Chapter Ten
Knowing that Kyle was a bartender and part-time student living in Manhattan, Eric assumed his apartment would be small and rundown. When he stepped over the threshold, though, he was shocked to see a bright, spacious living room that was connected to a modern, well-equipped kitchen. The entire apartment had clearly been recently built; everything from the appliances to the floors looked new.
“Nice place,” Eric commented as he drifted toward the windows. He glanced down at 19th Street, four stories below.
“Thanks. Just give me a sec.” Kyle disappeared into what Eric presumed was his bedroom, so Eric poked around the living room a bit. He was immediately drawn to a shelf full of books on a wall next to a flat-screen television. Eric had gotten rid of most of his own book collection when he’d embraced minimalism and ebooks a couple of years ago. He’d found himself regretting his decision lately, wishing he had made room in his new house for a library. He loved looking at books, holding them. He missed the smell of paper.
Kyle’s collection was eclectic, and horrifically disorganized. On one shelf there were graphic novels, history books about ancient Rome, South America, and World War I, celebrity autobiographies, cookbooks, and novels in English, Spanish and French. Eric pulled one well-worn hardcover that was missing its dustjacket off the shelf and flipped it open. It was in Italian, which made him smile.
He slid the book back where he’d gotten it—between a cocktail manual and a paperback copy of The Iliad. His fingers itched to reorganize the shelf, but instead he turned his attention to the top of the bookshelf, which was lined with framed photographs and knickknacks. There was a photo of Kyle and Maria, both laughing with elaborate cocktails in front of them.
Next to it sat a snow globe with little ski hills inside that said Vermont on the base. Eric picked it up and turned it over, watching the snow fall over the little plastic skiers inside.
“Almost like being there, huh?” Kyle’s voice startled Eric, and he nearly dropped the snow globe. It was rare that someone was able to sneak up on
him.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to snoop.” He placed the snow globe back on the shelf. When he turned to face Kyle, he noticed that Kyle looked extremely hot in a V-neck, purple T-shirt and dark, slim-cut jeans.
“It’s okay,” Kyle said easily. “You already know about my top secret Vermont origins.”
“Do you go back there at all?” Eric couldn’t stop himself from asking.
The smile fell from Kyle’s lips. “Haven’t been back in years.”
“Oh.”
“Mom and Dad send money. They paid for this place.” He swept a hand around. “But, no. I haven’t been invited home.”
Eric couldn’t understand why Kyle’s parents wouldn’t be eager to see him as much as possible. He was brilliant and lovely, and working on a master’s degree from Columbia. Surely his parents were proud of him?
He opened his mouth to say...something, but Kyle cut him off. “Are you ready to go?”
Eric decided not to push it for right now. At least the mystery of the very nice apartment had been solved. “Sure.”
Kyle grabbed his jacket and scarf from where he’d tossed them over a chair. His smile was back, and he winked at Eric as he said, “Let’s go turn some heads.”
They didn’t speak until they reached the street, and then Eric thought of a question that had nothing to do with Kyle’s family. “How many languages do you speak?”
“How do you know I speak more than one?”
“The books on your shelf. I saw a few different languages there.”
Something occurred to him. “Or maybe those were Maria’s.”
“You were snooping,” Kyle teased. “They’re mine. Maria speaks Spanish too, but I also speak Italian and French. One of my undergrad majors was Latin, so I can read that. Some ancient Greek as well. I’m working on
modern Greek.”
“Holy shit.”
Kyle shrugged as if he’d just rattled off a list of movies he liked. “I’m a quick study when it comes to languages. Always have been.”
“You’re lucky. I know enough French to get by, but languages definitely don’t come easily to me.”
“We all have talents. I’m not much of a goaltender.”
Eric laughed. “Have you ever tried?”
“God no. What kind of maniac lets people shoot pucks at them?”
“Someone whose cousin had goalie gear they didn’t need anymore.”
“Is that where it started?”
Eric nodded. “We were poor. I was lucky to get that hand-me-down gear.” He still remembered how thrilled he’d been the first time he’d strapped those heavy pads to his legs. He’d loved being a goalie from the very first puck he’d stopped. He’d taken the game seriously, because he took everything seriously, even as a child, and by the time he was a teenager he saw it as a way of solving his family’s financial struggles. Of maybe having a chance to go to university.
“Where are your parents now?” Kyle asked.
Eric smiled. “Living very comfortably on the shores of Lake Ontario. I bought them their dream house when I signed my first NHL contract.”
“That must have been one hell of a contract.”
“Their dream house isn’t anything extravagant. Just a nice little Cape Cod outside Hamilton, Ontario. That’s where I grew up. Hamilton, I mean.”
“Are you their only child?”
“I have a younger brother and an older sister. They both still live in Hamilton. I’m glad for it because I rarely make it home. I’m a bad son.”
“Bad sons don’t buy their parents houses.”
“It was the least I could do. They sacrificed a lot so I could stay in hockey. Dad was working days at a Mr. Lube and sometimes nights unloading trucks at a grocery store. Mom worked at Walmart for most of my teen years. My sister worked there too, when she was old enough. We were always struggling to pay the bills.”
“And now you take care of them all.”
It wasn’t quite true. Eric’s sister was a school principal and his brother was a contractor. But he certainly helped them as much as their pride would allow. “I do what I can.”
Kyle stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets and hunched his shoulders against the cold. “I used to ski competitively. It was a lot of time and money for my parents.” He huffed. “Money wasted, I guess.”
Eric could see it. Kyle’s lean, toned frame was definitely a skier’s body.
“I doubt they see it that way.”
“Yeah, well.” Kyle went quiet again.
“I’ve always been nervous on skis,” Eric said, trying to lighten things. “I can’t imagine flying down a mountain at top speed.”
Kyle laughed. “So having pucks fired at you is fine, but skiing is scary?”
“Rinks are flat.”
“But skiing has the most incredible views. I went glacier skiing in Switzerland last winter and, man. I feel bad for anyone who doesn’t get to experience that. I can’t even describe it.”
“I’ll definitely take your word for it,” Eric said, though he could suddenly see the appeal of learning how to ski. He lost himself, for a moment, imagining Kyle teaching him. He wondered if Kyle had ever worked as an instructor.
He didn’t get a chance to ask, because they had reached the bar.
Eric had spent time in gay bars before, obviously, but only when accompanying his openly gay friend. He’d never been uncomfortable going out with Scott to gay bars, but this felt different. This time he was at a gay bar for himself, for the purpose of openly checking out men. And being checked out by men.
He took a slow, centering breath, which Kyle noticed. “You all right?”
“Yeah. I don’t know why I’m so nervous.”
“Nothing to worry about. Besides, they’ll all be looking at me.” Kyle batted his eyelashes cartoonishly at him, which made Eric laugh.
“Good point.”
Kyle held the door open and Eric stepped into the bar. It looked...like a bar. Dark, crowded, and lively. Pop music was playing, but not overly loud.
The patrons were men and, mostly, Eric noticed right away, attractive. And
younger than Eric.
This was a mistake.
“I’m too old for this,” Eric muttered.
“You are absolutely not. I see a table we can grab. You sit, and I’ll get us
some drinks. You want a soda and lime?”
“Sure. Thanks.”
Eric kind of wished he was the one going to the bar because at least that would give him something to do other than sit alone and vulnerable in a pick-up bar. He removed his coat and draped it over the back of his chair, then tugged at his T-shirt a bit. He’d chosen a light gray one that was tighter than he normally wore, and he’d paired it with jeans that were identical to
the ones he’d worn last night. When Eric found something that fit him well, he tended to buy multiples.
He ran a hand over his hair and beard as he sat down, then picked up a drink special card so he’d have something to look at. He was terrified that if he glanced up he’d inadvertently lock eyes with someone and give them the wrong idea.
Kyle returned after what seemed like a very long time carrying two drinks. “Sorry,” he said. “Calvin was chatty.”
“Is that the bar manager?”
“Yeah. We used to work together at a shitty restaurant. Nice guy. Great kisser.”
Eric gave a startled laugh. “Do you kiss all of your friends?”
Kyle narrowed his eyes as if he was thinking hard about it. “Most of them, I think.”
Eric took a sip of his soda instead of replying.
“What? Hockey players kiss each other all the time. I’ve seen it,” Kyle
teased.
“Not on the mouths usually.”
“Shame.”
Eric shook his head, smiling. “What are you drinking?”
“It’s something autumny and spicy that Calvin came up with. I’ll switch to soda after this, though.”
Eric was touched that Kyle was willing to abstain for his benefit, but it really wasn’t necessary. “You don’t have to.”
Kyle waved a hand. “I don’t mind. Besides, we’re here on a mission. I need to keep a clear head.” He leaned in. “So. Who do you like?”
Eric was caught off guard by the question. And by the answer that immediately popped into his head: he liked Kyle. He liked his clear, blue eyes and his carefully styled hair. He liked the peek of collarbone that jutted from the wide V of Kyle’s neckline.
“I don’t know,” Eric lied. “Everyone here is very attractive.”
Kyle turned to the side and observed the crowd for a moment before returning his gaze to Eric. “It’s a good bar for that. What about him?” He nodded at someone over Eric’s shoulder, which meant Eric would have to
turn around to see him.
“Who?” Eric asked, without turning.
“Tall, beard, muscles.”
Eric turned, as subtly as possible, and easily spotted the man Kyle had described. He was definitely handsome, but more in the way Eric’s teammates were handsome, which didn’t do it for Eric.
“Attractive,” Eric agreed, turning back to Kyle. “But not for me.”
Kyle’s eyebrows shot up as he sipped his drink. “Too big? Too hairy?
What’s the issue?”
“I think...” God, this was torture. “Too...hockey player.”
Kyle laughed like this was the funniest thing he’d ever heard. Eric buried his face in his hands. “I can’t do this,” he groaned.
“You can. I get it. So we’ll look for someone less macho and athletic.”
“I didn’t say not athletic,” Eric argued. “Just not...that guy. I don’t know.”
“How about him?” Kyle blatantly pointed a finger at the table next to
theirs, and Eric batted it down.
“Don’t point!”
Kyle crossed his arms. “Sweetheart. We’re all here for the same thing.”
Eric glanced in the direction Kyle had been pointing and found three men drinking cocktails. One of them was smiling at Eric.
Eric quickly turned back to Kyle. “He looks nineteen!”
“Is that a no?”
“That’s an absolute no.”
“Good to know.”
Eric glared at him. “Was that a test?”
“Not at all. First of all, he’s older than nineteen. And secondly, I dated men about your age when I was younger than him.”
Eric did not like thinking about that. “Well, I’m not interested in anyone that young.”
Kyle looked down at the table, frowning. “What would be an appropriate age, do you think?”
“I don’t know. Thirty at least?” Eric had picked the number because it felt right. It was right, wasn’t it?
“Got it,” Kyle said. It sounded a little icy. “Let’s see...” He glanced around the room. “Okay. What about the cute accountant-type over there?”
Eric found the man Kyle was looking at. He looked to be in his thirties, slim, blond, and clean cut with glasses and a V-neck sweater over a checked shirt. He was, indeed, cute.
“Oh,” Eric said. He looked back to Kyle, who was smiling from ear to ear.
“Did I nail it this time?”
Almost. “He’s very...yes. I like him.”
“He looks smart, but not pretentious,” Kyle mused. “Let’s guess his name.”
Eric scoffed. “You can’t guess someone’s name by looking at them.”
“You can have fun trying,” Kyle insisted. “I’ll bet it’s... Alex.”
“This is ridiculous,” Eric said. “And besides, it’s Justin.”
Kyle laughed. “See? Fun. So Justin the accountant...”
“Did we agree that he’s an accountant?”
“Yes. And he’s from... Wisconsin.”
“Wisconsin?”
“Little Justin left the farm for New York City to follow his big
accounting dreams.”
“And here he is.”
“And here he is. About to take an NHL superstar to bed.”
Eric nearly choked on his soda. “He is not.”
Kyle reached across the table and placed a hand on his forearm. “I’m kidding.”
Eric’s skin prickled under Kyle’s fingertips. “You’d better be.”
Kyle leaned back in his chair, removing his hand. “You look hot, by the way. I like the shirt.”
“Oh.” Eric resisted the urge to pick at it. “Thanks. You look good too.”
“On a scale of one to kill me, how uncomfortable are you right now?”
He smiled. “Hovering near kill me.”
“Relax. We’re not going to do anything that you’re not comfortable with.
I promise. We’re just talking, and enjoying the scenery.”
“How does it compare to glacier skiing in the Alps?”
Kyle grinned as his gaze followed a handsome dark-haired man who walked past their table. “Reasonably close.”
Eric chuckled and took a sip of his drink, but his heart clenched with something that felt embarrassingly close to jealousy.
“So you haven’t told Scott that you’re bi?” Kyle asked, pulling Eric’s attention away from his confusing feelings.
“No, not yet. I want to.”
“Do you think he’ll be surprised?”
It was more likely, he thought, that Scott would be hurt when Eric finally told him. “I don’t know. Probably.”
“Were you surprised when he came out?”
Eric thought about his answer before he spoke. “I was surprised that he came out, but less surprised that he was gay.”
“I lost my mind when I saw him kissing Kip on television. It was on the big screen at work and I nearly dropped a whole tray of glasses.”
“I knew they were a couple and I was still shocked.”
“It was brave as fuck. It meant a lot, y’know? The vibe in the bar that night, after he did that? It was like we all won the Stanley Cup. It was a party for sure.” Kyle snorted. “And, it made me feel pretty stupid for thinking I had a chance with Kip.”
Poor Kyle. Eric wanted to say something comforting, but no. Kyle truly did not have a chance with Kip. “You weren’t stupid. Scott and Kip did a good job of keeping their relationship a secret. No one knew.”
“Yeah. Well.”
“So how about you?” Eric asked, changing the subject. “Who’s catching your eye in here tonight?”
Kyle pressed his lips together and looked oddly shy. For a wild second, Eric thought he was about to say that he was the one Kyle had his eye on.
But then Kyle said, “Your four o’clock. In the dark blue shirt.”
Eric turned, trying to appear as if he was fishing something out of his coat pocket, then glanced up to spot a tall man with silver-flecked hair wearing a crisp blue dress shirt unbuttoned at the collar. Eric turned back to Kyle, surprised. “He looks...mature. For you.”
“That’s how I like ’em.”
“But I thought you avoided men like that.” Like me.
“I try to. But I can’t help who I’m attracted to. I know it’s a bad idea to involve myself with them.”
Eric fidgeted with his glass. “Why do you like older men?”
Kyle blew out a breath. “That’s a big question.”
“You don’t have to tell me,” Eric said, even though he itched with the need to know why someone like Kyle might be attracted to someone like him.
“I can try. I guess it has something to with the way I feel when I’m with them. I like men my own age, don’t get me wrong. I’ve slept with plenty of them and I’ve had a great time doing it, but older men...” Kyle bit his lip.
“They make me feel powerful. Like I’m irresistible and they would do anything to please me.” He grinned, his gaze turning dreamy. “It’s a rush.”
Eric exhaled shakily as blood rushed to his cock. Kyle had just described the vague fantasies that had been overwhelming Eric for months, and especially for the past couple of weeks. He wanted to please Kyle. He wanted to spoil him rotten and have Kyle reward him for it however he chose to. He wanted this stunning young man to conquer him and leave Eric gasping for more.
“But they’ve hurt you?” Eric asked, because he needed to hear the other side right now. The darkness on the edge of this fantasy.
“Not physically. But it’s never ended well with any of them. Too many lies or...” Kyle waved a hand around. “Anyway. Whatever.”
Eric wanted to hear more, but he didn’t want to push. What tumbled out of his mouth instead was, “They didn’t deserve you.”
Kyle’s smile was sad and all wrong. “That’s nice of you to say.”
It was true, was what it was. If Eric were lucky enough to take Kyle to bed, he would treat him like a prince. A vivid image of Kyle reclining, naked, on a mountain of pillows popped into Eric’s head. Eric would be between his spread legs, using his hands and mouth to pleasure Kyle however he was instructed to.
He took a long sip of his drink, and gave a silent thanks to the universe that his lap was safely hidden by the table right now.
“I would also be very okay with taking Justin the accountant home, though,” Kyle said with a sly smile. “Or the twink, to be honest. Or any combination of the three.”
Eric was in way over his head. Threesomes? Foursomes? He just wanted to find a nice man to have dinner with. Maybe a goodnight kiss. “You’re not particular, then?”
“I have high standards, but I like to sample from every aisle of the supermarket.”
Eric laughed shakily. His brain was a mess. “Okay.”
Kyle’s eyebrows lifted. “Ooh. I think Justin is coming over. I wonder which one of us caught his eye?”
“You for sure,” Eric said. “Wait. He’s coming—?”
“Hi,” said a voice behind Eric’s shoulder. “I just wanted to tell you that your eyes are the most gorgeous color.”
He glanced up at the man who had easily said the words Eric had been thinking privately for days. It was, indeed, the cute accountant-type guy.
Possibly cuter this close up.
“Well, thank you,” Kyle said playfully. “You came all this way just to tell me that?”
“That depends,” the man said with a questioning glance at Eric. “Are you available to hear more?”
Eric started to push his chair back. He would make an excuse, go to the bar or to the bathroom. Maybe go home. He should let Kyle have this.
Before he had a chance to make his exit, Kyle spoke. “We’re actually celebrating our anniversary tonight.” He reached across the table and took Eric’s hand. Eric’s mouth fell open. “Well, monthiversary, right, love?”
Kyle’s eyes were full of mischief. Eric’s must have shown his confusion, but he managed to say, “Right.”
“I figured.” The man sighed. “I had to try, though.”
“You’re cute,” Kyle said, still holding Eric’s hand. “What’s your name?”
“Alex.”
Kyle shot Eric a quick, victorious smile, then said, “I’m Kyle, and this is Eric. My boyfriend.”
Alex nodded. “Well, happy monthiversary.”
“Thank you,” Kyle said, “Alex.”
Eric fought to keep himself from rolling his eyes. When Alex left, Kyle released Eric’s hand and leaned back in his chair. He folded his arms over his chest, looking smug as hell.
“Fine,” Eric said. “You guessed his name. Congratulations.”
“I’m a genius.”
“You’re lucky.”
“I could have been,” Kyle said wistfully, gazing in the direction Alex had gone.
“Why did you tell him we were a couple?”
“Because I’m not going to abandon you tonight. I’m here to support you.”
“I could have gone home. It’s fine. I have a practice in the morning
anyway.”
“Do you want to go home?”
No. Eric wanted to have this view of Kyle for as long as possible. “I can stay a bit longer.”
Kyle was having a great time.
Okay, yes, he wouldn’t have minded leaving with cute Alex, and, yes, it was weird that he had spontaneously lied about being Eric’s boyfriend, but still. He definitely wasn’t bored.
Eric had gone to the bar to get their second round, Kyle insisting that he wanted a soda and not another cocktail, which was the second lie he’d told that evening.
He really did want to help Eric. He was probably more invested in the idea of guiding Eric to his first sexual encounter with a man than he should be. He wanted to make sure Eric’s first time would be enjoyable. That it would be with someone patient and sweet and good. Someone who understood how important this was.
Normally Kyle wouldn’t think of this sort of thing as important. Hookups had been a way of life for him for so many years that he had a hard time thinking of sex as an event. Part of him wanted to gently push Eric into the arms of the first man who caught his eye, but he knew that wasn’t what Eric wanted.
Eric was looking for more. A date. A...boyfriend, Kyle supposed.
Someone to share meals and conversations with. Someone to share his life with. As much as Kyle wanted to help him, he was extremely aware that he hadn’t been able to successfully find that for himself, let alone another person.
So maybe they both needed a little practice.
“It’s busy up there,” Eric said when he returned. He set two identical glasses of soda on the table and sat down. “I think the bartender was flirting with me.”
“We do that,” Kyle said. “But sometimes we mean it. Was he cute?”
Eric shrugged. “I’ve seen cuter.”
Oh, Eric. You are not helping. “Did you flirt back?”
“I honestly have no idea. I guess I tried. I have absolutely no game when it comes to that sort of thing.”
“I think you’re selling yourself short. But”—Kyle gave an exaggerated sigh—“I suppose I am here to coach you.”
Eric’s dark eyes twinkled. “What would you be doing right now, in this bar, if you weren’t here with your boyfriend?”
“Well, I’d probably be rounding third base with our friend Alex right now.”
Eric nearly spat out his drink. “Third base? How old are you?”
“Twenty-five.” Eric had been teasing, but Kyle realized he’d never told Eric how old he was before. The laughter left Eric’s eyes as soon as he
heard the number.
“Oh.”
“Is that older or younger than you were expecting?”
“I guess it’s what I’d assumed. You look like you could be younger.” Eric cringed. “I mean...we have some young guys on the team—around twenty
—who look about your age.”
“Oh yeah? Are they hot?”
Eric’s cheeks flushed. “I would never look at a teammate that way.
Especially not one of the kids. Jesus.”
Kids. “Right,” Kyle said stiffly. “Thirty and over. I forgot.”
They were silent a moment, and it felt oddly tense. Kyle was annoyed and he wasn’t sure why. He sucked it up and said, “So, if I were here to pick up, instead of celebrating my one month anniversary with my lovely boyfriend, I would probably be standing by the bar. If I saw someone I liked, I’d send them some obvious signals, and wait for them to come to me. Once mutual interest is established, the rest is easy.”
“Easy?”
“Yeah. Decide where you’re going to go, maybe what you’re going to do when you get there, and then...go do it.” Kyle shrugged. “Like I said, almost everyone in here is hoping to have sex tonight. There’s no guessing about that. The trick is finding the right person.”
“And if someone is looking to maybe just talk to someone? Maybe exchange numbers?”
Kyle considered it. He imagined being that man, the one who Eric approached in a bar because he thought he might be nice to talk to. Would Eric be shy when he initiated conversation, or calm and confident with that quiet amusement in his eyes that made Kyle want to kiss him?
“I think it would be a refreshing change,” Kyle said. “I haven’t been on a real first date in a long time.”
“Probably not as long as me. Twenty years, give or take.”
Twenty years ago, Kyle was five years old. But that didn’t seem like the right thing to mention.
Eric held up his wrist to check his expensive-looking watch, and that’s when Kyle noticed something.
“You took your wedding ring off.”
Eric glanced at his fingers as if he had no idea what Kyle was talking about. “Yeah. I thought it might be time.” He said it like it wasn’t a big deal, but Kyle guessed it hadn’t been an easy thing to do.
“My first tip for getting lucky was going to be: always remove your wedding ring before trying to pick up.”
Eric laughed. “I probably should have figured that one out sooner. I said I was wearing it for superstitious reasons, but maybe I was wearing it like a shield.”
“You weren’t ready before,” Kyle said gently.
“No,” Eric agreed. “And as weird as it feels to not be wearing it now, I
think I’m ready to get back out there.”
“Shields down.”
Eric nodded. “Shields down.” He flexed his fingers, then rested the hand on the table. “This is going to sound silly to you, but I’m nervous about playing without it.”
“Without the ring?” That didn’t make any sense to Kyle.
“Yeah. We head out on a road trip the day after tomorrow, and it will be the first time I’ve played a game without wearing the ring since my second season.”
Kyle thought he understood now. “You’re superstitious.”
“Very. I know the ring doesn’t actually make me a better goalie, but still.
It’ll be weird.”
“You’ll have to find a new good luck charm.” Kyle’s imagination went off on another adventure, thinking up a scenario where Eric would be wearing something Kyle had given him under his hockey gear. Maybe a thin leather bracelet...
“I have plenty of superstitions. I don’t need a new one.”
“Oh yeah? Like what?”
Eric crossed his arms. “No way. You’ll make fun of me.”
“I won’t. I can’t picture you doing anything too wacky. So what is it?
Lucky socks?”
“I put my gear on, and take it off, in exactly the same order. Every time.”
“Okay. And what happens if you don’t?”
“I don’t know. It’s never happened.”
“But you’ve done it and played a bad game.”
“Of course.”
“So...”
Eric huffed. “I know. It doesn’t make sense. Just forget it.”
“No! I’m not making fun of you, I promise. I’m just...interested.”
“Interested in how nuts I am.” Eric smiled. “It gets worse. Would you believe that I talk to my goalposts?”
Kyle’s eyes went wide with delight. “Seriously?”
“Dead serious.”
“That seems so...out of character? What do you tell your goalposts?”
“I thank them when they stop a puck that got by me. I complain about other players to them.” Eric shrugged. “It’s a lonely job sometimes, being a goalie.”
“That is extremely adorable. I love it.”
Eric smiled, and then he covered his mouth with one hand as his face stretched into a yawn.
“Do you need to get to bed?” Kyle asked.
“I do. I try to be in bed before eleven most nights. This is two late nights
in a row.”
“I’m a terrible influence.”
“Maybe I need one.”
That hung in the air for a charged moment. Then Eric stood and grabbed his coat, throwing it on as he turned toward the door. He certainly seemed to be in a hurry.
Kyle surreptitiously adjusted himself under the table, then grabbed his much-too-short jacket and slid it on as he followed Eric out of the bar.
“I’ll walk you home,” Eric said when they were both on the sidewalk.
He didn’t have to, but Kyle wasn’t going to turn him down. They walked half a block and Eric said, “Thank you, for tonight.”
“Do you think it helped?”
“I do. I know it didn’t seem like much, but this was all new for me. I think it’s a little less scary now. So thanks.”
“I’m glad.”
They walked another minute in silence, then Eric huffed out a laugh.
“What?” Kyle asked.
“Nothing. I mean, nothing funny. Is it awful if I admit that a big part of me wants to stick to dating women because at least I have some familiarity with what to do there?”
“It’s not awful. That actually makes a lot of sense. But sex with a man isn’t that different.”
Eric scoffed, and Kyle admitted, “Okay. It is different. I assume. I’ve only been with men. But it doesn’t have to be scary.”
Eric seemed to consider this. “I want to see what it’s like, being with a man. I know it’s probably ridiculous to say, but I feel like something will click into place when I do it.”
Kyle understood what Eric was trying to say, but he wanted to make something clear. “You know you’re not any less bisexual if you never hook up with a man, right? Your sexuality is still completely valid and real, whether you have sex with one gender, multiple genders, or no one at all.”
Eric was silent a long time before answering, “I know. But it still feels...theoretical.”
“It’s not. You know who you are and who you’re attracted to. You don’t have to act on it to make it real.” He glanced over to see Eric’s furrowed brow, and decided to add, “But wanting to act on it is valid too. If doing this is important to you, then you should do it.”
“Thank you,” Eric said quietly. “That was nice to hear. All of it.”
“It’s all true.”
They reached Kyle’s building. He rocked up on his toes, then back on his heels, his hands stuffed firmly in his jacket pockets to keep from reaching out for Eric.
“Well,” Eric said. He was facing Kyle, leaving maybe a foot of space between their chests. They were close in height—Eric an inch or so taller— and it would be so easy for Kyle to lean in a bit and help Eric check that Kiss a Man box.
But he didn’t. Because he had no right to steal that first time from him.
Even if Eric’s eyes were a shade darker than they had been a moment ago.
“We could do this again, if you want,” Kyle said. “Maybe go to a club.
Dancing. Sometimes it’s easier when you can just...let go.”
Eric held his gaze. “I’m not good at letting go.”
Kyle’s lips quirked up. “I’ve noticed.” But god, he wanted to help him.
He wanted to absolutely unravel this man, and have him desperate and uninhibited. It would be a challenge to get him there, but Kyle felt up to the task. Which is not what he should be thinking.
“I’m going to be busy for a while, but maybe after that we can—”
“Initiate phase two of Operation: Get Eric a Man?”
Eric snorted. “Yeah. But let’s not call it that.”
“I might call it that. So, we hit a club next week?”
Eric nodded at the sidewalk, then lifted his gaze. “Maybe.”
Kyle did lean in then, because he couldn’t help it. He kissed Eric on the cheek. It was chaste, but his lips lingered greedily on Eric’s skin. He pulled back enough to meet Eric’s gaze. There was a question there, a silent request for permission. Kyle knew he should step away, but he could feel Eric’s breath against his lips, and he just wanted this so much. So instead of doing the right thing, Kyle tilted his head and let Eric close the distance.
For a terrifying moment, Eric didn’t react at all, and Kyle thought he’d misread the situation. Then, finally, Eric’s lips touched his own, perfectly gentle and sweet. Kyle forced himself to stay still, to let Eric explore his lips with careful, tentative brushes that sent sparks shooting throughout Kyle’s body.
He pulled back, just to make sure Eric was okay with this. Eric helplessly chased his mouth, which made Kyle laugh and kiss him properly. He placed a gentle hand on the side of Eric’s face, caressing his soft beard, and parted his lips, inviting Eric in. When the tips of their tongues touched, Kyle groaned and opened for him, needing more. He was charmed by how innocent this kiss was, but he was dying for Eric to truly take him.
This time Eric broke the kiss, pulling back enough to look at him with wide eyes and mouth hanging open, as if he was surprised to see Kyle there.
Kyle was ready to make a joke to relieve the tension and let Eric know this didn’t have to be a big deal, but before he could say a word, Eric was on him again. His arms wrapped around Kyle’s back, pulling him tight against his body as he bent Kyle back slightly and kissed him hungrily. Kyle’s stomach swooped with the overwhelming rightness of it as he kissed him back, swallowing the little moans Eric was making.
Finally they broke apart, and Eric leaned his forehead against Kyle’s, the white clouds of their breath mingling as they both panted.
“Wow,” Kyle said. “We just did that.”
“Yeah,” Eric agreed.
“Was that okay?”
Eric was still for a moment, and Kyle’s stomach dropped. What if it hadn’t been okay? What if Kyle had stolen Eric’s first kiss with a man, something that was supposed to have been special?
But then Eric nodded against Kyle’s forehead. “It was way more than okay.”
Kyle smiled, relieved. He was tempted to kiss Eric again, but he knew he needed to put up some walls before things got out of hand.
Kyle took a step back. “So you got that over with.”
Eric frowned. “Over with?”
“Your first kiss with a man. You can check that box off.”
“That wasn’t what I—”
“You did good, by the way,” Kyle said, before Eric could say anything that might make Kyle invite him upstairs. “A-plus kissing.”
“Thanks.” Eric touched his fingers to his lips. He looked bewildered, and Kyle realized he was probably being heartless. He reached for Eric’s other hand.
“Hey,” he said gently. “I had fun tonight.”
“Me too.” God, he looked so lost. He looked like he would follow him anywhere, and Kyle found that hard to resist. He wanted this man, wanted to bring him upstairs and teach him everything he knew about sex. He wanted to keep talking to him, and kissing him. But Eric wasn’t into hookups, and he’d made it clear that Kyle was too young for him to date.
But maybe there was a third option.
He decided to float Eric a casual offer. “I’m going to put this out there: if you want me to help you with any other...firsts... I’d be happy to. Anytime.
No strings attached.”
Eric’s eyebrows shot up. “Um, thank you. That’s...”
Kyle held up his hands. “It’s an offer. You don’t have to take it. And you don’t have to decide now. But I could teach you a few things in a safe, nonjudgmental way. It might make you feel more confident about dating.”
Eric looked stunned, but he nodded. “I’ll think about it.”
Kyle bit his lip, then leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss on the mouth. “You have my number.”
Eric’s gaze was still on Kyle’s mouth. “I do. Goodnight, Kyle.”
“Happy anniversary, darling.”