22.
I managed to get a couple of hours of sleep by the next morning. When I leave the room, I don’t hear a single sound. Anders isn’t in his room or anywhere else in the house. When I get to the kitchen, I read the tiny note he left for me.
Working at a coffee shop. Text me if you need anything.
I blow out a sigh of relief. For a little while, I can be completely by myself. Being around Anders is fun, easy, and that’s exactly why it’s better if he stays away for now. As soon as I think it’s best to keep some professional distance, he skips over the boundary—unbeknownst to him— and I risk it being erased before it’s already fully formed.
I text Valerie, asking if she needs any help with wedding planning, then call Taina for a catch-up, but surprisingly, it goes straight to voicemail.
In case Anders comes home, I get ready for the day, then head out back to the shelter to see if Dainese needs any help. When I get there, she’s delighted, as am I by her welcoming reaction.
Dainese says there’s nothing much to do today other than give the dogs lots of love, and lucky for them, I have so much to offer. I try to spread the love equally, and we open up the cages and let them all have fun, but I can’t help but gravitate to Sora, who keeps trying to play with the other dogs, then gets scared when they approach him too fast from behind.
Eventually, I sit with him against a wall, and we roll a small ball back and forth between us.
Dainese joins us. “Any news on the adoption?”
I shake my head. “I haven’t had the chance to talk to him. It’s been a little busy.”
“You should make the time,” she says, kneeling by Sora, giving him a stomach rub. “We’re getting a couple more dogs in, and I won’t be able to give Sora the attention he deserves.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “How dare you?”
She laughs. “You know how it is,” she says. “Willing to do anything for the dogs, including manipulating with guilt.”
“I respect that.”
“So,” Dainese says after a while, when the dogs all get tired and just lie in the middle of the floor, “what’s so special about Save a Paw?”
“Why?” I tease. “You want me to stay here with you? Already attached?”
She sticks her tongue out. “I got nosy and looked it up, and it’s great.
I’m not going to dog out another shelter—”
“Ha, dog out.”
“But,” she continues, unimpressed, “it’s so big, how can you have the time to care for all of the animals?”
“You know, I think you may have forgotten since your sister and mom went away, but there is a thing called staff.”
“Ha ha,” she counters. “I’m just thinking about you specifically. I mean, you’re just visiting, but you fell in love with Sora instantly at the market, then came all the way here, did free labor, and you’re back again.
You just feel like the kind of person who, when doing a job, wants to dedicate herself to it fully. Don’t you wish you had more time to be with all the dogs?”
I tilt my head back against the wall. “Well, sure. There’s never enough
time in the day.”
“There is here.”
I laugh. My phone vibrates, so I pull it from my pocket. It’s Anders.
“On that note,” I say, pocketing the phone, “I should probably get back
home.”
“To talk about adoption?”
“Yes.” I laugh, because even if I’m drawing lines between Anders and me, I’m willing to scribble them out for Sora.
“Good luck.” She salutes.
When I get back to Anders’s home, instantly something feels off. I sense it even before I open the door, and when I kick off my shoes and spot the designer heels beside Anders’s, it skyrockets into overdrive.
I consider turning my ass around and going straight back to Sora.
But if Anders brought a woman to the house—his house—I should see it. It would be beneficial to engrave that image in my head. I shouldn’t be having any romantic thoughts about Anders and vice versa.
Good. This is great.
I drag myself down the hallway, enter the living room, and my eyes widen so much I blink before they feel like they’ll slip from the sockets.
Anders is the first to stand when I enter, like his Lucy radar rang in his head.
Then, my sister gets up and holds out her arms. “My favorite person in the world!”
Shock fills me to the brim, replacing the jealousy I’m pretending was never there, but somehow I manage to storm over and grab her ear. “What are you doing here?”
“Ow, ow, ow,” she squeaks, trying to reach out to Anders for help.
“You monster! This is how you greet your sister after weeks?”
I let her go, then turn to Anders, trying to keep from boiling. “Why did you let her in?”
“She said she was your sister.” He looks between us.
“And what if she wasn’t? What if she was some psycho murderer you
let into your house?”
“I am a little psycho,” Taina mutters.
“Is she?” Anders asks. “Your sister, not psycho.”
“Quiet, both of you.” I rub my forehead, then my eyes, making sure they’re working just fine.
“I’ll deal with you first.” I grab Taina, then pull her to my—no, Anders’s—guest room. I slam the door shut behind us and hiss, “What are you doing here?”
“Obviously I’m here to see you.” She plops onto the edge of the bed, unfazed. “Sad to see this bed is used. Guess you and Anders haven’t slept
together yet.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Taina—”
“I told you I wanted to visit.”
“And I told you I’d think about it. And you came here, without telling me, to Anders’s home. You don’t think that’s crossing a line?” Of course she stored away his address when she did her deep dive on him.
Taina gives me a look. “Since when do we have lines between us?”
“Maybe we should!” I shout. “I’ve been too cheap with the lines; I haven’t drawn as many as I need.” I draw an imaginary one between us.
“There, there’s another one.”
“Ah.” She nods. “I see, you’ve lost your mind. This is what happens when you go too long without me.”
“What did you tell Mathew?” I snap. “Please don’t tell him you came to see me.”
She blinks. “Why wouldn’t I tell him the truth?”
I place my hands over my mouth and scream.
“Jesus,” Taina says, “what is happening to you right now? You want one of my Xanax?”
I open my mouth to curse, then say, “Actually? Yes.”
Taina rushes out the door, presumably to the luggage sitting in the living room. When she comes back, she practically shoves it into my mouth. After I take it, I sit on the bed, and Taina joins me.
“Okay,” she says after a while, “are you going to explain what’s happening right now?”
“What was happening,” I begin, “is I was trying to drive some distance between Anders and me. And then my little sister shows up at his home, unannounced, and made me cross the lines I’ve been drawing.”
Taina smirks. “Oh, so that means you’ve drawn close enough to him that you’re freaking out and trying to pull back? Interesting.”
I groan, dropping back on the bed.
Taina does the same, faces me. “I can’t believe you’ve been keeping
secrets from me.”
“It’s not a secret.”
“Oh, so Anders knows you like him.”
I slap a hand over her mouth and apply pressure as she squirms. “Say it louder; I don’t think he heard you.”
She mumbles into my hand, repeating the words, and I practically choke her until she licks me. I peel my hand back, and she whips up.
“You’re so far gone. You’re freaking out so bad.”
“This is so inappropriate of you,” I snap.
She cackles. “Oh, Lucy, you’re adorable. Let me get my phone, you have to see how red you are.”
“Taina, go back home. Mathew is probably so upset that you left him.”
She frowns. “Why would he be upset?” Then, “And if you ever listened to what I tell you, you’d remember he’s away this week. Or are you too lost in Anders to remember things about your poor little sister?”
There’s a light knock on the door. I open my mouth to say go away, but Taina covers my mouth and shouts, “Come in.”
Just as Anders lets himself in, Taina yells as I bite her hand.
She mutters, “You’re not being very attractive right now.”
“Sorry to interrupt,” Anders says, his gaze traveling between us, then falling on Taina. “The sushi you ordered is here.”
“You ordered delivery?” I yell, just as Taina runs off and leaves Anders and me by ourselves.
“I’m so sorry.” I stand. “She did not tell me she was coming. And I didn’t tell her to come. She wanted to come, sure, but she said she’d stay at a hotel, and I said I would see if I would even have time.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s most definitely not.” I rub a hand over my face. “But I’ll deal with it.”
“Really, it’s okay,” he says, then pulls out his phone. “This is my aunt.
She wants me over for dinner. I told her you weren’t feeling well.”
I’m very clearly feeling better, seeing as I just wrestled with my sister.
But not only is Taina something I need to deal with at this moment, she’s a reminder of why I need to finish this job well. I need to get my money, leave her place, leave her and her husband alone, and focus on building my career—the real one outside of this one.
So I say, “I’ll pass on joining today.”
Anders’s shoulders stiffen as he smiles and nods. “Okay.”
And he leaves.
I wait until I hear the front door shut before joining Taina in the kitchen. She’s spread out her food on the counter and has already cleared out a box of California rolls.
“There’s some vegan ones,” she says, mouth full. “Take a bite, then
take a breath.”
“You can’t stay here.”
She rolls her eyes. “Duh, I’m not a cockblock. I got a place. I just wanted to see Anders in person, check for signs of life. Sue me for caring.”
I rub a hand over my face. “I’m having an incredibly stressful day, and you’re making it so much worse.”
She drops the two rolls in her hands. “What’s wrong?” She looks around, like she’s just realizing Anders isn’t here. “Did he upset you? I’ll kill him. The bastard.”
“No, he didn’t do anything wrong,” I say. “It feels like I am, though.”
It feels like any choice I make isn’t a good one. Being there for Anders is
crossing a line. Not being there for him is causing him pain when he’s been nothing but good to me. It’s too frustrating.
“Talk to me.”
“I don’t really want to talk about it,” I say. “I just, I need this to go well. So please don’t show up unannounced again. Or track my location when I’m out and show up there to spy, either.”
She pouts. “You’re being so secretive with me.”
“Taina.”
“I won’t show up unannounced,” she grumbles. “Are you just going to abandon me even though I’m here?”
“Of course not,” I say. “I’m going to pack my things and stay with you.”
Taina follows me to the guest room, where I immediately start shoving everything of mine into my luggage. Her gaze is warm at the back of my head as I move, but she doesn’t speak until I’m halfway done.
“I’d love for you to stay with me,” she begins. “We can stay up all night watching reruns of The Nanny.”
“Just like the good old days.” I shove the rest of my shorts into the
sloppy mess of clothes.
“But.”
“No buts,” I counter.
“However—”
“No synonyms of buts.”
“You’re very obviously stressed out.” She ignores me. “I haven’t seen you like this since, forever, really.” She pauses, then adds, “Well, not since
you had to bail me out of jail.”
“A happy memory,” I say. “Thank you.”
“What could have Miss Keep It Together Even When the World Is Ending in a frenzy like this?” Before I can tell her to shut up, she says, “You like Anders! It’s not just attraction.”
Always the observant little brat.
When I don’t say anything, she pounces.
“You like Anders, you’re freaking out because you’re trying to ruin his sister’s wedding, and you’re already telling yourself every single reason why it will go wrong, and how you have to focus on working on what you know for sure isn’t risky—money. Getting paid.”
I slam my hand on the suitcase when the zipper gets caught. “What am I? Some teenager nervous to ask a boy to prom?” I stand. “I like Anders? I think I’m too old for a crush.”
Taina rolls her eyes. “Because your heart shrivels up and rots after the age of sixteen?”
“Because I’m an adult doing a job, who lives in an entirely different state, with no ties to Anders or this place. And I’m about to make his entire family hate me.” When she approaches me, I hold up a hand. “I swear to God, Taina, I’m not in the mood. Help me close this suitcase before I shove you in it.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Taina says, and helps yank the zipper into place with both hands and a little grunt.
We sit in silence for a moment, side by side on the edge of the bed, catching our breath like we just fought the suitcase into submission. Which, honestly, we did.
Then she says, more gently now, “Don’t get mad, but I’m serious. You can talk to me. Unload whatever thoughts are ping-ponging in that pretty little head of yours.”
And maybe it’s the fact that the room feels too quiet, or that her tone has softened just enough to slip through my defenses, but something in me gives. Would it be so bad to share some of my worries?
Anders and his family rely on each other so easily, like it’s second nature. I watch it happen between them all the time—silent support, unspoken understanding—and I realize I’ve never really let that happen between me and Taina. Not really.
Taina never held back her troubles; it’s been me all along. But maybe letting someone else hold a piece of it, just for a moment, won’t be the end of the world, especially because Taina loves me in a way nobody else does.
Wouldn’t her comfort mean more?
I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “I don’t know what
I’m doing.”
“With Anders?”
“With a lot, but especially with him.”
She waits, like she knows I’m not done.
I sigh. “It’s not just that I like him. It’s that if, keyword if, I did want something more with him, I know it wouldn’t work. Not because he’s done anything wrong, but because I haven’t got my shit together. I mean, look at
me. I’m floating from couch to couch, trying to scrape together enough money to finally start the life I’ve been planning for years. Meanwhile, he’s already living his. He’s stable. He’s good. He knows what he wants.”
Taina leans back on her hands. “And? You think people only fall in love once they’ve got health insurance and a 401(k)?”
I shoot her a glare.
“I’m serious,” she goes on. “You think Anders is gonna look at your credit score and think ‘Wow, deal-breaker.’ That’s not what love is.”
“You’re using a pretty strong word that I never said.”
She rolls her eyes. “Don’t be dense. Love. Like. Crushes. It’s all the same. And you shouldn’t look at them like they come with prerequisites.”
“I don’t know; it feels like they should.”
Taina frowns. “You keep waiting for this perfect version of yourself before you let anyone in, and I’m telling you, you’ll be waiting forever. You don’t have to be fully healed, or fully successful, or fully anything to be
loved.”
I stare at the floor. My throat tight.
Taina lowers her voice. “People love each other at their messiest, their ugliest, their lowest. You don’t have to earn that. It just comes with the
territory.”
“I don’t know how to believe that.”
“You don’t have to yet,” she says. “You just, I don’t know, have to stop running from the chance that it might be true. Just let things run their course. Stop cockblocking your own life.”
I laugh. “Wow, you sound filled with wisdom right now.”
Taina grimaces. “I know, don’t get used to it.”
Another laugh tears from me, and I feel just the tiniest bit lighter.
