’t resist looking for you,mon ange.”
“Resist harder.”
“And miss your date hunt? Never.”
“Listen.” The guy interrupted us with a nervous laugh.
“Uh, it’s clear you two have something going on here—”
“We don’t.” Maya moved away from me. “There’s nothing going on other than the strong possibility thatone of us will leave in a full-body cast.”
“See?” I gave the guy a conspiratorial look and whispered, “Anger issues.”
“Right.” He backed away. “Either way, it was nice meeting you, but I have to, uh, find my friend. See ya.” He bolted into the crowd like Cerberus itself was nipping at his heels.
Satisfaction ignited in my chest. He didn’t know it, but I’d just saved him.
Maya whirled on me. “What iswrong with you? We were having a great conversation before you ruined it.”
“Please. You’re not upset he left. You’re upset because I interrupted you.”
“Those things aren’t mutually exclusive.”
“Maybe not, but tell me what you were talking about
before I showed up.” I raised an eyebrow. “The weather, his job, or the stock market?”
She pursed her lips. I’d hit the nail on the head.
“What are you still doing here? I thought you left,” she said.
I shrugged. “The night’s still young. I went upstairs to have a drink after you so helpfully psychoanalyzed me.”
Maya winced. She drew her bottom lip between her teeth, her expression torn. “I’m sorry for what I said earlier.”
She grated the words out with painful slowness. “It’s been a rough week, and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have.”
I almost stumbled back a step before I caught myself.
Maybe I was wrong, and thiswasn’t Maya. The real Maya must’ve been snatched by aliens and replaced with a nicer doppelgänger because we never apologized. Not to each other.
It was a core tenet of our relationship. We didn’t dish out what we couldn’t take, and we always took it. We were too competitive not to.
Her unprecedented apology gave me at least twenty points in our invisible scorebook, but my answering quip died on my tongue when she crossed her arms.
It was a defensive gesture, one she rarely used. And when I looked at her,really looked at her, I picked up on the little signs that I should’ve noticed earlier—the shadows underneath her eyes, the tense lines carved around her mouth, and the stiffness in her shoulders that, for once, didn’t have anything to do with me. Not entirely, anyway.
The week must’ve taken an even bigger toll on her than she let on, but that was how she was. She suppressed everything and pretended she was okay even when she
wasn’t.
“Apology accepted,” I said.
Maya blinked, her surprise evident. She’d probably expected me to give her shit for apologizing, and yeah, that was the first thing that’d crossed my mind. But she was
obviously feeling crappy and vulnerable enough without me piling on.
I liked competing with her, not hurting her.
An uncomfortable sensation spread behind my ribcage. It was a slow, creeping pressure, like my chest was shrinking around something I didn’t have the vocabulary—or guts—to name.
I shook off the feeling before it grew legs. “Now that that’s behind us, we can focus on something more fun.” I nodded at the bar. “Do you remember the Five Trials?”
“Of course.” Maya wrinkled her nose. “I haven’t done it in a while, though.”
“Neither have I, but I think it’s time to bring it back.” Our old drinking challenge was guaranteed to obliterate any nagging thoughts—or any thoughts in general. “First person to finish gets bragging rights.”
Her eyes gleamed. She loved nothing more than a challenge. “You’re on.”
Twenty minutes later, we’d assembled what we needed and recruited our friends as witnesses.
Xavier and Sloane found us when we were ordering drinks, and Ayana and Vuk wandered over a little later. The four of them watched us prep with varying degrees of amusement, anticipation, and trepidation.
The Five Trials was a student tradition at our old boarding school. Every senior had to “pass” it in order to unofficially graduate. It consisted of five shots, each containing a different liquor: tequila, vodka, whiskey, rum, and gin, in that order. The combo was guaranteed to fuck you up, but that was the point.
Adrenaline streaked through my blood as I lined up the shots.
I hadn’t done this in years, but doing it with Maya? It was
almost like old times.
“It’s like I’m at a college frat party.” Sloane gave us a warning look. “If either of you throw up on my Louboutins,
there’ll be hell to pay.”
“We won’t,” Maya and I said in unison.
“I’ve never thrown up from alcohol,” she added, side- eyeing me.
“Neither have I.” I’d done lots of shit because of alcohol, but vomiting wasn’t one of them.
Despite our reassurances, Sloane took several steps back while Xavier took on the role of timekeeper. “You guys
ready?”
We nodded.
He held up his phone. “Three… two… one… go!”
I snatched the first shot off the counter and downed it in one smooth gulp. I had a head start because Maya despised tequila, but she made up for lost time on the second shot, since I hated pure vodka.
I slammed the glass down, my heart racing. The counter was sticky with spilled alcohol, but I paid no mind to the liquid soaking my shirtsleeve or my friends’ cheers.
There was only one thing on my mind: winning.
I didn’t care that I was on a self-imposed alcohol fast, which I’d already broken, or that I was no longer seventeen and in— Somewhere in the distance, glass shattered.
The rum went down the wrong pipe, and I choked, my vision blacking out for a second as the sound wrenched a buried memory out of its casket.
The crash of bone hitting china. The screams. The
stampede.
My fault.
My fault.
My fault.
My head pounded. The music dulled, and a gallery of images flickered through my mind. Bits and pieces of my life
since that night, woven together by a tenuous string of anxiety and persistent, unrelenting doubt.
Then the song changed to some frenetic synth-pop number, and I was flung back into reality.
The Vault. The Five Trials. Maya.
I finished the rest of the rum and knocked back the last shot, my eyes still burning from my earlier choking fit, but it was too late.
Maya slammed her empty glass on the counter mere seconds before me. Xavier grabbed her hand and raised it in the air. “Ding ding ding! We have a winner! Sorry, Laurent.”
He patted me with his free hand. “Better luck next time.”
I forced a smile over the continued hammering of my heart. “Can’t win them all. Congrats, Sal.” I inclined my head toward her. “You’ve redeemed yourself after last time.”
Maya snorted. “Last time was almost ten years ago. I don’t think about it anymore.”
“Lying again.” I tsked as Xavier returned to Sloane’s side.
She appeared mostly relieved that her shoes had survived the Five Trials intact.
“I know you can hold your alcohol, but add that Trials thing to the list of challenges you should never do,” Ayana told Vuk. “I almost threw up watching it.”
He chuckled.
While our friends broke off into their own little worlds, I kept my attention on Maya. “You never forget a loss. I bet the outcome of our last challenge keeps you up at night.”
“If we’re going to go there, I could say the same for you.”
“A drinking contest doesn’t mean much to me.”
“Maybe not, but I know you.” She shrugged. “You lost, and it’s killing you inside.”
Despite our back-and-forth, the interaction lacked our usual edge. Maya was practically glowing after five consecutive shots and a victory, and I was… not happy, exactly, but I was glad to see her return to form. It restored the sense of balance in my world.
My gaze swept over her face, taking in her bright eyes and flushed cheeks. Whatever haunted her earlier had subsided, and that was worth taking the loss this time.
Only once, though.
I didn’t make a habit of coming in second.
“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” I took out my wallet and slipped the bartender an extra fifty for their help. “I guess I’ll go home now and lick my wounds in private.”
“You’re joking, but just know that mental image brings me great pleasure.” Maya gave the delighted bartender a hundred-dollar bill.
My mouth quirked. She had to one-up me at everything, including tipping.
“Good to know mental images of me give you pleasure.”
A laugh climbed up my throat at her horrified expression.
“That’s not—”
“Have a good night, Sal. I’ll see you Monday.” I nodded goodbye to my friends, but Maya’s hand caught my sleeve
before I left.
“Seb.”
I paused, my muscles tensing. I needed to get out of here before I had a fucking breakdown, but her light touch effectively tethered me to the spot.
Maya looked up at me, her expression softening a smidge. “Thank you.”
My chest constricted. Of course she figured it out. She always did.
A dozen unspoken words passed between us, charging the air and making it thicken to the point of suffocation.
It set my world dangerously akilter again, but I remembered what happened the last time I’d been this off- balance. I had no desire to relive the experience.
I removed her hand from my sleeve. The brief graze of my skin against hers sent a small jolt up my arm. “I don’t know
what you’re talking about.”
I walked away.
I didn’t look back, but the memory of her touch lingered.
So did the echo of shattering glass.
I set my jaw and continued walking, out through the door and down the sidewalk, until those memories were nothing more than faint imprints in time.