29
DON’T POKE THE CRAZY
LADY
Carter
THIRTY-SEVEN MINUTES.
Huh. Not the longest I’ve sat here and waited by any means, but denitely not the shortest. I’m not surprised. This is the norm in this household. Has been my entire life.
Still, I groan, running two aggravated hands through my hair before dragging them down my face in slow motion. “Mommm, come onnn,” I beg, slumping against the couch. “Let’s gooo.”
“I’m not done putting my face on, Carter!” she shouts back.
“You don’t need a face. Your face is perfect.” I’d tell her she was prettier than Beyoncé if it’d get her ass out here. Except I’ve tried; it doesn’t work.
Flopping down, I sprawl over the couch. “I don’t understand why you can’t be ready when you tell me you’ll be ready.”
Mom is famously late for everything. Jennie’s bad, too, but Mom is unmatched. Dad used to throw her over his shoulder and cart her out of the house, which is precisely why I told her Jennie’s recital starts at ve, not 5:30 like it actually does. A little white lie goes a long way in ensuring we’re on time for absolutely anything that requires leaving the house.
“And I don’t understand why you still expect me to be ready when I tell you I’m going to be! You should know me better by now.”
She sticks her head into the living room. She’s got mascara on her left eye only, making it look ten times bigger than the right. I make a face and cower away. She rolls her eyes and ips me the bird but drops her mascara wand in the process.
“Karma,” I murmur, earning myself a ick to the forehead. I swat my hand around, but she runs down the hall, cackling.
“One more minute,” she sings.
I sigh, pull out my phone, and do what I’ve been doing for the last hour: check to see if Olivia’s messaged me.
She hasn’t, not since she nished her lunch and sent a picture of her licking an Oreo, which, obviously, is now her contact picture.
I lay my phone on my chest and fold my arms behind my head, crossing my ankles. If I have to spend my days waiting on women, might as well get comfy.
My eyes pop open when my phone starts vibrating on my chest. The picture of Olivia licking her cookie shines on my screen and I scramble up to sitting.
“Hi, Ollie girl.” My ten-outta-ten grin melts into a frown at her sad expression. “What’s wrong? Kids got you down?”
There’s a crash somewhere behind me, and three seconds later my mom comes skidding into the living room, breathless, both eyes nally done. She points at my phone and mouths Olivia? It’s Olivia? Then she jumps up and down, covering her mouth with both hands.
She’s fty-two, in case anyone’s wondering whether my mom is, in fact, an adult.
I smoosh my phone into my chest. “Really? That’s what gets your ass out the door?”
She grins, settling on the oor, legs crossed as she stares up at me with wide, innocent eyes.
“No,” Olivia says into my chest. I pull my phone back to nd her rubbing at one eye. “Well, not really. Your typical short jokes and all that.” She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, looking at her lap. “Carter. We have to talk.”
“Uh-oh,” I muse with a chuckle. “Someone’s in trouble.” I balk at the unimpressed look on her face. “That was stupid. I don’t know why I said that.
It’s me. I’m in trouble.”
I’m lucky Olivia nds my gooness endearing, because at least I get the twitch of her mouth when she tries not to smile. I count it a win, like I do every time she fails at being mad at me. But I want to see that full beam, feel the way it lights me up like sunshine. So I pull my dimples in and try again.
“You look gorgeous. So gorgeous. Flawless, really, but you always are.” I gesture at my hair before popping my chin on my knuckles. “Did you do something new to your hair? Suits you. You’re the best girlfriend out of all the girlfriends I’ve ever had. My favorite.”
Those mocha eyes narrow dangerously before Olivia erupts with laughter.
My mom’s bouncing around on her ass, hands clasped beneath her chin. I hold my foot out, trying to shove her away. It doesn’t work; she’s too persistent.
“I’m the only girlfriend you’ve ever had.”
“Right.” Charming grin? Check. “’Cause you’re my favorite.”
Her eye roll is one of my favorite things about her, because I love her sass, her feistiness. Olivia works so damn hard to keep that oversensitive side tucked inside, but I see it.
“Why is my house so warm?” she nally asks, playing with that plump lower lip.
I run a palm over my proud, pued-up chest. “I’m sure I’d have no idea about
that.”
“Carter… you bought me a furnace.”
My mom becomes a cat, clawing at my legs, nails digging in hard enough to warrant a silent scream from me as I hide my phone and keel over, pushing her o me.
“Furnace?” Mom whisper-yells. “You bought her a furnace?” She claps her hands ten thousand times. “I knew you’d be a giant suck!”
“Shut up,” I hiss, tossing a pillow at her face. She dodges it, picking it up and clutching it to her chest while she grins like a fool. She’s way too invested in my love life.
I turn back to Olivia. It’s a mistake. Or maybe the furnace was a mistake.
“Oh shit.” Those brown eyes turn the most interesting shade of hazel, shining with hints of gold and mossy sage as they widen and ll with tears.
“Baby, no. Please don’t cry. Why are you crying?” How do you help someone who’s
stuck in your phone? “I don’t know what to do. Are you okay? Do you need me to come over? Help me,” I beg my beautiful, sensitive girl.
“I can’t aord to pay you back right now,” Olivia cries, swatting at her cheeks.
She buries her face behind a couch cushion when her tears don’t slow. “I’ll set up a payment plan,” I think she mumbles. Hard to tell when she’s smothering her face like that.
My mom’s rocking back and forth on the ground, clapping at my knees. I love her, she mouths. I push her away with my hand on her face.
“It’s a gift, Ollie. And take that pillow o your face.”
She rips it away. “A gift for what? It’s not Christmas! And you got me a Christmas gift and I got you nothing! I ran out on you!”
“Birthday?” Fuck, should’ve tried Valentine’s Day. I distinctly remember Olivia telling me she turned twenty-ve in October.
“My birthday’s in October!”
“I wanted to do something nice for you and give you something you weren’t able to give yourself right now.”
She wipes the back of her hand across her eyes, hiccupping.
“If your cute little toes froze o, I don’t know what I’d do with myself.”
“I don’t want you to think I’m using you for your money.”
“I don’t know how I could possibly think that. It’s a gift.”
“Nobody’s ever done anything like this for me before.”
She should probably get used to it; I’m gonna spoil the shit out of her.
“I didn’t want you to be so cold, pumpkin.”
She melts at the nickname, nally granting me that smile I’ve been dying for.
“Thank you so much, Carter. I… you’re… I really want to hug you right now,” she nally settles on.
“Oh my God!” Mom shouts out, collapsing dramatically onto her back before pouncing on me. “I can’t help it! She’s adorable!”
“Mom!”
A power struggle promptly ensues as she tries to steal my phone. An elbow soars through the air, hammering me in the nose as she throws herself over my lap and grabs for my phone.
“I just… wanna… say… hi! Gimme the phone, Carter!”
“Get your grabby hands outta here!”
I manage to catch one ail-y arm and pin it behind her back. She hus, blowing her bangs o her forehead with her famous mom-scowl. The anxious giggle coming from my phone has both of our heads turning to nd Olivia watching us with curious amusement.
“Oh God, this is my worst nightmare,” I accidentally mutter out loud, wincing when my mom icks me in the temple. “You already met Hank; it’s only a matter of time before someone scares you away.”
Mom gasps. “You introduced her to Hank before me?” She jerks my phone out of my hand and smiles softly. “Hi, Olivia. It’s so wonderful to meet you.”
“Hi, Mrs. Beckett,” Olivia says with a bashful, wobbly smile. “I’m sorry.
What a terrible rst impression. I’m not usually this emotional.”
My accidental snort earns me another glare, this one from my girlfriend.
“Don’t worry, honey.” Mom thumbs at me. “This one cried at every single Disney movie. He’s always been a big softie.”
“Anyone who didn’t cry when that old lady drove Tod out to the forest and left him there is a monster,” I argue.
I don’t know how it happens, but a minute later my mom’s already asked Olivia what her plans are for Easter and if she’ll be joining us on our family trip to Greece this summer.
“Okay, Mom, say byyye.” I grab my phone back and lock myself in the bathroom. Sinking down to the edge of the tub, I run a hand along my jaw. “So, that just happened.”
Olivia snickers. “If your family had a TV show, I’d watch it.”
“We’d be the next Kardashians, and I’d be Kim, obviously.” I smile at the way her eyes crinkle with her laugh. “Are you upset with me? About the furnace?
Maybe I didn’t think it through.”
When I woke up alone earlier this morning, my nipples were sharp enough to cut ice, my balls trying their damnedest to crawl up inside me. I had a heating company on the phone six minutes later and paid an obscene amount of money to get them out there today. I couldn’t help myself. I want to take care of Olivia however I can and I’m lucky enough to be in a situation that allows me to do that.
“I’m not upset with you. I’m just shocked. It’s such a big gift. Are you sure you don’t want me to pay you back? I can put aside a little from each paycheck and—”
“No way. From me to you. That’s what a gift is.”
She snies and I’m worried she’s going to cry again. I’m not good with tears.
They make me feel helpless and overwhelmed.
“Thank you so much, Carter. I’m sorry I wrote you o when we rst met.”
“Don’t be.” I’d be lying if I said I wish she hadn’t. We could’ve been screwing like rabbits and loving on each other all this time. “Things happen the way they do for a reason. If you hadn’t shot me down, this here might not have been. I already can’t imagine my life without you in it.”
Her bottom lip does an almost imperceptible tremble. “Stop it.”
“Stop what?”
“Being so… perfect..”
Oh, hello. My chest pus with pride. “That’s why they call me Mr. Perfect.”
“You’re lucky your cuteness overrides your smugness.”
“You make me feel smug.” My phone buzzes, warning me that I need to get my mom’s ass in gear. “I’m sorry, Ollie. I gotta get going. Call you tonight?”
She nods. “I’m gonna go through my closet and throw out all my holey sweats and long johns now that I’m not living in the tundra.”
I head to the front door where my mom’s putting her shoes on, thank fuck.
“That’s cool. You’re not gonna need them anymore anyway. We’re gonna sleep naked so I can touch you all night long.”
“Oh, Carter, for heaven’s sakes.” Mom frowns, hands on her hips. “Can’t you keep it sweet for more than two minutes?”
“You said that in front of your mom? Carter!”
I wink. “Bye, pumpkin pie. Like you lots.”
Her blush amps all the way up to ten before she mumbles out her response, and when I shove my phone in my pocket, my mom’s giving me the heart eyes.
I slip my feet into my boots. “Can I help you?”
“Pumpkin pie?”
“Yeah, whatever.”
“You have nicknames for your girlfriend.”
I grunt in response.
Mom pokes my chest. “Don’t grunt at me.”
I grunt again, just to piss her o, except it has the opposite eect and now she’s got this little smirk glued to her face.
“Carter loves his girlfriend, Carter loves his girlfriend,” she sings.
“All right. That’s enough with you. I’m pulling a Dad.”
“Carter, don’t you d—ah!” Her shriek turns into a t of giggles when I haul her o her feet and toss her over my shoulder like she’s a sack of potatoes, the way my dad always did, her laugh the same. “I love you, honey.”
“I love you, too, Mom.”
“I CAN’T STAND HIM.”
“Carter,” my mom warns. “Watch it.”
I gesture aggressively at the way that douchebag is handling my little sister. “I hate the way he touches her. Like he fucking owns her or something.”
I plaster on a fake smile as Jennie and her dance partner move through the crowd toward us. As soon as she’s close enough, I yank her out of his grasp,
enveloping her in my arms.
“You were awesome, Jennie.”
Mom rocks her back and forth in a suocating hold, and the second she releases her, Jennie’s partner swoops back in, wrapping his stupid arm around her waist. Jennie watches the way my gaze zeroes in on his hand, covering her snicker with a cough and stepping away from Mr. Twinkle Toes.
“Wasn’t she beautiful out there tonight, Carter?” Twat-wae Simon says.
“She always is.” Stepping between them, I angle her away from him. “You should go solo.”
“I had a solo performance in the rst half.” Jennie squeezes my hand in warning. “Remember?”
“Yeah, but permanently. You should ditch pairs.” I lean into her, whispering, “Jerkwad’s bringing you down.”
She pretends to hug me. “You just hate him.”
Fucking obviously.
“Who you hooking up with tonight, Steve?” Believe it or not, I’m kind of a dick sometimes. If I don’t like you. And I don’t like Simon, which is why I sometimes, occasionally, call him by the wrong name. He fucks every girl he dances with and he’s had his sights set on my sister for four years.
“I could ask you the same thing,” he replies with a smile so self-assured I want
to punch it o his face.
“I have a girlfriend.”
“Right. So I’ve heard.” He checks his ngernails. “Can’t be all that serious,
knowing your history.”
My jaw ticks. “It’s serious.”
“Okay.” Jennie claps her hands. “I’m starving. Dinner?” She loops her arm through mine before anyone can respond, waving at Simon over her shoulder before leaning into me. “As much as I love this macho, overprotective brother bullshit, I’d prefer you didn’t kill my dance partner before I graduate.”
“Is he fair game after graduation?”
“I couldn’t care less what you do to Simon Syphilis once I’ve got my degree in my hand.”
“Oh, for the love of—” Mom shakes her head. “You two are ridiculous.”
I know I denitely am, because when I drop them o two hours later and am alone in my car, I’m in the same position I was in last night after I got o the plane. Drumming my ngers on the heated steering wheel, I hesitate for only a moment before I throw the car in gear and head in the opposite direction of where I’m supposed to be going.
Ten minutes later, I’m standing in front of Olivia’s dark, quiet house. I should probably call her, but instead I stick the key she left me this morning in the lock. The door creaks as I step inside, quickly shutting out the cold. A dim light icks on from her bedroom down the short hallway.
“Hello?” Olivia calls, followed by a scue, a bang, and then a quiet fuck me.
Five seconds later, she pokes her head out of the doorway from her spot on the oor. The brightest beam blooms when she spots me. “Carter.”
“What are you doing on the oor, pretty girl?” I help her to her feet, smiling at the blanket that’s tangled between her legs. I don’t know what in the hell she’s doing to keep getting wrapped in this thing that it refuses to let go.
She ings her arms around me and smashes her face into my chest. “I didn’t know you were coming over again.”
“Neither did I.” I drop my lips to her nose when she rests her chin on my chest. “Kinda just happened. Again.”
“Are you sure you’re not here to return my key?”
“Nope.” I swing her up into my arms. “Thought I’d check on your new bedtime outt.” Dropping her to the bed, I trail one nger down her thigh, stopping at her ankle. She’s in only a pair of purple boy short panties and a loose T-shirt that shows o one creamy shoulder. “I’m a big fan.”
I tug my clothes o and climb into bed behind her. Slipping a hand beneath her shirt, I cover her warm stomach and inhale her smell. She’s my favorite scent, like the Sunday mornings my mom used to spend baking muns for our school lunches. She smells like the most intoxicating version of home, and I’m addicted to the feeling that comes with it.
“You must know you’re never getting that key back. It’s mine now. Already on my ring.”
“You can have it,” she whispers as I pull her shirt over her head.
“Good, ’cause I wasn’t asking.”
My ngers dip into her panties, making her moan, and her hair tickles my skin.
“You never ask for anything,” she rasps, bucking against my hand as I push
two ngers inside her.
“Nah, only for you to be mine.”
Her hand curves over my nape as she angles her face toward mine, begging for a kiss. I give it to her, because I always will. “I’m yours.”
My mouth tilts as I look down at my stunning girl. Her eyes squeeze shut with a moan as I sink inside her. Taking her chin between my ngers, I silently beg her to look at me again. The feeling that oods my chest and overwhelms my entire body when she does is dizzying.
Olivia’s soft lips coast my jaw until she nds my mouth. “My heart’s never felt as happy as it does right now.”
Her words tumble tenderly o her tongue, and I empty everything I have into this woman my heart beats for.
