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Come as You Are
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part 1 the (not-so-basic) basics
Come as You Are
Chapter 6 of 114
part 1 the (not-so-basic) basics
Introduction: Yes, You Are Normal
The True Story of Sex
The Organization of This Book
A Couple of Caveats
If You Feel Broken, or Know Someone Who …
part 1 the (not-so-basic) basics
1. Anatomy: No Two Alike
The Beginning
The Clit, the Whole Clit, and Nothing bu…
Meet Your Clitoris
Lips, Both Great and Small
Hymen Truths
A Word on Words
The Sticky Bits
Intersex Parts
Why It Matters
Change How You See
A Better Metaphor
What It Is , Not What It Means
2. The Dual Control Model: Your Sexual P…
Turn On the Ons, Turn Off the Offs
Arousability
What “Medium” Means
Different for Girls . . . but Not Necess…
What Turns You On?
All the Same Parts, Organized in Differe…
Can You Change Your SIS or SES?
3. Context: And the “One Ring” (to Rule …
Sensation in Context
Sex, Rats, and Rock ’n’ Roll
Your Emotional One Ring
You Can’t Make Them
“Is Something Wrong with Me?” (Answer: N…
part 2 sex in context
4. Emotional Context: Sex in a Monkey Br…
The Stress Response Cycle: Fight, Flight…
Stress and Sex
Broken Culture
Broken Stress Response Cycles
Complete the Cycle!
When Sex Becomes the Lion
Sex and the Survivor
Origin of Love
The Science of Falling in Love
Attachment and Sex: The Dark Side
Attachment and Sex: Sex That Advances th…
Attachment Style
Managing Attachment: Your Feels as a Sle…
Survival of the Social
The Water of Life
5. Cultural Context: A Sex-Positive Life…
Three Messages
You Are Beautiful
Criticizing Yourself = Stress = Reduced …
Health at Every Size
“Dirty”
When Somebody “Yucks” Your “Yum”
Maximizing Yum . . . with Science! Part …
Maximizing Yum . . . with Science! Part …
Maximizing Yum . . . with Science! Part …
You Do You
part 3 sex in action
6. Arousal: Lubrication Is Not Causation
Measuring and Defining Nonconcordance
All the Same Parts, Organized in Differe…
Nonconcordance in Other Emotions
Lubrication Error #1: Genital Response =…
Lubrication Error #2: Genital Response I…
Lubrication Error #3: Nonconcordance Is …
Medicating Away the Brakes
“Honey . . . I’m Nonconcordant!”
Ripe Fruit
7. Desire: Actually, It’s Not a Drive
Desire = Arousal in Context
Not a Drive. For Real.
Why It Matters That It’s Not a Drive
“But Emily, Sometimes It Feels Like a Dr…
Impatient Little Monitors
Good News! It’s Probably Not Your Hormon…
More Good News! It’s Not Monogamy, Eithe…
“Isn’t It Just Culture?”
It Might Be the Chasing Dynamic
Maximizing Desire . . . with Science! Pa…
Maximizing Desire . . . with Science! Pa…
Maximizing Desire . . . with Science! Pa…
Sharing Your Garden
part 4 ecstasy for everybody
8. Orgasm: The Fantastic Bonus
Nonconcordance—Now with Orgasms!
No Two Alike
All the Same Parts . . .
Your Vagina’s Okay, Either Way
The Evolution of the Fantastic Bonus
Difficulty with Orgasm
Ecstatic Orgasm: You’re a Flock!
How Do You Medicate a Flock?
Flying Toward Ecstasy
9. Meta-Emotions: The Ultimate Sex-Posit…
Can’t Get No . . .
The Map and the Terrain
Positive Meta-Emotions Step 1: Trust the…
Positive Meta-Emotions Step 2: Let Go of…
How to Let Go: Nonjudging
Nonjudging = “Emotion Coaching”
Nonjudging: Tips for Beginners
“No Good Reason”
Healing Trauma with Nonjudging
When Partners Dismiss!
Influencing the Little Monitor Part 1: C…
Influencing the Little Monitor Part 2: C…
Influencing the Little Monitor Part 3: C…
“To Feel Normal”
“This Is It”
Conclusion: You Are the Secret Ingredien…
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part 1 the (not-so-basic) basics
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1. Anatomy: No Two Alike
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