an opportunity to tease Camilla’s ticking pilot light. The new rule took that to another level.
See, taking orgasm off the table put Camilla’s little monitor in a puzzling situation. If Henry was, say, going down on her, and she felt so aroused that she thought she might have an orgasm, she’d remember that she wasn’t supposed to have an orgasm, and then the little monitor would keep checking her arousal level and comparing it with her goal state of not having an orgasm, which means her monitor would keep thinking about orgasm and how close she was to it.
Embedded in the thought “Don’t have an orgasm” is “. . . have an orgasm.” And if I say to you, “Don’t think about a bear,” what’s the first thing that happens?
Orgasms aren’t as automatic as thoughts, but in the right, sex- positive context, if you make orgasm against the rules and then give the person a lot of time to try not to have an orgasm . . . I’ll just say it’s a fun game and you might want to try it sometime.
Which brings me to the orgasm your partner can’t stop themselves from having.
Henry is just about as smart as Camilla. I know this because one day she called me and said that he had stuck to their agreement better than she had—he was using a vibrator on her and she had been close and actually wanted to have an orgasm, but he stopped before she got there.
She was frustrated. And even a little pissed. But hey, the rule was her idea. He was being a gentleman.
He did this two more times—got her close, then backed off.
Because he is such a gentleman.
And eventually he got her so close that she genuinely couldn’t stop herself from having an orgasm. Which is a neat trick—women don’t have a “point of no return” for orgasm the way men do for ejaculation. To get a woman to be unable to stop herself from coming takes a high level of persistent arousal.
And yes, again, being a sex educator is the best job in the world
when people tell you stories like this.
“no good reason”
Here’s an emotion-dismissing meta-emotion I hear a lot: “If there is no solution to an uncomfortable feeling, there’s no point feeling it.”