He hated to study; he hated grades. Learning was, had always been, Conrad’s thing. From the very start, he was the one with the chemistry set, thinking up experiments for us to do as his scientist’s assistants. I remembered when he’d discovered the word “absurd,” and he went around saying it al the time. “That’s absurd,” he’d say. Or “numbskul ,” his favorite insult—he said that a lot too. The summer he was ten, he tried to work his way through the Encyclopedia Britannica. When we came back the next summer, he was at Q.
I realized it suddenly. I missed him. Al this time. When you got to the underneath of it, there it was. There it had always been. And even though he was sitting there only feet away, I missed him more than ever.
Underneath my lashes I watched him, and I thought, Come back. Be the you I love and remember.
chapter thirty-nine
We were done with psychology and Conrad was working on his English paper with his headphones on when my phone buzzed. It was Taylor. I wasn’t sure if she was cal ing to apologize or to demand I bring her stuff back home immediately.
Maybe a mixture of both. I turned off my phone.
With al the house drama, I hadn’t thought about our fight once. I’d only been back at the summer house for a couple of days, and just like always, I’d already forgotten about Taylor and everything back home. What mattered to me was here. It had always been that way.
But those things she’d said, they hurt. Maybe they were true. But I didn’t know if I could forgive her for saying them.
It was getting dark out when Jeremiah leaned over and said in a low voice, “You know, if you wanted to, you could leave tonight. You could just take
my car.
I could pick it up tomorrow, after Conrad’s done with his exams. We could hang out or something.”
“Oh, I’m not leaving yet. I want to go with you guys tomorrow.”
“Are you sure?”
“Sure, I’m sure. Don’t you want me to come with you?” It was starting to hurt my feelings, the way he was acting like they were imposing on me, as if we weren’t family.
“Yeah, course I do.” He paused like he was going to say something else.
I poked him with my highlighter. “Are you scared that you’l get in trouble with Mara?” I was only halfway teasing. I stil couldn’t believe he hadn’t told me he had a sort of girlfriend. I wasn’t entirely sure why it mattered, but it did. We were supposed to be close. Or at least we used to be. I should have known if he had a girlfriend or not. And how long had they been “broken up” anyway? She hadn’t been at the funeral, or at least I didn’t think so. It wasn’t like Jeremiah had gone around introducing her to people.
What kind of girlfriend didn’t go to her boyfriend’s mom’s funeral? Even Conrad’s ex had come.
Jeremiah glanced over at Conrad and lowered his voice. “I told you, Mara and I are done.”
When I didn’t say anything, he said, “Come on, Bel y. Don’t be mad.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t tel me about her,” I said, highlighting an entire paragraph. I didn’t look at him. “I can’t believe you kept it a secret.”
“There wasn’t anything to tel , I swear.”
“Ha!” I said. But I felt better. I snuck a peek at Jeremiah, and he looked back at me with anxious eyes.
“Okay?”
