The door swings open. The lights in the corridor outside go on.
“Now what?” says Tony.
“It’s a trap,” says Sal.
Lonnie goes cautiously to the doorway, peers out. “Nobody there,” he says.
—
“Now for the solemn music,” says Felix to 8Handz. “Beaming from the Green Room. Is the fruit bowl still in there, with the grapes?”
“Should be. Checking,” says 8Handz, peering at the screen. “Yup, I see it.”
“Well done, Goblins,” says Felix. “I hope the trapdoor under it is in working order.”
“We double-checked it. So, for this I picked a Leonard Cohen tune,” says 8Handz. “ ‘Bird on a Wire.’ Slowed to half-time. I recorded it myself on the
keyboard.”
“Highly appropriate,” says Felix.
“I used the cello, with a sort of Theremin backup,” says 8Handz. “The woo woo sound.”
“Woo woo is good,” says Felix. “I’m looking forward. Hit the button.”
—
“It’s coming from down the hallway,” says Sebert.
“Is that ‘Bird on a Wire’?” says Tony.
“They’re having us on,” says Sal.
“ ‘I have tried in my way to be free,’ ” says Lonnie. “Maybe it’s a message,
from someone trying to help us. We might as well go and see. Otherwise we’ll just sit in here.”
“Why not?” says Sebert, nibbling on his index finger.
“Let them go first,” Tony whispers to him. “In case of bullets.”
—
“They’re out the door,” says 8Handz. “All four of them. The video in the hall’s not too good, but look, there they are. Going along the hall. Into the Green Room.”
“I feel guilty about putting Lonnie through all this,” says Felix, “but there’s nothing to be done. Anyway, he’s been keeping bad company. Did they plant the little speaker on him?”
“Yeah,” says 8Handz. “It’s on his collar, it’s working. When you need it turned on, scroll to here and hit Return.”
On the screen, they watch the four men as they approach the Green Room door. To either side of it, taped to the wall, there’s a cutout—a T-rex, a space creature—ushering them in.
“Excellent dumb discourse,” Felix murmurs to himself.
“What is this, a kindergarten?” says Sebert. “First palm trees, now this!”
“Who’s running this place?” says Sal. “There needs to be some changes!” He feels his forehead. “Is that a dinosaur? I feel weird. I think I’ve got a fever.” But they all go in through the doorway.
“What’s this?” says Tony. “It’s like a theatre green room! There’s even a freaking fruit bowl! Though it’s only grapes. There ought to be some crackers and cheese, on a plate.”
“What lovely music!” says Lonnie. “Is that from The Magic Flute?”
“Whatever. I’m hungry,” says Sal. He’s swaying on his feet.
“We might as well eat as not eat,” says Sebert. “Have a grape.”
“Don’t touch the grapes,” says a small voice next to Lonnie’s ear. It’s a man’s voice, one he almost recognizes.
“What?” says Lonnie. “Who is this?” He touches his collar, feels the little speaker. Then he stands back while the other three munch.
“These taste odd,” says Sal. “We shouldn’t eat them.”
“We already ate them,” says Sebert.
“I feel strange,” says Tony. “I need to sit down.”
—
“That’s enough grapes,” says Felix. “It seems to be working. Do you know what was in that stuff? That I injected? ”
“Little of this, little of that,” says 8Handz. “Eye of newt. Ketamine. Salvia.
Mushrooms. Awesome stuff, if they put it together right. Quick as a twink they’ll be buzzed out of their minds. It’s fast-acting, but it doesn’t last long. I wouldn’t mind having a hit of it right now myself.”
“Cue the thunder,” says Felix.
—
There’s a roar, a blackout. Then the lights come on: the fruit bowl has vanished.
On the wall there’s a terrifying shadow: a huge bird, its wings opening and
closing.
“Looking good,” says Felix to 8Handz.
“Yeah, you chose fabulous wings.”
A voice begins to sing, somewhat offtune:
You are three men of sin
Where’m I gonna begin?
You’ve been so bad
It makes me sad,
As a result, you’re going mad!
Felix was ruined by you,
Exiled into the blue;
Sal’s lost his son,
That’s no fun,
And your woes have just begun!
You must repent and say you’re sorry
If you want a good end to this story: This…means…you!
“Where did it go?” says Tony. “That thing with wings! That demon! It’s over there!”
“What have I done?” says Sal. He begins to weep. “I might as well die! You heard that! They’ve killed Freddie and it’s all my fault! Because of what we did to Felix!”
“This is awful,” says Sebert. “We’ve been poisoned! Where’s my body? I’m vaporizing!”
“What’s gotten into you all?” says Lonnie.
—
“Fairly terrible poem, but it did the trick,” says Felix. “That, plus the grapes.”
“Wow, awesome,” says 8Handz. “They are like totally freaked! Gotta find out what else went into that mix!”
“We’ll leave them to their bad trip and look in on Ferdinand and Miranda,” says Felix. “Pull up their video feed recording. What’ve they been up to?”
“Let me rewind,” says 8Handz. “Okay, so they made a log pile out of the Lego, as per your directions. Then they said those mushy speeches to each other.
Now they’re playing chess. She’s saying—”
“Good,” says Felix. “They’re right on script. They look very handsome together.”
“It’s almost like they meant it,” says 8Handz. “The true love and all that. It’s kind of elegant. Though not a very clear image,” he adds.
“Clear enough,” says Felix. “Let’s go back to the Green Room.”
