CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Dani
I almost had a heart attack when I heard the tap on the front door.
It was after ten, and I was the only one in the house still awake, doing homework.
We had a massive test in calculus next week, but if I was honest with myself, I was studying to avoid thinking about my dad.
And the locker room.
And I was too emotionally exhausted to start crying again.
I half expected it to be Cassie, because she hadn’t wanted to take no for an answer when I backed out on Applebee’s, but when I looked through the window atop the door, I saw Alec peering through.
Shit shit shit, I did notwant to face him. It was bad enough that he’d seen me bawling, but the whole… thingthat followed was mortifying.
Mostly because, for a split second, I’d forgotten about everything in the world except his brown eyes and the way it felt to have him hug me again.
Idiot!
But what choice did I have? I’d been freaking out all evening, expecting a call from the superintendent telling me I’d been expelled.
I went over to the door and pulled it open, my stomach full of butteries.
And God, there he was.
He was so tall now, so big as he looked down at me with a smirk on his mouth and amusement in those dark brown eyes.
“Wow,” he said without even saying hi. “You look hot.”
I rolled my eyes. I was wearing annel pajama pants and a threadbare Philadelphia Eagles jersey, and my hair was still wet from the shower I’d taken twenty minutes before when I’d been too cold to concentrate.
Yes, I looked atrocious, but that wasn’t important.
“What happened after I left?” I asked, lowering my eyes to the zipper on the front of his jacket because I couldn’t bear to look directly at his face for another second.
“Can I come in?” he asked. “Because it’s a long story and your hair is going to freeze if the door stays open.”
“Oh. Sure,” I said, stepping back to hold open the door. “But my mom and grandpa are asleep, so you have to be quiet.”
“Yeah, I wasn’t planning on yelling the house down,” he said as he walked inside, and I wasn’t sure if he was joking or being a sarcastic ass.
I quietly shut the door and went into the living room, hyperaware of him following me. I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I sat down on the couch and crossed my arms over my chest.
“So what did he say? How much trouble am I in?” I asked, knowing my cheeks were bright red because it felt like my skin was on re.
“You’re not in any trouble, actually,” he said, dropping down into the chair across from me.
“What? But he seemed really mad,” I said, confused. “And I shouldn’t have been in the locker room.”
“Okay, so let’s just say things got weird after you left. I’ve got a lot to tell you, so I need to ask—respectfully—for you to just be quiet until I’m nished. I need you to hear everything I have to say before you respond.”
This can’t be good.
“All right,” I said, grabbing one of my grandma’s owered throw pillows and hugging it to my chest. “I’m listening.”
“So you were right—Oz was crazy pissed. He thought I brought some random girl into the locker room for… um, reasons that were not hockey-related.
Like he saw—”
“I get it,” I snapped, wondering how much more mortication I could take without spontaneously combusting in shame.
“Okay, good,” he said, and it annoyed me that it looked like he wanted to laugh. “He was livid, so I had to explain that we knew each other when we were
kids and that you aren’t some random girl. I explained to him who your grandpa is—”
“Oh my God, is he going to tell my grandpa?”
Just when I’d thought the embarrassment couldn’t get worse.
“No,” he said, then added, “Well, I mean, I don’t think so. He didn’t really
say.”
“What did he say, then?”
“You were going to be quiet while I told you, remember? From ve seconds ago…?”
“Go already,” I said with a sigh, just wanting this to be over.
“Thank you,” he said, and when he ohandedly rubbed his shoulder, I noticed how exhausted he looked. “What I was saying is that Coach didn’t respond the way I thought he would. When I said I knew you when we were kids, he and Gordy mistakenly thought that meant we were, like, childhood sweethearts or something.”
“Weird,” I said, looking down at my lap and trying not to remember the kiss.
We hadn’t been childhood sweethearts except for that one night.
“For sure weird. But the guys who were with him are hockey dudes. Two of them are D1 scouts, and the one with the bad haircut is a sportswriter who has ties to everyone who matters in USA hockey, right?”
“Okay,” I said, remembering what Grandpa Mick had said about those guys.
“They came to see me play, which was great, because I’m trying to convince them I’m not a fuckup, because a picture that, uh, might’ve made it look—”
“Like you were smoking the world’s largest bong?”
His eyebrows went down. “You saw the picture?”
“Yeah, it was our dinner entertainment the other night,” I said.
“Shit—did Mick see it?” he asked, looking panicked.
“Would it really matter if my grandpa saw a picture of you with a bong?”
“Mick Fucking Boche?” He looked at me like I’d just said something ridiculous. “Of course it would matter.”
“He’s just a man, you know.”
“Oh, okay,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“Back to the story,” I said, gesturing with my hands for him to get going.
“They came to see me when I’m supposed to be proving I’m not a locker room distraction, so the fact that they walked into the locker room and saw what they thought was me hooking up with a girl is a fucking nightmare.”
“I bet,” I said, almost feeling bad for him.
Almost.
“But when they heard who you were from my coach and his incorrect assumption that you and I are maybe an item—”
“What?”This day was a nightmare. “They think we’re an ‘item’?”
“Shhhh and listen,” he said, shaking his head. “It was inferred by my coach because he misunderstood what I said. Anyway, once they heard that you’re a genius who’s going to Harvard and Mick Boche’s granddaughter, all of a sudden they started looking at me in a dierent light. Like maybe I wasn’t a fuckup and maybe I’m dating somebody who’s going to be a good inuence on me.”
How could four dudes have it all so wrong?I wondered.
“But we aren’t dating,” I said dumbly.
“No shit, Sherlock,” he said.
“No shit, Sherlock,” I mocked in a stupid voice under my breath, irritated by his attitude.
“Dani.” He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, and said very seriously, “Obviously this is a shit show, a misunderstanding that got way out of hand.”
“Obviously,” I said.
“But while I’m trying to get people to see who I really am—not a partying fuckboy—this could be a good thing.”
“For you,” I said, trying to keep up with his direction. “So, what—you want to just let them think the wrong thing because it makes you look better?”
“You promised to be quiet until I was done,” he said with raised eyebrows and a tilted head, like he was reasoning with me.
“No, I didn’t,” I argued. “I believe I said, ‘I’m listening.’”
“Dani,” he said through gritted teeth. “Please?”
“Fine,” I said with another eye roll.
“So,” he said, clearing his throat. His face got super serious as he put his big hands together like he was praying and said, “I have a proposition for you. I will
get you the hockey-manager job so you can have Harvard, if you agree to go along with this and maybe, like, let people think we’re kind of dating a little bit.”
“What?”Whatwhatwhat the hell?? “You want me to pretend we’re dating?”
“I mean, it’d be low-key,” he said, looking oended by my reaction. “It’s not like we’re going to make a formal announcement or anything. We’d just, y’know, kind of act like we’re seeing each other.”
“Absolutely not,” I said, irrationally irritated by his nerve, his assumption that I’d just do him the tiny favor of ruining my own not-yet-formed reputation.
I could just imagine how it would go.
I’d be his little nerd beard, giving him the credibility he needed, yet all his friends would know the truth and laugh behind my back about the way Miss Four-Eyes was fake prostituting herself for an extracurricular.
Meanwhile, I would be on display for the rest of the school to notice me— who even is she?—and make judgments about me because I was suddenly dating their superstar.
Talk about landing on everyone’s radar in the very worst way.
The new girl is dating Zeus? Ew.
And eventually, when he didn’t need the alliance anymore and fake dumped me, I’d be left alone to deal with whatever my undeserved tattered reputation might look like.
“Don’t shut it down without considering it rst,” he said with narrowed eyes, like he found my reaction to be ridiculous.
He was ridiculous.
And then he said, “Keep in mind that regardless of what we do, people are going to hear about what the coaches thought they saw earlier. So do you want the rumor to be about two people who barely know each other, or two people with history who might be reconnecting?”
I wanted to hit him. I wasn’t a violent person, but I wanted to hit him for saying something I hadn’t considered, for speaking out loud something that was a freaking nightmare.
People were going to be talking about me tomorrow, about me and Alec in the locker room together.
I knew he was right, but I was too mad to give in.
“Listen,” I said, my throat tight because everything was going south at Southview so freaking fast. “It sucks that you’re having to face the consequences of your actions, but I’m passing on this opportunity.”
He squinted a little more, looking like he was trying to see in the dark as he glared at me. “You’re not at all interested in helping when it might actually help
you, too?”
“Nope,” I bit out, glaring back at him.
“Harvard isn’t worth a tiny little favor to you?” he asked.
“Not even a tiny little bit,” I replied, overwhelmed by the stress of what tomorrow was going to look like at school.
“Wow,” he said, his lips turning up in a mean smile as he gave his head a slow shake. “Some things never change.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked, because I’d alwaysbeen Team Alec until I couldn’t be anymore because he’d disappeared.
“Just that I thought maybe this one time you could think of someone other than yourself, maybe like a cool new thing for you to try out, but obviously I was wrong.”
“You cannot be serious.” Was the guy who’d ghosted me after a lifetime of friendship actually calling mean asshole? “You’re saying Idon’t think of anyone but myself?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” he said, his voice rising. “I guess I expected —”
“Yes, you expected me to drop to my knees and do whatever you asked because now you’re Zeus the Hockey God,” I said, standing up. “It’s late and I need to study, so maybe you should go nd someone else to pretend to be your girlfriend. I mean, it seems like the ladies line up to be on Zeus’s radar, so it shouldn’t be hard—”
“You don’t have to be an asshole,” he said, rising to his feet.
“I don’t? Because it seems to me that you’ve been an asshole since the second I got to Southview for no good reason. If the big hockey star doesn’t want to be friends with his old nerdy buddy, that’s totally ne—I don’t want to be friends with you, either—but don’t act like I’m a jerk when you’re the jerk.”
Just then, there was yet another knock.
“Are you freaking kidding me?” I muttered under my breath, because who else could possibly be dropping by this late on a weeknight? I walked over to the door and was shocked when I pulled it open and there was Benji.
“Hey…?” I said, surprised to see him because I hadn’t seen him since the day we moved in and also why the heck would he stop by when we weren’t even friends and Grandpa Mick hated him? Also, it’s ten o’clock at night! “What’s up, Benji?”
“I saw the lights on and I’m about to go on a food run, so I wondered—oh, hey, Zeus,” he said, looking around me with a big smile. “I didn’t know you were here.”
“You didn’t see my car?” Alec said, and his voice was so tense it made me turn around. “Really?”
And he was glaring at Benji. Not with the mild distaste he used to have for my grandpa’s annoying little next-door neighbor, but glaring like he wanted to annihilate him.
“Now that you mention it,” Benji said with a creepily huge grin, “I guess I did see a rust bucket in the drive.”
“Listen, um, Benji,” I said, having no idea what this tension was but not in the mood for it. “I really appreciate—”
“Bye, Ben,” Alec said, suddenly standing beside me.
“Alec,”I said, looking up at him in disbelief.
“Well…? Are you hungry, Collins?” he asked abruptly, angrily.
“Um, no…?” I answered, looking back and forth between the two of them.
“She’s not hungry, you fuck, so get the hell out of here,” Alec said to Benji, reaching for the door, looking like he was going to take it o its hinges with a slam.
“Alec,”I said in disbelief. “What are you—”
“Is he bothering you, Dani?” Benji asked me with a face full of fake concern.
“Because if he is, I can—”
“You’re both bothering me,” I interrupted, having no idea what was going on with this angry machismo. “Thanks but no thank you on the food, Benji, and I think we’re done here, Alec.”
I took a step back so Alec could join Benji on the porch.
“Oh, hey—did you get my text the other day?” Benji asked, smiling at me as if we texted all the time.
“Um, yeah,” I said, crossing my arms as the cold air poured in. “I—”
“Fucking go, Worthington,” Alec said, stepping out onto the porch and into Benji’s face, giving his chest a push. “She already said you’re bothering her.”
“I think that was for you,” Benji replied, smiling like he was absolutely unfazed by angry Alec in his personal space. “By the way, love the oversized bong, Zeus. Veryclassy.”
He turned and went down the steps, and I shook my head, because nothing made sense to me anymore. I looked at Alec and slammed the door, just needing
to be done with the day.
But then he knocked.
I sighed and pulled it open. “Did you forget someth—”
“You already reconnected with fucking Benji, are you kidding me?” His voice was low and gravelly, his eyes narrowed as he said it like… like it mattered, like I’d done something terrible to him by talking to the neighbor.
“He… lives next door,” I said slowly, unsure what he could possibly mean by “reconnected.”
Alec’s face was hard, and even though he looked nothing like my old friend anymore, something about the moment was straight from our past, grabbing at my chest with a hard squeeze.
“But we hate that guy, Dani,” he said with a scowl, giving his head a shake of disbelief.
“I don’t even know him anymore,” I said, so confused by his reaction and the way he said my name like we were still friends. “Do you?”
“Oh yeah,” he said. “I sure as hell do.”
“Then I guess I’ll have to take your word for it, because I don’t know either of you now,” I said. “Good night, Alec.”
“Good night,” he said, sounding like he denitely didn’t wish me good night as I slammed the front door again.
But I couldn’t sleep when I climbed into bed, not when his words kept playing in my head, over and over again.
I thought maybe this one time you could think of someone other than yourself, maybe like a cool new thing for you to try out, but obviously I was wrong.
We’d exchanged weekly postcards for years, our own little coded system of keeping in touch, and then one day he’d just stopped responding.
I never heard from him again.
NEVER.
So if anybody was guilty of not helping somebody else out, it was him.
