arousability According to the dual control model, arousal is really two processes: activating the accelerator and deactivating the brakes. So your level of sexual arousal at any given moment is the product of how much stimulation the accelerator is getting and how little stimulation the brakes are getting.
But it’s also a product of how sensitive your brakes and accelerator are to that stimulation.
SIS and SES are traits. We all have them and they’re more or less stable over the life span, but, like introversion/extroversion, they vary from individual to individual. Just as we all have phalluses and urethras (as we saw in chapter 1), we all have a sexual accelerator and sexual brakes in our central nervous systems (we’re all the same!). But we all have different sensitivities of SIS and SES (we’re all different!), which leads to different arousability—the potential to be aroused.
Some people are high on both SIS and SES, others are low on both, some have high SIS but low SES, and some have high SES but low SIS.
And most of us are average. The variation is distributed on a nice bell curve; the majority of people are heaped up in the middle and a few people are at the extreme ends.
Let’s take a look at what happens if brake or accelerator is especially sensitive (or not).
Suppose you’re high on SES and low on SIS—sensitive accelerator and hardly any brakes. What kind of sexual response do you have?
You respond readily to sexually relevant stimuli but not to potential threats, so you’re easily aroused and have a difficult time preventing arousal. Which isn’t always as fun as it might sound, and it can, under some circumstances, lead to compulsive sexual behavior.
The sensitive accelerator plus not-so-sensitive brakes combination 4 describes between 2 and 6 percent of women,and it’s associated with sexual risk taking and compulsivity. Because the brain mechanism responsible for noticing sexually relevant stimuli is very sensitive, you’re highly motivated to pursue sex, and because the brain mechanism responsible for stopping you from doing things you know you shouldn’t do is only minimally functional, you may sometimes feel out of control of your sexuality, especially when you’re stressed. You’re likely to have more partners, use less protection, and feel less in control. You might also be more likely to want sex when you are stressed (“redliners”), whereas other
women are likely to find that their interest in sex plummets when they’re stressed (“flatliners”).
What if you have the opposite combination—sensitive brakes plus not- so-sensitive accelerator? This describes about 1 to 4 percent of women and is associated with difficulty getting aroused, lack of interest or desire, and problems with orgasm. If you have sensitive brakes, you’re very responsive to all the reasons not to be aroused, and if you have a relatively insensitive accelerator, it takes a lot of concentration and deliberate attention to tune in to sex.
A sensitive brake, regardless of the accelerator, is the strongest predictor of sexual problems of all kinds. In a 2008 survey of 226 women age eighteen to eighty-one, low interest in sex, arousal difficulties, and orgasm difficulty, were significantly correlated with inhibition factors, especially “arousal contingency” (“Unless things are ‘just right’ it is difficult for me to become sexually aroused”) and concerns about sexual function (“If I am worried about taking too long to become aroused or to orgasm, this can 5interfere with my arousal”).
You can complete the Sexual Temperament Questionnaire that follows to get an idea of how sensitive your own brakes and accelerator are. Don’t mistake this for actual science. It’s intended to guide you in your understanding of how your internal sexual response mechanism may influence your response to sexual stimulation, but it is just an 6 approximation.Recall, especially, that there are actually two different brakes—some people’s arousal is shut down more because of internal fears (e.g., taking too long to become aroused) and others are more affected by fears about external factors (e.g., getting an STI or getting caught having sex). Both can decrease your arousal, or prevent you from becoming
aroused in the first place.
sexual temperament questionnaire Inhibitors (SIS) Circle the number of the answer that best describes you.
Unless things are “just right,” it is difficult for me to become sexually aroused.
0 1 2 3 4 Not at all like me Not much like me Somewhat like me A lot like me Exactly like me When I am sexually aroused, the slightest thing can turn me off.
0 1 2 3 4 Not at all like me Not much like me Somewhat like me A lot like me Exactly like me
I have to trust a partner to become fully aroused.
0 1 2 3 4 Not at all like me Not much like me Somewhat like me A lot like me Exactly like me
If I am worried about taking too long to become aroused or to orgasm,
this can interfere with my arousal.
0 1 2 3 4 Not at all like me Not much like me Somewhat like me A lot like me Exactly like me
Sometimes I feel so “shy” or self-conscious during sex that I cannot
become fully aroused.
0 1 2 3 4 Not at all like me Not much like me Somewhat like me A lot like me Exactly like me Total (out of 20) ____
Excitors (SES)
Circle the number of the answer that best describes you.
Often, just how someone smells can be a turn-on.
0 1 2 3 4 Not at all like me Not much like me Somewhat like me A lot like me Exactly like me
Seeing my partner doing something that shows their talent or
intelligence, or watching them interacting well with others can make me
very sexually aroused.
0 1 2 3 4 Not at all like me Not much like me Somewhat like me A lot like me Exactly like me
Having sex in a different setting than usual is a real turn-on for me.
0 1 2 3 4 Not at all like me Not much like me Somewhat like me A lot like me Exactly like me
When I think about someone I find sexually attractive or when I
fantasize about sex, I easily become sexually aroused.
0 1 2 3 4 Not at all like me Not much like me Somewhat like me A lot like me Exactly like me
Certain hormonal changes (e.g., my menstrual cycle) definitely increase
my sexual arousal.
0 1 2 3 4 Not at all like me Not much like me Somewhat like me A lot like me Exactly like me I get very turned on when someone wants me sexually.
0 1 2 3 4 Not at all like me Not much like me Somewhat like me A lot like me Exactly like me
Total (out of 24) ____
Scoring Low SIS (0–6) You’re not so sensitive to all the reasons not to be sexually aroused. You tend not to worry about your own sexual functioning, and body image issues don’t interfere too much with your sexuality. When you’re sexually engaged, your attention is not very distractible, and you aren’t inclined to describe yourself as “sexually shy.” Most circumstances can be sexual for you. You may find that your main challenge around sexual functioning is holding yourself back, reining yourself in. Staying aware of potential consequences can help with this. Around 15 percent of the women I’ve
asked are in this range.
Medium SIS (7–13) You’re right in the middle, along with more than half the women I’ve asked. This means that whether your sexual brakes engage is largely dependent on context. Risky or novel situations, such as a new partner, might increase your concerns about your own sexual functioning, shyness, or distractibility from sex. Contexts that easily arouse you are likely to be low risk and more familiar, and anytime your stress levels—including anxiety, overwhelm, and exhaustion—escalate, your brakes will reduce your interest in and response to sexual signals.
High SIS (14–20) You’re pretty sensitive to all the reasons not to be sexually aroused. You need a setting of trust and relaxation in order to be aroused, and it’s best if you don’t feel rushed or pressured in any way. You might be easily distracted from sex. High SIS, regardless of SES, is the most strongly correlated factor with sexual problems, so if this is you, pay close attention to the “sexy contexts” worksheets in the chapters that follow. About a quarter of the women I’ve asked fall into this range.
Low SES (0–7) You’re not so sensitive to sexually relevant stimuli and need to make a more deliberate effort to tune your attention in that direction. Novel situations are less likely than familiar ones to be sexy to you. Your sexual